After being out of town for several days, Gary and I returned on Monday afternoon. Aaron was happy, happy to have us home. But by Tuesday morning he was wishing that we were gone again, and our friends were back at the house watching him. Re-entry to real life is often difficult for Aaron.
And he is not the only one who finds it difficult!
Aaron was belligerent on Tuesday when faced with the reality of returning to his day group. He was very verbal and confrontational. It’s the side of Aaron that tests my mettle to the core.
It’s hard not to respond in kind to him. Sometimes I do say more than I want to say, sadly. As we drove to his day group, I really laid into him. Not in a damaging or harmful way, but in a truthful way about how his words hurt us and why. There are concepts that he needs to hear about how to love us even when he is angry. How to recognize and acknowledge all we do for him instead of thinking only of himself.
The night before, I had watched a video with him about a triangle UFO. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. He had called us repeatedly while we were gone, talking about this UFO video he wanted me to watch with him.
“MOM!!” he exclaimed, “it’s a triangle UFO video that’s 44:42. Would you watch 44:42?”
Those are the minutes and seconds that he memorizes on each YouTube video that he watches, by the way.
He was ecstatic that I agreed to look it up and then to actually sit through 44:42.
So, on that next morning full of anger, he was full of remorse as I spoke truthfully to him. As we neared his day group, he spoke softly.
“I’m glad you looked up the triangle UFO video.”
I was quiet.
“I’m glad you looked it up,” he repeated several more times before getting out of the van.
It was Aaron’s way of trying to say he was sorry.
A few hours apart worked wonders for both of us. He was very happy when I picked him up and I was responsive once more. I took him to the lab for some bloodwork, where he had to be poked in each arm and he flinched…something he rarely does. My heart went out to him. He deals with so much, even more internally in that brain of his than outwardly sometimes.
The technician gave him the plastic tourniquet to keep. He was delighted. I watched him walk around WalMart later, both arms with band aids and the tourniquet dangling from his fingers as if it was a prized possession.
I thought of how those small gestures…those items insignificant to us…bring him such joy.
And it hit me that there are countless times that the seemingly insignificant, daily actions of Aaron bring us such joy…of how much I need to focus on those moments rather than the outbursts that bring hurt.
It’s Aaron at Walmart trying to hide from me because he has BOTH crescent rolls and biscuits in his hand that he wants me to buy.
It’s Aaron sitting on the floor of the store, totally oblivious to anyone around him as he checks out the peanuts on the bottom shelf.
It’s Aaron hardly able to wait until he could show me how much his sunflowers had grown while we were gone.
It’s Aaron helping clean under the kitchen table after supper.
It’s Aaron telling me he took his snacks to the snack drawer before bed.
It’s Aaron thrilled to pieces that I let him buy TWO boxes of Texas Toast.
It’s Aaron loving to do science experiments.
It’s Aaron super excited about his new volcano lamp.
It’s Aaron overjoyed because he won this light-up bouncy ball in Bingo, which he took today to show all our Meals on Wheels clients.
It’s Aaron sitting alone in the mulch, breaking pieces into a container the same way he has done since he was a little boy. There goes my heart.
It’s Aaron’s unique sense of style, unaffected by current trends or other’s opinions.
It’s Aaron’s unique impact on my life that I want to treasure and relish each day, even despite the hard times.
He Said What?! 
Hi, Patty! I commented using my email and it doesn’t appear to have gotten through, so I’ll try again. I loved all the pictures showing Aaron “doing what Aaron does” during the course of the day. I remember having regrets for scolding my children and then afterwards feeling overwhelming love when I’d see them playing quietly or sleeping peacefully. Having to correct an adult child would take the patience of Job-or Patty!
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Sometimes the scolding and the love are strange bedfellows, aren’t they? But both are good. I wrote once about feeling like a yo-yo as I live with Aaron…up and down, up and down. Thanks for reading and for sharing a mom’s heart, Nancy.
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Thank you, Patty, for sharing all of these joyous moments with Aaron. I loved looking at the pictures. You’re perseverance with Aaron, reminds us that there is always something to be thankful for, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. Blessings ❤️
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You’re right, Dawn. There are always things to be thankful for, no matter how hard it might be to find or see them. I need to be reminded of that often in so many areas. Thanks for reading, Dawn. Blessings!
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Thank you for sharing, Patty! It’s been some time since I’ve read from you.
Thank you for the reminder to appreciate the little things and Thank you to Aaron for teaching us that.
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And thank you for reading, Funmi. Aaron teaches me so much and I’m privileged to be able to share. Have a great weekend!
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Oh my goodness. Be still my heart! Thank you for reminding us the importance of speaking truth with grace, and the value of truth spoken with grace (with a little bit of stern). I love all the pictures of the beauty of Aaron too, but confess I chuckled over his sense of fashion! He has a great smile. BTW, I love your kitchen updates.
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Thank you for all of this, Cecilia. Sometimes Aaron needs lots of truth, and we never know if he can or will receive it well. We have to keep trying, though. Yes, Aaron’s fashion sense doesn’t compare to anyone else I know. I wonder why?! 🙂 He’s refreshingly himself in that area! Glad you like our kitchen. We do, too, and are so thankful for it. Have a blessed weekend, Cecilia.
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“And it hit me that there are countless times that the seemingly insignificant, daily actions of Aaron bring us such joy…of how much I need to focus on those moments rather than the outbursts that bring hurt.” Oh Patty that paragraph really hit hard. Such sage mothering advice you have put into words and reinforced with pictures. With two teenagers in the house now it is so easy for me to get swept into the conflict of the moment rather than remembering all the fun and laughter we share with our girls. Thank you for the reminder that the amount of laughter and joy far exceeds the amount of time in hard conversations.
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Thank you, Beth. Oh yes, every mother experiences these hard times, special needs or not. I certainly did with our other two children. It’s such a balance of laughter and of discipline, isn’t it? How many times I have asked the Lord to give me the wisdom that He promised! The laughter at the other times is so healing and sweet and very necessary to good relationships. God bless you every step of the way!
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Patty a dearly love this today at one time I was almost in tears and the other time I was laughing out loud. It really tugs at your mama’s heart doesn’t it? I love you very much and Gary and Aaron and I pray for you all almost every day. Thank you for writing.
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Aaron does tug at my heart. No matter how many times he pushes my buttons, he can turn right around and do that tugging again. We do love him, even when we don’t exactly like him sometimes. :). I love you so much!
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Love the unique one-of-a-kind experiences we get with our Special Loves. I understand the difficult times too but boy does it make you appreciate the good times so much more!!!!
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You’re so right about that perspective, Alicia. It’s like I get refueled with love when I see and focus on those amazing Aaron qualities that make us smile and laugh. Those things help us in the rough moments for sure.
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❤️
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I can only imagine the highs and lows you experience each day, Patty. Thank you for proving in this post that when we train our thoughts to what is excellent and praiseworthy (and humorous!), our attitude is greatly improved. Your pictures and captions are delightful. / Lord God, bless this dear mom as she seeks your wisdom and grace to minister to her son. May she sense your strength within her spirit, your delight in her within her heart, and your peace within her mind. Amen.
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Your prayer means more to me than I can say, Nancy. Thank you. May God richly bless you.
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You are SO welcome, dear Patty. And just so you know–I AM richly blessed!!
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Joy in the little things in life 🙂
Thank you for sharing your experiences with Aaron
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The joy is such a blessing to me and it’s there if I just look. Thanks for reading, Matt.
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I truly admire both your strength and your honesty!
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Thank you, Ann. God gives me the strength that I don’t have on my own.
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Patty this is a beautiful story. I love how you speak Aaron. I learn so much about him and about autism from you. Much more than I learned from the books as a child psychiatrist. As always I love you all. As an aside, it sounds to me like Aaron has some caregivers that he actually likes rather than just tolerates. Has this allowed you and Gary to visit Texas more often?
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Thank you, Barbara. You’re such a sweet part of this journey, more than you realize. I would still love to bend your ear over some issues. Actually, Aaron has loved all his caregivers. Our friends that have been helping now are really great and they do a fantastic job with Aaron. Ross and Tucker are brothers. It’s good for Aaron to have guys to hang out with…good guys that I totally trust. We haven’t been able to travel more often, really. But trust me, I’m ready to go to Texas any day we can! 🙂
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Patty, You’re such a good mom! I laughed out loud when I read this: “The night before, I had watched a video with him about a triangle UFO. It’s the last thing I wanted to do.” I guess I could just imagine it so clearly in my mind. You have a great sense of humor! I feel like I know you. I wish you lived next door! I know we would be great friends! Blessings!
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Thank you, Cindy! Living next door to you would be amazing! I would love that! You, however, would have impromptu Aaron visits and lots of talking from Aaron alone, much less from me. :). 🙂 Have a great weekend!
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And I would LOVE that!
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♥️♥️♥️
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This post is so beautiful Patty. So heart and soul warming. May God send special blessings to you and Aaron today. ❤
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Thank you so much, Marla. God bless you.
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