I walked into the kitchen on a recent Sunday, after Aaron had completed his usual Sunday coupon clipping chore. There on the counter lay a Dillon’s coupon, one that I had put into my coupon box several days earlier. I knew right away what this lone coupon on the counter meant. It spoke volumes to me as it silently stared up at me…..volumes about our Aaron.
You see, this coupon…
Does NOT belong among these coupons.
The Dillon’s coupon is not a regular coupon to Aaron, and only regular Sunday coupons are to be placed…precisely…in the coupon box.
Silly mom for thinking otherwise.
Aaron’s life is like that coupon box.
Aaron wants most things in his world to be done in a certain order…..words said in a particular way…with order and sequence and expected results. But life doesn’t operate that way, no matter how much Aaron tries to orchestrate it to do so.
I saw a small example of this the other night in our family room. Aaron was looking forward to watching one of our favorite television shows. He wanted to know what time it was coming on, so I told him what the television guide said. BUT…I had to add…the football game that was on earlier would no doubt disrupt even the best planned TV schedule.
The TV guide said our show would air at 8:30, but at 8:30 another program was still on. Aaron was not happy about this development. I explained the situation, multiple times, as Aaron sat in his favorite chair with his legs covered by his favorite blanket and with his favorite snack-of-choice on the ottoman in front of him.
He sat there in misery, staring at his jar of cashews, and not-so-patiently waiting for his program to start. Football games are the epitome of a messed- up world, in Aaron’s orderly world. A 15 minute quarter may last 47 minutes, for crying out loud, and THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!
So there Aaron sat in his chair, waiting for the other boring show to end so that his anticipated show could start. But that wasn’t all that wasn’t right in Aaron’s world. It was the cashews.
You see, he will only eat his snack-of-choice during the actual television program. Not during the offending show that was still playing. Not during the commercials. ONLY during the actual program that is to be seen will he eat his actual snack that is to be eaten. So he sat there, staring at his open jar of cashews in front of him, but forbidden because of the dumb show that was still on…because of the dumb football game that was before that…on this day that was getting dumber by the minute.
We made it through that cascading torrent of dumbness…barely…without a meltdown or without Aaron giving up on it all and returning to his room like he threatened to do. And on the very second that his program appeared on the screen, Aaron’s hand dipped into the jar of cashews and his world was set upright on its axis, as it should be.
The coupon box once again only held the correct coupons.
Last night, as I waited for Aaron to get his bedtime routine completed, I watched him write down his time-to-bed in his special notebook…a new notebook, by the way. His other is year’s full of the times he went to bed and the times he got up in the morning. Aaron wrote down the time…10:14. He was preparing to close his notebook, but paused and then gave a little sigh as he scribbled something out in his Went-To-Bed column.
“What happened?” I asked.
“It went to five,” he flatly answered.
Yes, the time changed the second he finished writing 10:14. It became 10:15, so he HAD to correct the time in his notebook. Scribbled-out numbers are unsightly, but far preferred over having the WRONG time recorded.
The coupon box was once again correct.
Aaron is slowly working his way through watching the complete old Star Trek television series from the 1960’s. In the opening monologue before each show, Captain Kirk is referred to as Captain James T. Kirk. Therefore, Aaron NEVER calls Captain Kirk just Captain Kirk. Captain Kirk is Captain JAMES T. KIRK, people!!
So this conversation happened the other day:
“Mom, who’s your favorite Star Trek character?” Aaron asked.
“Hmmm…” I pondered. “I guess it would be Captain Kirk.”
Aaron looked at me blankly, as if I had mentioned a foreign character from another show and another time and another planet and another galaxy.
“Who?!” he questioned.
“Captain Kirk,” I repeated.
He continued to stare at me.
“You mean, Captain James T. Kirk?” he queried.
Oh, how I wanted to double over in a total belly laugh!!!
But doing so would have highly offended Aaron, so I had to just answer him as seriously as if I was agreeing to the outcome of a very serious discussion about a profound world event.
“Yes,” I sincerely replied. “Captain James T. Kirk.”
Aaron was very relieved to have this issue settled, and so his Star Trek discussion was continued.
The coupon box was aright once more.
It’s vital that those who live and work with Aaron understand how very profoundly his life and his happiness is tied to the order that he alone sets for himself…and expects everyone else to understand and follow. Sometimes his desired order can’t be followed, but we must know how to guide Aaron through those times. Those times when the wrong coupon is in his box, and Aaron most definitely will react, are times that demand great patience on our part.
When Aaron is deeply frustrated, angry, defiant, or confused is very often a time when the wrong coupon is in the box. We can’t always see it and we don’t always expect his strong reactions, but we…and everybody else who works with Aaron…had just best realize that there is more going on inside that brain of his than we will probably ever know or even remotely understand.
It can be so hard and challenging and maddening to us at times…and we know Aaron better than anybody on the planet. We love him more than anyone, too. Imagine how very difficult it can be for others to achieve this level of understanding! And how very impacting in our lives it can be for this lack of understanding to affect us, and Aaron, in a very negative way!
We have been very blessed with some amazing, kind, understanding people in Aaron’s life. We have also seen the damage that can come from those who don’t get it. We have watched this damaging impact in the lives of others whom we know and love, as well, who have special children that have their own coupon box.
Let’s give grace to our children…to the parents of these special ones…and try to comprehend just what each one’s coupon box is really all about.