Do You Know Me?

One evening last week, Aaron had a money gift burning a hole in his pocket.  He knew exactly what he wanted, so off we went to Walmart to look at throw pillows.  He wanted one to rest his book on while reading at night.  Soon we were walking down the main aisle toward the check-out lanes, Aaron happily holding his very soft black pillow.  

Walking toward us was a cashier whose lane we have used several times when we have checked out.   While in her lane, Aaron, as usual, talks and talks to her while she scans our items.  He discusses with her what we have bought..what he likes that we have bought..does she like those too?…what he wanted but Mom wouldn’t let him get…would she want those?…why or why not?…and anything else that he can quickly grab out of thin air before it’s time for us to walk away.

Aaron spied her as she walked toward us.  She gave us a nice smile.  I said hello and smiled in return.  Then Aaron stopped beside her and stared.  She wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“Do you know me?” he asked her.  

“Well, I scan your items sometimes and I remember you,” she replied, relaxing some and smiling at Aaron.

“It’s almost my BIRTHDAY!!” he exclaimed.

She wished him a happy birthday as I took his arm to lead him on and thanked her.

Oh, Aaron.

So unabashedly himself.  

Of course she remembers you, I thought to myself.  LOTS of people remember you.

But then it hit me.  It’s one thing to remember Aaron.  It’s quite another thing to KNOW Aaron.

“Do you know me?” he asked.

Aaron wasn’t diagnosed with autism until he was 14 years old.  We remember many incidents during those years before his diagnosis.  We remember his behaviors and quirks increasing but everyone attributing it to his seizure meds or the effects of the seizures themselves.  It was an extremely stressful time.

His autism diagnosis answered so many questions for us.  Off we set on this journey of understanding autism as it related to Aaron.

More importantly, however, we began to really understand Aaron through the tangled web of autism.  

In other words, we were getting to know Aaron for the complex person that he is.  

To REALLY know him.

It’s fun to know the funny side of Aaron.

We smile at the quirky side of Aaron.

And to enjoy the things that Aaron enjoys.

All those traits, and many more, are easy to roll with and relish.

But…and there’s always a “but,” isn’t there?

But there is an equal part of Aaron that can be very stressful and upsetting.

Sometimes, the upsets are mild, like when he uses multiple utensils for every meal.  Or doesn’t even use all of them but he needs each of them for reasons that are very real to him.  

Or how he can’t have just one CD of a particular artist that he is listening to but must have all of them out of the cabinet at the same time, strewn around the van or hidden under his bed.

How his routine and schedule are so important to him, to the point that he has a very hard time yielding any of it to our schedule, or to understand interruptions.

How hard it is so many times to wait on us when we’re going somewhere.  His impatience turns to anger, which can spread quickly to us.  

And then he carries that anger on some days to his day group, where he takes it out on others and has a no good, very bad day.  Here he is on one such very bad day.

It’s heartbreaking to see his struggles.  

“Do you know me?” I imagine him saying to us or to those who work with him.

Knowing Aaron…really knowing Aaron…takes lots of time and experience.  Lots of hard knocks and long nights and balancing acts.

Many days it’s one step forward and two steps back.

“Do you know me?” he asks again.

Sometimes we answer yes through gritted teeth, through tears, or anger and harsh words.

And then guilt.

Guilt that even though we know Aaron, we don’t always remember how he will react to even the most mundane things…things like a facial expression, a tone of voice, or a hand movement that pushes him over the edge.

But there is another thing we know.  

We know that God designed Aaron to be truly unique.  

God gave Aaron to us to love and to care for.  

And God knows that we need His strength and wisdom every single day.

“Do you know me?” Aaron asks again.

“Yes, Aaron,” we reply.  “We know you, and we will always remember that we love you in all your variety.”

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Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

32 thoughts on “Do You Know Me?”

  2. Truly, I can’t imagine anyone “knows” Aaron like you and your husband. Interesting how what the cashier said and how your mind processed it were different initially. I know for a fact I have done that too. Always love hearing stories about Aaron, and his uniqueness. I learn so much about myself through the process!

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  5. The pictures you included of Aaron are so revealing. His tender kind heart is apparent when he’s with animals. He must love to read or he wouldn’t have bought a pillow to provide comfort during what must be long reading sessions. I’m curious about Aaron’s taste in books. Thanks for the updates, Patty! 🙂

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    1. Aaron does love animals of every kind, including bugs and snakes. I’ve tried to find him places where he could volunteer with animals, but every place has strict rules that haven’t allowed him to do that. As for books, Aaron likes books of facts. He doesn’t like novels because he doesn’t relate to the interpersonal relationships. His favorite books are called Handy Answer Books. They have dozens of subjects, such as The Handy Weather Answer Book, The Handy History Answer Book, etc. The books ask questions and then give answers. Aaron loves them. They are logical, organized, and full of facts – some of Aaron’s favorite things. 🙂

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  7. I’m so glad God picked you to be Aaron’s mother. He deserves to be loved and lovingly cared for. So God picked you. That’s just how I feel. God loves you, Patty. And He loves Aaron even more than you do!

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  8. I love the reflection you’ve been able to gather after this experience. I’m sure it’s God’s desire that we take every opportunity to really dig into life’s experiences such as you’ve done here. And that question that Aaron asked makes me think of what Jesus might ask us, “Do you know me?” To know of Him is one thing but to truly “know Him” brings love, light, and purpose into our lives.

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  12. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. God loves us exactly as we are. The truth is, that none of us are perfect and we all fall short. (Romans 3:23). We each need God’s forgiveness and love. In life, we expect so much from ourselves and others. As we reflect on God’s goodness, we come to see everything in a different light. God’s pure light and love transforms how we see one another, how God imbues beauty in all of His children, and how unique that beauty is. God knows everything about us and loves us all the same. As we seek to love others in a new way of ‘seeing’, a new way of ‘knowing’, we are blessed beyond measure.

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    1. You expressed all these truths so well, Linda. God really does change how we see others. His love is to shine through us to everyone. If it doesn’t, then we need to really examine our hearts. Thank you for reading and for commenting. Blessings!

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  13. Patty, I read your post several mornings ago and that question of Aaron’s really hit me. The Lord truly uses Aaron’s words as that question met me each morning as I walked the dogs and spoke with the Lord and wrestled with answering- Lord, do I really know you? So please thank Aaron for me and thank you for giving flight to his question:) The Lord uses you both in such beautiful ways.

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    1. Thank you so much, Beth, for sharing your thoughts. Isn’t it just wonderful to be able to encourage each other by the lessons we learn from our children or our dogs? I love the variety of the lessons we all learn as we seek to know the Lord better. Blessings, Beth!

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