Month: July 2012

Scary Snacks!

Is it just me or have the rest of you noticed how things anymore are bigger and bolder and better than EVER!!!  Even our food……..snack foods in particular………..have MORE flavor and MORE spice and MORE color.  Even Aaron’s favorite Hot Tamales now have FIERCE cinnamon flavor!  WOW!!!!   MORE of everything!!!!!  It’s just AMAZING!!!!!!!

This amazingness has not escaped Aaron.  Of course it hasn’t.  Nothing escapes Aaron………..well, except for normal social protocols, but that’s not the point here.  Aaron notices colors and tastes and textures and labels.  Definitely labels……although at times he does get the wording a little confused.

Such was the case last night.  We were playing Skip-Bo and he was eating his favorite Multi-Grain Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.  Now Aaron usually eats his Pringles with gusto, cramming and chomping with ease.  Of course, he had his usual two bowls…………..one full of the Multi-Grain Sour Cream and Onion Pringles and one empty bowl…………..soon to be filled with the Multi-Grain Sour Cream and Onion Pringles crumbs.  As I’ve written before, snack crumbs cannot go into the original bowl that holds the actual snack.  I have quit trying to fight this issue, change this issue, or explain this issue.  I am just thankful for my dishwasher, which is usually full of bowls.

Moving on…………last night I noticed that Aaron was not eating his Multi-Grain Sour Cream and Onion Pringles with gusto.  He was picking each one up, examining it closely, and then slowly taking small bites of each chip.  He would then chew slowly, thoughtfully………………..and quickly swallow.  He finally said, “Mom, have you seen the black dots on these chips?  What are those dots?”  I explained to him that the dots were just some of the spices.

He continued to eat in this methodical, slow fashion.  So I asked him if something was wrong.  He answered, “Well, these sour cream and onion chips are Multi-Blasting.  Does that mean they’re strong?”

I laughed loudly…………very loudly………while Aaron just continued to examine a Multi-Blasting chip and then chew slowly.  This made me laugh even louder, which really did go along with the atmosphere created by these MULTI-BLASTING chips.

Oh my goodness!  I told Aaron that the container said these favorite chips of his are Multi-Grain and are BURSTING with flavor.  They are not Multi-BLASTING chips.  Aaron seemed relieved to hear this bit of news about his favorite Multi-Grain Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.  He then ate with more freedom………..as if he needed more freedom to eat…………but at least he wasn’t worried about the Multi-BLASTING chips and what effect that might have on his mouth.

Notice that this concern over Multi-Blasting did not prevent Aaron from eating.  He just ate slower and with less cramming and less noise that this cramming often produces.

Now I am seriously considering having some signs made for our kitchen.  Something concerning BLASTING food…………..eat slowly and with caution………….and very quietly.

Rocking Together

Yesterday was one of those days.  It was a culmination of several of “those” days that actually became one of THOSE days.  Am I making sense?  Let me once again offer some quotes from Karen Williams in her excellent article – Understanding the Student with Asperger’s Syndrome.  For Gary and I, the title should read – Understanding Our Son with Asperger’s Syndrome (If That Is Even Remotely Possible).  Williams says, under the category of Emotional Vulnerability:  “Rage reactions/temper outbursts are common in response to stress/frustration.”   She goes on to say that those with Asperger’s “………..are easily overwhelmed when things are not as their rigid views dictate they should be.”

I would add that, likewise, parents of Asperger’s children (or adults who behave like children) are at times overwhelmed when things are not as their child (or adult who behaves like a child) wants them to be.  Williams adds, “Affect as reflected in the teacher’s voice should be kept to a minimum.  Be calm, predictable, and matter-of-fact in interactions with the child with AS, while clearly indicating compassion and patience.”

As a parent with an adult (who sometimes behaves like a child) with Asperger’s, I do whole-heartily agree with Williams.  I would also add that perhaps the parent should have a pillow to scream into; a punching bag hanging in the garage to punch on; a blog to write in……………OK, just kidding.  Sort of.

Aaron’s been hung up on a computer game and it’s been all consuming to him.  Saturday was one of those days when he just would not get off the computer to shower, take his pills, or even eat.  Aaron has to reach a certain level of a game before he will turn it off.  This is why we removed Nintendo and PlayStation from our home years ago.  He does much better on the computer, for some reason, but occasionally will revert to these old behaviors.  When this happens, we take the keyboard away and hide it.  Aaron has come to expect this and is usually agreeable about it………..as if it’s almost a relief to have the temptation removed.

Yesterday he was not relieved.  We removed his keyboard Saturday night, so on Sunday he clipped coupons and then napped while our small group was here for lunch.  After his nap, when the small group was gone and a friend who had stopped by had left, Aaron fully expected that his keyboard would be returned.  We had not made it clear that we were not returning the keyboard at that time.  Mistake number one:  Not being clear and consistent, and expecting Aaron to follow along.  Consistency has always been an issue, especially with me.  And inconsistency and change does not work well with Aaron.

Aaron was talking to Gary and me about all of this, and followed Gary downstairs to his study, where they continued to have a pleasant conversation.  Gary was very upbeat and happy.  Aaron was holding a container of his favorite Pringles……………and was becoming agitated.  Soon I heard a strange noise and when I walked downstairs I discovered Gary staring quietly at the mess.  Aaron had thrown his container of Pringles across the room and there was a huge pile of chips and crumbs all over the floor as well as some of Gary’s bookshelves.

Well, well, well…………now what?  Aaron grabbed the container, twisting and squeezing it in sheer frustration as he continued to escalate.  Gary and I followed him upstairs, talking calmly to him………….no affect in our voices at all.  If we yelled, we knew that Aaron would go through the roof.  His eyes were darting around, probably trying to find something else to break.  We stood there, using soothing tones that calmed Aaron a little but were not totally defusing the situation, when suddenly Gary asked, “Aaron, do you want to go to Dairy Queen and get a blizzard?”

It was amazing to see Aaron’s face.  His struggle was so evident as he tried to process this offer.  He was slowly deflating, but he wanted to still be angry.  He paced around the family room and then angrily said, “OK!!  I’ll go!”  He put on his shoes and socks, and then Gary asked him if he wanted to take the van or the truck.  Aaron calmed down even more as he said that he wanted to take the truck, so off Gary and Aaron went……….with Aaron sitting up in the truck with his dad.  I knew what an effort it took for Gary to do this.  He was tired after a hard weekend of working outside, studying for Sunday School, and teaching that morning.  I knew that Gary wanted nothing more than to rest, to relax, to have time for some things that he wanted to do.

His love for his son was evident…………..both of us were loving Aaron at that moment but not really liking him.  While they were gone, I vacuumed up the mess downstairs, wishing that the messes that Aaron makes in our hearts were as easy to dispose of and forget.  When they returned home, Aaron was a different person.  He was full of talk about his M&M Blizzard, their run through the car wash, what road they were on, and the barber shop that was nearby………….”You know, Mom, they have that red and white sign that looks like a spinning candy cane!!”

Later, Aaron and I sat on the glider on the front porch as a thunderstorm moved through.  I love doing that and was happy that Aaron joined me when I invited him to come out.  There the two of us sat on the glider, trying to rock as the wind blew and the thunder rumbled and the rain came down.  We talked………..mostly Aaron talked, of course……………and I kept trying to rock.  You see, Aaron likes to sit forward on the glider and when he does this, he rocks in his own rhythm……….which is the opposite of the way I am rocking.  When I went forward, Aaron went back.  Then when I was going backward, Aaron was pushing forward.  This is not conducive to smooth rocking!  I told him to sit back and relax so that we could rock, and for a minute or two he would.  Then he would sit forward again………..and again we would not be able to smoothly rock as he was moving against my every move.  I just observed, and smiled, and laughed softly at the awkwardness of this supposed rocking.

And I realized how Gary and I have to rock together in our life with Aaron.  We don’t always accomplish this feat, believe me!  Any married couple will agree that it takes time to develop unity in every area of marriage.  Aaron and his issues have certainly been difficult for us at times.  We haven’t always agreed on how to handle discipline, especially, as well as other areas.  Time and maturity and experience have taught us so much.  So many times, I have rocked one way while Gary is rocking in another direction.  This makes for jerky, unhappy motions in our marriage and in Aaron’s life as well.  He needs us to be unified………..and Gary and I need to be a solid unit as we deal with Aaron’s life and decisions that involve him.

Gary blessed me yesterday in how he handled Aaron with love and wisdom.  We were rocking together and the result was smoothness and pleasure in the end as we saw Aaron relax and calm down.  We never know what we’ll face today or tomorrow with Aaron, but we do know that if we rock together with God in the center, then life will be much happier and certainly more peaceful.

From Head to Toe

Aaron rushed into my bathroom this morning as I was fixing my hair.  He just had to tell me that he had gotten a new bottle of body wash out of his bathroom cabinet.  “Mom!  I got some new shampoo and look at what color it is!”   It was a lime green and Aaron, who notices everything about everything (except for people’s reactions to HIM!) thought that this color was quite funny.

He laughed as he asked, “So why do I want green shampoo on my head?  Won’t I look like grass?!”

We both laughed as I assured him that he would not look like grass, and off he thumped to take his shower.  Aaron is very aware of his hair and his skin and his teeth and his nails and his toes and whatever else.  Every bump and scrape and sensation is often an object of discussion………..whether we want to hear it or not.  Believe me, we often do NOT!!

Aaron knows that he is getting a bald spot on top of his head.  The other night he asked, “Am I bald?”  I told him that he is not totally bald and he added, “So am I bald on part of my head?”  Yep, Aaron – you are becoming bald on part of your head.  He’s not too sure that this is acceptable.

He likes the fact that he has a mustache, though, and a goatee.  Just this morning he said, “I like this!”  I looked over to see him pointing to his mustache – and then began the discussion he always has about not wanting to cut it, with me explaining why he needs to keep it trimmed.  We actually let him grow a mustache and goatee because he does NOT like shaving, so at least this helps a little in that area.

He’s very curious about why he sometimes wakes up with a stiff elbow.  I’ve told him that at times we sleep in the same position and so something like our elbow will get stiff and tired from not moving for a long time.  One morning he got up and told me that his elbow wasn’t just sore, but that it was really sore.  “Mom, my elbow hurt in my sleep.  It was a lot worse than those other tired positions.”

I’ve also told him not to wake me up at night for just any little ache and pain, as he used to do.  Major stuff, yes……..but not a sore elbow, for instance.  A couple weeks ago, when he had a bloody finger from a hangnail repair gone wrong, he talked and talked about it.  “Mom, I had some pulled skin.  Maybe I broke the feeling part of my skin.”

If any of you think you can explain the concept of not breaking the feeling part of your skin, then I would love to hear from you.  Anyway, I assured Aaron that he was fine.  He then asked me, “Would you mind if I called you during the night for loose skin?”

I affirmed that yes, I would mind if he called me during the night for loose skin……….unless it was a huge area of loose skin, like his whole torso.  Then I had to explain torso.

He likes to sit in our leather chair while he watches TV, and often will have one or both legs folded underneath him.  Yesterday he was trying to unwind himself from this position as he got up from the chair, and soon he said, “Mom, the side of my legs make a weird sound!  The skin is stuck to the leather!”

I tell him not to fold his legs underneath that way, knowing that he will continue to sit that way and that he will continue to be amazed at how his skin sticks to the leather.  And I imagine there is something else that he continues to do, but I refuse to ask.  A long time ago he informed us that he saw some hairs growing on his chest…………and so he pulled them out.  Yes, he pulled them out!

The last time that I ventured to ask him about that, he confirmed that he was still pulling out the random hairs that he found growing on his chest.  To Aaron, hair should not be growing on his chest.  Maybe it’s all the times in our 6 years of living in Europe that we saw very hairy men with no shirts on…………..and our kids would yell, “Ooohhhh!!  Grossy Men!!!!”

Or maybe he just wants his chest to match the part of his head that is bald.  I don’t ask anymore.

Give Me More! – End of Day Update

If you did not read my previous post – Give Me More! – then you should read it now so that this post will have more meaning.

Now:  Aaron recently returned home and I heard the rustling of a bag.  A Wal-Mart bag, I presumed.  I was right.  He came downstairs to talk to Gary and I, and out of the bag he pulled………….croissants.  His love affair with this bread continues.  In the container were two croissants left uneaten – at that point.  

“Mom, I got a large Cheddar Pasta Salad but I couldn’t get two croissants because it cost $11.01.”

Since Aaron took $8.39 to Wal-Mart, then he was confined to that amount and $11.01 was more than he had to spend.  I asked, “So Aaron, how did you know that it cost $11.01to get two croissants and your LARGE Cheddar Pasta Salad?  You must have taken two boxes of croissants up to the register and tried to buy them.”

“No!” he said.  “I only bought one!”

But you must have taken TWO up to the register, right?

“Well, yes, I took two but I didn’t have $11.01.  So I just could buy one box!”

Ah-ha!  So much for Aaron using restraint in his food purchasing.  I should have known.  The only thing restraining him from buying 12 croissants instead of the 6 he bought was his $8.39.  I guarantee that before his next Wal-Mart trip he will be asking for $11.01.

When he left the house this morning, his bed was a mess and he asked me to help him make it.  I didn’t have time to do that, so after we talked about his Wal-Mart trip, he asked, “Mom, did you help me make my bed while I was gone?”

This isn’t the first time he has asked this question and my answer is the same:  “Aaron, how can I help YOU make the bed when YOU are gone?  Isn’t that just ME making the bed?”

“Yeah, but did you help me make it?”

No, Aaron………I did not help you make your bed while you were gone.  I smile.  He’s oblivious.

He went to the other room to talk to Gary and returned soon, licking his lips.  Of course, the remaining two croissants were history and the container was empty.

“Mom!  After Wal-Mart, do you know what we then did?”

No, Aaron – what did you then do?

“We went to Sonic!”

I am feeling stuffed just thinking about Aaron’s Sonic trip on top of a large Cheddar Pasta Salad and 6 croissants (although he said he shared).

But he assured me that he just got water at Sonic.  Yay!  A wise choice!

We went upstairs so that I could actually help HIM make his bed since I didn’t help him make it while he was gone.  Now he has gone to Lowe’s with Gary and no telling what stories he will return telling…………..or Gary will tell me behind Aaron’s back.

At least we know there are no croissants at Lowe’s!

Give Me More!

Aaron appreciates the value of money just like the rest of us.  Of course, to him the value of money translates into Number 52 Quik-Trip Slushies; multiple boxes of Mike and Ikes or Hot Tamales; and the largest order of popcorn at the theater.  This morning he was talking to me about the fact that he’s going to Wal-Mart today with his day group.

“Mom, can I have some extra money?”

Sure, Aaron.  You can have some extra money for Wal-Mart today.

Then I reminded him that I didn’t want him to buy tons of candy or ice cream or Croissants.  I reinforced the fact that he could buy a Subway sandwich or a Cheddar Pasta Salad.  And I added, “Aaron, you don’t have to buy a 12 inch sub…….a 6 inch is fine.  And you don’t have to buy a large Cheddar Pasta Salad………..a medium would be good.”

Realizing where my line of reasoning might be headed, he asked, “So how much money are you going to give me?”

I replied that I didn’t know yet.  So he asked, “Will you give me more than you are?”

He makes me laugh.  My suggestion of a 6 inch sub or a medium Cheddar Pasta Salad just might mean that I was planning on giving him less money………..and he did not miss that possibility.

Quick, that boy is………..where it matters…………to him and to his stomach.  

Lessons From the Warning Birds

I finally had a free morning………..one in which I did not need to take Aaron to his day group, nor did I have errands to run or any commitments to meet.  I had a long outside to-do list and was eager to get started before the heat made being outside unbearable.  One of the first jobs I decided to tackle was an easy one.  The forsythia bush beside the garden was overgrown again, despite being pruned just a few weeks ago.  I grabbed the small pruning shears and my garden gloves, and then rolled the trash can out to the bush in need of a trim.

I had only made two or three little snips with my shears before I was very surprised by a dive-bombing bird.  This bird nearly clipped the top of my head!  He – or she – then immediately turned around and flew over me again as I instinctively ducked down out of the way.  The unhappy bird landed on one of the wooden beams that surrounds our garden and proceeded to squawk very loudly at me.  A second bird flew into our nearby pear tree and also berated me sharply for obviously infringing on their territory.  I knew that there was a reason for their irate behavior.  I figured it must involve a nest and possibly some baby birds that were already born, or eggs waiting to hatch. 


I really wanted to finish trimming this bush since I had the time and since I had started on it.  I carefully reached up to trim some of the upper growth when I heard a very unusual sound, one that startled me and made me move back away from the bush.  It sounded almost like a growl, but with bird undertones, and was coming from inside the bush.  Peering very carefully between the branches, I saw the little nest……..compact and nearly hidden among the tangled growth inside the bush.  In the nest, sure enough, were at least two little baby birds with eyes open and hearts probably pounding in fear.  I don’t know if Mama Bird had made the unique sound I heard or maybe one of the babies, but something was warning me to go away.  And I did.  I decided that I could finish trimming the bush at a time that was safer for these baby birds – and for me!  The uneven growth would just have to stay awhile longer.


As I moved to the vegetable garden to continue my chores, the adult birds lingered nearby to watch me and to be assured that I no longer disturbed their precious babies.  This whole episode reminded me of the warnings in our lives that occur at various times and stages.  As God’s children, we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit upon our salvation.  One of the ministries of the Spirit in our lives is to warn us and to redirect our steps, just as the Spirit redirected the steps of Paul in Acts 16 when he forbade him to go to Bithynia.  Sometimes we are headed in a direction that may be good and seem right, but God has other plans for us.  That voice in our heart that makes us uneasy or that definite closed door is often the Spirit warning us and changing our path to the better one that God has for us.  We may not understand the change and often we don’t like it, but knowing that God sees our entire future and leads us in love is such a comfort.  Paul could look back and see that’s God’s warning and His will was best, and maybe someday we will be able to do the same with our lives.
 
God’s Word also has warnings for us to listen to and to obey.  David talked about the perfection of God’s Word in Psalm 19.  He described God’s laws and commandments to us as being sure, right, pure, true, and sweet – to name a few.  Then in verse 11, David said, “Moreover, by them your servant is warned……..”  Warned?  Most definitely!  God’s Word lifts us up into truth and is sweet and so pure and very encouraging………….but His Word is also full of warnings for mankind.  As God’s children, we need to heed the warnings we read in His Word – all sorts of warnings that call out to us just as much as those angry birds called out to me in my yard.  There is absolute truth, and absolute right and wrong found in the pages of our Bibles.  We need to read it with obedient hearts and listen to God’s warnings contained therein. 

One more avenue of warning can be found in the godly friends or family members that we have in our lives.  In his challenge to the Corinthian believers in I Corinthians 4, Paul finally says to them in verse 14: “I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish (or warn) you as my beloved children.”  Sometimes there are faithful people in our lives who see us making bad decisions, or headed into a dangerous relationship, or harboring bitterness, or any number of other situations.  I’ve been personally blessed with wise counsel from family and friends at various times in my life.  Some of that counsel may take the form of warnings………..warnings that we need to heed when given by one that we know to be following the Lord and whom we can trust to advise us with sound wisdom.  Warnings from those who have lived life longer than we have and who have seen the result of sinful ways.  Warnings from those who love us and love God and want us to have His best. 

May each of us be open during those times when the Spirit, or God’s Word, or loving people in our lives are trying to get our attention……….are attempting to redirect our thoughts or our activities or our desires away from ones that can be damaging to us.  Even when it means leaving the path that we were on…………..leaving a job undone………..ending a relationship……………throwing off a worry or a heavy load of hurt……………whatever the situation, may the trusted warnings that we receive be well received.  God has a reason for the warnings tucked away in His plan for us…………reasons even more precious than little baby birds.