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I just wanted to tell a little quickie on Aaron.  You know how I’ve written about the fact that he has a hard time pinpointing where someone is from, or does this or that country have such and such a food or religion or music?

Well, last night at supper he was telling Gary and I about how he had read something about Japan.  He then asked, “Aren’t they the people that do a wrestle?”

A wrestle? 

“Yeah,” he continued, “You know, that wrestle that they do.”

Through questioning him, we found out that he meant that kicking and yelling wrestle.  When we asked, “Do you mean Ninjas?”  he excitedly answered, “Yes!  Ninjas!” 

I’m so glad it wasn’t the Sumo wrestling he was talking about.  I’m still not over Aaron’s striped underwear.  I don’t need to talk about Sumos right now. 

When it comes to areas of modesty, Aaron is pretty much on track with the rest of us………….but not totally.  Just ask Andrea about the times Aaron has started up the hall in his skivvies, sees Andrea, and isn’t very embarrassed at all.  Maybe he’s a little TOO comfortable with family?

And then there have been the golden moments when someone has been here who is not family and Aaron begins to tell them about his Vegal Nerve Stimulator, and about how he had to have surgery to have it put in, and do you want to see it?……………..and then he yanks his shirt up to show his scar and to point out the round VNS that is under his skin.  There is a simultaneous chorus from the rest of us standing there as reach toward Aaron and yell, “NOOOOOO!!”………but it’s too late and the poor visitor is treated to a view of all of Aaron from his pants up as he proudly shows his scar and then squeezes the VNS under his skin (yuck!) and…………..well, it’s just a speechless moment for our hapless guest and a red-faced moment for the family.   Oh, but not for Aaron.  He’s just very sure that everyone wants to see a good scar and experience seeing a VNS under someones skin and then see where the leads hook up in his neck.  If we’re having dinner, I do try to assure that this occurrence is AFTER dinner – but with Aaron, you never know. 

I bought Aaron some new underwear last year…………new design, new style………and he was very interested in all this newness.   Some of them are striped.  I don’t know why they are striped, but they are.  So the next day I was in the bathroom fixing my hair, and Aaron had just showered.  Soon I heard that familiar thump, thump, thump that meant he was walking up the hall to my room.   He purposefully came into the bathroom……….wearing only a pair of the new striped underwear.  “Mom!!  See?!  I look like a zebra!!” 

There are some things that I should not have to see………..and I’m not talking about a zebra.  I enjoy seeing zebras at the zoo.  I did NOT enjoy seeing Aaron standing in my bathroom in his new striped underwear, telling me that he looked like a zebra.  He did NOT look like a zebra.  He looked like…………never mind.  Anyway, I told him that he should not be walking around in his underwear and he could not understand why I wasn’t interested in seeing him look like a zebra and I told him to please leave and go dress………..while I tried to free my mind from the image I had just endured.

Yesterday after Aaron got home from his day group, he and I took Jackson on a walk around the circle.  When we got back to the house, Aaron went right up to his room to undress and get his comfy pajamas on.  In a few minutes I headed up the stairs, only to find Aaron undressing in his room with the door open…………and only his underwear on.  He heard me at the moment that I saw him through his open door and as he scooted out of the way, he said, “Woops!”   And I said, “Aaron!  Are you undressed?”

Whereupon he replied, “No!  I have my underwear on!” 

I don’t even want to know at what level Aaron must think he has to be in order to be “undressed.” 

We obviously have some work to do. 

Aaron loves nuts………….the kind he eats, not the ones he lives with.  Anyway, not only does he enjoy eating nuts, but he’s fascinated with all the variety of nuts there are.  He thinks it’s neat that we have two pecan trees…………….pee-con, as he calls them. 

Often Aaron says, “Mom, I found a pee-con when I was in the mulch today!  Who put it there?”  And so we have our usual discussion about the squirrels that steal all of our pee-cons, or maybe the birds that drop the pee-cons, and how the squirrels bury the pee-cons, and why they sometimes forget where they buried the pee-cons, and how long that particular pee-con may have been there…………….I don’t care about pee-cons at all at that point. 

I bought a large can of mixed nuts last week at Sam’s, hoping that they would last a long time.  That usually means I need to hide them from Aaron, but he’s pretty much like a squirrel in being able to find the hidden nuts.  And then he hides his stash that he pours in his favorite snack bowl………..usually under his bed.  I really need to clean under there some day.  No telling what I’ll find. 

Not much escapes Aaron’s observations, and the mixed nuts certainly do intrigue him.  Aaron doesn’t just pop them in his mouth and happily eat.  He has examined the unique characteristics of each variety of nut, and loves to share what he has noticed. 

He thinks pee-cons that we buy in the store and that are part of the mixed nuts are very interesting.  “Mom!  I like that nut.”

Which nut is that, Aaron?

“I don’t know the name, but it’s the one that’s wrinkled.” 

He was surprised the first time that I told him the wrinkled nuts were pee-cons, like the ones that grow on our tree and that the squirrels steal and hide.  But to Aaron they are the wrinkled nuts.

“Mom, look at this nut.  It’s fat!”

The fat nut is a cashew, but fat nut is much easier to remember…………and perhaps relate to? 

On Saturday, in a moment of conviction, he handed me the bowl of nuts that had been hidden under his bed.  He excitedly said, “Mom!  I noticed something!  Some of those nuts have wrappings.” 

Wrappings.  Who would have thought to call the skin a wrapping?  Only Aaron!

“So what do I do with that wrapping, Mom?  Do I need to take it off?”

I have no idea why Aaron was asking me now about whether he should take the wrapping off when he’s eaten how many thousand wrapped nuts.  But I assured him that it was fine for him to eat the wrapping……..or the skin, if you’re boring…………and he was very relieved.

Unwrapping all those nuts could take awhile!  Hmmm…….maybe I should have told him that he needed to unwrap them.  He might eat a lot less!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…………life with Aaron isn’t always a walk in the park.  He truly is as funny and perceptive and delightful as I portray him in the stories I tell.  Yet there is also a flip side to Aaron.  I’ve mentioned that fact in the past, several times.  As I try to preserve Aaron’s dignity and respect yet share our real life with an adult child with Asperger’s Syndrome, I realize that I need to be truthful but wise in what I share in this regard.  In addition, I don’t want to appear whiny or complaining. 

Life for any of us is very real and raw at times.  Usually we want to put on our happy face for the world to see, even when our lives are tiring or distressing.  My happy face was rapidly disappearing this morning, believe me!  Sometimes I really don’t know what sets Aaron on the path of anger, but he sure was trotting unhappily along that path as I was urging him to get his day started. 

Here is the quote again from the article Understanding the Student with Asperger’s Syndrome:  Guidelines for Teachers, written by Karen Williams.  “Rage reactions/temper outbursts are common in response to stress/frustration.  Children (or adults! – my words) with AS rarely seem relaxed and are easily overwhelmed when things are not as their rigid views dictate they should be.  Interacting with people and coping with the ordinary demands of everyday life take continual Herculean effort.” 

I wanted to use some Herculean effort this morning to toss Aaron through the window.  Is that honest enough?  All moms know that yo-yo pattern of good moments/bad moments which can completely overwhelm our reason and our ability to cope.  With Aaron it’s very complicated because he often has such a hard time expressing to me just what it is that stressed him to the point of becoming enraged.  I knew today that he was struggling to get off the computer; didn’t want to shower; then said he didn’t want to go bowling today, etc., etc.

Deep breathing on my part, talking gently to him with an even tone, watching the John Carter movie trailer, offering him pizza for breakfast………none of it was working very well to defuse his rising anger.  His comments about not wanting to bowl and my assurances that he didn’t have to bowl but could instead do another activity were getting nowhere.  He finally slammed his medicine container on the kitchen counter and pills flew everywhere.  When Aaron is in a rage like this, he almost always wants to break something.  My presence is important in order to keep that from happening, but my presence is often an irritant to him.  This was the moment that I wanted that Herculean effort to be used in tossing Aaron out the window, but instead had to use it to remain calm yet firm.  There is a balance there, so hard to achieve at times, but crucial if this moment is to pass without more slamming or breaking of things.

I turned away, prayed, had quite a few deep breaths, and turned again to sit at the table and talk to Aaron.  We discussed what options he had for this day and I could see that he was emotionally coming down.  He was talking with more calmness and reason as he began to eat his pizza, and then helped himself to the three remaining cinnamon bread sticks.  Finally he was happy, talking like our typical Aaron, and completely unaware and furthermore, uncaring of the fact that I was emotionally drained. 

Aaron was picked up by Cody this morning because I was unsure of the timing of a delivery here at home.  I went outside to do something and when I returned, Aaron told me that as he drank his coffee his hand jerked.  He dropped his coffee, a large container, and it went all over the family room floor, rug, and ottoman.  Cody was in the driveway, so I walked out with Aaron, who was sorry about the coffee but very happy to be going with Cody.  He had coffee on his once-clean, beige shirt but he didn’t care.  Off they drove, and for the second time this morning I found myself on my knees cleaning up Aaron’s mess.  He can’t help his jerks…………they often come after stress or after seizures.  Still………….what a mess!

Yet once again God used this son of mine to draw my thoughts to Him.  I find myself often serving Aaron in ways that can be frustrating, demeaning, insulting even.  As I serve Aaron, though, I know that I am serving God.  God has given us this boy, this Aaron who can one minute be making us laugh and the next minute be requiring our extreme patience.  There will be consequences for his actions, but there must also be unconditional love.  I drug the rug out to the patio to air it out and let it dry, and finished cleaning the family room.  Life goes on………..I forgive and though I can’t forget, I once again will welcome Aaron home today and see that his needs are met.

God does the same for me, every single day of my life.  He is ever patient and kind to me;  He forgives me when I fail and sin;  He always loves me;  His Son even demeaned Himself to come as a human and die for me.  He not only forgives my sin, but He forgets them!  He doesn’t hold them over my head, even when I may have consequences for my actions.  He welcomes and desires my fellowship, and meets every need I have.  How can I do any less for my Aaron?

And there are always reasons to be thankful.  I knew this morning that I could be thankful for:
1.  The fact that this particular rug doesn’t show stains, including coffee
 that have been left on that rug.
3.  That it’s a warm day, perfect for airing out rugs.
4.  That now I have a chance, or a reason, to clean under the rug………if I don’t see it, I don’t
 clean it!
5.  That Aaron is with his day group and I have some breathing room…………and that I did NOT
throw him out of the window. 

It is a good thing that we don’t have a big bay or picture window, though…………talk about tempting! 

Guess what we had for supper.  YES!!  The Dinner in a Box from Pizza Hut!

 Andrea came for a visit, and she and I were wondering what Aaron’s reaction would be.  He walked into the kitchen, saw the rectangle box, and smiled…………….but he rarely acts super excited about anything. 

I said, “Aaron, look what I got us for supper!” 

I opened the box and he said, “Square!”

He loved the square pieces, and after eating a piece, and asking for a bread stick, he asked for another “square piece of pizza.” 

And believe me, he didn’t have one bit of trouble figuring out how to eat this strange, square pizza!

Last night as we watched a little television, a Pizza Hut commercial came on that shows their Dinner in a Box.  It’s interesting to see how something like this will grab Aaron’s attention, and demonstrate how difficult it can be for him to accept a change in what is, to him, considered normal. 

In this case, normal consists of pizza that is round.  The rectangular pizza in Pizza Hut’s Dinner in a Box is not round.  Therefore, this strange pizza is not normal.  The end.

And so as the commercial aired, Aaron was observing this unnatural pizza.  He gave a disdainful, “Hmmpff!”  and then proceeded to talk about this weird, wanna-be pizza.

“Mom, that’s not a pizza!”

Yes, Aaron, it is a pizza.

“Well, it’s not round like a pizza!”

Aaron, pizza doesn’t have to be round to be pizza.

“So how do you eat it?”

Uh……..you eat it like you eat anything.  You pick it up and put it in your mouth and chew it!

“No, Mom!  It’s not round!”

But Aaron, you just cut it and eat it like you do a round pizza.

“But it’s not a triangle!”

You’re right.  When you cut it, it’s either a square or a rectangle.  But it’s still pizza.

“Even though it’s not a triangle, it’s still pizza?”

Yes, Aaron.

“And that’s how you eat it?”

That’s right.

“Well, I’m not used to that!”

No, Aaron – you’re not used to that rectangle pizza.  And so I need to buy us a Pizza Hut Dinner in a Box and then we will watch Aaron’s reaction to this non-round pizza that is not a triangle shape when you cut it. 

Nothing is mundane when Aaron is around………….even pizza!

Aaron has never shown a real interest in the opposite sex in the way that you would think a grown man would.  His actions are still more like a first grade boy who finds girls weird or giggles at the mention of anything to do with sex. 

I remember when he was very young, when the Anita Hill hearings were on TV, and we had the television on in our military quarters in Germany.  I was in the kitchen cooking and before we knew it, he had heard the word “sex.”  Why does that word instantly make a child’s ears perk up?!  Gary was sitting in the living room with Aaron and I heard Aaron ask, “Dad?!  What is sex?”  There was total quiet.  Then Aaron repeated the question………and again total quiet.  Finally Gary gave some sort of satisfactory answer and the moment passed……….but I was smiling broadly in the kitchen.  Way to go, Dad!!

On another day, Aaron zoomed into the kitchen there in Germany and asked, “Mom, is sex bad?”  Where on earth did that question come from?  So I told him no, that sex is not bad.  It was designed by God for married couples and it’s a good thing.  Later I heard Aaron happily telling Andrea, “Andrea, Mom said that SEXY is good!”  Uh, something got lost in the translation there and I knew that at some point I would need to clear that up.  Another day………..another conversation……….hopefully a long time off!

We’re thankful that Aaron doesn’t seem obsessed with sex or with girls.  That’s an issue that we would gladly not have to deal with considering his level of understanding and the complications that could arise from that.  Sometimes those conversations leave us a little uncomfortable but we try to be as honest as we can about the subject without being too blunt.

And then there are those nature shows……..that show everything, or almost, at times.  We were watching Wild Russia the other night and things started getting a little wild.  I was tickling Aaron’s back as we watched the elk and the mink and the wolves and the bears of this wild, forested area of The Urals in Russia.  It was beautiful and very interesting, and Aaron was fascinated. 

He became especially fascinated when a huge male bear began “horsing” around with a female bear, and the narrator began talking about how it was the time of year for the bears to mate.  I was eying the remote and wondering if I could “accidentally” change the channel behind Aaron’s back, when he suddenly blurted out, “Mom!  They’re not being SEXY, are they?”

And I stumbled around verbally, saying something about how they liked each other and it was nice to have each other………….and I don’t know what else I said.  Aaron continued, “Do those bears want to love each other?!”  I believe he really just couldn’t fathom that bears were capable of love like humans are, or at least that’s what I want to believe he really meant. 

Aaron wanted to know more about why they would love each other and I talked about them wanting little cute bear cubs and he just could NOT understand why they would want cubs…………except that cubs are really very cute.  The image on the screen changed and I breathed a huge sigh of relief as we watched the cute little baby mink playing together. 

I was just hoping that Aaron wouldn’t want to know about Papa Mink and Mama Mink, and birds and bees and stuff like that. 

I think I’ll look for Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy next time. 

Aaron had his visit to the dentist today to have a filling put in his tooth.  He has had strong teeth and very few fillings, so he wasn’t at all sure about what this would entail.  He’s been thinking a lot about it and asking questions, such as, “Mom, is he going to put a filling in me?”

Not in YOU, really – but in your tooth, Aaron.

“So is the filling like Play Doh?” 

If it was then I would just do it myself, Aaron.

So we set out today for his appointment, making time first for our usual Wal-Mart trip.  Our mission today was to buy Aaron a new pair of slippers – his are torn up and they weren’t even that old – and to look for a DVD.  He’s been wanting Little Mermaid, but I didn’t think it was out right now.  However, I knew that one way or the other we would leave Wal-Mart with a DVD in hand. 

Aaron began whistling when we walked in the store, and I told him to stop.  At least it wasn’t the fox whistle, which he has been known to do in the past.  He thought that particular whistle was a very fun whistle.  He had no idea of the impact it would have on the women in the aisle with him………..especially on me as I hurried to hush him up and then try to explain why he should NOT do the fox whistle in the middle of Wal-Mart…….or anywhere outside of our house! 

Therefore, I was thankful today for a more standard sort of whistle, but it was still annoying and attention-getting, which is why I told him to stop with the whistling.  He then proceeded to make popping noises with his mouth, like a cork popping out of a bottle.  Again, I told him to be quiet.  And again he responded, “Mom, isn’t that better than the farting noise?”  I guess I made the farting noise his standard of what-noise-not-to-make.  Aaron, just make NO noise, OK??!!

We finally left Wal-Mart with his new pair of slippers, the Battle for Los Angeles DVD (I told you!), and a wad of napkins that he grabbed from the deli to wrap around his thumb that was bleeding because he pulled the skin on it and now had blood on his once-clean pants.  And the afternoon had just begun.

We went to Taco Bell for lunch, where Aaron took a long time to read through all the combo meals in order to find what looked like the largest meal that I would allow him to have.  He settled on a meal #7, I believe it was (ask Aaron!) because it had the word “pizza” in it.  While I paid for our lunch, he was stuffing several sets of sporks and knives in his pocket because somehow he has to have several sets, not just one or two.  And he also grabbed enough napkins to hand out to everyone in the restaurant as well as all those in every car that was going through the drive-through.  He poured a very full cup of raspberry tea with no ice and I was thankful for the lid on top as we made our way to our booth.

We settled in and I asked the blessing, as I always do.  As soon as we both looked up, Aaron said (rather loudly), “Mom, I read in my Handy Answer Religion book that Catholics pray funny.  They don’t know how to pray.”   Oh.  My.  Goodness!   “AARON!”  I hissed.  “HUSH!!”  And he continued (a little bit quieter), “Well, they do this when they pray.”  And he made the sign of the cross.  Just because we do not make the sign of the cross and are not Catholics makes Aaron think that Catholics do not know how to pray correctly.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had to correct him about this concept and try to make him understand…………..but in the middle of Taco Bell with people watching is not the place that I want to have this conversation (rather loudly) with Aaron.  Maybe a fox whistle would have been better.

Thankfully, he got his mind on the modern art………..in a former blog I talked about Aaron’s opinion of this modern art hanging on the walls of Taco Bell.  And his opinion hasn’t changed one bit.  “Mom, the people who made this art know how, but they don’t know much of art.”  I tried to explain how the art can mean different things to different people, and we talked about what some of the pictures there looked like to us.  He then asked, “Mom, I wonder how they would make a picture of you?”  I was glad it was time to leave because I did not particularly want his opinion of that idea talked about (loudly) in the middle of Taco Bell.

We made it to the dentist’s office, which is right beside a Subway.  I was walking toward the office when Aaron said, ‘Mom!  Look!”  I turned to find him standing at the large Subway window, pointing.  Anyone in Subway would have wondered why this unusual young man was standing outside the window pointing at them. 

Aaron!  Come here!  “But Mom, look at this picture of a tuna sub.  The tuna sub looks all squishy!”  Sometimes I do wish he wasn’t so observant!

As we drove home through the country, we passed farmer’s fields and pastures.  Aaron observed, “Mom, there’s a mule in that horse field!”  He thought that this was very interesting and added, “I wonder why that mule is in the horse field?”  And then he rubbed his hands together as he said, “Or I guess you could say jackass.”  He was delighted that he got to say this word that’s almost-a-bad-word but not exactly a bad word, and thought that it was “quite funny.”  And I have to say that I laughed too……….because it was “quite funny.” 

And then, “Mom, if I’m allowed to eat again, can I have some popcorn?  Either homemade or cooked.” 

Homemade or cooked, huh?  Which is which and which do you want, Aaron?

“Well, cooked is the kind in the microwave, and homemade is in that thing you got that you pour the seeds in and it goes around and pops it.”   

And, “Mom, is Andrea going to come visit us again?”

Yes, Aaron, probably this weekend.   “You mean this Tuesday?”

No, Aaron, this weekend.   “You mean NEXT Tuesday.”

Since when is Tuesday a weekend?  We got that straightened out as we pulled into the driveway, and because I forgot to get the bags from Wal-Mart out of the van, Aaron decided that I was “quite weird.”  I will not say what crossed my mind at that point.

I’m sure Aaron will have lots to cover with Gary concerning his day, from new slippers to how Catholics pray to the………….uh………….mule in the horse field.  And IF I EVER let him eat again, I’m not sure it’ll be popcorn, homemade or cooked, until his tooth is stronger.  Those seeds are killers!

I just wanted to share a couple of interesting and funny descriptions that came from Aaron yesterday and today.  As he and I were taking Jackson on a walk around the circle yesterday, he said, “Mom, I really do think that Rosie likes me.”   Some of you will remember my blog “Aaron and Rosie” where I talked about their special friendship. 

I asked Aaron why he thinks that Rosie really likes him and he answered, “Well, at the theater on Friday a piece of popcorn seed fell down the wrong side of my throat and I coughed!  Rosie asked me if I was OK!”

Awww, that was sweet of Rosie……….but I was trying hard not to laugh at his comment of the popcorn seed falling down the wrong side of his throat! 

Then this morning he came in to the room while I was getting ready and said, “Mom, my ear hurts………..but not where the sound is.”

He then showed me that his outer ear had a red place on it from his headphones………….and the outer ear is not where the sound is!

Speaking Aaron’s language is fun!