Category: Asperger’s Syndrome

You Do Your Thing


I returned on Sunday afternoon from my trip to Houston.  The long weekend with Andrea was wonderful.  It was time to come home, though…….time for another re-entry into life with Aaron.  I saw Gary as I walked down the slight incline from the security area in the airport.  We hugged…and then Aaron stepped up.  I hadn’t seen him at all, so I was surprised and he was very happy about that.  He gave his low chuckle and smiled broadly, but I knew he wouldn’t want a big hug so I just said, “Hi Aaron!  I didn’t see you!”  
“Mom!” he replied.  “I’m hungry.  Can we eat at a restaurant?”
And there was my welcome home.  Gary and I laughed, both of us knowing that Aaron wasn’t going to ask about my trip or my flight or Andrea or even her two dogs that he likes.  Nope.  Not Aaron.
I told him that I was hungry, too, but I didn’t think we needed to eat at a restaurant.  “So what is there to eat at home?” he asked.  And I reminded him that I hadn’t been at home for a few days but that I was sure there was something there to eat.  
“We need to do my sheets,” he then said.  Our routine is to change his sheets every weekend, and Aaron wanted me to know that time was running out on our weekend chore.  I assured him that I would make every effort to help him with his sheets before the day was over…….before the weekend chore was left undone when the official weekend was over.  We can’t have that scenario!
As we stood at baggage claim, Aaron talked about his latest movie that he’s watching, as well as one he finished.  He talked about Wheel of Fortune and what he and Dad had done while I was gone and all sorts of his usual random topics as we got in the van and drove home.  Still no interest in where I had been or what I had done.  I would have been shocked senseless if he had asked me a personal question.  Aaron was just glad that Mom was home so that we could change his sheets and he could talk to me and maybe, just maybe, still talk me into that restaurant idea.
Sure enough, we were later changing his sheets and he was still talking.  “Mom, there’s a girl at Paradigm that speaks Spanish.  She has to have a girl with her to tell what she’s saying!  Do you call that a pronouncer?”  I almost hated to tell him the correct term, as I so often hesitate to change his way of speaking…….because he is refreshing and unusual and I love that.  
Aaron has recently taken a liking to Jolly Ranchers, so before I left I bought a huge bag of Jolly Ranchers from Sam’s.  I feel like they take longer to eat and so he’ll consume less candy that way, yet still satisfy his candy urge.  As we were changing his sheets, I looked down and saw quite a few Jolly Rancher candy wrappers in his trash can.  Then I saw one of his bowls, full of Jolly Ranchers, and another bowl containing only some grape Jolly Ranchers.  There goes Aaron.  He puts EVERYTHING in a bowl or in multiple bowls, but I didn’t think he would put those hard candies in a bowl.  Silly of me.  The grape ones are his favorite so he was keeping those separate.  He always develops his own system for organizing his items, and so Jolly Ranchers were no exception to Aaron’s rules.
 
I was concerned, though, with all the wrappers in his trash can.  I was hoping he wasn’t chewing them and hurting his teeth, so I just asked him if he was chewing them.  He told me he was.  Hmmm.  I wondered if he was waiting for the candy to get small in his mouth before chewing or what.  “Aaron?” I asked.  “When do you chew them?”  
“When they’re done being sucked on!” he answered.
Well, of course.  Silly me again.
We’re back in the swing of things now.  He’s been in a mostly good mood since I’ve been home.  He walked in the kitchen the other evening, wanting me to watch a movie clip on my notebook.  I was cooking supper and told him it would have to wait.
He came back a little later with the same idea.  “Mom!  Can you watch this trailer now?  It’s 1:47.”  And you know that he’s telling me the time of this particular clip.  I told him it would still have to wait.
Soon he was back in the kitchen.  “Mom!  It’s not 1:47.  It’s 1:46.  Is that better?” 
Oh, Aaron, you make me laugh sometimes.  You actually make me laugh a lot.  And I was proud of him for waiting until we were watching Wheel of Fortune for me to finally find and watch with him the movie trailer……….the 1:46 movie trailer.  Not 1:47.
I was in the garden this morning, hunched over picking green beans…….wondering what possessed me to want to plant green beans again.  I looked up as Aaron walked outside. 
“Mom!  I got up at 9:02!”
“9:02,” I repeated, realizing how odd that would sound to others but how normal it is for our home.  “That’s good, Aaron!”
He agreed, and then I asked him if he had drunk his coffee yet.  He had not, so I told him that I was nearly done and would pour it when I came in.  
“No,” he said, as he headed back in the house.  “You do your thing and I’ll do my thing.”
And Aaron will most definitely do just that.  He will do his thing no matter what’s going on around him.  In fact, much of our thing is actually dictated by Aaron doing his thing………doing his thing in his way, always.  Like the Jolly Ranchers in the bowl………changing the sheets on the weekend no matter what…….the 1:47 and the 1:46………..getting up at 9:02.  
As much as we can, we allow Aaron to do things his way.  Life is better that way, usually, and a ton more interesting than most of the boring ways we do things.  
Have at it, Aaron, as Gary’s Mom would have said.  Do your thing!

Good Job, Aaron!


I was so proud of Aaron this morning.  He’s on a new medicine and it’s one that has hit him full force with sleepiness.  He’s gone from usually getting up in the morning between 5:00 and 6:00 to sleeping until sometimes after 8:00.  He would be much more precise than that with the time, as you know, but I won’t tell him that I wasn’t.  He came downstairs this morning a little before 8:00, barely able to keep his eyes open and asking if he really had to go to his day group.  I sensed a rough morning ahead.
He took his pills and I carried his coffee upstairs, keeping the conversation light and free of conflict.  Conflict can come easily enough when Aaron is tired and not feeling well.  My heart went out to him and I wanted to just say that he could stay at home, but I knew better.  He sometimes snaps out of these very tired moments and so I wanted to give that possibility a chance.  Plus today is his last day for the week since tomorrow is a holiday…….and today is mall day, which he usually enjoys.  He enjoys it because of all the food choices there, but at least he goes and has fun.  
Today I’m leaving for a trip to Houston to spend the long weekend with Andrea.  I had lots to do this morning, so I left Aaron with his hopeful thoughts of getting to stay home as I headed for the garden.  Finally finishing there, I went upstairs to shower.  As I walked up the stairs I heard a noise.  There was Aaron, sprawled across his bed, snoring to beat the band.  I was pretty certain then that Paradigm would be a no-go today.
Later, to my surprise, Aaron walked in my room and asked again if he had to go to Paradigm.  He was more awake now and still not in a bad mood.  I told him to shower, which he agreed to do, and as he left the room he reminded me that today was mall day for Paradigm……if he HAD to go.  Here WE go, I thought.  But still the eruption didn’t occur.  He was mulling his options, though, but not hateful….yet.
Soon I heard him thump up the hall with purpose………and I was soon to discover what that purpose was.   He looked at me and hopefully asked, “Mom, today since we’re going to the mall, can I have extra money?”  
“How much do you need for pizza?” I asked.
The look on his face was priceless as he quickly formulated his response.  “Well,” he slowly said, “sometimes it’s 15.”
We stood there staring at each other as I enjoyed the look on his face, and as he hoped I would believe him.  Then I laughed, and laughed some more………and he didn’t even get angry at my laughter as he sometimes does.  He knew that I wasn’t buying the story of pizza that’s sometimes 15, so he turned and walked away as I chuckled some more.
He was very happy when Gary, who is off today, offered to take him to meet his group.  Having Dad take him is a treat!  He loves time with Gary, so before they left Gary showed him the caterpillars in our tree.
 
Then they climbed in the truck and I got one last goodbye hug.  I told him that I would tell Andrea he said hi and he gave his low laugh…..meaning that he agreed with my doing that, but he would never ever offer that gesture himself.  
 
Every day with Aaron is both full of sameness and yet full of diversity.  We never know what mood he will be in or how he’ll be feeling or what he’ll say.  We definitely never know what all he’ll say!  Like yesterday on the way to Paradigm, when we passed by the sign outside of Dillon’s that announced the fact that they have barbecued ribs for sale.  There hung the ribs sign, with a wooden pig hanging on it. 
And Aaron, who never misses anything, said, “Mom, are ribs really made of pig?”
Yep, Aaron…..those particular ribs are really made of pig.
And many of my days are really made much more fun and funny because they’re made of life with Aaron.  Other days…..not so much.  But we take them both because he is ours and he is what God made him to be.
See you Sunday, Aaron.   You and Dad have fun while I’m gone!

The Issue of……..Lasagna


Aaron has always been easy to please when it comes to food.  He’s never been a very picky eater.  You can tell that by looking at him.  🙂   Probably his very most favorite food is lasagna.  He loves, loves, loves lasagna…….pretty much on a scale with Garfield.
In fact, I found a new recipe last weekend for Garfield’s Skillet Lasagna.  It looked so delicious that I decided to try it.  I cook mostly low carb but an occasional treat like lasagna never hurt anyone, right?  Especially Aaron!
This past Monday I told Aaron that for supper I was fixing Skillet Lasagna.  All Aaron heard was the word “lasagna” and so he was all about it.  I informed him that it was a new recipe and was made in the skillet, but that didn’t mean a lot to Aaron because he still only heard the lasagna part.  Until he walked into the kitchen when I was making this new Skillet Lasagna……
He peered down into the large electric skillet that held the Skillet Lasagna.  He backed up then, like he does when he sees something new and suspicious.  He kept staring.  Then he finally spoke.
“It’s not gonna look like lasagna.”
That was it.  I knew we were in trouble.  Therefore I embellished the wonderful attributes of this new Skillet Lasagna.  The hamburger……the tomatoes……the seasonings……the noodles……the CHEESE!!
But Aaron left the kitchen deeply disappointed because this new dish was not the lasagna that he loves.  Skillet Lasagna is not Oven Lasagna.  Period.
He ate the Skillet Lasagna with Gary and me for supper that evening.  He liked it, but he didn’t love it.  Skillet Lasagna just wasn’t Oven Lasagna.  I had to agree with him on that, though I didn’t let him know it.
The next day Aaron stayed home because we had a meeting here at the house with a coordinator for his new state insurance.  After our meeting was over, as Patrick and I stood on the porch talking, Aaron bounced out the front door with a question.
“Mom!  What’s for supper?  Can we have TRUE lasagna?”
I explained the story to Patrick as he laughed, and I told Aaron that we weren’t having lasagna that night……..Skillet or True Lasagna.  
But yesterday, Friday, was a different story.  Aaron was having a good morning because he knew that his day group was going to go see the new Transformer’s movie.  He was happy and compliant.  He also knew that he would get his Friday surprise if his last weekday went well.  This day was looking good!
So to make it even better, I had one more surprise for him.  “Aaron,” I said.  “Would you like me to make lasagna for supper tonight?”
And immediately, with great hopefulness in his voice, he said, “NORMAL?”
I laughed as I told him that yes, I would fix normal lasagna for supper.  No more of that silly Skillet Lasagna that is far from normal.
Having things normal is very important to Aaron.  Of course, sometimes his normal is anything but………to us.  But not to him.  So this week Skillet Lasagna vs. normal Oven Lasagna was an issue to our Aaron……and therefore to me, the cook.  Such a minor thing, except to Aaron.  
Don’t mess with Aaron’s normal!  Especially not his normal TRUE lasagna!
Another lesson learned in life with Aaron.    

The 10:59 and The 3:09


When Aaron watches a movie he doesn’t just watch the movie.  He also looks at YouTube movie clips of the movie that he’s watching, over and over and over.  He does the same thing with games that he’s playing.  YouTube clip after YouTube clip of his games is watched again and again by him.  I don’t mind him doing this.  It wouldn’t matter even if I did mind because Aaron would do it anyway.  What I do sometimes mind is how he wants me to watch these movie or game YouTube clips over and over as well…….with him hovering over my shoulder, bending over and rubbing his hands together in sheer delight……or clapping in my ear…..or squealing with laughter.  
I mean, really, 99.9% of those clips are totally uninteresting to me.  Aaron, however, doesn’t care about my disinterest…….or discomfort……or total boredom.  Nope.  All Aaron cares about is that he cares about those various clips, and so he thinks that Mom should care as well.  I figure it’s a small price to pay for Aaron’s happiness.  And trust me, a small movie or game clip is far, far, far more tolerable than watching a whole entire movie like Sharktopus or the super vortex movie that was German dubbed in English or the Japanese dubbed movie that Andrea and I endured…..I mean, watched…..with him.  I’ve paid my dues.  YouTube clips are what I endure…..I mean, watch…..now.
Aaron knows everything about these movie and game clips.  Everything.  Among other things, he has memorized their titles and also memorized how long the clip plays……down to the second.  One day he had me searching for that one clip that he wanted me to endure……I mean, watch……and when I thought I had found it and stopped at that one, Aaron said, “No.  It’s the 10:59.”
“10:59?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he answered.  “10:59.”
And my slow brain thankfully realized that he meant the clip was 10 minutes and 59 seconds long.  That’s when I told him that I was NOT enduring……I mean, watching…..this clip for the entire 10 minutes and 59 seconds.  He understood, knowing that he at least had me trapped for part of that 10 minutes and 59 seconds, and he was happy.  I was not.  Not until I had endured……..I mean, watched………enough to make him happy.  I don’t remember how many seconds it took for me to endure…..I mean, watch……that clip until he was satisfied.  Aaron probably knows, though, down to the second.
Sometimes it’s the action that he wants me to see.  Sometimes it’s a certain character.  And other times it’s the music.  Yes, he loves the varied forms of music that he hears on some of those clips.  Yesterday it was Star Wars Republic Commando.
“Mom, can you look up Star Wars Republic Commando?” he breathlessly asked me.  I put him off for awhile, but finally I gave in so that I could have peace once again.  This time I stood beside him at his desk as he found the certain clip and then clicked the play button.  There on the screen were little baby clones.  Cute little baby clones, newly cloned and so…….new.  The music was soft and sweet, just like you’d expect for this scene of new little baby clones.  Aaron knew that those were violins softly playing, and he smiled broadly as he listened.  Soon the scene changed.  I guess the baby clones were older now.  I couldn’t tell, but I wasn’t about to let Aaron know that.  I didn’t want a baby clone lecture.  With this new scene came new music, more upbeat and faster.  Again Aaron smiled, and then rubbed his hands together in excitement.
He then pushed stop and it was over.  That’s all he wanted me to experience…..the two different kinds of music, which had made quite an impression on him.  “Mom, first it was tiring music.  Then later it was heavy music!”
And we had a long discussion after that as he followed me around the house……a discussion about tiring music vs. heavy music.  And I thought about how lullaby type music really is tiring music if it’s able to make a new baby clone get tired enough to go to sleep.  
Brilliant, Aaron!
Yesterday evening, as we were cleaning up after supper, Aaron told me that he wanted me to look at yet another YouTube movie clip.  Sigh.  This time the clip was from Transformers…….Optimus vs. Megatron.  “Can we look it up on your laptop when we sit down to watch Wheel of Fortune?” he asked me.
I hesitated.  He continued.  “Well, maybe we can’t.  It’s 3:09.”
And Gary, smiling at me behind Aaron’s back, asked Aaron if that was 30 minutes.
Aaron walked away in disgust at our ignorance.  “No!” he exclaimed.  “Three dot dot oh nine!!”
Look at 3:09 and tell me if he’s right. 
 
And as he left the kitchen, he finished by saying, “Nobody understands me.”
Sometimes truer words were never spoken.  But yet, most of the time Gary and I DO understand him……which is even scarier sometimes than if we didn’t understand him, if you know what I mean.  
Are you guys smiling behind my back?

Mixed Emotions


Gary and I returned home last Monday after being gone for a week of vacation.  That’s a long time to leave Aaron and our Great Dane, Jackson, with caregivers.  Aaron loves the times that we leave because he gets to have others here with him, which means a change of pace for him.  He gets to eat out more, which he doesn’t need but which he does love.  He has someone to watch movies with him at home from his movie collection or a movie that they rent.  He and his caregivers might go on walks or go shopping……just normal things, really, but to Aaron they are more fun when shared with someone different.  
More fun up to a point…..and I think Aaron reached that point on Friday, and again on Monday at his day group.  He acted out a lot, being verbal and very angry.  Gary and I were actually dreading coming home, thinking we would have a rude awakening after such a wonderful time with family and with each other.  But Aaron was very happy to see us.  He called us several times every day that we were gone, but having us home was even better.  
How did he show that it was better?  Well, first of all, he gave us hugs!!  That was awesome!  And not just one hug, but several hugs spread out over the evening.  He was affectionate, on his terms, and it was sweet to experience.  
He also followed us all around, talking and talking.  He had happy talk of his time with Katie and then with Steven over the weekend.  He talked about what he ate, and where they went, and the movies they watched, and everything in between.  He followed us all over the house, and then followed us outside when we went to check the garden.  The dirt was a little soft from the recent rains, but not muddy, so I walked in to take a look at everything.  
Of course, Aaron followed, never missing a beat in his monologue.  His movie of the moment was The Blob, so most of what he said was Blob related.  He kept asking me questions about the Blob for which I had no answers, like exactly what is the Blob.  Finally he decided to analyze the Blob himself. 
“The Blob is just the size of water,” he said…..and I agreed without telling him that water doesn’t really have a size.  Instead I relished the way that Aaron sees the world, even the Blob.  We were both happy to move on to other things as we walked around the garden and I showed him some beans, as well as some zucchini and summer squash.  Aaron noticed the soft soil, though, as he notices everything.  “Mom, this sand is sinkable!” he exclaimed as he walked around.  
He wasn’t as chipper as the evening wore on.  It takes awhile to get things back to normal when you’ve been gone that long, and Aaron was ready for normal right then.   I had asked Aaron several questions about different matters, knowing that we have to be slow and careful with our questioning.  Finally, as we were getting his room ready for him to go to bed, I remembered that I needed to get the monitor out of Andrew’s room where Steven had stayed.  At first I didn’t see it on the other side of the bed, so without thinking I asked Aaron where the monitor was.
“I hate today!” he angrily answered.  “Things have been going on like, ‘Where’s your monitor?!!’”
I instantly knew that if Aaron was able to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with us, he would have said, “Mom and Dad, I’m really tired of you guys being gone.  I’m tired of things being so different and out of place.”
But no, all Aaron could do was erupt and say what he did………and I was thankful that right then I found the monitor and was able to be calm, so that Aaron could calm down.  He followed me to my bedroom even after we had successfully gone through his nighttime ritual……..blinds closed, blanket on the bed just right, his fish lamp turned off, the bright digital weather station clock dimmed, clothes for tomorrow set out, overhead light turned off, bedside lamp turned on……
But yet he followed me, talking, and asking me to come back to his room.  I was tired.  Aaron didn’t care.  I walked into his room, telling him I was going to bed, but he said, “Wait!!  I haven’t told you this.  I was reading in my Handy History Answer Book about writing.  First there were hieroglyphics, papyrus, then Guttenburg……and what else?  Chinese!  There was Chinese paper!”  
I really didn’t care one whit about any of this writing or paper business at 10:30 on the night we had just returned from vacation.  I really knew I wouldn’t care one whit about hieroglyphics or papyrus on any other night, either.  But wanting to make Aaron feel like what he said was important and that I was listening, I commented, “The Chinese also made the first firecrackers.”
He looked blandly at me and then flatly said, “I knew that.”
And so much for that, I thought.
Our week of re-entry into our real life with Aaron has had its ups and downs for sure.  Aaron has changed a lot over the past year.  He’s not always fun, funny Aaron.  He never has always been fun or funny, but he’s more volatile now than he used to be.  He has more anger now than he used to have.  Age?  Medicines?  Influences?  We don’t really know.
Gary and I have taken three trips recently, and it’s been so nice on several levels.  We realize how refreshing it is to get away……to be a couple……to have freedom to enjoy what we want to do……to enjoy our other children without Aaron interruptions.  Does that sound awful? 
I watched Aaron walking in front of me the other morning as we left Dillon’s.  There went Aaron, his bag of cheddar pasta salad and his croissants in hand.  He was large and in charge, so typical of him.  I realize what a large part he plays in Gary’s and my life.  Some positive…..some negative. 
 
And I read an article this week, written by a dear mother of a child with special needs.  Her child, a girl, is still young and is very sweet………or else this mother chose on this day to just write about the sweet.  After reading that article, I wanted that little girl to come live with me!  This mother was talking about never wanting her daughter to leave……never wanting to be without that sweet little girl.
I look at Aaron, like this evening on another trip to Dillon’s.  His passing gas noises as we checked out, his incessant loud talking, his whistles as we leave the store………where he tells me once again that at least he wasn’t making the farting noises.  How many times have I heard that?  And how many times has he heard me tell him to stop?  I see people look at Aaron, and it’s not like looking at a sweet little special needs girl who smiles at them and makes them feel warm all over.  Large Aaron is looked at with curiosity, to say the least…….especially when that gassy noise passes his lips………..at least I hope people know it came from his lips.
Oh well.  My mixed emotions are normal, I know.  I love Aaron and I know that he is ours to raise.  Ups and downs, good and bad, demanding and pleasing……it’s all part of this life.  God gives grace, and I know He will give direction to Gary and I as we face Aaron’s future, and ours.  
And if I had not had Aaron with me tonight, after I turned down his request to go to Sonic, I would not have heard him say, “So why did you say that Sonic is more fatfull?”
He didn’t see me smile, and he didn’t know how delightful yet another saying of his was to me.  Just like he doesn’t see my heart and know how much I love him…..even when I don’t exactly like him. 
And here’s what he said last night as I walked into his room just before bed.  He was finishing a movie, and those of you who know Aaron know that Aaron finishes a movie by watching the credits and everything else that scrolls down that screen….to the very bitter end, when the screen is either dark or goes back to the home screen.  Every.  Single.  Word.  He watches it.
“That was a short movie at the ending,” he said.
“The movie was short?” I asked for clarification.
“No,” he answered.  “The rest was long.  Just the ending was short.”
And I’m left to ponder what he just said, to realize its brilliance in an autistic kind of way, and to laugh…….behind his back, of course.
See what I would miss if not for Aaron?

What’s So Best


I haven’t been doing much writing lately.  Part of it is that I’ve been very busy.  Gary and I traveled to Ft. Worth for Andrea’s graduation, and then to Topeka to watch Andrew in an NHRA race.  But I’ll admit that another reason I haven’t been saying a lot is that Aaron has taken a lot out of me, and of Gary, as well.  He’s been extra grouchy for a few weeks, and so I haven’t had the energy or the desire to sit down and write. 
He came in the room where I do my quiet time early one morning.  “Are you ready for a good day today, Aaron?” I brightly asked. 
 
“No,” he flatly answered as he turned and walked away.  And that is just how it’s been lately.   It seems that he’s just decided not to have good days. 
Why has he been grouchy?  If only we knew the answer……   Is it medicine related?   One of his new seizure drugs can have irritability as a side effect.  Aaron wrote the book on being irritable, trust me, so I was alarmed when I heard about that possible result of taking this drug. 
Is it seizure related?  He had a seizure episode this past week and since then has been markedly better.  Did the seizures rearrange things in that brain of his and calm him down?  Who knows?
Or is his grouchiness game related?  Since we let him have an old Star Wars game to play again, several weeks ago, his anger episodes have increased.  We can’t help but think it’s partly related to that, but how to get the game back has been an issue.   Then the most amazing thing happened.  When we got back from Topeka, Aaron told Gary that his game wasn’t working right.  Gary sat down to have a look and found that the only thing wrong is that the hologram image in one part of the game was messed up.  The image appears and the game works right, but the image has changed some and most of all…….Aaron can’t see the eyes of the hologram.  To Aaron, this is beyond unacceptable.  If he can’t see the eyes, he refuses to play the game.  He handed the game to Gary when he saw that Gary couldn’t fix it, and that was that.  No more game.  What a tremendous blessing!!
While Aaron was in his prolonged grouchiness he broke some things.  Aaron usually breaks things that are important to him.  In addition to a few items in his room that got banged up, he also broke his watch and his glasses.  The glasses, of course, were the worst.  He’s been wearing an old pair for several weeks as we hope to teach him a lesson.  And he’s not had a watch on his wrist for awhile now.   Will this teach him a lesson?  That’s hard to tell, but we keep trying.  Even with something like autism, we think it’s important to keep trying to reinforce positive behaviors.  And there are some days that I wonder who needs that reinforcement more……Aaron or me.
He was showing improvement last week, slowly, but still had a morning when he was not wanting to go to his day group.  As we pulled up beside his ride in the Quik Trip parking lot, he got out of the van and voiced his anger at me for making him come.  Then he took off for the store instead of getting in the other van.  He walked all the way across the parking lot very slowly, head down and looking as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.  It was a little funny and a little sad and a lot frustrating.  I have no idea what people all around there thought.  It’s probably good that I don’t know.
Yet that afternoon Aaron bounded in the door after his day group, very excited to tell me about the barbecue in the park that he had gone to that afternoon.  “Mom!  Guess what?  At that grill thing I ate a LOT of hamburgers!!”  I asked him how many he ate and he breathlessly replied, “FIVE!!”  
“Man!!” he continued.  “You can guess I’m stuffed!!”  
And that night, or early morning, he had his seizures and was out of commission for most of that day.  But the next day, Friday, he was happy and was like our old Aaron.  He was bright and funny and wanted to talk a lot.  Even when I went out to the garden for an hour, I looked up to see Aaron coming outside.  The grass was damp, so he just walked to the end of the brick walkway and sat down, where he could still talk and talk to me.  This did my heart as much good as I think it did to Aaron’s.
 
He had a nice weekend, too, alternating between another game he’s playing and videos he’s watching and going outside and watching taped shows and Wheel of Fortune and even a little racing.  Gary and I also took him to Wal-Mart, where he couldn’t pass up the music display with the buttons that said, “Push”……….because if the button says push, then Aaron will push it, and love every single push.  He also got to pick out a new watch, paid for with his own Christmas money, and is happily wearing it pushed up his arm the way he likes it.  
 
Aaron’s been watching a movie that I don’t like.  He came into the kitchen on Sunday and found me watching a race clip on my notebook.  He immediately started asking me to watch a clip of his movie, so I suggested that he watch some racing videos….knowing that he wouldn’t want to do that and so I could make my point.  
“You don’t enjoy racing and I don’t enjoy your movie,” I reminded him.
“If I enjoy that,” he asked, “then will you watch my movie?”  
   
I laughed and he continued.  “Can I bargain you?” he excitedly asked. 
There’s Aaron, expressing himself in that unique way of his.  Like when he saw another Eggland’s commercial.  “Mom, Eggland’s say they have the best eggs.  What’s so best about them?”  And I laughed and nearly forgot to answer his question, put in that awesome way he has.
When I took him to his group on Friday, after working in the garden and having Aaron sit there like a Buddha talking to me across the yard, I was so relieved to see him still in a great mood.  I didn’t even mind that he picked out his Elvis tape to listen to in the van.  It’s not my favorite, but Aaron has been so unhappy lately that he hasn’t even wanted to listen to music.  Very unusual!  So when he wanted music, I would not have said no to Elvis………but I did change CD’s when he left the van.  
After I dropped him off, I drove to the eye doctor’s office.  I had decided to go ahead and order him those new glasses.  It was time.  I know that things may change again, and that I may be doing this same thing several months from now.  Picking up the pieces, repairing the damage if we can, and moving forward.  
It’s what all parents do.  It’s what we do often with Aaron.  We can’t always fix him or fix his situations.  Sometimes it works out for the best, like with the unfixable computer game.  Other times we try to teach a lesson in the brokenness, making him wait and hopefully learn, not knowing if he will learn or not.  But we must try. 
And so I come to my day today.  I was in Wal-Mart when my phone rang and seeing the number, I knew that it was Aaron calling from Barb’s phone at Paradigm.  “Mom!” he said.  “You told me to have a good day and so I am!  Except for that girl’s arm that has a red mark.”  
The girl’s arm with a red mark?
And Aaron told me that he got excited and was just playing……….and I know just what that means.  Aaron’s way of playing when he gets too excited is to whack someone with those big beefy hands of his.  He did that, and the poor girl had a red mark to prove it…….and Aaron had to stop having so much fun. 
Then later he got home and was downstairs talking to me when the doorbell rang.  There stood Miss Rosa, who brings him home, and who had a question for Aaron.  She had just gotten a text asking if Aaron had some keys of Barb’s, so there at our door Aaron pulled Barb’s keys out of his pocket……….keys he was just trying to guard from Victor, he said. 
That’s why Aaron and I just drove to Quik Trip to meet Barb and return her keys.  He also showed us the mandarin orange that was in his pocket.  I really do need to frisk him when he comes home.  
And that’s why Aaron and I were listening once again to Elvis.  “Hey Judy?!” Aaron asked as Elvis belted out Hey Jude.  We got to see the baby bulls in the field, and I had the rare pleasure of Aaron putting his arm around my shoulder.  Things I would have missed if Aaron had just had a perfect day and not tried to guard Barb’s keys.  
Well, that’s the way it is.  I can’t fix Aaron much of the time, though there are areas in which I do try. 
I’m just thankful for the days that I can enjoy Aaron……..for seeing the silver lining on the cloudy days.
That’s what’s so best!

GODZILLA!


Aaron went to see Godzilla with his day group on Friday.  He loved it, of course.  It’s a typical big monster disaster movie full of excitement and fighting and suspense and noise and water and fire and bombs……perfect for Aaron!  So perfect, in fact, that since he saw it on Friday he has wanted to see it again……with me. 
 
That is why I made the decision to let Aaron stay home today for a fun day with Mom.  The most fun part for Aaron, of course, is that we went to see Godzilla.  I was happy to do this as I also like disaster movies, up to a point.  I was game.  Plus I knew that school was still in session today, so hopefully when we went to see Godzilla it wouldn’t be very crowded.  That’s in case Aaron yells or laughs or claps or any number of other very annoying crowded theater behaviors he might exhibit.  I have experience.  Too much experience.
When I told him on Monday that he could stay home on Wednesday and that we would go see Godzilla, he was very happy.  And I was in no way surprised when he asked me what time the movie started.  I told him that it started at 12:30, and then as if on cue he asked, “So what time are we leaving?” 
“We’ll leave a little before 12:00,” I told him.
“So what time will that be?” he asked.
I told him I wasn’t exactly sure.   I was trying to stretch him beyond his normal I-have-to-know-an-exact-time way of thinking.  It didn’t work.
I was the one being stretched as Aaron repeatedly asked me what time we would leave.  An EXACT time, Mom!  Don’t you know anything?  
OK, Aaron.  We’ll leave at 5 till 12:00.  He was satisfied.
Then I heard, “So we’re leaving at 5 till 12:00?” an untold number of times.  Seriously.
And this morning, first thing, it was, “Mom, you said we’re leaving at 5 till 12:00.”  He said this as a matter-of-fact statement, but I knew he was also checking to see if the time was the same……..because sometimes he knows that Mom changes her mind.  So it was a question as well as a statement.
I told him yes, that we would leave at 5 till 12:00.  But just to be sure, he later walked into the kitchen and promptly asked, “We’re leaving at 5 till 12:00?”  I told him yes, and then he continued, “I need to take my glasses and my watch to the theater.”  
“Why do you need to take your watch?” I asked.
“To see when the movie starts,” he answered.  “If I don’t have my watch I get impatient.” 
This makes perfect sense to Aaron.
During the morning, he checked in with me several more times.  “We’re leaving at 5 till 12:00?”  I told him yes, but then I had to muddy the water a little by telling him that we might leave a little earlier than that in order to go by Wal-Mart to check on a DVD he wanted. 
Sure enough, it was about 11:40 when I asked him if he was ready to go.  “It’s not 5 till 12:00,” he flatly responded.  
Of course.
But I reminded him about the DVD search at Wal-Mart, so he was agreeable to that plan and off we went, with his glasses on and his watch pushed halfway up his arm in typical fashion.
Soon we were at the theater, tickets purchased as well as a large buttered popcorn and our free water…….and Aaron a little uncertain about sharing his large buttered popcorn with Mom.  The theater was very uncrowded so I was very happy.  Aaron sat down and then put his popcorn on the floor beside him…….away from me.  I didn’t say a word because I knew what he was doing.  He was waiting for the trailers of upcoming movies to finish.  He will not eat popcorn during the trailers.  Then came all the other preliminary stuff about the surround sound, etc……….and still the popcorn sat on the floor.
You do not eat popcorn until the movie starts, silly people.  Popcorn is for the movie……NOT for movie trailers and advertisements and whatever else is on before the movie starts.  He put a napkin on his lap just right…….and some on the empty seat beside him……and still more napkins in his pocket.  Aaron would glance down at the bucket of large buttered popcorn as if to see if it was still where he placed it, but not one kernel went into his mouth until the movie actually began to play.  Then he bent over and retrieved his large buttered popcorn, and grudgingly shared it with me.  We were off and running.
The movie was as I predicted…….loud, exciting, overly dramatic, unbelievable, and just a great old disaster movie.  Aaron’s favorite!  He did very well throughout.  I only had to hush him maybe 10 times.  Very good!
As we left the theater, Aaron pointed to the bathrooms, where he hurried in while I waited for him.  He didn’t use the bathroom, but had to wash his hands……because he had buttered popcorn grease on them, even though he wiped them and his mouth off repeatedly with the huge pile of napkins that he had strategically placed around him.  Doesn’t matter.  He will wash his hands after a movie, do or die.
We discussed Godzilla all the way to the car, and then all the way to CD Tradepost, where I took him to look for the DVD that is on his radar now.  At least we won’t be talking about 5 till 12:00 anymore, I thought.
The DVD wasn’t in stock, so I went ahead and ordered it from a store across town.  They will ship it straight to our house.  Aaron listened to me give our address, and then asked the clerk, “So when will it be delivered?”  She told him in two or three days.
“So what day is that?” he asked me as I stood there paying for it.  I told him it might be Friday or Saturday…….MIGHT!
Here we go, I thought.  We just finished with the 5 till 12:00 business and he’s already on another countdown.  
We got in the van and as I backed up he asked, “So it’ll be here in two days?  Or three days?”
Sigh.
“Will it be Friday, or Saturday?”
Oh brother. 
One thing I do know……it won’t come soon enough!

Mother’s Day……Aaron’s Way


 I was sitting at the kitchen table on this beautiful Mother’s Day morning when I heard Aaron yank his bedroom door open upstairs.  Down the stairs he lumbered, and then across the family room he walked with his usual heavy steps.  He didn’t say a word to me as I so obviously sat there, but instead loudly said, “Dad!  I’m ready!”  As Aaron walked by the table where I sat, he glanced over at me with his darting eyes.  He was nervous and had no time for small talk with Mom as he hurried by me, glancing quickly at me again and then looking away once more.  
Aaron hurried downstairs, and then soon he and Gary were both upstairs again, hurrying off to the nearby guest room.  This time Aaron didn’t even look my way, but instead just followed Dad as he kept his focus on Gary’s back.  I heard a little rustling and then back came Aaron, carrying a gorgeous flower arrangement.  He walked over to my chair while I exclaimed my surprise and my delight. 
“Oh Aaron, they’re beautiful!” I said.  “Thank you so much!”
“Uh-huh,” Aaron flatly replied to my thank you. 
By this time, Aaron was off again, walking once more toward Gary who stood in the little hallway.   He took two cards from Gary’s hands and once again came over to where I was as he handed them to me.  He was turning to head off again from all this embarrassing pleasure of Mom’s, but I reached out and pulled him toward me.  
“Wait, Aaron,” I said.  “Let me open the card from you.”
He gave a little half-hearted chuckle, not really wanting to stand there any longer, but he did stay as I opened his card.  I knew that Gary had helped him pick it out.  One of the captions had been whited out by Gary and replaced with a more appropriate word.  The card was perfect and I laughed as I told Aaron that I loved it, and I thanked him again.
 
“Uh-huh,” he repeated.  And this time I let him walk away after I grabbed a quick, uncomfortable hug………more me hugging Aaron than him responding much.  
This is how Aaron celebrates special days.  Quickly, with as little fanfare as possible, and hopefully no gushing emotion.  Yet he clearly wants to recognize special days…..just on his own terms.  Short, not necessarily sweet, and then we’re done.  
He was ready to cut out coupons that he knew were there waiting on him.  His routine needed to be restored.  And please don’t ask me to talk a lot about this Mother’s Day business, he was thinking, or to say you’re welcome and DEFINITELY not “I love you!”
OK, we’re done, right?  Can I just cut out my coupons and talk about the movie I’m watching or the one I want to watch?  But no!  Dad came in the family room and sat on the couch, and had to mention something else that we were going to do on this special day that’s getting a tad stressful.  
But going out to eat IS pretty fun, and so Aaron agreed to go with us.  Honestly, Gary and I had been unsure about taking Aaron with us, but I was very glad that Gary invited Aaron along…….and even happier that Aaron agreed to go.  We later made our way to the restaurant, where there were a lot of people there celebrating Mother’s Day just like us…….well, like Gary and me.  Not Aaron so much.  But a meal out is worth celebrating, so Aaron didn’t even complain about the crowd.
The host told us that the wait would probably be 20 minutes, so as we stepped to a quieter area to wait, Aaron asked what time it would be when we were called.  Gary gave the time that was about 20 minutes away, and immediately Aaron checked his watch.  Here we go, I thought.  If we don’t get called by just that time we might have a problem, Houston.
I told him it didn’t mean that we would be called at exactly that time.  Aaron said he knew that…..as he checked his watch.  We talked about this and that……he checked his watch.  We discussed an issue he’s been concerned about……he checked his watch.  We talked about the service dog that walked past…..he checked his watch.  I reminded him of the time issue not being exact and he said he understood……as he checked his watch.  I was getting a little nervous……and he checked his watch again.  WHY DID WE EVER BUY HIM A WATCH??!!
Finally, before the 20 minutes were up, we were called and a crisis was averted.  A frustrated Aaron is not a pleasant Aaron to have around a huge, happy crowd of Mother’s Day celebrators.  Thank you, Lord, for small blessings that to us are huge.  As we sat at our table, the server came over and we all agreed on coffee to drink.  Then immediately Aaron asked, “Do you know where the bathrooms are?”
Our server laughed and said, “Of course I know where the bathrooms are.”  I realized that she didn’t quite understand Aaron, but I knew she soon would.  So Gary took Aaron to find the bathroom per the server’s instructions and soon returned, with Aaron not far behind.  We placed our orders, and then Gary and I watched as Aaron took his napkin and began wiping up all the stray coffee and water splashes on the table.  
Soon the table was satisfactory to him, and he proceeded to scarf down his first of several cups of coffee.  Plus his omelet, his hash browns, his biscuit, his water, and more coffee…..in that order.  He only eats one food at a time until it’s gone, and then moves on to the next item, not even wanting his biscuit buttered until he was ready to eat it.  There is a method to all things, you know.  People are silly if they don’t understand this.
 
Before long, we were on Kellogg driving toward home.  His biggest concern at this point was whether to cut out the page of Burger King coupons that were in the paper or to just leave them together on the sheet.  Are we on coupons again, I thought?  
We passed by one of Aaron’s favorite places, where at least for a time he was distracted from coupons.  Resthaven Cemetery.  Not that Aaron is obsessed with death, but you have to admit that a cemetery is rather unusual and you know how he loves the unusual.  
“You know what they do at that ceremony place?” he asked.  I didn’t even correct him about ceremony versus cemetery.  I wanted to hear his insights his way.  
“What do they do?” we asked.
“They do cremations and burials and one other thing, but I don’t remember the other thing!” he exclaimed.
“Cremations are when you burn yourself!!” he then informed us.
So Gary stepped in at that point and corrected that mispereption as gently as he could, and off we drove to the house, well past the ceremony place and all those things they do there.
I talked Aaron into letting Dad take a couple pictures, barely.  He was so ready to be done with all this Mother’s Day hoopla, and hugging, and thank you’s, and mushy stuff.  Finally he was free to finish a couple lingering coupons and then bounce between his room and the rest of the house, comfortable once again in his world done his way.
 
I enjoyed calls from Andrew and Andrea, with Aaron trying to interrupt, as usual.  I’m thankful for my three children, thankful to be their mother and to have their love as they have mine.  I’m very thankful for a husband who makes it all possible, and who loves and leads us all still after all these years.
And I’m thankful for celebrating another Mother’s Day…..Aaron’s Way!  
I’ll grab another hug before bed, just watch me!

The Broken Rose

If I could push re-wind, I would.  It probably wouldn’t change much but at least I’d have another try.  Would I say things differently?  Would I just not say some things at all?  Better yet, could we just wipe yesterday off the calendar?  But if we were able to do that, we’d also pass up some wonderful moments and some good lessons learned. 

Have you ever had those thoughts as a parent, especially?  Or even as a spouse, or family member, or friend?  Yeah, me too.  Especially after yesterday…….but today has been a new day, a better day, for which I’m very thankful.  Who knows about tomorrow?

Gary and I have been so up and down with Aaron lately because Aaron has been so up and down.  He has been too fixated on a computer game that we wish now we had never let him have again.  When Aaron becomes this consumed with something, that something actually controls him.  Not every day is bad, but yesterday was……..

Aaron did go to his group in the morning, but with anger.  We were mostly silent on the way to meet his group, but the way he slammed the van door when he finally got out of our van told me that his day………and Paradigm’s day……..was going to be very interesting.

Aaron’s broken glasses, carried home in an envelope, told the story.  But so also did the big smile on his face when he came to the front door after being dropped off at home at the end of his day.  He rang the bell multiple times as I went to answer the door, which told me that this was Aaron at the door……….and I wondered why he came to the front door instead of barreling in the garage door. 

I opened our front door and there he stood, grinning, with four beautiful yellow roses.  Well, three beautiful roses…….the fourth rose had broken and was hanging limply among the other three.  Aaron didn’t care.  He was very happy to have brought me pretty flowers, which he always wishes he could do.  He looked so much like a little boy standing there with the three pretty roses and the one broken rose. 
 

He barged in the door and handed me the roses.  “Here!” he said as he thrust the roses toward me……..and then shocked me to pieces by giving me an unsolicited hug.  “These are because I’m sorry for today and I love you.”

Just knock me over with a feather, would you?

I could tell that time spent with Barb and Brandy at Paradigm had softened him.  They had taken him out to lunch and helped him work through his emotions and his anger.   Barb made sure Aaron had some flowers to bring to Mom. 

How about me?  I was very touched and very happy, but also very realistic.  I wish I wasn’t.  But as soon as Aaron started talking about the game again, I could feel my heart growing cold.  I was tired…….skeptical………not feeling the love at that point.

My lecture didn’t help matters at all.  Aaron and I both ended up with heated words……some even hurtful.  Did I say that I’m tired?  Not an excuse, but a reality as we deal with ongoing Aaron issues.  I just felt like part of my heart had shut down.  Feeling like, OK…….whatever…….I’m done.

Aaron knew this and he was very upset.  I think he was scared of several things……scared of mom being cold……….scared of mom not loving him…….scared of losing his game forever.  And I felt like losing the game was all that mattered to Aaron, yet I couldn’t deny the fear and the anger on his face as we ate supper and he lashed out verbally at me to Gary. 

Thank the Lord for Gary’s calmness and wisdom as he stood strong to be the buffer between Aaron and me.  Finally, Aaron made two things very clear.  First, he wanted me to keep the flowers and put them in a vase, which I did.

Second, he gave me the ultimate insult.  “Mom, you can just watch Wheel of Fortune BY YOURSELF!!!!”   He paused for effect.

“I’m going to watch it in my room BY MYSELF!!!!” he said as he stomped away.

My cold heart stayed cold.  I told him that this was fine.  But his tears told me that he was sad and hurting, and before long I found that my heart was hurting as well.  Still tired……but now sad like Aaron. 

I told Gary that maybe Aaron would calm down if I took him for a milkshake from Sonic.  So Gary went to Aaron’s room to deliver this message.  We knew it would be sweeter coming from Dad’s mouth at this moment rather than from Mom’s. 

I heard Aaron give an enthusiastic yes, and soon he was thumping down the stairs……….in his pajamas and tennis shoes, which made me smile…..for a change.  He sat on the couch with me and was fine, as I held my breath to see how long it would last.

I also held my tongue, which is sometimes hard for me.  I knew that no more lectures were needed right now.  What was needed was a milkshake.  But before the Sonic trip, we sat there together and watched Wheel of Fortune.  Neither of us had to watch it BY OURSELVES!!!  Hallelujah, we got to watch Wheel of Fortune TOGETHER!!!

Aaron was happy and I was happy.  Aaron even got Tater Tots with his milkshake, just for good measure.  I sat there as we watched NCIS, and I glanced over at Aaron seriously eating that favorite milkshake.  Something in my heart felt broken as I looked at him on his favorite chair, sitting Indian style.  He wants things in his world to be right.  We want things in his world to be right, too, but we don’t always have the same definition of “right” as Aaron does.  Sometimes Gary and I have to be parents, with authority and rules, no matter how Aaron reacts.

 
And sometimes we’re tired.  Just tired of the ups and downs, the temper outbursts, the job of understanding and connecting for Aaron when he can’t.  Or won’t.  Which is it?  Who knows?

So I’ve looked at the roses in my vase on the kitchen table.  Aaron seems oblivious to the broken rose, but I am not.  To me, it’s a perfect picture of our day and sometimes of our life.  Broken…….tired……wilted.  Broken relationships at times……….broken words………broken promises…………broken hearts.

 
Keeping the broken rose in the midst of the perfect roses, though, also reminds me that our life isn’t all broken.  There is beauty all around us.  A laugh…..a hug…..some progress……..a game of Skip-Bo last night…….Aaron talking about hay barrels today, which always makes me smile. 

It’s also good to remember the broken things so that we can lean on God to fix them.  I sure can’t do the fixing.  I’m very thankful to know the God who can and who does, with great patience and love. 

Much more patience than I sometimes show to Aaron.  Infinite love.

And He never gets tired.  He’s there to hold me up when I am tired.

I love my broken rose.  I love my wonderful Aaron.  And I’m glad that Aaron loves me, broken and all.
 

Sometimes It’s the Littlest Things

Yes, little things…….

On Friday it was 45 minutes.  That’s not a long time, really, when you think about it.  Such a little thing.

Gary’s truck had to be kept in the shop unexpectedly after an oil change late Thursday afternoon, so I told him to just drive the van to work the next morning.  Paradigm is always willing and able to pick Aaron up at the house when needed.  However, on this particular Friday morning when I texted Paradigm, they said they could only pick Aaron up early…….at 9:30.  We usually leave the house at 10:15 when I take him to meet his group. 

I went into Aaron’s room to tell him that Paradigm would be there to pick him up…..at 9:30.

“But we don’t leave the house until 10:15,” he flatly said.

And I knew before any other words were spoken that we were in trouble…….I was in trouble.  I tried to reason with Aaron, but his rigid way of thinking was preventing my words from penetrating that brain of his.  The more I used reasoning, the more he objected.  Of course, his only argument was that we don’t leave the house until 10:15, but that is all that Aaron needed. 

He escalated with every reasoning argument that I had, so I just had to let it drop.  He didn’t go to Paradigm on Friday.  He also didn’t get his end-of-week treat because he didn’t fulfill his obligation of going to his group and participating every day, but he didn’t care. 

We leave the house at 10:15, or Paradigm comes to pick him up at 10:15…..or later.  Not 9:30.  Never early…..never 9:30.  Got it?

All of this because of 45 minutes.

Such a little thing……

Yesterday, Sunday, it was coupons.  Aaron has such a love/hate relationship with the Sunday coupons.  He came downstairs when he got out of bed, and saw the coupons laying on the table. 

“I’ll do them later, Mom,” he said.  “Don’t you do them!” he added as he went back up to his bedroom.

It wasn’t long until I heard him coming back down the stairs.  “Mom, I’ll cut out the coupons later,” he repeated.

I assured him that I knew that.  Upstairs he clomped……..and soon after, downstairs he came again. 

“Mom!” he said, a little frustration showing in his voice.  “I said that I would cut the coupons later!”

I looked at him with some frustration showing in my face and assured him that this decision was fine. 

“But are you going to do them?!” he asked with suspicion.

And again I told him that I was NOT going to cut the coupons………that it was fine for him to wait until later………that I would just leave them on the table. 

Upstairs again……and you guessed it……..downstairs he thumped.  “I WANT to do the coupons, MOM!  Don’t you do them!!” he commanded in complete exasperation.

There I sat, seemingly the object of Aaron’s anger………but I knew that his anger was really directed at those irritating coupons.  The coupons that he feels compelled to clip because he has clipped my coupons for years, although he doesn’t really enjoy the job anymore.  The coupons that only HE can cut because he tries so hard to cut them directly on each dotted line…….and Mom doesn’t try nearly as hard.  In fact, Mom makes such a mess of the coupons that only I……AARON……can clip coupons!!!

He was so conflicted over those coupons that when Gary came downstairs, unaware of what had been transpiring, Aaron bit Gary’s head off verbally and called him Mr. Bossy.  Aaron got a firm lecture from both Dad and Mom, and in total dismay at this point, he got his two coupon trash cans……..and his very own scissors, the ONLY scissors that he will use for coupons…….and the coupon box………and his fluffy pillow that he sits on…….and his cups of coffee to put on the bench beside him……and he proceeded to just go ahead and cut out the coupons. 

Aaron muttered some select comments as he clipped, but we just ignored him while he settled down.  In the meantime, I was fixing me a bowl of Cream of Wheat in the microwave.  Thinking that just a few more seconds would make my cereal the perfect consistency, I pushed the microwave buttons and turned to do something.  Soon the beep told me that my cereal was finished.  I turned to find this……

 
What a mess!  It was such a little thing, those few extra seconds.  But the result ruined my cereal and made me have to start all over.

Such is life with Aaron.  Little things to us can be big issues to Aaron, and even though we know this, there are times that we just can’t control the fact that little things happen…….or that these same little things have such a huge effect on him.   We can’t rearrange his thinking all the time, though we do try.  I can’t make 9:30 be 10:15 to him, much as I wanted to on Friday morning.  I can’t make the coupon stress disappear from his mind, though I have tried and tried to accomplish that. 

And so often we end up with an outburst and then a huge mess, like my bowl of cereal.  It’s just 45 minutes, Aaron!  It’s just a few coupons, Aaron!

A few more seconds won’t hurt my Cream of Wheat, I thought…….but it did.  Therefore, I cleaned up the mess and I started over.

With Aaron, a few small things can cause quite an eruption.  We try to instruct……try to understand……try to intervene if possible……try to prevent them in the first place……

But sometimes small stuff happens.  Then we clean up the mess in whatever way is needed, even if it means some discipline.  We try to put ourselves in Aaron’s shoes and get into Aaron’s mind. 

And when he calms down, we start over with a new dish……..a new day……..a new hour.  Waiting for the next outburst. 

Such a little thing……