Month: March 2012

Aaron has been wanting to buy a Scooby Doo video, so today I let him take the last of his Christmas gift cash with him to Paradigm.  They go to Wal-Mart, usually, on Tuesday………..so I took a chance on giving him this extra money but I left him with specific instructions.

“Aaron,”  I said, “Don’t go right in and start buying a bunch of candy.  You can get some lunch, but look for that video you want.  You can bring the money home that you don’t spend.  You don’t have to spend it all.” 

Very clear, I thought.

Aaron came home this afternoon carrying a Wal-Mart bag……….but I could tell that it didn’t have a DVD in it.   I asked him if he found the DVD at Wal-Mart.

“No,” he said, “They didn’t have the DVD.  So I went to Subway and got a combo meal.  And then I got this………”   And he pulled out this huge bag of……………naturally……………Skittles. 

Aaron, I told you not to buy a bunch of candy.

He answered, “Mom, you said not to buy candy right away, so I didn’t.  I waited until after lunch to buy it.” 

He should go into politics.

On March 20, 1949, there was a wedding in the little mountain town of Welch, West Virginia.  This wedding was held in the home of Guy and Lillian Hollandsworth.  Jack King and Beth Hollandsworth were joined in marriage on this first day of spring.  It was a simple and sweet wedding.  Life was simpler in those days of 1949.  This tall, handsome man was very much in love with his pretty, petite bride.  She was happy to be secure in the love of this kind, gentle man.  No one outside of their close circle of family and friends gave any thought to this wedding day.  To me, though, it was a monumental day.  You see, I call this special couple Mom and Dad. 

Beth was the youngest child of Guy and Lillian Hollandsworth.  Guy was the school principal in Welch.  Jack was the youngest of two children born to Christal and J.W. King in Oakvale, West Virginia.  Beth’s brother, Luther, was dating Dad’s sister, Mary.  Through that connection, another connection was forming.  Beth had transferred from Berea College in Kentucky to Marshall University, where she completed her degree in Home Economics.  She was teaching back in her home in Welch.  Jack had followed his dad’s footsteps and began working for the Norfolk and Western railroad at the age of 17. 

When Luther would make it to Princeton to visit Mary, Jack would be sure to drive Luther back to his home in Welch.  Jack had ulterior motives for being so helpful to Luther, for sure, and her name was Beth.  Beth was pretty and popular, and had her fill of selfish young men.  Jack was kind, a man of integrity, and she noticed that difference.  Love blossomed between the two.  Their first date was to make a trip down to North Carolina to watch a Tarheel football game.  They stayed with Luther and Mary, who had married.  Jack and Beth shared a love of sports and of music, especially classical music.  And on this particular trip, Beth wondered why Jack referred to red pine trees, and was so relieved to find out that he was simply color blind.  They loved telling stories about their first date!

Jack asked Beth to marry him and she happily said yes.  They planned to marry sometime in the spring of 1949, and always laughed when they told about how they married on the first day of spring.  Well, it WAS spring!  Beth stayed in Welch to finish out her year of teaching, and Jack lived in Princeton, where he worked for the railroad.  Jack would drive to Welch on weekends to see his bride.  He and Beth would often tell the story of Jack’s one and only speeding ticket that he got on one of those drives as he hurried to be with Beth.  They always had a twinkle in their eyes as they shared those memories.

When Beth’s school year was finished, in June, she moved to Princeton to join Jack in a little upstairs apartment that they called home.  Over the next few years they were blessed with five children:  Mary Beth, John, Jan, Patty, and Kathryn.  Life was a little more complicated then with Jack working long hours, and Beth keeping the home running smoothly……..or as smoothly as she could with five children and a husband who had very long work days, worked on weekends, or was called in during the middle of the night for train derailments. 

Jack was a good man, but had never asked Christ to be his personal Lord and Savior.  A man he worked with, Basil Selvey, led Jack to the Lord in the early 50’s.  Jack listened to the radio, growing in his faith as he listened to The Old Fashioned Revival Hour with Dr. Charles Fuller, and to the Radio Bible Class with M. R. DeHaan.  Beth was very committed to her denomination, so Jack kept mostly quiet about his new faith as he continued to grow and to pray for Beth.  Beth was a beautiful soloist and would sing for various church events and revivals.  She sang the song “I’d Rather Have Jesus” for a particular revival, where Jimmy Jones was the preacher, and while singing she knew that she didn’t really mean what she was singing.  Soon she was saved, and she and Jack were truly joined as one. 

Through the years, Jack and Beth…………..Mom and Dad………….were totally devoted to Christ.  They lived out their faith as they raised us five children, and struggled through the ups and downs of life.  I’ve never known anyone else as faithful and devoted as my Mom and Dad, to each other and to the Lord and to us children.  There are many stories that could be told of their love and their dedication.  On this day, which would have been their 63rd anniversary, I think of the example they were to each of us children and to our spouses and our children, of true devotion and love. 

As they got older, they retired just a few months apart and then were inseparable.  They traveled together, went to get groceries together, shopped for Mom’s sewing or quilting supplies together, went to ballgames together, and one would only go to bed when the other one was ready.  When Dad was diagnosed with cancer, Mom went to his treatments with him and was with him every step of the way during those 8 years of his hard fought battle to live.

Dad wanted to live because of Mom.  Not only was he worried about how she would fare without him, for he knew that she was becoming very forgetful, he also could not imagine going to heaven without her.  That issue was the final letting-go that he had to do before he went to heaven.  I went home to help take care of Dad the month before he died.  Their devotion was as strong as ever.  When Dad had to have a hospital bed, Mom would sleep in their bed, pulled up close beside his bed, and they would hold hands through the bars. 

One day they decided that they wanted some Long John Silvers for lunch, so I got Dad all settled in his wheelchair in the living room.  He was facing Mom, who was sitting on the couch.  I left to get our lunch, and when I returned I was shocked at what I saw.  There the two of them sat, on the couch, snuggled together holding hands.  As I walked in, they both looked like teenagers who had been caught making out!  Mom sheepishly told me that it was Dad’s idea, that he wanted to sit by her on the couch, and he shook his head yes in agreement to her story.  The transfer of Dad to the couch scared them both……….the wheelchair, Dad’s catheter, Mom’s lack of strength…………..but to them it was so worth the risk!  I tried to fuss at them, but it truly was a precious moment.  Who would deny them any opportunity to be near each other again…….to sit on the couch and hold hands, alone…………..to experience a moment of joy and love that was to end all too soon? 

On December 4, 2008, Mom and Dad sat on their couch once more…………holding hands and telling John and I the timeless story of their courtship and early married life.  Mom did most of the talking, with Dad slowly lifting his head to look at her and smile his sweet, loving smile.  That was the last time I sat with my Dad and talked to him.  He went on to heaven on December 10…….without Mom.  He’s happy and content with Jesus, we know that beyond a doubt.  Mom is the one who is lonely, who sheds the tears, and lives in the wonderful memories……….memories that are nearly faded from her now as she struggles with the ravages of Alzheimers. 

But some day she and Dad will be together again, for eternity, in heaven.  And we children will be left with our memories of faithful parents who loved each other totally to the very end.  Those are memories that I’m forever thankful for, and a marriage that has been a beautiful example to follow.

As we watched basketball yesterday, a commercial came on for the upcoming “60 Minutes” broadcast.  There was that clock…………tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Aaron listened.  Then he excitedly blurted out, “That sounds like DNA!!!  You know…….that stuff that explodes!!”

Uh, Aaron…………..don’t you mean TNT? 

I really don’t want to worry about my DNA exploding. 

I just wanted to tell a little quickie on Aaron.  You know how I’ve written about the fact that he has a hard time pinpointing where someone is from, or does this or that country have such and such a food or religion or music?

Well, last night at supper he was telling Gary and I about how he had read something about Japan.  He then asked, “Aren’t they the people that do a wrestle?”

A wrestle? 

“Yeah,” he continued, “You know, that wrestle that they do.”

Through questioning him, we found out that he meant that kicking and yelling wrestle.  When we asked, “Do you mean Ninjas?”  he excitedly answered, “Yes!  Ninjas!” 

I’m so glad it wasn’t the Sumo wrestling he was talking about.  I’m still not over Aaron’s striped underwear.  I don’t need to talk about Sumos right now. 

When it comes to areas of modesty, Aaron is pretty much on track with the rest of us………….but not totally.  Just ask Andrea about the times Aaron has started up the hall in his skivvies, sees Andrea, and isn’t very embarrassed at all.  Maybe he’s a little TOO comfortable with family?

And then there have been the golden moments when someone has been here who is not family and Aaron begins to tell them about his Vegal Nerve Stimulator, and about how he had to have surgery to have it put in, and do you want to see it?……………..and then he yanks his shirt up to show his scar and to point out the round VNS that is under his skin.  There is a simultaneous chorus from the rest of us standing there as reach toward Aaron and yell, “NOOOOOO!!”………but it’s too late and the poor visitor is treated to a view of all of Aaron from his pants up as he proudly shows his scar and then squeezes the VNS under his skin (yuck!) and…………..well, it’s just a speechless moment for our hapless guest and a red-faced moment for the family.   Oh, but not for Aaron.  He’s just very sure that everyone wants to see a good scar and experience seeing a VNS under someones skin and then see where the leads hook up in his neck.  If we’re having dinner, I do try to assure that this occurrence is AFTER dinner – but with Aaron, you never know. 

I bought Aaron some new underwear last year…………new design, new style………and he was very interested in all this newness.   Some of them are striped.  I don’t know why they are striped, but they are.  So the next day I was in the bathroom fixing my hair, and Aaron had just showered.  Soon I heard that familiar thump, thump, thump that meant he was walking up the hall to my room.   He purposefully came into the bathroom……….wearing only a pair of the new striped underwear.  “Mom!!  See?!  I look like a zebra!!” 

There are some things that I should not have to see………..and I’m not talking about a zebra.  I enjoy seeing zebras at the zoo.  I did NOT enjoy seeing Aaron standing in my bathroom in his new striped underwear, telling me that he looked like a zebra.  He did NOT look like a zebra.  He looked like…………never mind.  Anyway, I told him that he should not be walking around in his underwear and he could not understand why I wasn’t interested in seeing him look like a zebra and I told him to please leave and go dress………..while I tried to free my mind from the image I had just endured.

Yesterday after Aaron got home from his day group, he and I took Jackson on a walk around the circle.  When we got back to the house, Aaron went right up to his room to undress and get his comfy pajamas on.  In a few minutes I headed up the stairs, only to find Aaron undressing in his room with the door open…………and only his underwear on.  He heard me at the moment that I saw him through his open door and as he scooted out of the way, he said, “Woops!”   And I said, “Aaron!  Are you undressed?”

Whereupon he replied, “No!  I have my underwear on!” 

I don’t even want to know at what level Aaron must think he has to be in order to be “undressed.” 

We obviously have some work to do. 

Aaron loves nuts………….the kind he eats, not the ones he lives with.  Anyway, not only does he enjoy eating nuts, but he’s fascinated with all the variety of nuts there are.  He thinks it’s neat that we have two pecan trees…………….pee-con, as he calls them. 

Often Aaron says, “Mom, I found a pee-con when I was in the mulch today!  Who put it there?”  And so we have our usual discussion about the squirrels that steal all of our pee-cons, or maybe the birds that drop the pee-cons, and how the squirrels bury the pee-cons, and why they sometimes forget where they buried the pee-cons, and how long that particular pee-con may have been there…………….I don’t care about pee-cons at all at that point. 

I bought a large can of mixed nuts last week at Sam’s, hoping that they would last a long time.  That usually means I need to hide them from Aaron, but he’s pretty much like a squirrel in being able to find the hidden nuts.  And then he hides his stash that he pours in his favorite snack bowl………..usually under his bed.  I really need to clean under there some day.  No telling what I’ll find. 

Not much escapes Aaron’s observations, and the mixed nuts certainly do intrigue him.  Aaron doesn’t just pop them in his mouth and happily eat.  He has examined the unique characteristics of each variety of nut, and loves to share what he has noticed. 

He thinks pee-cons that we buy in the store and that are part of the mixed nuts are very interesting.  “Mom!  I like that nut.”

Which nut is that, Aaron?

“I don’t know the name, but it’s the one that’s wrinkled.” 

He was surprised the first time that I told him the wrinkled nuts were pee-cons, like the ones that grow on our tree and that the squirrels steal and hide.  But to Aaron they are the wrinkled nuts.

“Mom, look at this nut.  It’s fat!”

The fat nut is a cashew, but fat nut is much easier to remember…………and perhaps relate to? 

On Saturday, in a moment of conviction, he handed me the bowl of nuts that had been hidden under his bed.  He excitedly said, “Mom!  I noticed something!  Some of those nuts have wrappings.” 

Wrappings.  Who would have thought to call the skin a wrapping?  Only Aaron!

“So what do I do with that wrapping, Mom?  Do I need to take it off?”

I have no idea why Aaron was asking me now about whether he should take the wrapping off when he’s eaten how many thousand wrapped nuts.  But I assured him that it was fine for him to eat the wrapping……..or the skin, if you’re boring…………and he was very relieved.

Unwrapping all those nuts could take awhile!  Hmmm…….maybe I should have told him that he needed to unwrap them.  He might eat a lot less!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…………life with Aaron isn’t always a walk in the park.  He truly is as funny and perceptive and delightful as I portray him in the stories I tell.  Yet there is also a flip side to Aaron.  I’ve mentioned that fact in the past, several times.  As I try to preserve Aaron’s dignity and respect yet share our real life with an adult child with Asperger’s Syndrome, I realize that I need to be truthful but wise in what I share in this regard.  In addition, I don’t want to appear whiny or complaining. 

Life for any of us is very real and raw at times.  Usually we want to put on our happy face for the world to see, even when our lives are tiring or distressing.  My happy face was rapidly disappearing this morning, believe me!  Sometimes I really don’t know what sets Aaron on the path of anger, but he sure was trotting unhappily along that path as I was urging him to get his day started. 

Here is the quote again from the article Understanding the Student with Asperger’s Syndrome:  Guidelines for Teachers, written by Karen Williams.  “Rage reactions/temper outbursts are common in response to stress/frustration.  Children (or adults! – my words) with AS rarely seem relaxed and are easily overwhelmed when things are not as their rigid views dictate they should be.  Interacting with people and coping with the ordinary demands of everyday life take continual Herculean effort.” 

I wanted to use some Herculean effort this morning to toss Aaron through the window.  Is that honest enough?  All moms know that yo-yo pattern of good moments/bad moments which can completely overwhelm our reason and our ability to cope.  With Aaron it’s very complicated because he often has such a hard time expressing to me just what it is that stressed him to the point of becoming enraged.  I knew today that he was struggling to get off the computer; didn’t want to shower; then said he didn’t want to go bowling today, etc., etc.

Deep breathing on my part, talking gently to him with an even tone, watching the John Carter movie trailer, offering him pizza for breakfast………none of it was working very well to defuse his rising anger.  His comments about not wanting to bowl and my assurances that he didn’t have to bowl but could instead do another activity were getting nowhere.  He finally slammed his medicine container on the kitchen counter and pills flew everywhere.  When Aaron is in a rage like this, he almost always wants to break something.  My presence is important in order to keep that from happening, but my presence is often an irritant to him.  This was the moment that I wanted that Herculean effort to be used in tossing Aaron out the window, but instead had to use it to remain calm yet firm.  There is a balance there, so hard to achieve at times, but crucial if this moment is to pass without more slamming or breaking of things.

I turned away, prayed, had quite a few deep breaths, and turned again to sit at the table and talk to Aaron.  We discussed what options he had for this day and I could see that he was emotionally coming down.  He was talking with more calmness and reason as he began to eat his pizza, and then helped himself to the three remaining cinnamon bread sticks.  Finally he was happy, talking like our typical Aaron, and completely unaware and furthermore, uncaring of the fact that I was emotionally drained. 

Aaron was picked up by Cody this morning because I was unsure of the timing of a delivery here at home.  I went outside to do something and when I returned, Aaron told me that as he drank his coffee his hand jerked.  He dropped his coffee, a large container, and it went all over the family room floor, rug, and ottoman.  Cody was in the driveway, so I walked out with Aaron, who was sorry about the coffee but very happy to be going with Cody.  He had coffee on his once-clean, beige shirt but he didn’t care.  Off they drove, and for the second time this morning I found myself on my knees cleaning up Aaron’s mess.  He can’t help his jerks…………they often come after stress or after seizures.  Still………….what a mess!

Yet once again God used this son of mine to draw my thoughts to Him.  I find myself often serving Aaron in ways that can be frustrating, demeaning, insulting even.  As I serve Aaron, though, I know that I am serving God.  God has given us this boy, this Aaron who can one minute be making us laugh and the next minute be requiring our extreme patience.  There will be consequences for his actions, but there must also be unconditional love.  I drug the rug out to the patio to air it out and let it dry, and finished cleaning the family room.  Life goes on………..I forgive and though I can’t forget, I once again will welcome Aaron home today and see that his needs are met.

God does the same for me, every single day of my life.  He is ever patient and kind to me;  He forgives me when I fail and sin;  He always loves me;  His Son even demeaned Himself to come as a human and die for me.  He not only forgives my sin, but He forgets them!  He doesn’t hold them over my head, even when I may have consequences for my actions.  He welcomes and desires my fellowship, and meets every need I have.  How can I do any less for my Aaron?

And there are always reasons to be thankful.  I knew this morning that I could be thankful for:
1.  The fact that this particular rug doesn’t show stains, including coffee
 that have been left on that rug.
3.  That it’s a warm day, perfect for airing out rugs.
4.  That now I have a chance, or a reason, to clean under the rug………if I don’t see it, I don’t
 clean it!
5.  That Aaron is with his day group and I have some breathing room…………and that I did NOT
throw him out of the window. 

It is a good thing that we don’t have a big bay or picture window, though…………talk about tempting! 

Guess what we had for supper.  YES!!  The Dinner in a Box from Pizza Hut!

 Andrea came for a visit, and she and I were wondering what Aaron’s reaction would be.  He walked into the kitchen, saw the rectangle box, and smiled…………….but he rarely acts super excited about anything. 

I said, “Aaron, look what I got us for supper!” 

I opened the box and he said, “Square!”

He loved the square pieces, and after eating a piece, and asking for a bread stick, he asked for another “square piece of pizza.” 

And believe me, he didn’t have one bit of trouble figuring out how to eat this strange, square pizza!

Last night as we watched a little television, a Pizza Hut commercial came on that shows their Dinner in a Box.  It’s interesting to see how something like this will grab Aaron’s attention, and demonstrate how difficult it can be for him to accept a change in what is, to him, considered normal. 

In this case, normal consists of pizza that is round.  The rectangular pizza in Pizza Hut’s Dinner in a Box is not round.  Therefore, this strange pizza is not normal.  The end.

And so as the commercial aired, Aaron was observing this unnatural pizza.  He gave a disdainful, “Hmmpff!”  and then proceeded to talk about this weird, wanna-be pizza.

“Mom, that’s not a pizza!”

Yes, Aaron, it is a pizza.

“Well, it’s not round like a pizza!”

Aaron, pizza doesn’t have to be round to be pizza.

“So how do you eat it?”

Uh……..you eat it like you eat anything.  You pick it up and put it in your mouth and chew it!

“No, Mom!  It’s not round!”

But Aaron, you just cut it and eat it like you do a round pizza.

“But it’s not a triangle!”

You’re right.  When you cut it, it’s either a square or a rectangle.  But it’s still pizza.

“Even though it’s not a triangle, it’s still pizza?”

Yes, Aaron.

“And that’s how you eat it?”

That’s right.

“Well, I’m not used to that!”

No, Aaron – you’re not used to that rectangle pizza.  And so I need to buy us a Pizza Hut Dinner in a Box and then we will watch Aaron’s reaction to this non-round pizza that is not a triangle shape when you cut it. 

Nothing is mundane when Aaron is around………….even pizza!