A Blessing or a Bother
Our Both Way
He loves peanuts, so while I was shopping at Dillon’s this past Friday I got him some peanuts. However, these peanuts are not like the Planters peanuts that he has had recently. The only difference is that they are the Dillon’s brand. I should have known! He won’t eat them! AAHHHH!!! But he took them to Paradigm today to either give away, or somehow to force some down himself. Good grief! They can’t be that different……….to anyone but Aaron!![]() |
| Aaron excited about trying to feed Jackson |
And he will always and forever have a spoon with every meal. He will also have multiple forks and other utensils, even if he doesn’t intend to use them. Notice this picture of him with his plate of eggs this morning……..and a spoon.
JACKSON: Aaron loves our Great Dane, Jackson. He actually really loves to feed Jackson. It doesn’t matter what it is……….a piece of popcorn, a Mike and Ike, a stick………….Aaron will hold it out for Jackson to sniff and examine, in the hopes that Jackson will scarf it down. One reason we quit buying rawhides and other treats was because Aaron would inevitably find our hiding place, and then every time we turned around Jackson would have a rawhide dangling from his mouth like a giant cigar. BED TIMES: When I say bed times, I mean that Aaron keeps a list of the times that he turns his light out at night, and the times that he gets up in the morning. He does this Every. Single. Day. Here is but one page of his recorded bed times. He has filled up multiple notebooks over the years.
HANDY ANSWER BOOKS: Aaron loves his Handy Answer Books. They come in a wide variety of subjects. He will, as with movies, read these books from the very first word to the very last word……….including the table of contents, the index, and the lists at the end of resources or web sites. Last night he showed me this page that he had come to in his reading. He didn’t think that this would be very interesting to him……….but this morning I saw his bookmark placed a couple pages over, showing that he had indeed read this part that he wasn’t very excited about reading. I knew he would! It’s got to be more exciting than the index!
TOILETS: I wrote once about Aaron’s long-standing fear of toilets. Here is a link to that blog post: http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2012/01/toilets.html. There are many facets of this fear. We have three new toilets in our house and all of them have a much smaller amount of water in them than our old ones did. Aaron is sure that these toilets are stopped up……….a battle that he has yet to quiet overcome. He pretty frequently will tell us that one of the toilets is stopped up, but it’s usually not. He will not venture near it until he is sure that it’s in the clear.
SURRENDER
Get Lost
Sleeping in a Wrong Direction
No Electricity??!!
Gary grilled turkey burgers and turkey hot dogs on the grill, and Aaron ate a couple hot dogs while trying to sneak some to Jackson – always. Then he and I played Skip-Bo by lantern light, and he was very happy about that……even when I won! And just as we finished our game, the power came back on!! Before I could hardly blink, Aaron had vanished. He was in his room in record time, turning his computer on and treasuring at least a short time to play his game. He wasn’t even angry when it was time to get off and get ready for bed. The storm had truly passed, at least for that day.I’m Iknorin’ You!
He got up on his own yesterday. Andrea was busy getting ready to head back to Texas. I found Aaron sprawled out on her floor, petting her little dog, Darcy……..who was trying to hide under her desk because she doesn’t exactly trust Aaron. Darcy is a perceptive little doggie. She doesn’t like Aaron’s booming noises, or how he bursts through closed doors, or his clapping, or his loud talking. She does like the fact that he slips her treats………treats like gummy worms, or peanuts, or pieces of meat under the dinner table. Therefore, Darcy will timidly allow Aaron to pet her as she searches his outstretched hand for a little food nugget. Aaron had no such treat in his hand as he laid there petting her, so she stayed under the desk, keeping her distance as best she could. Smart little Darcy.FADING AWAY
But with my dear mother, there is very little sharing now. There is surface talk and politeness, but the soul and the connections are mostly gone……..from her side. For us – her children and grandchildren – we are always connected to her in ways that she probably no longer feels. We must accept, though, that the motherly affirmation and expression that even as adults we still long for……..are for the most part gone.
So many times I have found myself thinking that I would call Mom and ask her for some advice……….ask her how she made a certain dish……..ask her for a bit of family history that I wonder about. But then I know that most or all of this part of her is gone. Forever gone. This is a sobering realization. My totally competent, amazingly organized and gifted mother, is now the one who needs Jan or Jeanie to organize and manage her daily life.
She no longer looks at her calendar and knows that March 20 is her anniversary or that May 2 was Dad’s birthday or that September 14 is her own birthday. This past Christmas, Jan wrote a note that was taped on each of Mom’s presents under her tree. The note simply said, “Do Not Open.” Yet shortly before Christmas day, Bob and Jan walked in to Mom’s apartment and found that she had opened every single present……….and was ready to put the tree away. We smile as we see in that episode a side of our organized mother that is still there. Let’s get the show on the road and then clean up the mess!
Mom’s wit and her love of jokes and puns is almost legendary. Yet now, at least when I talk to her, she seems rather flat. Conversation lags between us because she has trouble with making important connections. It’s hard to find something to talk about when she can’t even remember what that thing is that her cat, Princess, sits in front of………and I gently remind her that it is a window. “Oh yes!” she says. “The window!” And I am struck with just how deeply she is affected……….and how deeply then we all are affected by this fading of her mind and memory.
I love this picture of her, though, still working at The Hunger Challenge at Johnston Chapel. Still serving and smiling and enjoying being able to help. That part of our mother is still there, as is her kindness and her concern for others. This exemplifies my mother to her core, and I’m thankful that she can still physically do these things, though somewhat limited.
This gradual letting go…….this sitting on the sidelines of her life and watching her gradually slip away……..is heartbreaking for all of us. There is really nothing we can do but be there for her, as Bob and Jan, and John and Jeanie, are every day. We can tell her about our families, even as we sense that she’s not sure exactly who we are talking about.
And we can, and do, tell her how much we love her. Someday even those words won’t really reach her. But we reach into our hearts and into our memories, and we recognize her value to each of us in so many different ways. Our love for her is not based on her memory or lack thereof.
I also realize how important it is that I say to my children the words that I want them to hear from me. Someday I may not be able to say them, even though I may still be here physically. Words of encouragement, instruction, family history, and love………words I hope they store away in their hearts forever.
Our sweet little mommy is fading away, but her example and influence is as strong as ever. In fact, her impact in our lives is eternal and we are all so thankful for that fact…..and for her.
















