Many of you have kept up over the past few years with the story of Aaron and Rosie. I will put links for my other Aaron and Rosie blogs at the bottom of this blog. Aaron and Rosie met at Paradigm, the day group that they both attended, and they developed a special friendship. Now Rosie attends another day group, but they still see each other for a short time at the end of their day, and they ride together in the van that brings Aaron home at the end of the day and then takes Rosie to her house.
Aaron has to be told over and over not to give Rosie food or money or her very favorite thing in all the world…….crayons. He will do any of these things at any given opportunity. His favorite thing to do was to sit with her on Fridays at the theater and share his popcorn with her. They would do this every Friday, so when I first told Aaron that Rosie was going to a different day group, he thought for a few seconds and then said, “No theater?” I cried. And he didn’t see that, just like he can’t see what he does so often to my heart.
For several days now, Aaron has told Gary and me about a new client at Paradigm. J. has come into Aaron’s world in a rather unwelcome way. He doesn’t mind new clients, and has learned a lot about getting along with new people. I don’t know if the Paradigm staff would agree with that, but that’s how it seems to us. Anyway, according to Aaron, the reason that he is rather unwelcoming of J’s friendship is because she told Aaron that her boyfriend had broken up with her……and then asked Aaron if he would be her boyfriend.
Well, this has created a huge dilemma for Aaron. He has talked and talked about this situation with Gary and me. It seems so simple to us to follow the advice that we give to Aaron as we tell him to just not take J so seriously. Just tell her that he wants to be her friend. Just tell her no when she asks him to be her boyfriend. Just be nice to her but don’t………what was that? She told you to hold her hand? Yeah, well, just don’t do that either, Aaron.
Aaron is so perceptive. Just yesterday he said, “Mom, J. is faking it. I said my stomach hurt and she said, ‘Let me hold your hand, Aaron.’” Gary and I laughed and laughed at that one, but it’s really amazing to think that Aaron knew J was using his stomach ache as an inroad to hold his hand. Way to go, Aaron!
Another aspect of this boyfriend/girlfriend problem is that Aaron really does see Rosie as that one special girl in his life. He doesn’t like for her to be called his girlfriend or for him to be called her boyfriend, but he does see her as his one special girl…….who is a friend. Rosie’s parents, Louise and Leroy, and Gary and I don’t want to make Rosie and Aaron’s friendship a boyfriend/girlfriend thing either…..but we do enjoy the relationship they have.
So along has come J and she is causing come conflict in Aaron’s heart. Just today Aaron asked Gary, “Dad, what do you think’s wrong with J? She’s trying to make me go away from Rosie!” And once again, Gary tried to explain it all to Aaron and give him some answers.
His comments about Rosie are so sweet………so insightful. A couple days ago, speaking of Rosie, he said, “I found someone who likes me and agrees with me on things.” And don’t we all know that those are two characteristics that attracted each of us to our special someone?
And then there was this concise statement that Aaron made about Rosie: “Me and Rosie……we’re connected.”
This melts my heart. We want Aaron to have that special someone in his life, on whatever level is best and suitable for both of them. Their relationship is sweet and it is typical for them, where they are in their special lives……and that is enough.
That’s why today was a special day for Aaron and for Rosie, for Louise and for me. On Thursday Aaron stood in the kitchen while I finished cooking supper. He was once again talking about his rock and his hard place………Rosie and J. Then he asked, “Mom! Can we go to Burger King this weekend with Rosie and her mom?” My first thought was to think of several reasons why we probably couldn’t do that, but the look on Aaron’s face and the pleading in his voice stopped me in my tracks.
I thought of how much Aaron depends on us for his social life. He can’t drive and he can’t make these events happen without our help and our permission. How would I like to live that way? And I’ve seen more and more that Aaron is so perceptive about life and about people, much more than we give him credit for. How can I turn a blind eye and a hard heart to his desire for a normal “date” with Rosie? How can I not make that happen for him? So I quickly texted Louise and she quickly texted back, and soon we had agreed to meet at Burger King on Sunday at 1:00, Aaron and Rosie in tow.
Louise said that Rosie was very excited when she saw Aaron and I pull up and then walk across the parking lot. Rosie and Aaron didn’t really greet each other, but both of them were talking up a storm……..not to each other as much as to me and Louise. As we ate our lunch it was like watching a tennis match. Back and forth, back and forth went the conversation. Aaron loves to talk, as we know, and Rosie loves to tell of things she has seen and places she has been and things that have happened. Rosie likes for her mom to do a lot of the telling, but she contributes plenty…….and Aaron rarely stops talking, loudly, so it was a lively lunch.
It’s so interesting to see Aaron and Rosie together. Both of them are chronological adults but are so much like children when it comes to life and to friendship issues. They don’t mind having their shared lunch with their moms. It’s all they know and it’s all they expect……and want. They see nothing odd about it at all. I wonder what others in Burger King thought. I hope they saw it as a wonderful moment for our adult “kids.” Some normalcy in their all too restrictive world.
|Look at Rosie and Aaron smile!|
I’m so happy that I said yes to Aaron’s request, and I’m so happy that Louise took her time to bring Rosie to meet us for lunch. To meet Aaron for lunch! Being a parent is all about meeting the needs of our kids, and for us parents of special needs kids, the meeting of those needs may even extend into adulthood. That’s the way it is and so we may as well accept it and enjoy it when we can.
As we drove away, Aaron was already planning a movie date. It’s a good thing I like movies! I hope Louise does!
Some of my Rosie and Aaron blogs: