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Movie Day With Rosie

A few days before Aaron’s birthday, he and I sat across from each other at our kitchen table.  He was excitedly telling me of all that he hoped would happen on his birthday…..dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then over to our house for apple pie and ice cream…..and most important, Rosie would be coming…..right, Mom?  Then he asked me if Rosie could bring her favorite movie to our house for her and Aaron to watch after they ate pie and ice cream, and after he opened his presents. 

He was so hopeful about that scenario.  I just looked at this man of mine that is still in many ways a child, and I felt a huge lump forming in my throat.  I tried to swallow it away, but the lump was also in my heart and that’s not so easy to swallow or wish away.  Sometimes I’m slapped in the face with the reality that Aaron wants to have a normal life where he makes his own decisions about things like time with Rosie.  Yet he must always involve his parents, because he needs our permission and he needs us to drive and he needs us to accompany him and he needs us to pay for things.  How would I handle a life like that?  And how do we parents handle our adult children’s desires for a normal life?  Those thoughts and emotions were swirling in my head as I heard Aaron ask again if I thought he and Rosie could watch a movie that night of his birthday.

As it turned out, they did not get to watch a movie because the night was getting late.  He and Rosie seemed fine with that.  Aaron was full of talk when they left, worried that Rosie didn’t have fun because she was afraid that our big dog would come upstairs……happy that she got to ride with him in our van to Outback and to our house……happy that Rosie’s mom and dad came, and that they all went upstairs to see his room.  So childlike, yet with adult desires, as well.

So it was wonderful when Louise called me the next day, and together we planned to take Aaron and Rosie to see the new movie “Big Hero 6.”  Aaron and Rosie anticipated it all week, talking and talking about it.  Aaron had already seen the movie and he knew that Rosie would like it.  And he was just very happy to actually be going to the theater again with Rosie, something that he has missed so much since she started going to another day group. 

Aaron and I met Rosie and Louise at the theater.  There came Rosie, clutching several crayons in her hand and carrying her coloring book.   As soon as we were seated in the theater, Rosie proceeded to open her coloring book and color away.  Aaron turned to me and started his usual talking, so finally I told him he should talk to Rosie…..and he immediately turned to Rosie and talked while she colored.  Then before I knew it he was talking to me…..and I reminded him to talk to Rosie…..and this scene was repeated several times until the movie started.

Aaron reached down to get his popcorn when he was satisfied that it was the right time to do that, which must be when the movie starts.  I nearly laughed when he held it far away from me in order to be sure that Rosie got first choice of a fist full of popcorn.  Louise brought a hamburger to Rosie then, so I took that time to grab some popcorn……but soon Rosie and Aaron were sharing the bucket of kernels again, and I just enjoyed watching their sweet routine that they know all too well from several years of sharing popcorn together. 

There sat Louise on one end, beside Rosie……and me on the other end, beside Aaron……with our two “kids” between us.  It was like we were chaperones.  It was fun and dear and sweet.  Of course, Aaron laughed too loud and too often, so I did my usual patting of his leg and whispering for him to be quiet.  Rosie seemed oblivious to Aaron’s loud laughter.  I’m sure she’s completely used to Aaron’s ways.

After the movie, as we walked through one of the lobbies, Aaron and Rosie agreed to let Louise take their picture beside Big Hero 6 himself……or sort of.  They show their happiness in this picture……adults standing there with a child’s delight.  That could also describe me and Louise as well as we laughed, and then as we walked out of the theater together, chattering and laughing in the cold. 
 
It was a good day……a sweet day.  I’m glad that we took the time to let our kids enjoy this movie day together.  Sometimes making these events happen can be a sacrifice of our time as a parent, especially us older parents who look around and realize that most parents our age are well beyond these years……or are doing these things with grandchildren.  Yet there are so many harder things we could be forced to do for our special needs children, and I know that we are surely blessed. 

Blessed, too, to be able to provide a way and a time and a place for our two special ones to enjoy part of a normal life together, participating in an activity that most other friends take for granted.  Aaron and Rosie have no idea of the way their happiness helps our mother hearts to feel soothed.  That sad lump in my heart was not an issue yesterday.  It was replaced by laughter and by joy as I  watched Aaron and Rosie have fun doing something totally normal. 

How do we parents of special needs children handle our adult children’s desires for a normal life?  Well, in this case, with a simple movie and some popcorn. 

Simply perfect!

Where’s The Pumpkin?

Aaron went to the pumpkin patch today with his day group.  Every year that he has gone, he brings back a pumpkin that we place on our front porch.  Aaron’s always proud of his pumpkin patch pumpkin, and he loves seeing it sitting on our porch. 

Today he bounded in the door as always, jacket dragging on the floor.  He was full of things to tell me.  I got the first word in, though, as I quickly said hello and then asked him right away if he had enjoyed the pumpkin patch.  He said that it was OK, but he thought it was a little dumb.  That’s pretty typical Aaron.

He was more anxious to tell me something important, though, than to discuss anything else about the pumpkin patch.  “Mom,” he said in his urgent voice, with a sort of whisper sound thrown in.  I knew this was special, so I stopped what I was doing and I looked at him.

“Guess what I told Rosie today?” he asked. 

He waited, so I asked him to tell me what he told Rosie.

“I told Rosie that I love her,” he softly said.

We stood there, eye to eye for a few brief seconds, and then Aaron rubbed his hands together with delight and laughed a very happy laugh.

He then told me that Rosie gave him a hug.  And later he repeated the story to Andrea, with the same delight that he had conveyed it to me…..and to Gary, as well. 

Oh, after Aaron told me of his declaration to Rosie, I realized that he had not carried in a pumpkin.  I asked him where his pumpkin was.

“I gave my pumpkin to Rosie,” he happily said.  And off he went to his room.

Well now, isn’t that the way it is?  Mom is second fiddle now.  I may never get Aaron’s pumpkin patch pumpkin again.

And that’s the way it should be.   

Sharing Aaron

Share:  to partake of, experience, or enjoy with others.

Aaron, for some unknown reason, has been in a sharing mood lately.  It’s encouraging to Gary and me to see positive traits such as this in Aaron.  Anytime he thinks of others beyond himself, besides slapping them on the back or making a rude remark about them, makes us surprised and thankful.  His sharing of late has come in the form of bringing us little portions of his special snacks.  A couple cashews here, a few gummy bears there, a piece of gum thrown in the mix……it’s all been part of his sharing frame of mind recently.  Never mind that we are often fearful of actually putting any food item that Aaron brings us in our mouths.  We just never know where those hands of his have been, if you know what I mean.  According to our scientist daughter, being exposed to germs helps to build our immune systems.  Therefore, Gary and I should never be sick again in our natural lifetime. 

There are other forms of sharing that go on with Aaron, as well.  During supper a few days ago, Aaron told us about the song “YMCA” and how he had heard it on the radio in his day group van.  Aaron liked this song and he wanted to tell us all about it, and to ask lots of questions about it.  I noticed that Gary was on his phone and in just a few moments he held his phone up for Aaron to see and to listen…..to The Village People singing “YMCA.”  I just stopped eating and watched this scene.  Gary held his phone for Aaron as he watched Aaron’s reaction to the song and to the antics of The Village People as they did all the funny motions.  I watched Aaron’s face, too, but also Gary’s as I enjoyed the pure delight brought on by this simple moment.  Soon Gary pulled up another group, wanting to watch Aaron’s face when he told him to guess the name of this next group…..The Monkees!  Aaron laughed and we laughed as we both enjoyed the look of more delight on Aaron’s face.  “Yeah, yeah, we’re the Monkees…….”  

We were sharing Aaron…..and it was so much fun.

On Saturday afternoon, while Gary was immersed in being our IT man and working on my computer, I asked Aaron if he wanted to go out with me to do a little shopping.  He stood in the bathroom while I fixed my hair, hovering, thinking that his hovering would make me hurry and we could get this show on the road.  Soon he was coughing.  “You made my breath feel strong because of hair spray!” he sputtered.  That’s when he decided to wait for me downstairs.

Aaron’s all about shopping, always hoping that he’ll come home with some treat or item that’s just for him.  On the way to Big Lots, he asked, “Mom, is it about clothes?”  I assured him that this trip wasn’t about clothes, and he was able to relax then.  He helped me look at seasonal rugs, and then off we headed for Petco, where I told him I wanted to look for dog bed covers for Jackson……no rugs at Petco for me….and no clothes. 

We struck gold before we even got in the store, because there in the parking lot was a couple with a cart full of four amazingly adorable Mastiff puppies.  Aaron headed straight for them and they gladly let him pet their puppies.  Once in the store, Aaron had to show me the fish….the hamsters….the gerbils….the various birds….the ferret…..   I commented on how much the ferret cage smelled, so as we left the store, Aaron took it upon himself to stop at the front counter.  He didn’t care that there were people standing in line.  He stopped and informed the cashier that his mom said the ferret stunk, as he laughed and rubbed his hands together, and everyone stared at him…..and mom told Aaron to come on as she walked out the door like nothing at all was unusual.   Sharing Aaron…..

We ran into Bed, Bath, and Beyond….which Aaron confused with Bath and Body Works, so he was hoping it didn’t stink like all those things do in that store.  He didn’t mind the ferret but he thinks Bath and Body Works stinks?  Anyway, we found nothing in BBB, so I told him we would go to Kohl’s next…..and I didn’t tell him it has clothes.  We talked about fall, and I told him that I like this time of year and the colors of the trees.  “Yeah,” Aaron said.  “They don’t have leafs.” 

There were no rugs in Kohl’s, but Aaron found the coolest spider soap dispenser ever.  I would have hurried right by it, but not Aaron.  “Mom!!” he exclaimed loudly.  “Look at this!”  Others looked, too……sharing Aaron.

I suggested that we look inside Ross, right next door to Kohl’s, so Aaron gladly trotted along beside me…..ready to explore a new store.  It only took a second for him to see the hanging skeleton just inside the door…..and you know the rest.  We finally made it to the rug aisle, and looked at several styles and colors.  I would unfold one and look at it……put it back on the shelf and unfold another one……several times.  Aaron was about done with this silly rug business.  “Mom, you can’t make up your decision with rugs!” he said with a small measure of patience.  So I quickly made up my decision…..the one with dots, as Aaron described it, and we went to stand in the check-out line.

There were several customers in front of us on this busy Saturday.  While standing there, Aaron found a bag of gummy bears that I agreed to buy him.  He held his gummy bear bag but he was observing everything around him, as always.  At one of the counters there stood a man making his purchases…..a man with a very modern Mohawk hair cut…..and I should have seen it coming.

“Look at that guy’s hairdo!” Aaron broadcasted loudly.  The young lady in front of us turned and smiled while I smiled back, and also while I told Aaron to please try hard to whisper……but to try even harder not to comment on people…..in any way, shape, or form.  Please!  Not in ANY way, shape, or form whatsoever!  Sharing Aaron…..

We were finally driving home, rug and Aaron in tow…..and I was so thankful that either Aaron didn’t notice the other Mohawk hairdo man coming in the door as we left…..or he just decided that he would listen to Mom for a change and not comment.  Probably the former.  Anyway, as I drove Aaron said, “Mom, sometimes Brian at Paradigm does this.”  And I looked over to see Aaron comically trying to make his facial muscles move.  “And flaps his ears!” Aaron finished.   I laughed at the thought of flapping ears, which made Aaron very happy.  Sharing Aaron…..

Later that night, as I sat at my desk doing some things, I heard Aaron coming up the stairs.  Without saying a word, he plopped down several gummy bears for me.  I thanked him while determining in my mind if I should eat them, but Aaron walked away and I was saved from that decision for the moment.  But in just a minute I once again heard him coming upstairs, where he put even more gummy bears on my desk…..and walked out quickly.  Down the stairs he went…..and wouldn’t you know, soon he was headed back up.  He walked in my room again, but this time he didn’t leave me any gummy bears.  Instead he reached down and took some off my personal pile of gummies, smiled, and started out the door.

“Are those for dad?” I guessed.  And he said they were for Dad, and thumped down two sets of stairs to give his gummy gift to Dad.  Aaron sharing….

I looked down at my remaining gummy bears and saw three soft bears there on my desk calendar.  Three bears…..Aaron, Gary, and me, I thought.  How perfect! 

Gary and I, sharing life and sharing Aaron.

And Aaron, sharing with us…..more than just gummy bears.  Sharing his unique way of living, in many different ways, shapes, and forms. 

 

 

What Wasn’t and What Was and What Should Have Been


We’ve had a few interesting days with Aaron.  I think the older that Aaron becomes, the more evident his autism behaviors are.  And boy, we’ve seen some good ones recently!  I’m using “good” in a loose sense.   I’ve never been the kind of mom that tries to blame my child’s poor behavior on anything other than his willful disobedience.  “Yes, I know my child destroyed your flower bed, but he’s just tired.  He didn’t have his nap today.”  Nope, that was not me.  But with Aaron, we see more clearly with each year that his behaviors are indeed the result of something that we sometimes barely understand and can rarely control.  Of course, some things he does are very funny or amazing…..but not always.  
Take the fishing trip that wasn’t.  Rosie’s mom had told me about Fishing Without Boundaries several weeks ago, but I dismissed it as something that Aaron wouldn’t want to do.  He doesn’t like to fish…..he doesn’t like being out in the heat all day…..he doesn’t like crowds for long periods…..he doesn’t like his routine messed up.  I’m not being negative.  I just know Aaron.  But there’s one thing I didn’t take into account…..Rosie.
I was in the garden a couple weeks ago when Aaron came home from his day group.  I looked up when I heard the back door open and heard Aaron’s unmistakable, “Mom!!”  I looked up to see him marching resolutely across the yard toward the garden….and me.  “Mom!!” he repeated.  “I’m going fishing!!!”  He was so excited, and I was so surprised.  It took me awhile to figure it out, but I eventually learned that Aaron wanted to go to the Fishing Without Boundaries event at El Dorado Lake.  
Over the next couple days I talked to Aaron about the logistics of that day, including the very early morning.  I was positive and upbeat, and Aaron was determined to go on this fishing outing……..not because of his love of fishing or the lake or the great outdoors, but because Rosie would be there.  He wanted to spend this day with Rosie, doing what Rosie enjoyed.  So we filled out the form, ordered his tee shirt, and sent in the money for his big weekend.  
I saw a little crack in his armor when, a couple days before the big day, he began to worry about the very early time to meet his ride.  So I told him that we would take him to the lake and could go later in the morning with no problem.  All seemed well.  But on Friday, the day before the fishing trip, he woke up rather worried.  He told me that he wasn’t sure about the fishing…..he wasn’t sure about being gone all day……he wasn’t sure about not being home doing what he enjoys.  In other words, he had decided not to go.  I knew it for sure, but I didn’t want to give in too easily.  Yet as we talked, and I saw him getting tense, I knew I had to give him an out….or we would all pay.  So I told him that he didn’t HAVE to go fishing.  Everyone would understand.  
But the only person that Aaron worried about disappointing was Rosie.  I felt badly for him as I saw the struggle that he was having.  He wanted to be with her, but he didn’t want to leave his weekend routine.  He came so close to going, and it was really disappointing that he didn’t quite make it…..but maybe next time, although we have said that same thing for years about various trips and events to which he says a definite, “No!”
On Saturday, Aaron said, “Do you think that Rosie misses me?”  And I felt sad for him.  Then later, “Was it my fault that I didn’t go?”  I knew he was struggling with his decision.  And finally, in the evening, he said, “I feel like I betrayed Rosie.”  That one made me really feel sad, but we talked about it and I could only hope that he felt some peace about his decision.   His routine and his way of doing life is the most important thing in the world to him…..but when he has a reason, a big reason like Rosie, to interrupt his routine….it’s so tempting and he wants so much to be able to make himself comply.  Then he struggles when he just can’t do it.  And we can’t force him to go…..or take away the guilt he had about not going.
So that’s the fishing trip that wasn’t.  And then we had the friends that were…..as in, were here for a visit or to join us for supper.  But Aaron wished that they were also friends that weren’t…..as in, weren’t here for a visit or to join us for supper.  This is when his autism becomes frustrating……humbling (to Gary and me)……and oh, so embarrassing!
First came Kristi, our sweet friend that we have known for 20 years.  Kristi’s dad was our pastor when we lived in Leavenworth, and our families became good friends.  She is now a missionary in France, and is here in the states for five months of furlough.  She is in the Wichita area for awhile, and so she spent Thursday night with us.  Aaron greeted her at the car when she arrived, even carrying her heaviest suitcase upstairs to the bedroom where she stayed…..as he complained all the while that he was not her servant.
He was up and down emotionally with her for the rest of the evening.  He wanted us to watch Wheel of Fortune with him, which we did…..though we turned it on a little late.  He wanted us all to take Jackson on a walk, even handing Kristi the leash to hold.  And he walked a second time around the circle with just me and Kristi, minus the dog.  He would pop up at various times to talk to me and to Kristi, usually about a movie.  But in the midst of it all, he was also rude several times.  He informed Kristi that she was not his boss…..though she wasn’t being bossy…..or she was not his mom.  It’s like he needs to be in charge, controlling his world at home when someone else is there.  A visitor becomes an interloper…..an annoyance…..when Aaron’s schedule is disrupted.  One minute he can be chattering happily and the next he just might puff up and be very rude.  Kristi took it in stride, as our friends always do.  Gary and I are the ones who are the most affected.  Kristi understood and we talked the next day about it after Aaron was gone.  Still, it’s frustrating.  Explainable, but embarrassing.
And then there was Saturday, when I asked our elderly neighbor, Nora, to come over and have supper with us.  Nora is recently widowed, and on Saturday she found out that an assisted living apartment will be opening in one month.  She is overwhelmed with moving.  I felt like she needed company that evening…..some food and talking and laughter.  But there was Aaron, who for some reason has decided that he doesn’t like little Nora.  And he especially decided that he didn’t like Nora coming to our house for supper on this Saturday evening.
Thankfully, Nora can’t hear very well so she didn’t comprehend all of Aaron’s muttered comments.  But she heard enough to know that he was displeased with her being there.  One thing led to another, and by the time we sat down to watch Wheel of Fortune (of course!), Aaron had had enough.  It was not a pleasant scene as he fought over keeping the remote, paced the floor like a wild animal, and was very verbal.  Finally, he yelled at Nora with all his might and stormed outside…..where he sat in the mulch to wind down.  He sat under the pecan tree, where he never sits, but where he was more hidden and farther from the house…..and from his problems. 
Again, our friend understood…..but I knew she was hurt.  We were hurt…..and terribly embarrassed.  It was the worst display of anger toward a visitor that we had ever seen.  Aaron came in and out of the house, even watching the last few minutes of Wheel of Fortune from the kitchen, standing there gazing at the television but not talking to us.  When I walked Nora home, Aaron sat under the pecan tree still breaking mulch…..and glaring silently at me when I walked past him to go home.  Later that night, we were able to talk to Aaron about friendships…..about how to treat our friends…..about how we treat his friends.  I think we made some headway as we compared our friends to his special Rosie, and the importance of being polite and kind.  What if we were mean to Rosie, we asked?  That thought seemed to register with him.
But who knows what will happen when Aaron is once again pulled from his routine?  We might see when Kristi comes back this Thursday night, brave soul that she is.  Aaron wants everything to stay the same in his world, and he will react strongly to whatever disrupts that sameness…..whether it be an event or a person.  Aaron doesn’t care if he hurts with his words.  He just wants his life to be the way he likes it.  I can say that he is selfish, rude, inappropriate…..lots of undesirable traits…..but I can also say with confidence that he is autistic and that we see it more clearly with every passing year.  What registers with our brains does not register with his.  What we can control, he cannot.  If he fell down into a seizure, we would be so empathetic.  But when he falls into an emotional meltdown, empathy becomes anger and embarrassment.  Yet both scenarios are an evidence of his disability……and a struggle for us to always understand and handle correctly.
And I realize that I will always be that mom……THAT mom……who tries to explain his behaviors while wondering if I’m sounding like I’m trying to excuse them.  There’s a huge difference there in the two.  Explaining means we grasp at understanding.  Excusing means we dismiss with no repercussions.  But in explaining I feel that we sound like we we’re excusing.  It gets complicated.
So this morning Aaron got up very early for him.  He came up the hall and into the room where I was having my quiet time.  He just stood there behind my chair, looking at me, so I said, “Aaron, you need to go back to bed.  It’s just 6:00.”
“6:11,” he said with no emotion.
And another day with Aaron has begun, as I smile…..and see what the day will hold.

What I Would Have Missed


I was busy last night.  How many days could I start a story with that same simple sentence?  Gary and I are leaving tomorrow for Houston.  We get to spend the weekend with Andrea…..YAY!!!……and she is going with us to see Andrew in a race on Sunday…….double YAY!!!  You know how it is before a trip.  So much to do….so much to remember…..and since we have a caregiver coming in to stay with Aaron and Jackson, it seems to double my busy load.  
I was checking items off my to-do list while thinking of others that I had neglected to write down.  Scurry here, scurry there…….and I heard a loud THUMP!  I looked out of the bedroom door and saw Aaron standing there at the head of the stairs, looking in my direction…..his animal print blanket slung over his shoulder and his back-scratcher in his hand.  He had hit the wooden door of the linen cabinets there in the hall.  We had a little “staring at each other” session before I asked him why he had hit the door.  I knew he wanted my attention, but I wanted to hear his version.  He then told me that he was bored……and I then told him a few things about not hitting the door, etc., etc.
He lumbered down the stairs while I continued my packing and organizing……my scratching off the to-do list and adding to the to-do list.  Finally, I was nearly finished with what I had wanted to accomplish for the evening.  I thought about slipping down to my computer to catch up on emails and Facebook.  Important stuff, you know.  But I thought of Aaron.  I thought of the real reason that he had hit the linen cabinet door.  He wasn’t just bored.  He wanted some time with me.  That loud bang on the cabinet door conveyed much more to me that he was able…..or willing….to say.
By this time he had gone back to his room.  I found him sitting there at his desk, headphones on and movie playing.  Godzilla…..the old version…..1998.  I knew what I was getting into as I leaned over and asked Aaron if he wanted to play a game of Skip-Bo.  I was going to hear all about Godzilla……every detail.  What kind of monster….where did he come from…..how he breathed fire……what his feet looked like……and his tail……and his ugly face…..
Aaron was so happy when I asked him if he wanted to play Skip-Bo.  There we were, him talking rapidly……about Godzilla……while I shuffled the cards.  We soon were playing our first game and I was feeling relaxed.  I ignored my tablet nearby and my phone close at hand. I simply focused on Aaron.  He talked and talked about a variety of things, happily and freely, as we played cards.  
And then he stopped and he looked at me, making direct eye contact and lowering his voice while he said, “Mom, do you know what Rosie is to me?”  Rosie is Aaron’s special friend.  So I just stopped and I looked back into his blue eyes…..and asked him to tell me what Rosie is to him.  
“She talks to me and she agrees with me,” he began.  He proceeded to tell me that he and Rosie say things to each other, like when they went to Burger King, he said…..and Rosie pointed something out to him as they were leaving the restaurant.  He told me that his other friend, Shauna, doesn’t do that.  She doesn’t point things out to him like Rosie does, and she doesn’t ask for Aaron’s opinion like Rosie does.  Shauna is sweet and wonderful, but Rosie is……well, Rosie. 
Aaron continued trying to describe Rosie.  “She makes me feel great,” he said.  He spoke from his heart, not full of excitement but full of softness.  This whole thing was so unlike Aaron.  He wasn’t being loud or silly or using words he thinks are funny but aren’t.  He was sincere, and he was so normal.  Please don’t take that the wrong way, but Aaron rarely speaks like this.  I was just treasuring this moment and sitting there in amazement, hoping it would last awhile longer.
“Rosie and I,” he said, “we have a bond.”  There I sat, wondering what my face conveyed.  Then Aaron said, “Mom, what’s a bond?”  And then my face conveyed amusement as I laughed.  He was repeating what he had heard, but immediately showed that he didn’t really understand what on earth a bond is anyway.  He just knows that he and Rosie have one.  So once again I talked to him about special friendships, how sometimes we just click with someone, and that special bond is formed. 
“You know what?” he asked.  “I’m older than her and she still likes me!”  We laughed together this time and soon the moment was over.  Aaron had found my little plastic rooster that Mary Beth gave me.  It has special meaning and I keep it on my kitchen window sill above the sink.  Aaron had picked it up and was comparing the rooster’s feet to Godzilla’s feet……and soon was trying to sneak the rooster into his pocket so he could take it to his room, never to be seen again.
I told him no…..that the rooster was mine.  “That rooster is dumb for you but it’s cool for me, Mom!” he laughingly replied.  Yep, old Aaron is back.  Sincere, heartfelt conversation was over.  But I was still relishing that time, and enjoying the remainder of our game.
And you know what else I would have missed if I had not stopped for this time with Aaron?  I would have missed this.
 
See how Aaron arranges his cards in his discard piles?  Isn’t that so cool?  He laughed when I wanted to take a picture, and he was also quite proud that I thought this was important enough for me to want to photograph.  
Important enough to photograph…..and important enough to take the time to really see and to really listen.  I get tired, especially at night.  I want “me time” as much as anybody…..and I get plenty of that, trust me.  But last night I was once again reminded that it’s so worth it to stop……to focus on Aaron…..to listen and to absorb what this special son of mine is saying and thinking.
He teaches me……he delights me……he challenges me.  I need to accept it all……not to brush it off in the midst of my busy schedule or in my tiredness or frustration.  And when I do take the time, usually when it’s least convenient, is so often when I get those special blessings…..those glimpses into his heart, where he is real and sincere…..beyond all the gruff and the loudness.
God teaches me so much through Aaron….if I but take the time to listen.

Singing With Our Mother


My mother was raised in the little coal mining town of Welch, West Virginia.  Born in 1926, she was the last of six children born to Guy and Lillian Hollandsworth.  Grandpa was the principal of the school in Welch.  He and Grandma worked hard to raise their six children deep in those West Virginia mountains.  They instilled in them a love for God; a love for family; a love of culture; and a love of good music.  
Mom, fourth from the right on the front row
I loved hearing our mother talk about how she met my dad.  They met when Mom’s brother, Luther, married Dad’s sister, Mary.  Beth saw in Jack the sort of man she had never come across.  He was kind and thoughtful, a man of quality to whom she was drawn.  And as they became acquainted, they each learned something that helped seal their interest even further……they both loved classical music.  Dad was just a farm boy from Oakvale, West Virginia, who worked for the Norfolk and Western Railroad………and Mom, from a coal town deep in the mountains, was teaching Home Economics.  But quality music was important to them, so their mutual love for the same music was important as well.
Our home was full of music as we were being raised in Princeton, West Virginia.  It seemed that music was always playing on the old record player, and later the newer huge stereo cabinet in the living room.  Most of what we heard was classical, but Mom and Dad also loved the hit musicals.  I bet all five of us kids still know the words to the songs from Sound of Music, Carousel, South Pacific, and Oklahoma.  Christmas was full of beautiful and fun Christmas music.  I remember children’s records full of fun songs, too. 
Mom, on the far right, as part of the Laidley Hall Trio, 1946-47
Mom, fourth from the right on the front row
Mom didn’t just love to listen to music.  She also had a beautiful voice, and sang in choirs and madrigal groups during her high school and college years.  She was an accomplished soloist and sang in many area churches for revival services and other occasions.  A favorite song of hers…….her signature song, really……was “I’d Rather Have Jesus.”  This is the song she was singing in a little church during a revival service one night in the early 1950’s.  Jimmie Jones was preaching that night.  Mom stood up to sing, and God used the words of that song to pierce her heart.
 
I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands;
I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced hand
Refrain:
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
Or be held in sin’s dread sway;
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.
As Mom sang those words, she knew in her heart that she had never asked this Jesus into her heart to be her Savior.  She knew that she was standing before those people singing a lie with her beautiful voice.  She walked down the aisle that night during the invitation, and Preacher Jimmie led her to the Lord.  Dad had accepted Christ months earlier but hadn’t said much to Mom about it for fear of angering her.  Now they were united not only in marriage, and children, and their love of music…….but they were spiritually united in their love for the Lord that grew and grew over the following years.
Now our family had the completed element of being raised around God’s Word, and being active at Johnston Chapel Baptist Church where Preacher Jimmie was our pastor for all of our growing up years.  Now, too, were added beautiful hymns to the music that graced our home every day.  
All of us sang and soon we children were singing together for church.  I remember one Saturday that we even sang…..live!…….on our small town radio station.  We sang and Preacher Jimmie preached, and I have no idea how we sounded way back then.  We continued to sing as we got older, and were known as the King Sisters when John left.  And during all this time, Mom was still singing solos and blessing many with her pretty voice.
Many years have gone by since those days of early marriage and raising five children.  Dad went to heaven in December of 2008, during the season of Christmas carols and Christmas joy that Mom and Dad loved the most.  And now our mother has Alzheimer’s, lives in assisted living, and doesn’t know any of us five children or our spouses……or her grandchildren or great-grandchildren……or even her Jack, her husband…..Dad.  We can’t ask her for advice or ask her to tell us a familiar family story or ask her for a favorite family recipe.  All of that is gone.
Gary and I went home a few months ago.  Everyone was there except for Jimmy and Kathryn.  As we gathered at Jan’s house, near the end of our day with everyone, I suggested that we sing to Mom.  A friend of mine, Bev, had told me about singing to her mother who had Alzheimer’s and how her mother remembered the words……and it was their last real connection.
So we stood around Mom that evening at Jan’s and we sang “Great Is Thy Faithfulness.”  To our surprise and delight, Mom joined in.  She knew most of the words, and then to our complete surprise, she sang the descant at the end…….her voice still beautiful and sweet.  You can click on the link below to see the video of her singing that song.
We sang a few other hymns as well, and then we decided to see if we could make it through our family song…….Dad’s favorite song……”Tis So Sweet To Trust in Jesus.”  Again, Mom sang most of the words in her sweet voice.  And at the end, as you can hear in the below link, she tried to describe how special that song was.  She couldn’t put her finger on why it was special……she couldn’t remember exactly……and she couldn’t find the words……but she knew.  Deep inside she knew that this song was a very dear part of our family, and a dear part of her Jack……of Dad.
I’m so thankful that we sang with Mom that evening.  We were all blessed beyond measure for that time with her.  Her heart was happy as she sang.  What memories those songs stirred in all of us, including Mom. 
Memories of wonderful parents who taught us about the Lord…..who filled our hearts and our home with music……but more importantly, filled us all with love.  And over the years, as we’ve all experienced both joys and sorrows, we can fall back on the love they gave us and the Lord they made sure that we knew personally.  Many parts of our early life are gone…..and now the Mom we’ve always known is gone……but the hope we have in Christ will never be gone.  The certainty of heaven will never be gone, where we can sing together forever! 
Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday.  She will be 88 years old……and she won’t know that it’s her birthday…..or how old she is.  But as friends and family gather around her, I hope that she knows how much she is loved.  And I hope that she joins in as everyone sings “Happy Birthday!”  
I bet she will, with a smile on her happy face and a twinkle in those beautiful eyes. 
We love you, Mom!  Happy Birthday!
And thanks for showing us over the years that you really meant it when you sang, “I’d Rather Have Jesus.”  And that we needed to mean it, too.   

Couponing Done RIGHT!


Most of you know that Aaron loves to cut out my coupons on Sunday.  Only on Sunday.  He will not touch a coupon to speak of on any other day.  And I’ve blogged about his insistence that only he can cut the coupons, no matter how tired he is or grouchy he is.  Mom is not allowed to touch the coupons because I do not cut them out correctly.  He also has his trash can that holds the tiny little clippings from where he cuts the strips of paper into smaller pieces……and the trash can that holds larger pieces of paper……and his carefully orchestrated stack of left over pages from which he cut the coupons……..and then his coupon box in which each coupon is carefully placed.
It’s exhausting.
I usually try to sneak a peek at the coupons on Sunday mornings before he sees them.  That way I can remove pages of coupons that contain items I won’t buy.  This saves Aaron a lot of time.  However, he has seen sections of coupons that I am hiding from him when I buy an extra paper……and war breaks out.  He insists on cutting them out, no matter how tired he is…..because they are coupons……..and they have dotted lines……..and they must be cut.
 I cleverly look at the coupons before he gets out of bed, if possible.  I hide the coupon pages I remove deep under all the sale papers and stick them in the middle of the newspaper that will be put in the recycle bin later.  Sometimes when I am in the middle of this covert mission I hear him start down the stairs, so I hurriedly shove coupon pages here and there as I try to hide all evidence of my trickery.  I feel a little breathless and guilty as he enters the kitchen.  He hasn’t caught me yet, but I dread the day that he might.  
Aaron does a little of his own hiding, too.  I saw it this past Sunday as I walked through the family room.  There under the bench that sits beside where he clips the coupons lay a couple pieces of paper.  I leaned over closer and saw that the papers were store coupons.  I had put them into the coupon box a couple days earlier………..the coupon box that Aaron uses to hold newspaper coupons.  
  
 
Silly me.  Don’t I know better?  The coupon box holds the coupons that Aaron cuts……on the dotted lines………just right.  
 
Store coupons are not newspaper coupons.  Store coupons were not clipped from the coupon pages on a dotted line.  Store coupons have their own place, even if it’s under the bench.  Store coupons do NOT go in the same box as newspaper coupons.  
But I’m a little devious sometimes.  I have put the store coupons back into the newspaper coupon box.  Hehehehe!
Let’s see what happens this Sunday.

Aaron and Rosie Go To Lunch


Many of you have kept up over the past few years with the story of Aaron and Rosie.  I will put links for my other Aaron and Rosie blogs at the bottom of this blog.  Aaron and Rosie met at Paradigm, the day group that they both attended, and they developed a special friendship.  Now Rosie attends another day group, but they still see each other for a short time at the end of their day, and they ride together in the van that brings Aaron home at the end of the day and then takes Rosie to her house. 
Aaron has to be told over and over not to give Rosie food or money or her very favorite thing in all the world…….crayons.  He will do any of these things at any given opportunity.  His favorite thing to do was to sit with her on Fridays at the theater and share his popcorn with her.  They would do this every Friday, so when I first told Aaron that Rosie was going to a different day group, he thought for a few seconds and then said, “No theater?”  I cried.  And he didn’t see that, just like he can’t see what he does so often to my heart.
For several days now, Aaron has told Gary and me about a new client at Paradigm.  J. has come into Aaron’s world in a rather unwelcome way.  He doesn’t mind new clients, and has learned a lot about getting along with new people.  I don’t know if the Paradigm staff would agree with that, but that’s how it seems to us.  Anyway, according to Aaron, the reason that he is rather unwelcoming of J’s friendship is because she told Aaron that her boyfriend had broken up with her……and then asked Aaron if he would be her boyfriend.  
Well, this has created a huge dilemma for Aaron.  He has talked and talked about this situation with Gary and me.  It seems so simple to us to follow the advice that we give to Aaron as we tell him to just not take J so seriously.  Just tell her that he wants to be her friend.  Just tell her no when she asks him to be her boyfriend.  Just be nice to her but don’t………what was that?  She told you to hold her hand?  Yeah, well, just don’t do that either, Aaron.
Aaron is so perceptive.  Just yesterday he said, “Mom, J. is faking it.  I said my stomach hurt and she said, ‘Let me hold your hand, Aaron.’”  Gary and I laughed and laughed at that one, but it’s really amazing to think that Aaron knew J was using his stomach ache as an inroad to hold his hand.  Way to go, Aaron!
Another aspect of this boyfriend/girlfriend problem is that Aaron really does see Rosie as that one special girl in his life.  He doesn’t like for her to be called his girlfriend or for him to be called her boyfriend, but he does see her as his one special girl…….who is a friend.  Rosie’s parents, Louise and Leroy, and Gary and I don’t want to make Rosie and Aaron’s friendship a boyfriend/girlfriend thing either…..but we do enjoy the relationship they have.
So along has come J and she is causing come conflict in Aaron’s heart.  Just today Aaron asked Gary, “Dad, what do you think’s wrong with J?  She’s trying to make me go away from Rosie!”  And once again, Gary tried to explain it all to Aaron and give him some answers.
His comments about Rosie are so sweet………so insightful.  A couple days ago, speaking of Rosie, he said, “I found someone who likes me and agrees with me on things.”  And don’t we all know that those are two characteristics that attracted each of us to our special someone?
And then there was this concise statement that Aaron made about Rosie:  “Me and Rosie……we’re connected.”
This melts my heart.  We want Aaron to have that special someone in his life, on whatever level is best and suitable for both of them.  Their relationship is sweet and it is typical for them, where they are in their special lives……and that is enough.
That’s why today was a special day for Aaron and for Rosie, for Louise and for me.  On Thursday Aaron stood in the kitchen while I finished cooking supper.  He was once again talking about his rock and his hard place………Rosie and J.   Then he asked, “Mom!  Can we go to Burger King this weekend with Rosie and her mom?”  My first thought was to think of several reasons why we probably couldn’t do that, but the look on Aaron’s face and the pleading in his voice stopped me in my tracks.
I thought of how much Aaron depends on us for his social life.  He can’t drive and he can’t make these events happen without our help and our permission.  How would I like to live that way?  And I’ve seen more and more that Aaron is so perceptive about life and about people, much more than we give him credit for.  How can I turn a blind eye and a hard heart to his desire for a normal “date” with Rosie?  How can I not make that happen for him?   So I quickly texted Louise and she quickly texted back, and soon we had agreed to meet at Burger King on Sunday at 1:00, Aaron and Rosie in tow. 
Louise said that Rosie was very excited when she saw Aaron and I pull up and then walk across the parking lot.  Rosie and Aaron didn’t really greet each other, but both of them were talking up a storm……..not to each other as much as to me and Louise.  As we ate our lunch it was like watching a tennis match.   Back and forth, back and forth went the conversation.  Aaron loves to talk, as we know, and Rosie loves to tell of things she has seen and places she has been and things that have happened.  Rosie likes for her mom to do a lot of the telling, but she contributes plenty…….and Aaron rarely stops talking, loudly, so it was a lively lunch.  
 
It’s so interesting to see Aaron and Rosie together.  Both of them are chronological adults but are so much like children when it comes to life and to friendship issues.  They don’t mind having their shared lunch with their moms.  It’s all they know and it’s all they expect……and want.  They see nothing odd about it at all.  I wonder what others in Burger King thought.  I hope they saw it as a wonderful moment for our adult “kids.”  Some normalcy in their all too restrictive world.
Look at Rosie and Aaron smile!
I’m so happy that I said yes to Aaron’s request, and I’m so happy that Louise took her time to bring Rosie to meet us for lunch.  To meet Aaron for lunch!  Being a parent is all about meeting the needs of our kids, and for us parents of special needs kids, the meeting of those needs may even extend into adulthood.  That’s the way it is and so we may as well accept it and enjoy it when we can.
As we drove away, Aaron was already planning a movie date.  It’s a good thing I like movies!  I hope Louise does!

Some of my Rosie and Aaron blogs:

http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2011/10/aaron-and-rosie.html 
http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2012/09/only-for-rosie.html

http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-very-special-birthday-gift.

 http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2013/04/rosies-birthday-dinner.html

 http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2013/07/what-rosie-did.html

Shut My Mouth!


I had been promising Aaron that he and I would have a fun day.  That means a day that does not involve a doctor or dentist visit but instead is wholly dedicated to doing something fun.  I looked at my schedule and decided on a day, and told him last week that the fun day would be Wednesday, the 6th.  I told him the date with some trepidation because once a definite date is chosen then I know that we must do what I said we would do on that day.  We MUST!!  And so I hope and pray that nothing unforeseen happens to cancel a date that I have set and that I have told him about.   Aaron doesn’t handle cancellations very well, which is why I often pop things on him at the last minute.  
Speaking of minutes, yesterday – our fun day – began with Aaron gingerly coming down the stairs first thing after getting out of bed.  He found me in the kitchen, as he usually does, and he immediately asked, “Mom, what time are we leaving for the movie?”  He and I had chosen to go see Guardians of the Galaxy at the theater.  I told him that we would leave around 12:00.
There was a short period of silence before Aaron once again asked what time we would leave……..and I reminded him that we would leave around noon.  Aaron took his pills and I poured his coffee, which I carried upstairs to his room.  Once back in the kitchen, I continued loading the dishwasher while Aaron just stood there watching me.  
“So when are we leaving?” he again asked.
“Aaron, I said we’d leave around noon,” I tried to patiently answer.
“Mom, don’t say around noon,” he replied.  “What time are we leaving?”
I turned my back so that I could smile, and I then told him that we would leave at ten minutes after twelve.  He thought for a second and then said, “So we’ll leave at twelve ten?” 
Sigh.  “Yes, Aaron, we’ll leave at twelve ten,” I told him……..and he left the kitchen, finally content that he had the time that we were leaving down to the minute, the way he likes it.  
As the morning wore on and Aaron tried to stay busy, I heard him come into my room.  It was a little before 12:00, but to Aaron the wait was miserable until it would finally be 12:10.  “So we’re going to wait a long time right now before we go to the theaters?” he asked.  
“No, Aaron, it won’t be long,” I said.  “Twelve ten will be here soon.”  And sure enough, I managed to pull it off.  We left the house at 12:10!!!  Aaron was happy and I was happier as we drove to the theater.
We listened to Alabama sing Song of the South……….sweet potato pie and shut my mouth.  Which is what I heard Aaron sing as we walked into the theater foyer, rather loudly…….”sweet potato pie and shut my mouth.”   So I reminded Aaron to please not sing right now, especially the shut my mouth part.  And after he ordered his large popcorn in his typical way…..”Can I have a large buttered popcorn?”……….as if he must ask permission…….he headed for the girl who took our tickets.   And I heard him again.  “…..shut your mouth.”  
Aaron!  And I smiled at the puzzled girl, and I asked Aaron if he was singing again so that the puzzled girl would hear me and hopefully know that Aaron was singing a song that she probably didn’t know and that he was NOT telling HER to shut her mouth…..
Oh Aaron.  
We found seats near the back of the theater, but there was still someone right in front of us, which always worries me………because Aaron has been known to grab the seat in front of him when he gets up to go to the bathroom or when he gets excited.  Or he might kick the seat……or talk too loudly…….or laugh way too loudly………or CLAP…….
Don’t sit in front of us at the theater.
So after we sat down and Aaron had gotten settled, placing his popcorn on the floor beside him and his drink in the cup holder beside the (thankfully!) empty seat beside him, I proceeded to give him my usual theater directions.  Read the above paragraph and you will know what I reminded Aaron not to do, as I tried to be as positive as possible.  Oh, and don’t eat any napkins, Aaron.  Yes, he does that and don’t ask me why.
All the while, Aaron was glancing at the clock and at his popcorn.  He will not eat his popcorn before the movie starts.  He will not eat his popcorn when the curtain goes up.  He will not eat his popcorn during the pre-movie rules that show on the big screen.  He will not eat his popcorn during the upcoming movie trailers.  He will not eat his popcorn during the cool digital sound check stuff that is aired.  He will only eat his popcorn when the movie that we came to see actually starts.  And so he did yesterday, of course.
Guardians of the Galaxy was funny and kept us laughing.  I only had to pat Aaron’s leg maybe a dozen times in order to remind him to be quiet……..and whisper in his ear with the same message several times………..and hiss “Aaron!!” maybe five times.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.  
And on his own, he put his arm around my shoulders once until his arm got tired……….and he held my hand twice.  HaHa!  So sweet!  And so unusual for Aaron.  I smiled to myself and didn’t care what others may have thought.  Aaron showing affection is welcome anytime, even in the public theater.
Oh, and he did eat a napkin, I’m pretty sure.  That’s why he turned his head away from me and didn’t answer when I reminded him not to eat a napkin………and then sat there chewing like he had gum but he had no gum.  Oh well.  It kept him quiet for a few minutes.
So the rest of the day, after we got home, was interspersed with watching Guardians of the Galaxy movie clips, talking and talking about this fun movie, and rehashing the whole thing for Gary during supper.  Our favorite character was Rocket Raccoon.  He was pretty hilarious.  And Aaron said the most amazing thing about Rocket later in the evening.
“Mom, I loved Rocket Raccoon!  He always talked what came up to his head!”
Which sounds so much like Aaron, who usually talks what comes up to his head……over and over and over!! 
And I do the same, if I’m not careful.  
Leave it to Aaron to say something like that……..something that leaves me speechless and makes me think about how many times I blurt out what comes up to my head.
Reminds me of a song.  
“Sweet potato pie and SHUT MY MOUTH!”

The Broken Rose

If I could push re-wind, I would.  It probably wouldn’t change much but at least I’d have another try.  Would I say things differently?  Would I just not say some things at all?  Better yet, could we just wipe yesterday off the calendar?  But if we were able to do that, we’d also pass up some wonderful moments and some good lessons learned. 

Have you ever had those thoughts as a parent, especially?  Or even as a spouse, or family member, or friend?  Yeah, me too.  Especially after yesterday…….but today has been a new day, a better day, for which I’m very thankful.  Who knows about tomorrow?

Gary and I have been so up and down with Aaron lately because Aaron has been so up and down.  He has been too fixated on a computer game that we wish now we had never let him have again.  When Aaron becomes this consumed with something, that something actually controls him.  Not every day is bad, but yesterday was……..

Aaron did go to his group in the morning, but with anger.  We were mostly silent on the way to meet his group, but the way he slammed the van door when he finally got out of our van told me that his day………and Paradigm’s day……..was going to be very interesting.

Aaron’s broken glasses, carried home in an envelope, told the story.  But so also did the big smile on his face when he came to the front door after being dropped off at home at the end of his day.  He rang the bell multiple times as I went to answer the door, which told me that this was Aaron at the door……….and I wondered why he came to the front door instead of barreling in the garage door. 

I opened our front door and there he stood, grinning, with four beautiful yellow roses.  Well, three beautiful roses…….the fourth rose had broken and was hanging limply among the other three.  Aaron didn’t care.  He was very happy to have brought me pretty flowers, which he always wishes he could do.  He looked so much like a little boy standing there with the three pretty roses and the one broken rose. 
 

He barged in the door and handed me the roses.  “Here!” he said as he thrust the roses toward me……..and then shocked me to pieces by giving me an unsolicited hug.  “These are because I’m sorry for today and I love you.”

Just knock me over with a feather, would you?

I could tell that time spent with Barb and Brandy at Paradigm had softened him.  They had taken him out to lunch and helped him work through his emotions and his anger.   Barb made sure Aaron had some flowers to bring to Mom. 

How about me?  I was very touched and very happy, but also very realistic.  I wish I wasn’t.  But as soon as Aaron started talking about the game again, I could feel my heart growing cold.  I was tired…….skeptical………not feeling the love at that point.

My lecture didn’t help matters at all.  Aaron and I both ended up with heated words……some even hurtful.  Did I say that I’m tired?  Not an excuse, but a reality as we deal with ongoing Aaron issues.  I just felt like part of my heart had shut down.  Feeling like, OK…….whatever…….I’m done.

Aaron knew this and he was very upset.  I think he was scared of several things……scared of mom being cold……….scared of mom not loving him…….scared of losing his game forever.  And I felt like losing the game was all that mattered to Aaron, yet I couldn’t deny the fear and the anger on his face as we ate supper and he lashed out verbally at me to Gary. 

Thank the Lord for Gary’s calmness and wisdom as he stood strong to be the buffer between Aaron and me.  Finally, Aaron made two things very clear.  First, he wanted me to keep the flowers and put them in a vase, which I did.

Second, he gave me the ultimate insult.  “Mom, you can just watch Wheel of Fortune BY YOURSELF!!!!”   He paused for effect.

“I’m going to watch it in my room BY MYSELF!!!!” he said as he stomped away.

My cold heart stayed cold.  I told him that this was fine.  But his tears told me that he was sad and hurting, and before long I found that my heart was hurting as well.  Still tired……but now sad like Aaron. 

I told Gary that maybe Aaron would calm down if I took him for a milkshake from Sonic.  So Gary went to Aaron’s room to deliver this message.  We knew it would be sweeter coming from Dad’s mouth at this moment rather than from Mom’s. 

I heard Aaron give an enthusiastic yes, and soon he was thumping down the stairs……….in his pajamas and tennis shoes, which made me smile…..for a change.  He sat on the couch with me and was fine, as I held my breath to see how long it would last.

I also held my tongue, which is sometimes hard for me.  I knew that no more lectures were needed right now.  What was needed was a milkshake.  But before the Sonic trip, we sat there together and watched Wheel of Fortune.  Neither of us had to watch it BY OURSELVES!!!  Hallelujah, we got to watch Wheel of Fortune TOGETHER!!!

Aaron was happy and I was happy.  Aaron even got Tater Tots with his milkshake, just for good measure.  I sat there as we watched NCIS, and I glanced over at Aaron seriously eating that favorite milkshake.  Something in my heart felt broken as I looked at him on his favorite chair, sitting Indian style.  He wants things in his world to be right.  We want things in his world to be right, too, but we don’t always have the same definition of “right” as Aaron does.  Sometimes Gary and I have to be parents, with authority and rules, no matter how Aaron reacts.

 
And sometimes we’re tired.  Just tired of the ups and downs, the temper outbursts, the job of understanding and connecting for Aaron when he can’t.  Or won’t.  Which is it?  Who knows?

So I’ve looked at the roses in my vase on the kitchen table.  Aaron seems oblivious to the broken rose, but I am not.  To me, it’s a perfect picture of our day and sometimes of our life.  Broken…….tired……wilted.  Broken relationships at times……….broken words………broken promises…………broken hearts.

 
Keeping the broken rose in the midst of the perfect roses, though, also reminds me that our life isn’t all broken.  There is beauty all around us.  A laugh…..a hug…..some progress……..a game of Skip-Bo last night…….Aaron talking about hay barrels today, which always makes me smile. 

It’s also good to remember the broken things so that we can lean on God to fix them.  I sure can’t do the fixing.  I’m very thankful to know the God who can and who does, with great patience and love. 

Much more patience than I sometimes show to Aaron.  Infinite love.

And He never gets tired.  He’s there to hold me up when I am tired.

I love my broken rose.  I love my wonderful Aaron.  And I’m glad that Aaron loves me, broken and all.