Category: Birthday

Birthday Weekend Highs and Lows

This past Saturday we celebrated Aaron’s birthday.  It was a big one, too, because Aaron turned 30 years old.  However, to Aaron it was a big birthday because every birthday of his is big in his book.  He had none of the qualms or sadness or excitement about turning 30 that most of us have……which is really good, I guess, because he doesn’t fret over age at all.  He frets over more important stuff, like are we sure we’re going to Texas Roadhouse and that Rosie can come and what time we’re leaving and can she come over to our house after dinner.  30 years old means nothing to him……supper and time with Rosie does. 

In fact, for months he and Rosie have talked about his birthday.  Every time I would see Rosie when Aaron was brought home from his group, she would ask me if she was going to get to come to Aaron’s birthday.  I think some of the other clients got tired of hearing about it, but Aaron and Rosie checked and double checked, over and over. 

A couple weeks before his big day, Aaron looked at the calendar and mentioned that his birthday was coming soon…..for real!  “Mom!” he exclaimed.  “At first it seemed like it was a long time for it to come!”  Now it was within sight, almost, and his excitement was building.  Aaron has never liked a ton of attention on that day, surprisingly enough.  He loves the food and the gifts, but he still doesn’t want singing or other attention focused solely on him.  He’s a mix of emotions around that day, for sure.

So I was surprised when he agreed for me to make cookies for him to take to his day group on Friday, the day before his birthday.  I offered, thinking he would say no, but instead he said yes…..and I was very happy.  It’s like having a child in grade school again.  I gave him cookie ideas, none of which greatly excited him……until I suggested M&M cookies.  He said a hearty yes to that idea, so last Thursday I made his M&M cookies.

He saw them cooling on the counter when he walked in the door that afternoon, but instead of sounding excited about them, he seemed a little hesitant.  I wondered if he would back out of taking cookies, not liking the thought of too much attention.  He barely looked at them when he walked by, so I pointed them out to Aaron with enthusiasm.  He flatly said, “It’s kind of crazy.”

“Oh, it’s not crazy to take cookies,” I told him.  “It’s a fun thing to do in honor of your birthday.”

“Well, what’s it mean to be in honor of your birthday?” he asked.

And I explained what it meant while he paced around the kitchen, acting almost scared of the cookies laying there.  I thought I gave a very concise, understandable explanation…..and then Aaron said, “But Friday is not my birthday.”

HaHaHa!!!  So typical Aaron!  Life should be in order, and celebrating his birthday the day BEFORE his birthday is very out of order.  Silly Mom, he seemed to be thinking…..but the next morning he did take the cookies and he shared them with his group.  Progress!

He didn’t know that I had planned tacos for our supper that night.  He had been wanting tacos for a while, so I thought that tacos would be a fun Friday night supper just before his birthday.  When he got home that afternoon, he grinned broadly when I reminded him that tomorrow was his birthday!  And before I could tell him about the tacos soon to come, he said, “Mom?  Can we have what I want for supper and not what you want?” 

I laughed and asked him what he would want.  He said tacos, and I loved the smile on his face when I told him that tacos was what I had planned.  His birthday eve was going well! 

The next morning, Gary and I both wished him a very happy birthday and he just replied, “Yeah,” as he walked away.  I made his usual apple pie that he loves, and he looked at it with very little visible excitement……but I know how Aaron’s mind works and I knew that he was taking mental notes of everything and enjoying it in his way.  The traditional birthday sign, the gifts and “30th” birthday balloon on the table, the apple pie…..all of it was important to Aaron, though he showed little outward joy about it all. 

We met Leroy and Louise, along with Rosie, at Texas Roadhouse…..but there was an hour wait, so we decided to go up to Outback.  Rosie rode in our van, she and Aaron sitting in the back, and talking the whole way.  No one minded changing restaurants and it worked out well.

After dinner, we headed to our house.  Rosie and Aaron rode with us again, talking as always.  It was a fun evening of pie and ice cream, Aaron opening gifts and cards, and plenty of talking again.  It was wonderful to see Aaron and Rosie enjoying their special friendship on this special day.  And Aaron loved having everyone go upstairs before they left so that he could show them his bedroom.  That’s what Aaron does!

 
 
 
Later that night, I told Aaron about all the many birthday greetings he had gotten on FB.  I told him that at that point he had 48 birthday wishes!  He smiled, and so I started reading some of the comments.  He patiently listened for a minute and then interrupted me to ask, “Are you going to mention all 48?”  I guess he had heard enough, so off he went to his room to examine his new birthday gifts and to unwind after a fun evening. 

The next morning, Sunday, he had a seizure at 4:30, and another one at 7:00.  Gary and I stayed close to him all day, and sure enough he had another seizure later that night while sitting in his desk chair.  He was fine and was able to get in bed after a while…..but as always, our emotions were mixed.

So happy he had a wonderful birthday……so thankful that he didn’t have a seizure day on his birthday……so sorry to see him seizing and then see the effects on his body and mind all day.  So thankful that he slept well last night and woke up being his perky self.

I saw a picture on Facebook this morning that said no matter what is going on, there is always, always something to be thankful for.  Being thankful is an exercise that all of us benefit from, and is certainly what God has told us to do. 

And thanks to each of you who love Aaron and wished him a Happy Birthday!!  Your love for Aaron blesses our hearts and encourages us more than you know. 

“Yeah,” as Aaron would say. 

 

 

Matters of the Heart

Aaron is now 27 years old.  I know that he is a man, a grown man, and that fact is very hard to imagine.  28 years ago Gary and I were anxiously awaiting the birth of our first child.  I had made all the yellow gingham nursery curtains, bumper pads, changing table covers, and decorated with yellow, fluffy duck decorations.  Everything was as I wanted it.  And even though I went into labor 3 weeks early and Gary had just changed out of his flight suit when he rushed me to the hospital, we were really ready – for the most part – or so we thought.  What new parents can ever be really ready for the responsibility that awaits them?  And what new parents can ever comprehend the depth of love that washes over you when you first hold that little part of both of you?  Aaron was so little and perfect and beautiful.  And my radar screen was still showing sunny weather with not a storm in sight.

When Aaron had his first seizure and was diagnosed with Epilepsy, and then years later was diagnosed with Autism, we were completely unprepared.  We never, ever expected such a thing to happen to us.  To someone else, yes.  Someone we would read about in a magazine, or hear about from a friend, or receive a prayer request for at church.  The reality of this event in our lives with our Aaron was just so unexpected and unwelcome.  And as I said earlier, when I got home from the hospital after his Epilepsy diagnosis, I cried my heart out with tears for Aaron, for us, and with pleas to God for His grace and strength.

I had a choice to make and I chose to focus on what I KNOW.  And what I know is that God is sovereign.  God is in control and none of these events surprised Him or confused Him.  God loves me and God loves Gary, and God certainly loves Aaron.  I cannot and will not ever try to explain the ways of God.  There is no unfairness with God, I do know that.  So instead of wasting time and energy trying to explain the why of our situation, my choice was to trust the Who in our lives.  And that would be God.  I know from my walk with Him for all these years and from reading His Word, Who He is.  I know that His sovereign plan is best even when He doesn’t choose to reveal it all to me.  I trust Him and I love Him and I have found Him always faithful.  Those things I know.

While in Leavenworth, God gave me Psalm 18:29:  “For by You I can run upon a troop; And by my God I can leap over a wall.”  I just love this verse!  It’s my theme verse in so many ways.  Oh, the walls that I’ve run into in our life with Aaron!  I’ve shared many of them in the past few posts.  So many times I’ve run into walls, beat my head against walls, beat my fists on the walls, tried to climb walls with my own strength – but by my God, I can LEAP over the walls.  What a promise, fulfilled in so many different ways in so many different situations.  So I also know that with God, I’m a wall leaper!

But there are also some things I feel, and feel deeply.  These feelings come from within my mother heart.  I think of my heart as having various doors that open when needed.  Doors of love, of wisdom, of encouragement, of laughter, and on and on.  But there is a door that I rarely open because it is too painful.  That is the door of my regrets and wishes for Aaron.  I do not live in regret or in unfulfilled wishes for Aaron, but occasionally those thoughts slip in or that reality hits me in my heart.  Once after Aaron started going to the job skills school, he came home one day and said, “Mom, I’ve noticed something.  All the kids at that school have problems.  What are my problems?”  I struggled not to cry as I tried to talk to him about Epilepsy and Autism.  He was satisfied and seemingly unconcerned, but I knew he was pondering these issues very personally now.  And it broke my heart.  I remember when Andrew got his license and later came home with his used truck.  We had purposely not made this a big deal because Aaron was often jealous of Andrew’s life.  But Aaron looked outside and saw the truck, so he asked if that was Andrew’s.  I said yes and Aaron said, “I wish I could drive.”  Little glimpses like that into his heart made that door of my heart start coming open.  There are times for tears, but not time to wonder about what could have been or might have been.  Living in defeat is not God’s plan for me or for Aaron.

And there are so many reasons to be thankful.  Gary led Aaron to the Lord when he was 6 years old.  Aaron has that understanding.  He can walk, and run, and see, and talk (can he ever!).  Things could be so much worse.  He can read and understand, and even though he can be sooooooo irritating sometimes, he also makes us laugh – a lot!

In closing I want to post a piece that has always spoken deeply to me and I hope it will to you, as well.

 

“WELCOME TO HOLLAND”
By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to
help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this………..
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy.
You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans.  The Coliseum.
The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in
Italian.  It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.
Several hours later, the plane lands.  The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!” you say.  “What do you mean, Holland??  I signed up for Italy!  I’m supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy!”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan.  They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books.  And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.  It’s just a different place.  It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.
But after you’ve been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around…………and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy………..and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go.  That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away………because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But………if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things………….about Holland.
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