Category: Asperger’s Syndrome

God’s Grace in the Challenges

Last night there was a whole lotta drama going on at our house.  A whole lotta anger…..sighing…..tears……arguing…….slamming doors……..unplugging the baby monitor…….strong words from both parties.   In other words, Aaron was facing the reality of entering back into the real world of going to his day group versus the fun of staying home.  It’s the reality of meeting a schedule and being responsible instead of lounging around all day as he drifted between his room and his computer to the rest of the house and all the family that was present.  I had dreaded last night and for good reason.

I had made some preparatory remarks to Aaron over the past two days in order to get him ready for this upcoming reality.  However, nothing really sank in until it was time to get off the computer, brush his teeth, and get ready for bed.  Oh my, he was most unhappy.  I tried to stay calm, made harder by the fact that I wasn’t feeling well at all.  My body was telling me that I was getting sick even as Aaron was telling me that he had no intention of going to Paradigm the next day.  I don’t know which was worse, but I was in no mood to be messed with on this night in which I had hoped to go to bed a little early. 

It’s very hard on any day to lay my own feelings aside as I try to deal with Aaron’s unreasonable attitude at times, but especially hard when I’m not feeling well.  Somehow we both managed to make it to bed without too much damage done, although I did make some statement about everything he got for Christmas disappearing at some point.  Did I really say that?  Yes, I did.  Aaron was somber as I heard him getting ready for bed.  He met Gary at the head of the stairs, in tears, and Gary gently talked to him.  I lay in bed listening, so thankful for that kindness that Aaron needed right then.

I woke up during the night with my throat hurting, so I took the time……….several times………to pray for Aaron.  I asked the Lord to give Aaron calmness in the morning, and good rest before then.  And I asked the same for myself.  Especially the calmness part.  Did I really tell Aaron that all his Christmas gifts would disappear, I thought as I tried to sleep?

I was nervous when I heard Aaron come down the stairs this morning.  His eyes were so tired and I feared a repeat of the night before.  Yet when I spoke to him, he answered with calmness……….that calmness for which I had prayed.  I gained confidence then, and told him that I would pour his coffee and carry it upstairs while he showered………and he agreed.  Then I ventured forward with my plan.

“Aaron, I’ll get ready early and let’s go to Burger King for breakfast on our way to meet your group,” I said with a measure of fear that I kept hidden.  My fear was that he would yell, “NO!” like he had done last night.  But this morning he was compliant and he agreed to breakfast, even though it involved meeting his group afterwards.

Aaron did very well all morning.  He was especially happy that I took the time to watch the movie trailer for the next alien movie that he plans to watch.  He stuffed some of his stocking treats in one of his pockets before we left the house and I did not object.  He talked about aliens all the way to Burger King.  He finally ordered his breakfast, and as we sat on the tall chairs that Aaron likes, he continued to talk about aliens. 

Finally, he remembered something else that he wanted to tell me.  I have no idea why.  It had to do with clipping my coupons and finding one that he didn’t know if I would use. 

“Mom, I was cutting out a coupon for the make-up that makes your hair shiny.  Dad said you wouldn’t use it, and I said maybe you should.”

And as we sat on our tall Burger King chairs, sipping coffee for Aaron and orange juice for me, I laughed and laughed at Aaron’s comment.  He had no idea why I laughed or why I told him that he is so funny, and that I love to listen to him talk.  He looked so pensive as he sat there, resigned to his fate of ending his vacation and going back to his day group, that my heart went out to him.  And then he zinged me with one of his out-of-the-blue, hilarious comments, and I just had to laugh out loud. 

 
He was back to aliens as we drove the short distance from Burger King to meet his ride.  He sighed heavily as he saw the familiar Paradigm van drive up beside us, and as he opened his door.  He sure can look the most pitiful in these trying circumstances.  But I know that he must get back to his life and to his routine, no matter how hard it is for him.  And for me. 

I will not hide his Christmas gifts.  I will hopefully hear a good report from him of his day back with his friends and his staff.  I will try to be here for him tonight, even as we hopefully get to watch Wheel of Fortune again and I listen to him yell and clap.  It’s part of life with Aaron and part of my responsibility to this special son that God has given us………even when I don’t feel up to it.

And I did stop to thank God this morning for hearing my prayer, as He always does, and for letting Aaron be calm and happy this morning.  I must not forget to thank Him for all that He does and for the grace that He gives this sometimes cranky, tired mama. 

Now what’s up with my hair?  I wonder if I can find that coupon that Aaron said I needed. 

Making Me Smile

It’s been awhile since I just shared with you a typical time with Aaron when he returns home from his day group.  Typical, but rarely routine.  So let me tell you a little about Aaron this evening.  He barreled in the door from the garage just as I was starting to fix supper, and he wasted no time in telling me about his day.

“Mom!  Today we went to the mall!”  He had already called me from Paradigm and told me this, but to Aaron anything that he says is worth repeating……..many times.

“Guess what I saw while I was eating?”

Pause for effect, and for me to ask what he saw.

“Santa!” he replied.  “And there were children sitting on his lap.  They were taking pictures.”

And Aaron, who notices everything, continued.  “They were shaking a rattle to make them laugh.  Is that what you would say?  Was it a rattle?”

I’m not sure how Aaron thought I would know that since I was nowhere near the Santa in the mall today, but I didn’t try to explain that.  I just told him that it was probably a rattle and Aaron was satisfied.

I continued with my food prep, and Aaron continued with this fascinating Santa.  “And those kids weren’t babies or teenagers or children.  What were they?”

That pretty well left adults or toddlers, so I chose toddlers and Aaron thought that was the right answer.  Now he was done with Santa and he moved on to food. 

I never got a clear picture from him about exactly what he ate and how much it cost and whether he gave any of his money away.  He was busily talking about his observations of the Chinese restaurant in the food court.  Everything from the person handing out little samples on the end of a toothpick to the people working there was worthy of his discussion………over and over. One day he came home from the mall with this proclamation: “Mom, Chinese people love fish food!”  And he has never wanted to eat there, although the egg rolls sometimes entice him.

Today was no different as he verbally explored the Chinese restaurant.  “I don’t want to eat Chinese food,” he declared.  “I’m not Korean or Japanese or Chinese!”  No amount of persuasion about not needing to be Korean or Japanese or Chinese could change his mind, either.

He wasn’t through.  “Mom!  In that Chinese restaurant area there were Chinese people cooking the food.” 

Yes, Aaron, you’re right.

He went on, making an important connection.  “So I know who was in that pizza area cooking pizza.   MEXICANS!”

He just kept talking right over my laughter, and only later did he ask if pizza is Mexican, and I reminded him about the Italian connection, and then he remembered and decided that the workers were probably American.

Whatever.

He was leaving the kitchen when he heard a version of Jingle Bells playing on my CD.  “Mom!  I’ve heard that song the way they put it!”

And isn’t it much more fun to put it that way than to say that he’s heard that version of Jingle Bells?  Of course it is!

Later, just as Wheel of Fortune was coming on, I was fixing Aaron a grilled cheese sandwich……….no, two sandwiches because he has decided he loves grilled cheese again after eating a sample sandwich in Sam’s with me on Tuesday.  He wanted the first one I fixed him after his Sam’s sample to be cut into the little strips like the Sam’s lady did, so tonight was no different.  This made Aaron very happy, and he put his arm around my shoulders as he said, “I love this day.” 

Wow!  That was unusual.  But an even bigger surprise was on the way.  Aaron went out of the room for a minute and when he walked back in he blurted out, “I love you!”

Now he tells me he loves me at bedtime sometimes, but a spontaneous comment like this is rare.  I looked up at him quickly and his eyes were wide, like he was surprised himself at his outburst of affection.  And to top it off, he came over to me and gave me a big hug.  A big, genuine hug!! 

“I love you, too, Aaron,” I said as I patted him on the back.  And just as quickly as the moment happened, it was over.  But not forgotten, by me!  Just like Aaron remembers every detail of his day, I’ll remember that “I love you” and that hug for a long time.

He didn’t even need to shake a rattle to make me smile tonight.

A Fix For Aaron?

I had a sweet and telling conversation with Aaron this morning.  Gary and I aren’t getting out today because there is a layer of ice on everything, and neither of us wants to fall.  Therefore, I was enjoying another cup of coffee while Aaron clipped coupons……..and talked, of course.

He was thinking of The Sound of Music because I watched it on television the other night.  He didn’t want to join me in watching it but he knows the story on which it’s based.  He watched the DVD with Julie Andrews as Maria several times in the past.  As he was working away on the coupons, he asked me again to affirm the fact that The Sound of Music is based on a true story. 

Then, for some reason, he jumped to Pollyanna.  “But Pollyanna is not a true story?” he asked.  I told him that I didn’t think it was based on a true event, but that it taught us a good lesson regardless.  He agreed, so I asked him what the lesson was that Pollyanna taught us.

“It teaches us about happy,” Aaron answered.  I agreed, and then talked about how even when things didn’t go well with Pollyanna, she still looked on the bright side and was positive.  I told him that we could all learn a lesson from Pollyanna. 

“Yeah!” he said.  “Like with that computer thing at Paradigm.”  The other day he had an issue with another client regarding the computer – not Aaron’s fault – and so the next day Aaron didn’t want to go to Paradigm.  I talked him through it and he went, but the incident is still fresh on his mind. 

I was so glad to see him making this connection!  I reminded him of what I so often tell him:  to set aside what happened and to move forward.  I tried to get him to fill in the blank and he said, “To move ahead.”  That works! 

Still connecting, he said, “Like when Pollyanna went in the hospital to get fixed, would you say?” 

Well, kind of, Aaron.  Smile.

He talked about how she was in “that chair” because she couldn’t walk and how she wasn’t happy anymore.  And then I asked him what happened, and he said that her friends came and reminded her to be happy. 

“Just like I do with you!” I reaffirmed.

“OK, Mom!” he laughed.    

A short while later, after I peeled him some mandarin oranges to eat, he wanted me to sit nearby while he finished the coupons.  “You sit there and I’ll talk,” he told me. 

I laughed.  Oh, yes, you’ll talk for sure, Aaron.  Of that I have no doubt.  And thankfully, I had the time to sit there for those few minutes………watching Aaron work and listening to him talk about this and about that.  Watching him clip coupons is to see autism in motion.  He works hard to clip each coupon ON the dotted line.  He takes the little strips of paper that are left over and meticulously cuts them into small pieces, and watches as those pieces fall into his special trash can full of thousands of those colorful cut papers.  In another trash can, he places larger cut pieces that he knows I don’t want.  And then to the side, he carefully stacks the remnants of each coupon sheet that he has cut.  It’s quite a process, and one that he thinks I fail at miserably……which is why he gets very upset if he finds out that I have some extra coupons that I set aside to cut myself. 

 
 
As I watched him work and listened to him talk, I thought about how unique and amazing he truly is.  Would I like Aaron to “get fixed” like he said Pollyanna was?  Well, certainly I would like for the seizures to go away and for his autism to not hold him captive in many areas.  Yet I also know that Aaron is the person that God created him to be.  We work to help him be the best that he can be, but I don’t want to have the attitude that he must be “fixed.”  Instead, I hope to set aside any disappointments that I may have about Aaron and his life, and to move forward every single day.

Move forward to understand him……to accept him……to instruct and teach him…….to continually reinforce positive traits and actions.  But not to try to “fix” him……..because Aaron isn’t broken.  Aaron is fully who he is, as all of us are, and I love that about him.  Even through tears and fears and frustrations, Gary and I both love and treasure good old Aaron. 

I have also discovered that the person who needs to “get fixed” is me.  Aaron has shown me so much about myself……….about my weaknesses and about how I need to be refined into what God wants for me.  God is using Aaron to fix my broken self in so many areas. 

The coupons are done…….the oranges are eaten………and Aaron stretched out on the floor and laughed loudly as I sang “Do Re Mi” to him.  It’s another day with Aaron.  A day to be reminded to be happy, as Aaron so often does  Even when he’s unaware of it, he is showing me a lot about moving forward and being happy. 

I don’t ever want a fix for that!

I Won’t Talk About It!

Aaron was out of bed and happy this past Saturday morning, which he is on most mornings anymore.  A happy Aaron is always a nice thing for us.  He was enjoying this Thanksgiving break full of food and visits from friends and having Andrew home and no commitments.  As Aaron and I talked on this morning, and I casually drank my coffee, he finally got around to what was really on his mind.  It was his keyboard and when I was going to plug it in for him, which was no surprise to me at all.  He knows, though, that I don’t want him going on and on about it.  Yet he always thinks that I just might need a little reminder.  Mom could be forgetful, he reasons, and so he feels that he must help me in this area.

He stood by the table in his pajamas, fidgeting, as I waited for what I knew was coming.  However, on this morning he tried a different tack.  “Mom,” he said, “I’m not gonna say anything about you putting in my keyboard.”  And he stood there just watching me.  I chuckled, and he was clueless.  “OK, Aaron,” I replied.  I went on with my coffee and with reading the newspaper…….and he continued standing there, silently looking at me.

“So I won’t say anything about the keyboard,” he repeated. 

“That’s fine, Aaron,” I again replied.  I acted as if this conversation was just as usual an any other, but I so wanted to burst out with laughter. 

He finally walked over to pour some water and take his pills.  Soon he was once again hovering around the table, and his thoughts were as clear to me as if they were written on his forehead.  I just waited for it.

“So Mom, I’m going on up to shower.  I won’t say anything about you putting in my keyboard.”

“That’s great, Aaron!” I said.  And he walked away a little disappointed, I think, that I didn’t mention the keyboard.  If Mom would only say something about it, then he would feel free to be out with it!  Too bad!

When he was back downstairs, his arms full of his laundry, he stared at me as he walked past the table.  He put his clothes in the laundry bin and then there he stood again, looking at me as I pretended not to notice.

“I won’t talk about my keyboard,” he resumed.

“All right, Aaron,” I acknowledged.

“So I’m just gonna wait on my keyboard, right?” 

“Right,” I briefly replied.

I know he felt like time was interminable at this point.  Mom wasn’t getting it.  He wasn’t even talking about the keyboard, in his opinion, and still Mom wasn’t mentioning when she would put it in. 

I poured his coffee and carried it to his room, but he knew that I had not yet plugged in his keyboard. 

“I can watch a video,” he offered.

“OK,” I casually said.

“Because I’m not gonna mention the keyboard,” he repeated.

He stood there waiting……..waiting on Mom who just wasn’t at all thankful for the fact that he wasn’t even talking about the keyboard. 

Finally, he saw me finishing with the newspaper and straightening up the table.  Thinking that I might be headed to take a shower next, he saw another opportunity.

“You could put it in before you shower or after you shower, right?” he hopefully asked. 

I just smiled and went on about my business, but soon I was upstairs retrieving the keyboard from its hiding place, to the great delight of Aaron.

As I plugged it in, he happily said, “Mom!  Are you glad I didn’t talk about my keyboard?”

I laughed and gave him a hug, and he was very pleased with himself.

Oh Aaron, you do have a way of talking something to death even when you’re not talking about it.  Imagine if you HAD talked about your keyboard!!

 

What IS a Tootsie Roll?!

Yesterday was a typical day with Aaron.  But is any day with Aaron ever really typical?  I guess that depends on your definition and experience.  Let’s see…….

He was up early, as is usual anymore.  When he came downstairs he was full of talk concerning his keyboard, knowing that if he showers and does his other routine morning duties then Mom just might put in the keyboard so that he can play a game before we leave for his day group.  I urged him to just sit awhile and take his time, and yet I knew that this could backfire on me.  If I take too much of Aaron’s time, then he will get angry when he has to get off his computer later, saying that it’s my fault that he didn’t get to play longer, etc., etc.  I was already into the balancing act and he had only been downstairs a few minutes.

I had the radio on and was enjoying the Christmas music.  “That’s dumb,” Aaron informed me in his monotone voice. 

“What’s dumb?” I asked, although I knew. 

“Playing Christmas music.  It’s not Christmas yet!” he replied.

No amount of cheery talk of Christmas would change his mind, I knew.  I’ve allowed Christmas to come early for us this year as I’ve already worked on decorating the house, a job I’ve always done after Thanksgiving. The decorations don’t seem to bother Aaron, but the music is a different matter.  It’s not the first time that he has told me that this Christmas music doesn’t fit right now.  I get it, Aaron, I get it.

The rest of the morning went well, with Aaron getting his chores done and then being allowed some computer time.  Before we left the house, I saw that he had a small tootsie roll in his hand, which he unwrapped and popped into his mouth.   “Mom, I haven’t had a tootsie roll in a long time!” he declared.  And so this simple experience became of great importance as we drove to meet his group.  Do any of you remember his mayonnaise/mustard dilemma that I have written about in the past?  He still has such a hard time figuring out the difference in these two condiments.  What is mustard?  What is mayonnaise?  Is mayonnaise white mustard?  And at Subway he has asked for white mustard on his sandwich, to the great confusion of the one doing the sandwich fixing and the great delight of me as I have watched this scenario unfold.

So the tootsie roll issue reminded me of the mayonnaise issue.  “Mom, what’s a tootsie roll?” he asked.  I told him that a tootsie roll is a piece of candy.  Seems simple to me, but nothing is ever really so simple to Aaron.  A minute later – “But what IS a tootsie roll?”  OK, I thought……he needs more. 

“Aaron, a tootsie roll is chocolate candy.”

“So it’s chocolate?” he asked with surprise.

“Well, yes,” I answered, “but not chocolate like a Hershey bar.”

A few seconds of sweet silence.  Then, “So what’s a tootsie roll?”

And I realized that we were back to square one.

“It’s candy, Aaron.  Chocolate candy.”

I hoped it was enough.  It wasn’t.

“But it’s squishy.  Would you say it’s squishy?”

“Yes, Aaron.  It’s chocolate and it’s squishy.”

“So what is it?” he asked yet once again.

I knew he needed more from me, but what else could I give?  How else could I describe a tootsie roll to Aaron, who needed more precise information, obviously, on tootsie rolls? 

“A tootsie roll is sugar……and chocolate……..and other stuff……..and it’s squishy.  It’s just……..CANDY.”

Aaron pondered this for a few seconds as we neared our destination. 

“Then it’s licorice!” he exclaimed as we turned at the light.  I remember the location precisely, because these momentous moments stay ingrained in my brain.

Licorice?

Is mayonnaise white mustard?

Is a tootsie roll licorice?

Aaron has a way of narrowing my life down to these questions.

“No, Aaron.  It’s not licorice.  It’s a tootsie roll!  Tootsie rolls aren’t licorice.  They’re chocolate.  And there’s your ride!  Have a good day!  We’re blocking traffic.  Hurry!  Love you!”

Whew!

I’m hoping he’ll forget the tootsie rolls for a while and think about………turkey.

I can hear it now.  What is turkey?  Is turkey a bird?  What kind of bird?  Does it fly?  But birds fly.  Geese fly over our house.  I know!  A turkey is a goose!!

See what I mean by typical? 

Happy Thanksgiving!  Enjoy your turkey……..no questions!!

I Am Thankful For…………

I wanted to share this Thankful List that Aaron typed up when he was nine years old.   It was 1993, and Gary was stationed at Fort Leavenworth.  We had just returned that spring from living for six years in Germany.  This is a copy of Aaron’s list that we had given to my parents, with Dad’s handwritten date at the top……..so we wouldn’t forget.  I’m so glad he did that.  And I’m glad that we have this very endearing record of just what Aaron Moore was thankful for at the wise age of nine.   I know it’s not the best quality but I hope that you can read it. 

Flowers For Mom

Sometimes when we’re out shopping Aaron will pass some flowers and he’ll tell me of a day that he was at a store with Paradigm, and that he saw flowers and that he wanted to buy them for me.  I always tell him that this is very sweet but that he doesn’t have that much money, and that even if he did he shouldn’t spend it on flowers for me. 

Aaron doesn’t really seem like a flower kind of guy.  He likes to show me artichokes and eggplant, or a jar of pig’s feet, or a skeleton in the Halloween display.  He brings home all manner of things in his pockets which he pulls out to show me………from plastic rats to pens.   Some items I make him return to Paradigm because I’m sure he pilfered them without permission.  He has given me unusual rocks that he finds in parking lots or at the park, and sometimes a strange piece of ornamental grass from the zoo that I know he should not have picked.  But he does, and in his pocket it goes, and he’s just sure that Mom will be so happy that he was thinking of her. 

So last week when I heard the door bang open announcing Aaron’s arrival home from Paradigm, and I met him in the kitchen, I was more than a little skeptical when I saw what he clutched in his hand.  It was a small bouquet of pretty flowers which he thrust out to me and said, “Here, Mom.”  I had no choice but to grab them as he quickly handed them to me and then hurried past me as he headed to his room.  He gave no explanation and certainly showed no emotion as he quickly gave me the flowers. 

“Wait, Aaron,” I said.  “Where did you get these?”  All sorts of scenarios were entering my mind.  Did he take them from Dillon’s or Wal-Mart?  Surely not.  Did he grab them from someone’s desk at Paradigm as he went out the door to come home?  But they hadn’t been crammed in his pocket, and I knew that his driver must have seen them.  I was puzzled. 

“Barb let me have them,” he answered.  I was still confused as Aaron tried to explain that Barb really had let him have some flowers.  They must have been flowers that she had received and that she shared with Aaron, I reasoned.  I told Aaron to wait while I went downstairs and grabbed a vase.  I let him watch me put the flowers and water in the vase, and then I placed them carefully in just the perfect spot.  I thanked him warmly and gave him a big hug, which he halfheartedly accepted.  He was in a hurry to get upstairs, to change clothes, and to get on his computer.  As he walked away, I had my phone in hand and immediately texted Barb.  I just had to know the real story, and to be sure that she wasn’t missing some flowers.

Sure enough, Barb confirmed that she had given Aaron the flowers so that he could bring them home to me.  I thanked her and then told her that I hoped she didn’t take them from something that was for her.  Her reply was a smiley face and then she said, “Enjoy how sweet it is that he wants to bring you flowers.”

How touching!  How very sweet of Barb to not only see that Aaron got his wish of giving Mom flowers, but to see that I was given a happy heart by this gift from my son who can’t just run to the store and grab flowers for Mom whenever he wants.  I’m still not sure how it all came about, but I was doubly blessed on that day.

 
And Aaron?  He was pleased that he finally got to bring me some bona fide flowers……..not just a piece of ornamental grass or a dandelion or a flower pulled from the bush in our yard.  These flowers were the real deal.  He showed them to Gary when he got home, but all in all Aaron didn’t show a great deal of outward excitement about the flowers.  This is so typical of Aaron.  Just do the deed and move on to the next thing, showing little emotion or fanfare.

Yet I know he was very happy to bring me flowers, and he was very happy that I was very happy.  He’s just not going to express it with smiles and conversation and hugs like we do.  But I know that deep in that mind of his, he is very aware of the pleasure he gave his mom and of the love that was returned to him. 

And deep in my mind, I’ll carry with me the picture of Aaron charging through the door with the flowers gripped in his hand……….and then those flowers thrust out to me as he hurriedly said, “Here, Mom.”

His wish was fulfilled……….and I will continue to enjoy how sweet it is that Aaron wants to bring me flowers. 

 

Another Birthday…..Something Old and Something New

This past Friday was Aaron’s birthday – his number 29, to be exact.  That seems so strange to me, thinking that next year he’ll be 30 years old!  He loves his birthday, and weeks before the big day he’s already planning it.  Well, planning where to eat, most of all………..and then talking about gift ideas.  For a long time he wanted to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner, which would be the third year in a row.  But one day a few weeks ago he said, “Mom, I decided I want to go to that Mexican restaurant.”  I asked him which one and he answered, “You know, the one with those Mexican dancers.”  Mexican dancers?  I was trying to remember where on earth we had been that he had seen Mexican dancers……..and how I could have missed the Mexican dancers………when it hit me. 

“Aaron, do you mean Texas Roadhouse?”  I asked him.  “Yeah,” he replied.  “You remember those Mexican dancers there?”  I proceeded to explain the difference in Mexican and cowboy, wondering where he got the Mexican theme from other than an old cowboy movie filmed near Mexico.  Anyway, we got that figured out and so Texas Roadhouse it was.

Of course, Aaron wanted Rosie and her mom and dad to come.  And he invited staff from Paradigm, so Misty got to be there as well.  He’s so funny, planning and talking and looking forward to his special day so much.  But when the day is finally here, he really doesn’t seem all that excited.  He gives a little embarrassed chuckle at all the “Happy Birthday, Aaron!” greetings, or a quick smile as he ducks his head and walks away.  He tolerates the annual birthday picture with our traditional birthday banner.  It’s like he wants to check things off his “My Birthday Is Finally Here” list……and then just get on with normal life.  When he walked in the door after getting home from Paradigm, he saw the wrapped gifts and the cards laying on the table, but he didn’t even act like he noticed them. 

 
He talked for a few minutes about his day, and then told me to come and get him when it was time to leave for Texas Roadhouse.  Soon he was on his computer, unwinding and returning to his world for a few minutes.  He got off happily when it was time to go, the thoughts of restaurant food making him willing to leave his game.  It was a nice evening full of juggling conversation and food with him and with Rosie, and us adults fitting in some words whenever we could.  I loved watching him and Rosie sitting beside each other, across from me, and enjoying their friendship……..done their way. 

 
I was reminded of what Aaron said to me a few days earlier about a conversation he had with one of his staff.  “I asked Andrew why Rosie likes me.  He said she doesn’t talk to many people but she likes to talk to me.”  I told him that was very nice and so he continued, “But that makes me embarrassed……….like………married?”  He thought for a minute and then finished by saying, “I’m not a person to marry.”

Dear Aaron, always worried about this marriage thing.   I assured him that being special friends doesn’t mean marriage, and now as he sat beside Rosie during his birthday dinner I was just happy to see them being who they are.  This means that they didn’t talk much to each other at all.  Aaron was busy stuffing as many rolls in his mouth as he could muster after being sure I had spread the PLAIN butter on them from edge to edge, and being sure I scraped ALL the ranch dressing out of the little container for his salad, and eating peanuts during each free moment, and talking as much as he possibly could.  Rosie was coloring some with her nice colored pencils that she loves, and holding the pencils when not coloring, and reminding first Misty and then her Mom to tell about this and tell about that. 
 

Rosie was excited to give Aaron his gift, and typical Aaron didn’t act near as excited to receive it.  He opened the gifts from Rosie and from Misty, and he sort of said thanks, but he had rolls to eat and chicken critters to chew on……..and opening gifts, while fun, means he has to do that embarrassing thank you, after all.  Deep down he’s pleased with gifts, but he wants to keep those emotions deep down and not put them out there for all to see. 

 
 
I loved it when I told Rosie and Aaron that I wanted to take their picture together, and immediately Rosie put her arm around Aaron.  She did that last year, too.  It’s just so genuine and real……..and is something Aaron would not do.  Soon it was time to go, and Aaron barely said goodbye or thanks to anyone.  He was off to his next assignment that needed to be checked off his list………opening presents at home.  He got through that in good order, moving from one to the other with little emotion but definitely taking it all in.   Gary and I laughed at the funny cards, but we had to make Aaron stop to fully read them and to notice how comical they were.  He was moving from point A to point B to point C……….enjoying the cards and the gifts but definitely nearing overload.  We made sure he reopened Rosie’s and Misty’s gifts and cards so he could realize what they were all about.  Soon, though, he was off to his room.  No time or desire to sit there and linger over some nice conversation with Mom and Dad, and too full for any of the apple pie I had made him. 

He got into his pajamas as quickly as he could, and immersed himself in his game before thumping downstairs a few times to talk awhile.  His weekend was nice as well, with a little shopping, a little pizza, a little apple pie, a little time with Mom and Dad and Jackson, and just life as Aaron likes it. 

I went in his room on Saturday night to say it was time for bed and time for me to take his keyboard.  He was just finishing up his new movie that he got for his birthday…….Pacific Rim.  A few minutes later I stuck my head back in his room and was not at all surprised to see him completely absorbed in watching the credits.  I’ve told about how he watches movies from the very beginning to the very end.  The very, very end with the picture of the lion and the minuscule print. 

This is another part of life as Aaron likes it, so I just smiled and walked away until the movie…….in Aaron’s opinion…….was totally over.  Nothing new here.

Well, this morning there was something new.  Aaron has been getting up early in the mornings, but today he slept until a little after 8:00.  As we were getting ready to leave later to meet his group, Aaron said, “Mom, today I got up at 8:06………which was new!”

That, to Aaron, is indeed something new under the sun and worth noting.   
And that, to me, is something to be expected and worthy of a smile. 

A Very Special Lady

I dug into my memory drawer today when I had a few free minutes.  There was one thing I was looking for, and soon I found it.  Or found them, I should say.  I need to organize that drawer that is stuffed full of random cards and letters and other mementos.  The unmistakable hand writing on the particular envelopes I pulled out, though, easily identified the sender of these treasures and made them easy to find.  I’m sure there are others still there in my drawer that I will find later, but for now I was happy to find the ones that I did.  I was actually surprised at the many cards and letters that I found in that quick search.  It’s a testament to the gracious caring of the amazing person whose heart touched so many of us by the cards and letters and copies of poems and articles that she spent countless hours mailing to hundreds of people, I’m sure.

Alice Zwemke……..Mrs. Alice, as she often signed her name.  I’m so grateful that Gary and I had the wonderful privilege of knowing her here in Wichita.  She was the embodiment of kindness and gentleness, her voice soft and her smile so full of sweetness.  She most definitely possessed the gift of encouragement, and she exercised that gift to the fullest of the abilities God gave her until her age and poor health made it more and more difficult to do so.  She would encourage by her kind words and her soft touch, but the way that stood out to so many of us was in her mailings.  If I sang a song at church, I would almost always get a card from Alice thanking me and giving me encouraging words.  She would thank Gary for teaching or for praying, or thank us for various other ways that we served.  Always lifting us up…………always showing us love.

However, even more touching than the many cards and articles and letters that she sent us….and the many hugs and sweet words that she spoke to us……..was the complete love and acceptance that she showed to our Aaron.  She never looked at him like he was odd.  She never seemed put off by his brusqueness.  I never saw her cringe when he was loud or angry. 

After Aaron was in the hospital for five days for a video EEG in 2003, there in our mail came a letter from Mrs. Alice.  As she so often did, she referred to Aaron as “A very special Aaron.”  She quoted a verse that she put in other cards to him: “His eye seeth every precious thing.”  I remember reading these cards to Aaron, the cards from Mrs. Alice, and having a hard time being able to finish them because of the lump in my throat and the tears burning my eyes. 

 
Here’s a card from Mrs. Alice for Aaron’s birthday in 2004.  Again, she told him how precious and how special he was.  She said that she hoped at the Thanksgiving meal that she and Aaron could share a bit. 

 
Fast forward to 2009.  Mrs. Alice sent Aaron another birthday card.  You can see from her handwriting that age was taking its toll on Alice.  Her writing was shakier, but her sentiments of love were as strong as ever.  Once again she reminded Aaron that he was special.  Mrs. Alice loved that word.  She used it often with Aaron……and then on this card, she used that word as she signed her own name – your special admirer. 

 
Yes, Alice was indeed special.  Aaron didn’t realize just how special Alice was as I would read him what she wrote.  He enjoyed getting the cards and he knew who she was, but he didn’t fully realize just how much she cared for him or what she was trying to convey to him.  But Gary and I knew, and we were and always will be so very grateful for her sweet love for our special Aaron. 

Tomorrow, November 8, is our special Aaron’s birthday.  And tomorrow is the day that many of us will attend the funeral service for our very special Alice.  I think it’s pretty special that we get to attend Alice’s graduation service, as she would want it called, on Aaron’s birthday.  She would smile at that thought and think of just how special it all really is, too.

We love you, Alice, for all that you were and all that you meant to us…..but especially for the love that you generously poured out to Aaron. 

What a special lady you were!   

I Held A Butterfly

 

I’ve had a bit of an up-and-down weekend for several reasons – finding myself sometimes nostalgic as I think of Gary’s and my role as parents to our three wonderful children.  It’s been the most fulfilling calling of our lives, that’s for sure.  Sometimes challenging, too, as it is for every parent.  Now Andrea and Andrew have moved to other states as they pursue their own callings at this point in their lives………..Andrea in grad school studying genetics, and Andrew living his dream of working for a professional NHRA drag race team. 

 

And we have life with our special Aaron, still living at home and treating us to his unique view of life every single day………whether we totally relish his unique view or not.  For at times his unique take on life may be funny……..or it may be interesting………..or eye-opening………..or tiring……….or maddening.   But never dull.  Never, ever dull.

 

This morning Aaron followed me outside where I was picking up some small branches and sticks that had blown out of our trees.  Aaron was happy that Jackson was out with us, too, as we said goodbye to Gary when he left for work and I continued to look around the yard for more sticks.  Soon I heard Aaron say, “Mom!  There’s a butterfly!”  I turned around to look and there I saw Aaron holding the butterfly in his hand.  He was looking at this beautiful butterfly with awe, just as a small child would do.  Therefore, I did the same………bending over Aaron’s outstretched hand as we both admired the intricate markings and brilliant colorings of this special little creature.  It’s something I probably would not have been doing on this pretty morning had it not been for Aaron.

 

I’ve been thinking about that a lot today.  Last night Gary and I talked to Andrea for a long time about her thesis research……..about the rapid sequencing machine that she is privileged to be using………about her research being presented to the DOD……….about her research being published…………about where she might apply for her PhD studies in genetics……….and so much more.  Andrea’s very interesting studies have opened up a whole new world to Gary and me.

 

With Andrew, it’s been so much fun to experience the world of professional NHRA racing.  It’s been pretty amazing to get an inside view of this life through visiting him as he worked at the race in Texas and then to talk to him about his new life……….the traveling………the drivers and their crews……the inside stories and insights……….the new things he’s experiencing and learning………watching him on television…….and for us to stand in the winner’s circle in Texas while I got to hold the winning trophy, a Wally, for real!

 

And just this morning, I held a butterfly, for real!   I got to stand in our driveway and have Aaron show me his wonderful butterfly, and then let him gently slide the butterfly into my hand so that I could experience holding him myself.  Aaron was as thrilled with this experience as Andrea is with her research and as Andrew is with his job in the NHRA.  Once again, I am reminded of the importance of perspective in these matters, and of how true this perspective is in so many areas of life.  My attitude, my perspective, makes a huge difference in how I view these matters. 

 

In sharing life with Aaron, the seemingly small things become big and important.  Sometimes that’s a good thing………and sometimes not so good.  But just like I am excited about Andrea’s and Andrew’s accomplishments and their lives, I want to also be excited about Aaron’s……….or at least appreciative of Aaron’s life, and often downright awed……..I hope.

 

This wonder that is Aaron……….it’s in a butterfly in the driveway.

 

It’s in him putting his plastic Halloween rat on the dashboard last night as we drove to Sonic for his milkshake………and him hoping that the cashier would surely notice it!

 

It’s in exuberantly asking if the Buffaloes beat the Chiefs in football.  The Buffaloes?

 

It’s in being very excited to be in Papa Murphy’s as we ordered pizza on Saturday……and instantly picking up the container of red pepper, telling me that he put red pepper on his Target pizza the day before.   “It was full of hotness, Mom!!”

 

It’s in the joy of playing a simple game of Skip-Bo.

 

It’s in him sleeping with Mr. Snake that he took from Andrea’s room.

 

It’s in him meticulously writing down the times that he goes to bed every night and the times that he gets up every morning in his special notebook………even when he’s groggy from a seizure.

 

It’s in the necklace that he made for me and that he loved seeing me wear.

 

It’s in plopping on the floor in the middle of the vet’s office to pet Kato, the resident cat.

 

It’s in wearing his slipper socks AND slippers, even with shorts, and not caring one whit how he looks.

 

It’s in happily buying Gary a treat at the grocery store.

 

It’s in watching Wheel of Fortune………and yes, even with his VERY loud clapping and yelling.

 

It’s in his childish excitement about his upcoming birthday.

 

It’s in his pure delight with anything and everything that is even one iota out of the norm…………and him not knowing that he is just that…..out of the norm – unique and amazing.

 

It’s in his final good night hug……either because it’s so sweet……..or it’s because I’m so tired that the hug makes me that much closer to quiet sleep.

 

It’s that last knock on our bedroom door to check for one last time on the weather………and the outdoor temperature………..and whether it’s going to rain during the night…………..and will there be lightening……….and thunder……….and should he leave his blinds up………and he might not read before bed……..

 

It’s one of many reasons that we lock our bedroom door.

 

But not our hearts.  I hope we never lock our hearts to Aaron and to all that he teaches us and opens our eyes to every single day.