Aaron’s Move: I Wish You Were Young

Aaron is nearing one week of living in his new group home.  He has done amazingly well.  Yes, he has asked if he could come home to stay.  On Friday he called early to tell me that he didn’t want to go to his day group.  He wanted someone to come and stay with him there.  I told him he couldn’t do that and he was not very happy about that reality.  But the wonderful house staff as well as the staff at his day group helped work him through it and he had a good day.

Our sweet neighbors went to visit him yesterday afternoon.  Aaron was so surprised and happy.  Today our daughter and her family went to see Aaron.  He was super excited about that.  Ryker and Cora got to see Unkie Aaron and his new room.  Aaron was able to do his favorite thing – sharing snacks with Ryker and Cora. 

Thursday Aaron and I went to deliver for Meals on Wheels.  He got to tell all our dear clients about his new house.  We went to WalMart and out to lunch.  Aaron was happy that Dad joined us. 

Back at home, he got one of Dad’s great haircuts and shaves, I trimmed his nails, and we watched Hudson and Rex. 

When Aaron had gotten in the car that morning, the first thing he asked was if he could stay at home and not go back to his group home.  But by the time his show was over, he was ready to go back to his new room and to see Victoria.  We were so relieved and so very proud of Aaron!

Yet there are glimpses of sadness that he shows us as he adjusts to missing us and missing his home, his old life, his friends here in the neighborhood and in the stores we have frequented for years.

We got Aaron a phone and on the first day he had it a friend showed him how to FaceTime before we could do that.  He’s loving it!  He and I were on FaceTime last night.

“Mom,” he said.  “You look old, like an old lady.”

Good old honest Aaron.

“Well,” I said as I laughed, “I am old, Aaron.”

“I wish you were young,” he flatly added. “Then I wouldn’t have to be here.”

That was a gut punch for me.

You see, for a couple years we have been trying to prepare Aaron for the fact that someday he would need to move.  He didn’t like talking about that and would ask us why we would make him leave.  One reason we gave him was that we were not getting any younger and wouldn’t always be able to care for him.

He knows how to touch the deep places in our hearts without really planning to do that.  He’s just very honest with what he’s seeing and thinking. 

And that one…that really hit hard.

I stumbled around saying something that I hoped was encouraging as I blinked back tears I didn’t want him to see. 

I realize how fragile I am.  Aaron, too.  And Gary’s been hurting in a way that’s new to him. 

He told me that even though we’ve known for all these years about Aaron’s handicap, now we see it differently and more clearly than ever.  We see it in a way that shows how vulnerable Aaron is and how this huge change has rocked his stability and his comfort. 

We feel responsible for that, but we also knew that this was a decision that would ultimately need to be made one day.  It’s just that we’ve made sure Aaron was well cared for in every way for nearly 42 years.  Now he sees us as being the reason he had to move and leave us and everything he loves.

That’s a heart wrenching load to carry right now.  We know that all these feelings will ease with time for us, and we pray they ease for Aaron as well.

He really is happy where he is and we are very pleased with his progress this week.

But we can’t turn off our love for him and our concern that he knows we have not abandoned him.  We have shown him perhaps in the greatest way ever how deep our love is for him as we have given him a future that won’t depend on us being around forever.

He’ll probably never fully understand that until the time we’re all together in heaven.    

And guess what, Aaron?

I won’t ever be an old lady again!