The Bitter Root

Several years ago, I had an experience with a small weed in one of my front yard flower beds. 

 I had become so busy with my other gardening that I had put off the task of pulling that little weed.  It didn’t seem like such a big deal. The outward growth, though, hid what was happening under the ground, out of sight.

 Here is what I wrote:

One hot day as I worked among my flowers, I looked down and saw that this little weed had grown significantly. Still, it wasn’t huge but it sure was larger than I had noticed before. Silly me, I thought. Why have I been waiting to pull this once-little weed? I just need to get rid of it now, I reasoned. I reached down and gave the weed a pull, and nothing happened. I pulled a bit harder, and still the weed didn’t budge. I gripped harder on the small growth, gave a firmer yank, and still it sat firm in its place in the dirt. This small, harmless weed was certainly being stubborn! It wasn’t letting go of its foothold very easily at all! I was so deceived by the small growth that I could see that I was in turn shocked by its apparently deep growth in the soil. I once again got a firmer hold, jiggled the weed back and forth, pulled with all my might and finally out came the root. What a surprise! The root was very long – much longer in proportion to the rest of the plant. While I had procrastinated about getting rid of the little weed or argued with myself about how harmless the little weed was, this small weed was growing a deep root system that could have damaged or killed my pretty Coreopsis. There was no excuse for my neglect – a wise gardener knows better.

Sometimes I let attitudes fester in my heart…attitudes that are, quite frankly, sin.  It’s easy to say, “Well, now, you have every right to feel that way.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

And every time I give myself that little pep talk, I am letting that root grow deeper and deeper in my life until it’s not so little anymore.

I have been keenly aware of this fact as Gary and I care for Aaron.  Usually after a stressful period, often involving Aaron’s anger, we find ourselves talking together as we try to understand him and handle his issues in the right way.  So often, solutions are hard to come by.  The effects of living long-term with him spill over into every area of our lives.  We go back 17 years to the time we were making decisions about his future.  

Did we make the right choices?  We were headed in one direction and the doors closed.  Or did they?  

I am constantly reminding myself that all those years ago we were seeking God’s will and we were desiring to walk in that path of God’s choosing for us and for Aaron.  I must consciously trust God today with our past decisions…decisions that touch us in ways today that we never dreamed.

The impact of having Aaron with us now affects our “golden years” in so many unforeseen ways.  We know that future decisions will be upon us some day, but there is a bigger issue for me right now.

That issue is bitterness.  How easy it is to find ourselves saying, “If it wasn’t for Aaron, we could do this or that, go here or there, etc., etc., etc.”  

And soon my eyes are on the hindrances of life with Aaron rather than the joy of being in God’s will…of doing His work within the walls of our home…of loving Aaron and caring for him.

We are physical creatures.  We get tired.  We get discouraged.  

And sadly, we compare ourselves to others in those vulnerable moments when we’re scrolling through social media or having conversations.

Before I know it, the bitter root is taking deeper root in my heart.  And while I understand that my feelings are normal, I also know that I cannot let myself perch there.  

I must not settle for a life of bitterness.

These verses spoke to me so deeply this morning:

“O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes; make Your way straight before me.”   (Psalm 5:8)

My foes…my enemies…are those attitudes within me that contradict what God says is right.  A big one is this issue of bitterness over the result of God’s past leading.  

We trusted Him then to put us on the right path, and so we can trust Him now to provide all we need to face the results of walking on that path.

I need God’s leading and His righteousness to overcome that bitter root that seeks to take hold.  Here is the result of trusting Him:

“Let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy; and may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.”  (Psalm 5:11)

Paul told the believers in Ephesus that through the power of the Holy Spirit, they could be rooted and grounded in love.  

Not rooted in bitterness but rooted in love…the love of Christ seen in their lives.

I must stop and check where I am allowing my roots to grow.  We all do, right?  We have so many hurts in life…so many stresses that pile up around us.  

O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness.  Do not allow me to lead myself into bitterness.  

I love this old hymn.  The lyrics speak well to each of us, wherever we are in our life of following Christ.

He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me. 

Refrain:
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me. 

Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me. 

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me. 

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me. 

(Joseph H. Gilmore)

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Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

31 thoughts on “The Bitter Root”

      1. An Irishman who worked with me in the landscaping business used to hold up his hands and say, ,”These are the gardener’s best tools.” The only way for deep roots in our hearts to come out is by the hands of our gardener being allowed deep inside to do their work.

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  2. No one would blame you, Patti, for being disgruntled by your circumstances. We ALL like the freedom to come and go and do as we please. But you are a cut above, my friend! You fight against the bitterness! You look for all things excellent and praiseworthy! You pray (even sing) your way out of murmuring and into contentment, as that lovely old hymn “leadeth” us to do. I pray you feel the warmth of God’s smile upon you, and know the inspiration you are to those around you, as well as those of us who “know” you here on your blog.

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  3. I don’t know what God has up his sleave, but he has made you and your husband very strong. As a follower, I hope you realize you can vent and I’ll read what you say, feel your hurt, and pray for you. God bless your family, Patty.

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  5. Patty,
    Thank you for this helpful reminder. I so often second guess past decisions made in regards to our adult disabled daughter that lives with us. I also do this with decisions we made with another now adult child who is struggling. I love the reminder that we need to trust the guidance God gave us back then in the present. That was so encouraging to me! Thank you for your example of a humble servant of the Lord. Suffer strong my dear friend. Hugs and prayers.

    Sindy

    Sent from my iPhone

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  6. I love your blog! Every time I read these I am touched by the love and compassion that literally exudes from you and Gary as you handle these hurdles with Aaron. God knew what he was doing when your family was blessed with Aaron! You are both “my heros”. Your walk with God is the kind of walk that I hope to have as I continue to seek Him in my own life. I pray your family continues to live in his will and receive his blessings ten fold.

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      1. Thank you Patty. We have gone through many struggles in the last two and half years, only with prayer and God’s mercy have we been able to weather the storm. God is so good!

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  7. I think those old hymns so often speak to the truth of human emotions! Kudos to you for working so hard not to let bitterness take root in your life. It isn’t easy, and I’m sure you’re not always successful (who is?) but you try. And you listen for God’s guidance. And honestly, that’s all that matters!

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    1. You’re right, Ann. Listening to and obeying God is what matters. I’m not always successful, as you said of all of us, and I’m thankful for His grace. I love those old hymns. They’re so deep and meaningful. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  8. Patty, you included one of my favorite hymns. I have sung it many a time in the privacy of my home with tears streaming down my face. Your words “And while I understand that my feelings are normal, I also know that I cannot let myself perch there. I must not settle for a life of bitterness” really struck me. We live in a world that celebrates us for perching ourselves on our feelings and justifies us for living a life of bitterness. Big sigh! Thank you for this timely post and for providing a clear picture of the root of bitterness. An incident happened with a dear friend less than a year ago that involved our teen daughters. My teen was accused of being in the wrong when in time my friend’s teen confessed to lying. The apology was accepted, that’s what you have to do right, but I confess I ignored the wound caused by the situation in an effort to just move on and now I find it has festered. A bitter root has grown. Lately the Lord has been pointing to it and telling me it needs to be addressed. Like you with the weed, I know I’ll be having to do some hard work to finally get the entire root extracted.

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    1. You’re right, Beth, about the world allowing us to justify our feelings and living a life of bitterness. It’s so against God’s will for our lives! I’m sorry about the wound you have from the incident with your friend. My husband and I endured a terrible situation at a former church. We were there for five years after it happened, hoping for reconciliation but the opposite happened and so we left. It has left a deep wound in our souls. We struggle with our feelings even to this day and find that we always need to release the whole situation to God, over and over…which is what forgiveness is, especially when there is no apology from the offenders. But bitterness is not in God’s will, no matter the situation, and only God can give me the grace to live in the victory and peace that He gives. I pray that you will be able to extract that root with God’s hand doing the tugging. Love and hugs, Beth.

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      1. Thank you Patty! A hurt from other believers I think creates an even deeper wound. I’ve been holding tightly to the Jesus’ promise in John 8:36, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” and using it to fight back against any bitterness arrows that strike.

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  9. Another great lesson..isn’t it something the havoc that even just one weed can wreak amongst an otherwise seemingly beautiful flowerbed?! I’m thankful you pulled it before it got that far. I suppose God might place these weeds of inconvenience within our path so we would take notice, reflect, and lean into Him for gardening maintenance and healthy growth. Prayers for you and Gary as you cultivate onward, and praise as you share your bountiful harvest through your authentic and inspiring posts.

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    1. Sometimes after writing a blog and publishing it, I wonder if I’m being a little TOO authentic. Haha! But really, I do wonder – so your words are a comfort to me, Alicia, in that regard. I really think we all struggle much the same even though we have differing situations. It’s a blessing to share and a blessing to help each other, isn’t it? You do that for me.

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      3. I thought I commented on your response but it’s showing I didn’t…weird! I’ll try to recap…

        I’m thank God let us connect also, now if we could just meet in person considering we’re only a state away from each other!
        We you get time you’ll have to read my last post for EXTRA encouragement, not because of my writing!! But because of the sweet story I shared about!❤️

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      4. Must be the way your comments are set that it doesn’t show a person replied until you’ve approved it!! Not a bad idea, that way you can weed out anything negative or inappropriate!!😉

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  10. What a beautiful hymn! And what a comfort to know that He leads us even when we don’t know what we should do. God has taught you many lessons (like the one today) that you are able to share with many others bringing encouragement and understanding. How wonderful to be used by our great God!
    “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NLT

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