You can probably tell from the title that not a lot has changed in Aaron’s attitude about being Uncle Aaron.
Sigh.
Aaron will still talk it to death, this idea of Uncle Aaron. Like the day we were chatting with someone.
“My sister had a nephew!!” he suddenly exclaimed.
“Ummmm…your sister had YOUR nephew, Aaron,” I corrected.
Can’t have that unclear fact just hanging in the air, right?
The reasons for Aaron not being thrilled about his little nephew continue to mount. To many people, the idea of not wanting to meet this sweet little guy just doesn’t make sense.
But when you understand all the layers that make up Aaron, then it does compute.
Aaron does not like to travel. Leaving his normal behind at home is a huge stretch for him. He had adjusted pretty well to being at his sister’s house when we would travel there before all this Uncle Aaron business. Andrea and Kyle had an extra bedroom that Aaron used, where he could escape to read or play a game or listen to his music during the day. That room is now Ryker’s nursery.
We were planning a trip with him in April, but we knew we needed to tell him about this not-so-small detail. That, and the fact that we planned to fly, was a deal breaker for Aaron, Uncle or not.
Ryker had taken over Aaron’s room, usurping Aaron’s place in their home.
Then there is all this baby-talk silliness that Aaron hears when we facetime with his nephew. I was having a Gramoo moment with little Ryker one day, speaking with that special baby voice that we all know. Aaron was standing behind me.
Softly under his breath I heard him say, “You’re weird.”
It hit me that we have another element of just how huge this is for Aaron. He does not like any talking that he considers unusual or, as he often says, is weird.
Baby talk from Gramoo is most very definitely…weird.
So Ryker, in Aaron’s mind, is responsible for this weirdness.
We often find ourselves, or others, saying, “If Aaron just…”.
If Aaron just this or if Aaron just that.
But Aaron doesn’t JUST do anything outside of his norm very easily. Autism rules his world. He can’t tell you a thing about what autism is, but his life shows you many things that autism does…how it affects every facet of his life.
We think little Ryker would get a big kick out of Aaron, especially the way Aaron runs his fingers together over and over when he talks. We have told Aaron over and over how much his nephew would love Uncle Aaron, but Aaron is still unmoved.
Aaron does often smile when he sees pictures and videos of Ryker. When Aaron plays a Nintendo game he has about taking care of babies, he names his baby Ryker. All these signs are encouraging.
But the hardest part for Aaron, and the saddest for all of us, is that Aaron wonders about his place now in our family. This little interloper has come in and is, to Aaron, a competitor for our love.
We have had many conversations with Aaron about how nothing has changed as to how much we love him, and always will.
We have explained how hearts grow as a family grows…how we have room in our hearts for both Aaron and Ryker.
“You mean I’m not being pushed out of the love?” Aaron asked after one such conversation.
And my growing heart hurt for Aaron, for his inability to process all this change and for his fear of being replaced by his little nephew.
It’s also been a lot for Gary and me to process and understand, to accept and to not be angry or bitter.
We have our moments, our ups and downs with all of it, wishing that we could just be a normal family.
Yet we also see God’s hand of grace in our lives and have learned to continue to trust His plan in giving us Aaron.
I keep going back to the verse that God gave me the morning after Andrea and Kyle shared with us their wonderful news about a coming grandbaby.
“…we have fixed our hope on the living God…” (I Timothy 4:10)
I knew then that we would have some struggles, but I never knew just how many there would be.
But God knew.
And I DO know that His knowing hand is all I need to know.
He Said What?! 
Patty, the depth of your love and willingness to understand Aaron and to see the world from his viewpoint allows you to give the most profound insights into the world of autism. You are a treasure trove of wisdom and insight and I truly hope the Lord has opened the doors for you to share what you have learned over the years with young mothers who are in the early stages of their walk with an autistic child. How is your daughter handling all of this? [On a side note, I love your name “Gramoo.” I did chuckle at Aaron’s response to baby talk. My teenagers would most certainly agree with Aaron that it’s weird.]
LikeLiked by 3 people
I always appreciate your encouragement, Beth. I pray for God to use my blog to help other moms and dads as they navigate the autistic world. Our daughter is so understanding of Aaron. She knows him every bit as well as we do, sometimes even better. It’s a blessing that she and her husband are not hurt or angry with Aaron. As for Gramoo, it fits my Cow Patty legend very well, right? 🙂 And I laughed at what you said about your teenagers. I think that’s true in most homes. Have a wonderful day, Beth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love the creativity behind the Gramoo name.
Your daughter sounds like an amazing woman and quite a blessing to you and your husband.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Beth! I’ve wondered if there is another Gramoo out there somewhere? That name fits this Moo “to a t.” 🙂 And yes, Andrea is such a blessing and joy to us, as is her husband. We are so thankful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Patty, Aaron is living in fear. It sounds like he has it stuck in his head that there is no love for him to share. In a former career, I worked with angry and hostile people. I was baffled on how to get through to them. I sought the Lord and he told me to come in the opposite spirit. Silently, I bound the enemy of our souls and loosed the love of God to them. The atmosphere would change from angry to reasonable. I could then deal with the individuals. If I did not do this I saw the same bad behavior.r. It was always amazing to see the transformation. No one can resist the love of God, going into their hearts. Not a word spoken out loud but silently pouring the love of God onto them. Blessings of love!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with what you said, Hazel. Aaron is afraid of being unloved. He reacts with anger. We know that only God and His love can conquer all this. Then we also have the complexities of Aaron’s autistic mind, which makes normal reasoning with him and for him extremely difficult. His brain is simply not wired as ours is. He gets stuck on one issue and stays there, coming back to it again and again. Silently pouring the love of God on Aaron is the best, as you said. Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are welcome, Patty! Grace of God and love to you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And to you, my friend. ♥️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Patty, you explain Aaron’s reluctance well. He’s fortunate to have you and Gary as parents––your patience, compassion, gentleness, and support. I’m sorry for the challenge and delay in Aaron accepting and thriving in his role as an uncle. God bless you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, Manette. It’s been many many years of learning and understanding the way that Aaron’s mind works. And still at times we do lose our patience and compassion. But God brings us back, as does our love for Aaron. Someday we pray to see Aaron and Ryker laughing and playing together.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my word…, this is hard for everyone. However, no one knows Aaron better than you and Gary, which means I believe you will eventually be able to work through his feelings and find a happy solution. Praying it is so!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much, Cecilia. We value those prayers so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Apparently my reply did not get through last night, so you may hear from me twice! Hopefully, Aaron will take baby steps forward in bonding with Ryker as his adorable nephew begins to interact. God bless you with continued patience!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Nancy. We pray that Aaron will be able to see Ryker here at our house, maybe for a holiday, and some bonding will occur. Aaron loves babies and young children but has really been stubborn about Ryker. Take care!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe Aaron feels like being a good uncle means he has some big shoes to fill and he is worried he won’t make it. As always, thanks for sharing your battles. These posts really are a great encouragement.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Pete. We always wish that Aaron could talk to us and convey his true thoughts, but that doesn’t often happen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That dream of Aaron and Ryker laughing and playing together has been my dream too. I naively thought that, as irresistible as babies are, Aaron would be quickly won over. I can see how the travel component creates a monumental roadblock for him. P.S. Ryker is ADORABLE! And praise God for FaceTime!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Nancy. We often see Aaron’s face soften and a smile come when he sees a picture of Ryker. But then he also often changes quickly, wiping the smile away and backing off from being happy. We’ve talked to him about that but have made no headway. We’ll keep trying and praying.
LikeLike
I’ll be praying with you, Patty!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Nancy!
LikeLike
Wow, what a very handsome little Ryker!!!
When you said Ryker would get a kick out of Aaron over his little unique quirks I understand this thoroughly with Uncle Jeffery and his nieces and nephews, there’s a lot of “inside” jokes that my kids crack up about with Uncle Jeff but others might not tolerate one bit, my kids know that their relationship with their uncle is definitely one of a kind.
This makes me wonder if once little Ryker begins to use his words, especially “Uncle Aaron” that perhaps that might just be the sweet breaking point that’ll win his heart over to that little guy. Praying boldly.❤️
Keep doing what you’re doing Gramoo!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We’ve wondered, too, if Aaron will do better when Ryker is talking and responding more. I think Aaron wants to do that now, but his fear of being pushed out takes over. I love how you described your kid’s relationship with Jeffery as one of a kind. That’s so sweet! Thanks for your encouragement, Alicia.
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
First of all, Ryker is so darn cute!! I’m so sorry that Aaron is having a hard time adjusting to the new family member, but it sounds as if you are very understanding of the whole situation and doing the absolute best you can to cope. It can be so hard to feel “replaced,” and I’m sure all of us can remember feeling that way at one point or another in our lives. I love how you recognize the validity of Aaron’s emotions, even as they make your life more complicated and difficult. There really is enough love to go around (God shows us that), but that can be a hard lesson to learn, especially those who struggle with autism.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Ann. Yes, the autism changes everything. We talk and talk with Aaron, feeling like surely we’re making headway, and then he says something that shows he is mentally and emotionally stuck where he is. It’s so difficult! So we just keep trying and keep loving.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ryker is cute. Congratulations on being a grandmother 🙂
Thank you for sharing your experience with Aaron. It is a reflection of God’s patient love for us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Matt. My relationship with Aaron often reminds me of my relationship with God. I’m very thankful for His patience with me! Have a blessed Lord’s Day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Patty what a poignant post. I read it several times. Things are very slowly going to work out with Aaron’s feelings toward Ryker. Maybe even in an unexpected way. Very slowly (as is always the case with Aaron, right?). Meantime you said it most beautifully about turning it over to God-“We have fixed our hope on the living God”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Barbara. You’re certainly right about Aaron. Change and acceptance of change is very slow going with him…and sometimes I get impatient. I imagine you saw situations like this in your practice. I would love any insights you have. Love you!
LikeLike
Patty, Ryker is so adorable! I wish I had an answer to your dilemma. Maybe the word uncle is intimidating. What if you called Ryker “the baby” or “(your daughter’s name)’s baby”, or just Ryker. Maybe calling Aaron “Uncle” makes him think he has a responsibility he doesn’t know how to fulfill. I know this is all just speculation on my part, but I can’t help but try to help. There has to be an answer and I will pray that God will show you what it is. Blessings, my friend!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Cindy. I never mind suggestions because they give us some things to think about and possibly to try. I value your prayers so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The love in a family is such a beautiful thread…it does bind all things together in a wonderful way. The truth is that each family is like a quilt and each one is unique. It is, and will be, a treasured heirloom forever. God blesses the quilts. We see the imperfections, and God sees only their beauty. Our quilts tell our story and every family member has a place of importance. All are equal in that regard. Love is only thing that matters in the design and shape of the quilt; in fact, it is what makes the quilt so precious. Reading this family story, has touched my heart…you understand that our quilts need the utmost care, that painstaking details have been considered with each stitch. You have such a strong and beautiful thread…it is an inspiration to others to see the blessings overflow in your family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your beautiful words are such a comfort to me, Linda. Also, my mother was a quilter and she laid the foundation for how my life has pieced together in many ways. God is so faithful to create gorgeous works of art. Thank you for this sweet reminder.
LikeLike
🙂 🙂 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person