Secret Things

If there is ever a time that it’s OK to keep secrets from each other, it’s now, at Christmas.  We buy gifts and then try to find the best hiding places around the house so that little…or big…snoops don’t find them.  We rush to grab that delivered box off the porch before our husband or child grabs it first.  It’s fun and exciting and perfectly allowed.

Then we must wrap the gift when prying eyes won’t see what it is.  I used to love stacking our children’s wrapped gifts in their individual piles and having them put their own gifts under the tree.  There was lots of shaking and guessing going on while they worked.  It was so much fun!  I knew the answers to their many questions, but I kept it to myself as I watched them wonder what was in each box. 

Last year, as Gary and I sat by our tree, Aaron joined us.  It wasn’t long before he was on his knees in front of the tree, taking out boxes to see which ones were for him.  He went through that ageless process of trying to guess the content of the gifts that bore his name.  And I went through the same ageless process of telling him that he must wait for the answer.

You know, God has secrets, too.  I just read about that fact this morning.  Deuteronomy 29:29 says, “The secret things belong to the Lord our God…”

There are things that God keeps to Himself, things about my life and about His doings in my life.  I don’t always understand why God orders my life in the ways that He does.  I don’t always know what’s in each box that ends up on the front porch of my life.  

And perhaps more importantly, I don’t often understand the “why” of some of the gifts that God gives.  In fact, there are things that I wouldn’t even classify as a gift in many ways.  A gift should be fun and wanted and needed, right?

I think of Aaron, of what a gift it was when after five years of marriage God allowed me to finally be pregnant.  Of the immense joy I felt as I held my little baby son 37 years ago, feeling like the most blessed woman in the history of the world.  Of watching him grow, smart as a whip and cute as a button.  Then the sudden huge seizure when he was in the first grade, the years of medicines and tests and doctors and still seizures.  The unexplained behaviors that manifested more and more as he got older, that set him apart from his siblings and his peers.  The diagnosis of autism, the challenges of his anger and his very particular way of conducting his life.  The forever care that he needs and the way that this impacts Gary and me now in our older years.  The questions about his future, and ours.

But on the hard days, in the sadness of seizures and the frustrations of autism, I have a choice to make about this gift that God has given me.  I can question it, I can resent it, I can let it make me bitter.

Or I can look beyond the gift into the heart of the Giver and know that He only has my good…and Aaron’s good…in His loving heart.  God has some secrets that only He knows about concerning Aaron and his life, and therefore mine.  I don’t need to know God’s reasons before I exercise trust in Him.  I just need to know Him.  Period.

When I grasp that concept…and so often I don’t…then I can experience some other gifts that God has given me. 

Peace.

Joy.

Contentment.

Those attitudes, those gifts, come and go with me. 

“What IS this, God?” I can imagine me asking Him as I shake the box.

“Go ahead and open it,” He responds.

“But I didn’t ask for this,” I tell Him as I see what’s inside.

“No,” he lovingly says.  “But I know that you need this very thing.”

“Why?!” I ask through my tears.

“Oh,” he answers, “that is a secret for only Me to know right now.  Someday I will let you in on the secret, but not today.”

“But…” I so often begin.

And God answers:

“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.”  (James 1:17)

Like the old hymn writer said:

And we wonder why the test when we try to do our best, but we’ll understand it better by and by. 

By and by, when the morning comes,

When the saints of God are gathered home,

We’ll tell the story how we’ve overcome

For we’ll understand it better by and by.

Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

26 thoughts on “Secret Things”

  1. Patty, you are such a blessing to me! Your posts never fail to inspire. I can only imagine us all in heaven, as God shares the secrets behind the sorrows of this world, we will praise him in joyous wonder at the monumental good he accomplished–we just couldn’t see it at the time. P.S. Your Christmas tree is absolutely gorgeous!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, always, Nancy. I love your description of us in heaven. Won’t it be absolutely amazing? But for now, I sure would love for you to come and sit beside my tree with me and start our little slice of heavenly fellowship now! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this beautiful post! I love the conversation with God about our gifts. It helped me immensely this very night! You are a blessing! Our precious Lord has used you this year to encourage me. Thank you for being an instrument for Him!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful Patty. Aaron and your blogs about him have been a gift for me more than you will ever know. So have all of the Bible references. I anxiously wait each next blog installment. Love you cuz.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. He knows all. We can rest in Him. It’s a good thing He doesn’t reveal everything to us. We couldn’t handle it. But as you mentioned, we can keep trusting Him. Thank you Patty, very encouraging!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is so beautifully written. I can relate to this completely and have asked the same questions about the “gifts” God has given us with our 8 year old who has severe autism/sensory issues/ADHD behaviors. I have to remind myself daily that the Lord knows the reason and has a plan that I don’t understand. He reminds me to trust Him and often! Thank you for sharing this. It is refreshing to know others who are walking a similar path. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really appreciate hearing from you, Tiffany. It’s helpful to know that we’re not alone, not just in having God beside us – which is the best thing to know – but to realize that many others around us are walking on this same journey. I love your blog, too, although I’m way behind right now in reading. Bless you for being a mom who fights the battles and loves in the hard times.

      Liked by 1 person

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