Football – Aaron’s Way

Aaron, over the years, has slowly developed an interest of sorts in various sports – mainly football and basketball.  He has gone from knowing nothing – and not caring one bit that he knew nothing – to wanting to watch games with us.  He does at times enjoy the actual game, but I’m still convinced that his main motive in watching games with us is threefold.

  1. He can be in the same room with us and therefore TALK.
  2. He can play his hand-held game as he pretends to watch the TV screen.
  3. He has freedom and permission to eat snack foods.

Aaron has had some very funny comments over the years when it comes to his take on football and basketball.  So, since today is Super Bowl Sunday…and since Aaron is taking a nap and I just might have a few uninterrupted minutes…I thought I would let you view football through Aaron’s eyes and Aaron’s words.

The first thing that Aaron wants to set straight when we watch a game is this:

“MOM!!  Who are you voting for?!  SF or KC?!”

Once we clear up that question…and remind him of who SF and KC are…then he will feel free to enjoy the game.

And to make numerous comments.  Here a few that we have heard over the years.

 

  • “Why are those men wearing those striped suits?”
  • “Those referees look like they’ve been in jail.”
  • “Those cheerleaders are weird.”
  • “Those people who are yelling are crazy.”
  • “Why do some of those football players have long hair?”
  • “Those referees move their hands funny.”
  • “Why did those people paint their bodies?”

 

To each question we must have an answer.  Any answer will do, as long as it’s an answer.

Here’s the run-down from a college game we watched several years ago:

 

We settled in for a night of football – Aaron in the big easy chair that he loves, with his blanket over his lap like a nursing home patient; his digital clock that also shows the outdoor and indoor temperatures; tortilla chips; water; napkins; toothpicks; tootsie rolls; and possibly more food hidden under the blanket that I wasn’t aware of and chose to ignore.  So off we go:

 

“Mom, did you know that the temperature outside is 74 degrees?  Is that  cold?”

     “What does LSU stand for?”

     “Which color is WV wearing?”

     “There’s another referee in that jail costume”

     “Why do football players have long hair?”

     “Mom, now the temperature is 71 degrees?  Is that cold?”

     “I notice that sometimes coaches look mad.”

     “Do you think he can make a chance happen?”

     “A BOY cheerleader?  Now, that’s funny!”

     “How does that guy get that paint off his face?”

     “See, that coach looks mad!”

     “So are there five or six rounds in football?”

     “Why is that rope up in the air?”

     “Those refs in the jail costumes move their hands funny!”

     “Mom, now the temperature outside is 69 degrees. Is that because it’s   fall?” 

     “Why does that referee in the jail costume have an L on his shirt?”

     “See, that coach looks mad again!”

 

At last the game was over.  Sadly, we lost.  And the WV coach did look mad.  The temperature outside was 67 degrees.  Then Aaron asked, “So Mom, is there football on tomorrow?”   I don’t know, Aaron.  I think they cancelled all the games.  And besides, my ears hurt! 

 

And during an Alabama – LSU game:

 

“Mom, Alabama is wearing the red hats, right?”   Yes, Aaron, the red HELMETS.  And he replies, “OK, they’re wearing the red hats.”   Whatever.

 

Aaron is very fascinated with the cheerleaders, and not for the reason that you would think a 27 year-old young man would be fascinated with cheerleaders.  He just thinks that male cheerleaders are quite unusual.  He never thought of guys being cheerleaders.  “Mom, why are there boy cheerleaders?”   Well, Aaron, boy cheerleaders are usually called yell leaders, I believe.  “Yeah, so why do they have boy cheerleaders?”  Sigh.  Aaron, male yell leaders can hold up the pyramids better because they’re strong.  And they yell loud, too. 

 

Later the television camera panned over to do a quick shot of the girls standing on the boy’s shoulders.  “Look, Mom!!  The teenage cheerleader boys have to catch the teenage cheerleader girls so they don’t fall on the ground!”  He’s getting it.  I decided not to even talk about the age thing yet.  One concept at a time.

 

He loves watching the refs and trying to figure out their hand signals.  You have to take my word for it – his imitation of the hand signals is pretty hilarious.  And his comment at one point was, “Mom, that ref in his jail shirt has an “R” on his shirt!”  To Aaron, refs always have and always will wear jail shirts.  I guess he thinks they all have a rap sheet, too.  My apologies to the refs who may read this.

 

Coaches fascinate him.  He likes watching their expressions and seeing how they react to various decisions of the refs in their jail shirts.  This time he noticed their headgear.  “Mom, why does the chief of the team have those microphones?” 

 

He’s having a harder time figuring out the 4 quarters, but he’s doing better.  “Mom, is the halftime before the number 3 or the number 2?”   And as he started getting tired, especially when the team in the red hats that we voted for was losing, he said, “Mom, the 4th round is the last one, right?”

 

Trust me when I say that the fourth round cannot be over soon enough in some games!

 

He also, of course, has his own take on injured players:

 

“Mom, remember yesterday when that football player got hurt?  Those hospital people were bent over him.  He looked flattened!” 

“And then that bulldozer thing came in and picked him up!” 

 

There’s this:

 

“Mom, what’s that stuff they squirt in their mouths out of that bottle?”  It’s usually water, Aaron.  And he laughs and says, “Oh, I thought it was mouthwash!”  Some of the players may wish that it was. 

 

But the best question by far:

 

“How come football players look like they’re wearing a pacifier?” 

 

Well, that’s about it for now.  I may have more to add after tonight’s game.

I hope the team you vote for wins.

As long as it’s…well, I won’t say but I do live in Kansas, after all.  😊  😊

 

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