One day last week our exterminator was coming. Aaron’s favorite storage place is his bedroom floor, so I had reminded him to clear his floor before we left the house.
Soon a very upset Aaron came bounding up to me.
“Mom!!” he angrily said, “I lost the order of books!!”
When I walked into his room, I saw this.
His large stack of books had taken a tumble, ruining the careful order that Aaron had put them in.
I knew not to dismiss what to us would be no big deal. To Aaron, this mayhem was a HUGE deal.
We got the books put on his bed as I assured him that he could restore the order when he came home later that day.
This is a perfect picture of our life with Aaron, more so lately than perhaps ever before.
Aaron has a rhythm to his life that he creates. His routines and methods are vital to his happiness.
We know better than to discount his routines.
There is always a balance in our life with Aaron as we seek to help him manage disruptions while at the same time validating his concerns…concerns of his that can lead to serious anger outbursts from him, which in turn lead to disruptions in our life.
Sadly, Aaron isn’t concerned about the effects he has on us. Autism often manifests itself as narcissism in Aaron and in most others that I know who struggle with this condition.
I have always said that physical disabilities are much easier understood than behavioral ones.
For instance, we have sadness and sympathy for Aaron when he has seizures. The interruptions in our life that seizures might cause when we must change plans are clearly understood.
But when Aaron loses the order in his life that he has created he reacts with anger that sometimes becomes rage. Nothing we say or do at that point has much if any effect.
I know when Aaron has a seizure that I can’t tell him to just wake up and come take a walk with me. He understandably is unable to do that.
But I must also know that when Aaron has an emotional meltdown over something that has upset him, I can’t tell him to just get over it and stop being ridiculous. He understandably is unable to do that either.
Except most of the time, at least on paper, his behaviors at those times are not understandable to most people.
My husband and I understand what is upsetting Aaron, most of the time, better than anybody.
But again, those behaviors of his…goodness, they take a toll on us some days.
Autism surely is full of puzzle pieces, but we don’t have a picture on the box to tell us what the finished puzzle will look like.
And the pieces keep getting rearranged as Aaron’s order from day to day gets lost in one way or another.
Sometimes, though, a sweet picture starts taking shape from all those random pieces that we’re trying to fit together.
Despite lots of anger lately about having to fit his precious nephew and niece into his life and how their being here at our house causes his order to be mostly lost, he does often pull it together and shows his caring side.
Saturday evening, I watched Ryker climb up on Aaron’s bed and hand Aaron his current favorite Golden Book.
Aaron took the book and started reading Goldilocks and The Three Bears.
When I read that book to Ryker, I use all the voices. Papa Bear has a deep voice. Mama Bear has a medium voice. Baby bear has a little baby voice. Ryker does the same when he “reads” it to us.
When I read it to Ryker, though, we don’t make it through the whole book in one sitting because Ryker is soon off and running to his next adventure.
So, there was Aaron propped up in bed with Ryker kneeling on the bed nearby staring at him. Aaron began to read Goldilocks and The Three Bears.
Except Aaron read the story with no inflection in his voice…no deep voice or medium voice or baby voice.
No excitement. No change in his voice when he read a question.
Just a monotone monologue. It was really hilarious.
And Ryker didn’t move a muscle.
Maybe he was in shock. I have no idea.
But for the first time that I have seen at our house, Ryker let Aaron read the whole book.
I think Ryker senses a difference in Aaron but in his innocence, he accepts his Unkie Aaron just the way he is.
Oh, that we could all do the same!
Especially when Aaron’s life, like his stack of books, has lost its order and we think we might lose our minds.
Ryker let Aaron finish reading his book.
Sometimes we need to let Aaron finish his book with us, too…to try to understand him as we listen to his anger and his words.
To accept Aaron as he is while still trying to teach him and show him that there are other ways to manage life when he loses his order of books.
He Said What?! 
💖
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Thank you for reading, Ana!
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Seeing Aaron read an entire book to Ryker in his monotone voice must have been a real treat for you after the “order” issue. Perhaps Aaron’s deadpan narration was relaxing to his nephew. But, I also think you’re right-Ryker was baffled! 🙂
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It was so funny and cute. I ran downstairs with the monitor so I could let the family hear it. I wish I had gotten a video but that might have spoiled the moment. Ryker looks baffled at Aaron at other times, too, like when Aaron is walking across the yard to go inside and Ryker yells, “Bye-bye, Unkie Aaron!” And Aaron just keeps walking and doesn’t answer. Haha! Ryker has lots to learn.
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Ryder will benefit so much from his relationship with Aaron. He’ll likely develop more compassion and understanding of others who are different or have special needs. Ryker’s mind is a sponge-everything is going in there. God bless him. 😁
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My prayer is that God will use Aaron, roughness and all, to enlarge Ryker’s world and his compassions. And the same for little Cora. Thank you, Nancy!
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You’re welcome, Patty!
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There are important insights here for all of us, Patty.
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Thank you, Mitch.
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Those two sound like they are good for each other. Thanks for sharing that special moment.
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Yes, they really are and in more ways than I’m sure we realize.
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I just love this understanding of Aaron and of autism entry. We have such a different and challenging task of dealing with our special ones. You write so tenderly and so well! See you soon. I didn’t write the time on my calendar. Was it 11:30 or 12? Thanks
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Thank you, Louise. I think every mom of our specials should write their insights – you included! What a resource that would be! And thanks for texting me earlier. See you on Saturday.
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I love the pairing of honesty and grace in this post. It really resonates with some circumstances in my life and provides helpful perspective – and humor! What strikes me through so much of your writing is the way God uses what we can’t change to change us and grow us in our ability to have grace for others.
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You have expressed the truth of growth and grace so well, Kara. Some days I have to dig deep for grace to show to Aaron, but I am often reminded of how that must be how God is with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for reading mine.
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Such great perspective! I can’t even imagine the depths of patience God has had with me but I am so grateful for it and hope it translates in some small way to the people around me as it has for you with Aaron ❤️
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You are a gifted writer, my friend! Not only so you explain well the challenges you face as Aaron’s parents, but you provide insights that benefit us all. Today you’ve reminded me to be accepting of those who are a bit different and show them grace. I’m so thankful you continue to write when you can!
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Ah, my friend, thank you. I’m a work in progress, for sure, even after all these years with Aaron. I wish I was always full of grace but I’m thankful that God is.
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Your wisdom and words just get sweeter all the time. Thank you for sharing these precious moments with us, Patty.
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You are so encouraging to me, Alicia. I feel more and more like I don’t express myself well, and I so often lack motivation to even try. Your words were a gift to me. Thank you!
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That’s Satan trying to be sneaky and causing doubt. ….I think there’s a book you “need to get in order”…the one where you publish your story in hard copy format. You have a great gift for words. A blessing to many.😉
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A book seems so daunting to me.
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If God leads you to it, He’ll lead you through it.
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Love that Aaron reads to Ryker. That is progress.
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It is, and just so sweet.
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Sometimes we can learn wonderful lessons from small children! I love Ryker’s ability to accept Aaron just as he is, and I’m sure you love seeing Aaron reading to him. You do such a good job of explaining the gamut of emotions you and your husband feel when dealing with Aaron, but what always comes through the most is the love you all have for each other. It may not always feel like it, but I am honestly sure you are doing a wonderful job of being Aaron’s mom!!!
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Thank you so much for that, Ann. Isn’t it interesting how young children are so accepting of differences in people. Some children never lose that ability but others do, and I wonder why that is. The tricky part when the child is young is to guard against Aaron hurting his heart when Aaron is angry. Some days are smooth sailing and others are like walking a mine field as we try to calm Aaron while protecting Ryker. We try our best with God’s help. Have a blessed weekend!
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Hi Patty! I was so glad to see you had written a new post! You are always a blessing to me, and you usually cause me to LOL! 😂 Never doubt your ability to write effectively. God gave you this gift. Blessings, my sister and friend!
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Thank you, my friend.
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The lessons we learn from children can be the best lessons of all!
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That’s so very true!
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