28 Years Ago

Today is one of Aaron’s favorite days of the whole year.  Today is his birthday!  Aaron is now officially 28 years old!  His countdown is now over…….the long anticipated day is finally here and he can continue his celebration that actually began yesterday with a special lunch, and then being taken out to get ice cream last night by the Atkesons.  Aaron has never lost his child-like enthusiasm for his birthday.  He relishes the fact that the day is all about him, although he’s not annoying about it.  He’s happy and exuberant for sure, and sometimes uncomfortable with too much attention……yet he would be very disappointed if that attention never came. 

I’ve been thinking back to that time 27 years ago when Gary and I were wanting a baby.   We were nearing our 5thyear of marriage when we found out that I was pregnant.  That was such an exciting time for us!  When I went into labor late on that November night, three weeks before my due date, we were surprised and a little scared.  My labor lasted only about 5 hours and there he was……..our baby boy.  A son!  We named him Aaron Daniel, and I was positive that no one on planet earth had ever given birth to a baby as beautiful as our Aaron.  No mother could have been prouder and more thankful than I was.  Those were my thoughts as I looked at this little tiny bundle of boy………our Aaron Daniel.  He only weighed 6 lb. 4 oz. at birth, and was even lighter than that when we took him home with us. 

 

Aaron grew and thrived normally, never giving us pause for alarm in any way.  He was bright and curious, and as cute as he could possibly be.  Aaron knew all of his letters, randomly, before he was two years old.  Gary was so shocked one day as he held Aaron on his lap before his second birthday.  Gary was reading a magazine and suddenly Aaron started pointing to the letters on the page that Gary was reading.  Aaron was telling what each letter was and in his amazement, Gary called urgently for me to come.  I thought that Aaron must have hurt himself, so I ran downstairs to find Aaron safe………..and calling out letters as Gary would point to them.  We laughed and cheered for Aaron, and Aaron was delighted……..though he wasn’t quite sure why.

 
 
 
 

As Aaron grew, we noticed that he was sometimes a little different from other children.  Still we weren’t alarmed.  His funny clapping seemed like an appropriate behavior for a young child, and was something that we knew he would outgrow.  He didn’t like the feel of certain clothes or the tags on shirts, but sometimes other kids didn’t like those things either.  He was very hard to potty train, but aren’t boys often that way?  Then came his first seizure in the winter of 1992 while we were stationed in Germany.  We were terrified at this unexpected and awful event.  Aaron spent nearly a week in the German children’s hospital in Mannheim and was diagnosed with Epilepsy.  I cried one night at home until I felt that I had no more tears, and then Gary and I faced the future with faith in God and love for our Aaron. 

Aaron adjusted to his seizure meds and kept on being a normal little boy.  He taught himself cursive, learned to read, and played with his friends.  But he didn’t like many of the loud sounds at school, and we noticed that he had a hard time with maintaining friendships.  We returned to the States in 1993, and that next year Aaron was removed from his seizure meds because he had been seizure free for two years.   Soon, though, the seizures returned and so did various medicines.  Aaron continued to regress socially as he grew older, and his behaviors were more extreme and very hard to understand.  He became more isolated…….it took very special people to understand him, especially boys his own age.  Yet God put us with some wonderful friends as we lived in Leavenworth and then again when we were stationed in Arizona.

But life was difficult for Aaron, and therefore for us as well.  In Arizona, his seizures increased dramatically as did the behaviors.  Finally, when Aaron was 14, he was diagnosed by a pediatric neurologist as having Asperger’s Syndrome.  I had never even heard of this, and was so shocked when the doctor told me that it was a form of autism.  We researched and studied and read……..and again, I cried at this news.  One long, hard cry……….and then we moved on in our life with Aaron.

 

There have been many ups and downs in our journey………..many hard times and hard decisions………many moments when we thought our hearts would break……….and many times when we just wanted to walk away in our frustration during a particular behavior.  But Aaron is our son and we love him deeply.  With time comes acceptance and knowledge and understanding.  With God all things are possible.

 

God allowed Aaron to be the young man that he is today.  Aaron has redefined our parenting……he has reshaped our family……..he has refreshed my world on so many levels with his unique view of the world around him.  Would I have designed Aaron to be this way?  Probably not.   But I have a God Whom I can totally trust and Who wove Aaron in my inward parts.  Even though I don’t know the answers to the “why” questions, I do know the Who of creation.  I trust my sovereign God with all my unanswered questions.  He is an awesome God.

And He gave us an awesome son!
 

Birthday Eve

Aaron is very excited about his birthday tomorrow.  The celebration began today as Barb, one of his favorite staff at Paradigm, took him out to eat.  Rosie went, too, so it was a very special pre-birthday lunch for Aaron with two of his very favorite people.  He couldn’t wait to tell me all about it when he burst in the house after his day was over. 

“Mom!  Barb took Rosie and I out to lunch!  We went to that Longhorn Steak House!”

How nice, Aaron!  What did you get to eat?

“Well, I got a bacon hamburger and a normal salad.”

Sounds good!  And what’s a normal salad?

“You know, just a salad with all that normal stuff.  But I didn’t like those hard croutons so I gave them to Barb.”

He also told me about the French fries and then added, “Mom, after we ate, that employee…….is that what you’d call her?”  I asked him if he meant the waitress and he continued, “Yeah, that waitress………Barb told her that it was my birthday and so she brought me a cake with ice cream and whipped cream that had chocolate and just one cherry on top!”

Wow, Aaron, that sounds so good!  Did you eat it?

“Yeah, I ate it!  And you know what?  They sang Happy Birthday in a different way………in a cowboy way.  That’s a cowboy restaurant!”

Whatever the cowboy way is for singing Happy Birthday, Aaron seemed to like it.  He usually acts pretty uncomfortable with all that attention, but deep down he enjoys it.  He records it in his brain and shares his picture images of it with us………usually over and over again.

To top off his wonderful Birthday Eve, our dear friends Dan and Wendy came over tonight with their special Elijah.  They took Aaron out for ice cream at Braums, where he later told me that he got a hot fudge sundae.  He is now officially more than stuffed!  And he is very happy with the fun and the attention and the fresh ears that will listen to all of his stories, and laugh at his stories, and pay him such special attention. 
 

Aaron is truly blessed on this Birthday Eve……..and so are we!

LESSONS FROM THE GATHERING CLOUDS

I was enjoying the beauty of a crisp fall morning yesterday, adjusting to the time change and the earlier daylight that it brought.  The sunshine on the fading yet still colorful leaves was helping to fuel my energy on this Monday.  I was busy going about my morning routine when a quick glance out the kitchen window showed me that there was something new on the horizon, out past our tree line and the farmer’s fields across from our house.  The entire skyline was filling with clouds.  Not soft, puffy clouds – but a mass of darker, thicker clouds was filling the Kansas sky.  I wondered if these clouds were just a passing layer that would dissipate in the rising sun, but as the minutes went by I knew that they were instead building into a covering that would soon blot out the sun and turn my shining morning into a darker one.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long until the entire sky was filled with this grey spread that totally transformed the outdoor scene.  Now instead of glowing sunshine bouncing off the yellows and rusts and evergreens of our trees, the view became one of muted tones………of drabness…………of coldness.  And though I’ve never minded cloudy days, I did miss the brilliance of the sunshine on the colorful leaves, along with the energy and the warmth that the light had given me on this Monday morning.  I watched helplessly as the clouds built and spread across the blue sky, unable to change their momentum or their effect.

All of us either are facing, or will sometime face, these building clouds on the horizons of our lives.  We look ahead and we sense, or know with certainty, that there are changes waiting on the outskirts of our present happy situations that may change our lives………..or at least alter our current secure world.  For me, today, I don’t think I want to hear what my surgeon will say about my shoulder injury.  I don’t want to face surgery, nor the long recovery and inconvenience that may be awaiting me.   For many others, there are far more serious situations.  They watch as a tiny baby struggles to grow and thrive in the NICU;  they await the biopsy results that are coming for someone they love;  they struggle with serious undiagnosed health issues as they go from test to test with various doctors;  they deal with chronic pains and depression;  they watch with broken hearts as their children walk away from the Lord;  they seek God for wisdom in making major, life changing decisions;  they see their marriage fail and their finances plummet; they see their homes destroyed in a hurricane and their entire lives in upheaval.

And today, we watch and wait as our country selects a new President.  With the selection of either candidate, we wonder how our nation’s people will respond.  We know that there may be conflict and we pray that there will not be uprisings.  We wonder if our country will ever be as we remembered it years ago, unified and vigorous.  Or are the building clouds threatening to change our nation forever?

In all of these situations, there is one constant………one point on the compass that is sure.  Listen to the Psalmist in Psalm 42:5 – “Why are you in despair, oh my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.”   God hasn’t left us – He hasn’t abandoned us, even as the thick clouds cover our world.  We don’t need to despair or be disturbed, for we have the help of His presence!

Again, in verse 11, the Psalmist says – “Why are you in despair, oh my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.”  Again, even in the bleakness we should praise God……….and in focusing on Him, even our countenance will change. 

Finally, verse 8 – “The Lord will command His loving kindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life.”  Wow!  Not only will God exhibit his love to me in the daylight when my surroundings are full of light………….but He promises that His song will be with me in the dark times.  A prayer, the writer says………..my response to the growing clouds that threaten my happiness is a prayer to this God Who commands His love in every situation of my life.  A prayer of submission to God Who orchestrates my cloud cover and a prayer of praise to God Who commands His love to me. 
 
 

We submit and we praise, even when we don’t feel like doing so.  We submit and we praise, even as we watch the clouds fill our sky.  We submit and we praise, even when the news isn’t good news.  We submit and we praise, even when the decisions are very difficult.  We submit and we praise, even if our candidate doesn’t win.  We submit and we praise because we have a God Who is with us in the sunshine and in the clouds, in the good and the bad of life.    

Thank you, God, for Your presence……….for Your hope……….and for Your love!

More About Nuns!

This past Thursday, Aaron went to the mall with his group.  He loves mall days because he loves the food court or Auntie Anne’s Pretzels or Dairy Queen……….it’s his Thursday food fest.  On this particular mall trip he was proud to tell me that instead of making his lunch a super duper extra large Triple Chocolate Blast Sundae, he instead chose to eat a sub at Subway.  I praised him for that decision and then asked him what kind of bread he decided to order.  He answered, “Normal!”  This means Italian.   It’s scary that I know this.
             
 Anyway, in addition to all the food he adores, he also loves all the fascinating sights and sounds of the mall.  Remember the day he couldn’t wait to tell me about the very unique sight of a mannequin, wearing……..well, in Aaron’s words:  “Mom!!  I saw a statue wearing BRAS!!!”  I didn’t even bother to ask him just how many bras she was wearing.  Some things are better to just leave alone.

So on this past Thursday, Aaron rushed in the door and hurried to find me downstairs so he could tell me about his latest mall experience.  Let me preface this by saying that Aaron has a great interest in nuns.  Yes, nuns.  Maybe it’s because one of his very favorite movies is The Sound of Music.  Maybe it’s because of the habits that they wear, which are very foreign to Aaron’s world………..so therefore merit his full attention.  And when something merits Aaron’s full attention, watch out.  He will stare, he might point, and he will most definitely comment – sooner or later.  We often hope it’s later but it’s usually sooner.
 
Anyway, here is Aaron’s story:  “Mom!  Guess what Cody saw me looking at?  A NUN!!!”

So you saw a nun, Aaron?  Where were you?
I was fighting fear at this point, wondering what had transpired.                                                                                

“We were eating and I saw a nun!  She had on those loooooong clothes that go like this!”  And he proceeded to make hand motions from his head down to his feet, describing what this nun was wearing.  This in itself is hilarious.  He continued:  “Cody told me to quit staring at her.”

 
Well, Aaron, we always tell you not to stare.  Were you pointing at her?

 
“No, I was just looking at her.  And you know what, Mom?  It was a WOMAN!!!”

 
Good grief, Aaron!  Yes, SHE is a woman………SHE is not an IT!!

 
But this was not all that Aaron had to say about this nun.  “Mom, I didn’t know they were in the United States!  I thought they were in another place outside the United States, like China!!!  So they’re allowed in the United States?” 

China.  Why on earth does Aaron think that nuns are in China?  He couldn’t tell me and I really have no clue………unless he’s heard that nearly everything “American” is actually made in China.  I don’t know.  I will be on the lookout now for Chinese nuns because this has made me curious.  Chinese nuns that are allowed in the United States, actually.

 
I do hope that if Aaron made comments about this nun (who is a woman, possibly from China but somehow allowed in the United States!)………..well, I hope that his comments were made quietly.  Aaron doesn’t do quietly very well, though.  This poor nun may be wondering about Aaron’s stares and about his surprise that she’s a woman and about the Chinese connection.  

 
And I would like to tell this woman nun not to worry – that we are often left wondering, too.

 

 

 

Timely Matters

Aaron keeps close tabs on matters pertaining to time or seasons or special events.  I talk about this fairly often here in my blog.  He is so precise and very aware and sometimes frustratingly regimented.  When I’m not rolling my eyes, or chewing on my tongue to keep from either cackling or making a smart comment, I will often laugh at his displays of rigidity.  He looks at me as if I have surely taken leave of my senses since he sees nothing humorous in what to him are perfectly normal behaviors. 

When it comes to the changing seasons, Aaron is often confused at oddities such as warm days in the fall or winter, or cold days in the spring or summer.  If Aaron was in charge, every single winter day would be cold; every single spring day would be warm; every single summer day would be hot; and every single fall day would be slightly cool.  How logical that would be!  How precise! 

I wrote before about how confused he was at the end of last winter, in early March, when we had some warm days.  He found me outside pruning when he came home from his group and he said, “Mom, those kids said it’s spring.  It’s not spring until March 20!”  And later, “So is it spring yet?  I don’t understand that!” 

I tried to explain that we sometimes say it’s spring when it turns warm, even if it’s not precisely March 20th or after.  But he was having none of that!  It’s not spring until it’s really spring, in Aaron’s world!  People are so confusing sometimes! 

And sure enough, during some recent cold weather Aaron asked, “Mom, is it winter?”  I told him that no, it was not winter yet…………and I knew exactly what was coming as he responded, “But all this coldness!!  When will it get warm?”  He gets very annoyed sometimes at how the weather jerks him around. 

He’s been on his birthday countdown for some time now.  He counts the days and makes his plans and has everything sorted out in his mind.  On October 4, he said, “Mom, we only have till my birthday one month and four days.”  I had to stop and think a minute, but as always he was totally right about that number. 

Last night as we played Skip-Bo, he said, “Mom, tomorrow’s the first of November!”   I said, “Yes it is, Aaron.  What do you think about that?”

“It’s almost my birthday,” he flatly replied.  Well, of course that’s what Aaron would think about when the month of November is mentioned.   He may be egocentric, but at least he’s honest about it!

He has really missed the absence of his portable clock that he carried around the house.  He broke it one day and I have refused to replace it.  But if you remember, his birthday is coming up……….in 7 ½ days, to be precise………..and I imagine he’ll get the same portable clock for his birthday as the one that he is missing.  It tells the indoor and outdoor temperatures, too, so he can see if the seasons are cooperating.  Anyway, he keeps this clock with him by his computer……or beside him as we play Skip-Bo………..or with him when he comes to the family room to watch TV…….

Last night as we played Skip-Bo, he lamented once again the absence of said clock.  He showed me how he has to take his watch off and “roll it”, as he says, and place it on the desk so he can check the time when he’s on his computer.  No matter that his watch is conveniently on his arm, pushed half-way up but still there, for him to check the time.  No, he must have it right beside him in the place of his absent portable clock, in order to keep track of the time.  To try to make him think otherwise is futile.  I may as well go outside to convince the pine tree as to try to convince Aaron.  He also has a clock on his night stand, but that clock is strictly for telling the time when he goes to bed and when he gets up, so he can record the precise minutes in his notebook by his bed.  That clock is not to be used when he is on the computer.  I feel sometimes as if I live in some sort of asylum.

And finally, speaking of time, as we began playing our Skip-Bo game last night, Aaron asked his usual question – “Mom, can we play more than one game?”

I said, “Probably not, Aaron.  It’s almost 9:30.”

Aaron pushed up his sweater sleeve and he pushed up his shirt sleeve in order to retrieve his watch that he keeps half-way up his arm.  He looked at his watch after hearing me say that it was almost 9:30 and he then replied, “No, it’s not.  It’s 9:24.  So how about it?”

He still thinks his mother is very silly for laughing.  What’s wrong with demanding precision?!

How about it??!!

 

Remembering Willene

Gary and I had been dating for several months that autumn of 1978 when he invited me to join his family for their annual Thanksgiving gathering.  Everyone piled in to Jay and Teetle’s house in Winston-Salem, North Carolina……….dozens of them!  It seemed that there were people everywhere, in every nook and cranny of that house on Carter Circle.  I walked in to the talking and laughter, overwhelmed with the introductions and the people that I was meeting for the first time – people that I knew in my heart would someday be a part of my life.  It was a warm, inviting atmosphere because Gary’s family is some of the warmest, kindest people I have ever known.  Yet on that day I didn’t know anybody, really, except for Gary – who tried to stay close but somehow wasn’t close enough as I tried to remember names and to connect whom belonged to whom in the confusion of names and relations. 
The person that I was most nervous about meeting finally stood before me……….a rather tall woman, with those long Edmonds arms and with a rather inquisitive look in her eyes.  I’m sure she was as curious about me as I was about her.  We were introduced, and then I reached over and hugged her.  I realized instantly that this was a surprise to her, and I felt embarrassed as she rather stiffly returned the unexpected hug.  As the day went on, we had more time to casually talk and I’m sure to watch each other at a distance.  I don’t remember much more about that busy, full day of new people and so many names and faces to assimilate.  But I had finally met my future mother-in-law, Willene Crawford.  That was the beginning of building a relationship with this amazing woman.



Willene and her mother, Rachel
Willene and her dad, Edgar

Willene had endured a very rough childhood, full of hurts over the early, tragic loss of her father, Edgar Edmonds, and the subsequent remarriage of her mother to a man who turned out to be an abusive liar.  She had a hard life for many years, but when I met her she was married to Homer Crawford, and she was settled and happy.  After Gary and I were married, she became Mom to me.  I soon learned that she was a woman with a very giving nature, and to whom family was her world. 

Willene Edmonds
 

Our first little house was full of items that she gave us to help us get started…….from bedspreads to curtains to canned goods and pumpkins.  Yes, pumpkins!  I’ll never forget the fall weekend that she came to our little house in Winston-Salem from her home in Tennessee with a car full of pumpkins.  We scooped out pumpkins, cut up pumpkins, boiled pumpkins, mashed pumpkins, and froze the end product in dozens of freezer bags.  Gary and I enjoyed pumpkin anything and everything for months……….pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin cake………….and the memories of that weekend were woven in to every bite. 

I loved Willene’s cooking and once asked her how she came to be such a great southern cook.  Her answer was simple – “Practice, practice, practice!” she said in her usual rather brusque tone.  Yet with all these years of practice, I’ve never accomplished her simply delicious art of mountain, southern cooking.  The last time she came to visit us here in Kansas,  she made biscuits – a treat we always looked forward to with watering mouths.  Her biscuits were perfect!  Of course, she had no recipe……….so as she dumped her ingredients into the bowl, I would stop her and then I would measure each item and write it down.  Still, though I seldom make biscuits, the times I have made them never do justice to the flaky, delicious biscuits that she produced.  Maybe it was her touch more than anything………..and the fact that I’m not practicing the art of biscuit making enough!

Homer died when Gary and I had been married for five years, and I was pregnant with Aaron.  That was such a sad time, another blow in Willene’s life of disappointments.  She moved back to Bryson City, living in Mama Rachel’s old house with Sandra and Mama Rachel right beside her in Sandra’s new home.  It was a good arrangement.  She was able to come see us after Aaron and Andrea were both born.  We were living in Colorado Springs where Gary was stationed at Fort Carson.  We had a small house in town, with not a lot of room for two babies and three adults…………but it was so much fun to have her come.  I never worried about things being perfect when she was with us because Willene was so laid back.  A perfect house didn’t matter one bit to her.  Time with family was what was valuable to her, and the times that she was with us were so special.

She came to Colorado in January of 1987 to spend several months with me.  Gary had been assigned to training that previous October en route to our new duty station in Germany.  There I was, with 2 year old Aaron and 4 month old Andrea……….and a house for sale in the middle of a Colorado winter.  My parents came out for awhile to help, and then after Christmas Willene came to stay indefinitely.  What a blessing and a lifesaver she was to me!  It was so wonderful to have her companionship and her assistance during that long, snowy winter.  By this time we were very comfortable with each other.  We talked and talked; we shopped; we ate out when we could; we cooked a lot; and she and I loved on her grandchildren.  She dearly loved those babies and she enjoyed every minute with them.  She even tolerated my new mother ways of doing things, and never tried to undo any of my decisions.  I did smile, though, when I’d see her sneak Aaron a little sip of forbidden soda or a little bite of candy. 

We’d scurry around to clean the house when the realtor would call to tell us that he was headed over with a potential buyer.  Then we’d pack the kids in the car and head out to the mall or to Target to kill time until it was safe to go back to our house.  She’d watch the kids while I shoveled yet another deep snow off the driveway and sidewalk, or when I had a military event to attend.  And when our packers came in April of that year, she was right there keeping the kids occupied and helping in whatever way she could.  She rejoiced with us when our realtor called to tell us our house had sold on the night before we were leaving Colorado!  She adjusted along with us as our trip out was delayed for several hours while we rushed through a hurried house closing, and never minded one bit when Gary took me to buy a new dress with some of the money we received at our closing.  It was a sweet, happy, but yet exhausting time.  I can only imagine how tired she must have been, but she never complained. 

We drove two cars across country as soon as our business was done in Colorado, heading out late in the day.  Gary drove our little S-10 pickup with Aaron happily chattering or sleeping beside him.  I followed in our Ford Tempo, with Willene sitting in the back watching over Andrea in her car seat.  Willene helped so much as she took care of Andrea’s every need, and as she helped keep me awake as I drove.  We were in awe together of the enormous, full moon that was in the sky as we drove across Texas that night.  We spent the night in Fort Smith, Arkansas before making our way to Bryson City, North Carolina that next day…….worn out but so happy to be home again.  Gary and I had time there, and time in West Virginia before he left alone for Germany in May.  The kids and I stayed behind until August, splitting time between NC and WV.

Willene adored her grandchildren, and in 1990 was thrilled to meet Andrew for the first time when we came home from Germany for 6 months before returning for another three years.  She came to Germany to spend some time with us, too, and what fun we had traveling over the country and showing her sights she never dreamed she would see.  She was able to come to each place that we lived – Alabama, Colorado, Germany, Kansas, and Arizona.  She loved our visits to Bryson City.  Days there were full of family, love, and many good times. 

Willene and family with Mama Rachel
 
Willene taught me how to do lots of crafts.  She loved to make things and she was very gifted in that area.  Before leaving for Germany, she taught me how to make rag baskets.  After we were settled in Germany, she would send boxes of fabric rolls that she got at the outlet where she worked.  I made and sold those baskets in craft stores there in Germany, as well as rugs and other crafts………….all because she cared enough to take the time and make the effort to see that I had what I needed.  She loved sending us all sorts of things from the outlet where she worked………bedding, towels, blankets, and so much more.  And there were boxes for the kids that would come, full of clothes or toys or goodies.  She was an awesome Granny, even though she was far away.

 
As her health declined and she was on dialysis, she never let it get her down.  She forged ahead with her life, even coming to visit us here in Wichita several times, dialysis or not.  She would continue her treatments here.  One day in February of 2007, she drove herself to her dialysis treatment, but she became sick there and had to be transported to the hospital in Asheville.  She had surgery and then she continued to decline.  Gary and I went to see her several times, and in April of that year we brought her for a day visit to Sandra’s for the last time.  Gary and I brought Andrea and Andrew to see her that summer as her condition continued to grow worse.  We received the call to come home in October of that year.  Gary and I drove all night to get there, going straight to the hospital in Asheville. 

I was shocked at the sight of her laying there in that hospital bed, unconscious and struggling to breathe.  This strong, independent woman was finally nearing the end.  She had accepted Christ and was ready to go, but none of us were ready to let her go.  We stayed at the hospital all day, and before leaving that night I leaned down close to her ear.  I told her that I loved her, and I told her that she was the most wonderful mother-in-law that a girl could ever ask for.  I hope she heard me………..I hope she knew my heart.  For though we always said “I love you” after every phone call or visit, I wanted her to know that she truly was an amazing woman and a precious part of my life. 

She passed away that next morning.  It’s been five years, and she is missed as much now as ever.  We laugh and smile when we talk about her, and the kids have many special memories of times with Granny.  I’m so thankful for that!  “Practice, practice, practice,” she told me.  But you can’t practice to be what she was.  She was the real deal, honest and straight-forward, blunt to a fault……….and with a heart as big as all outdoors. 

We miss you, Willene.  We miss you, Granny.  I miss you, Mom.

 

Able To Eat

Aaron came home on Monday and told me that he didn’t eat much all day.  Sometimes his appetite goes up and down, but most often it’s up.  VERY up, actually.  His comment on Monday was, “Mom, I lost my able to eat.”

You lost your able to eat, Aaron?

“Yeah,” he replied.  He really has lost some weight and now says he lost his able to eat.  Hmmm…..

Wednesday is the day that the staff cooks there at Paradigm for the clients.  On the menu was Sloppy Joes.  As Aaron had said earlier, “Mom, Sloppy Joes are not my favorite.  Do I have to go?”  But go he did, and I was very proud of him for turning his attitude around.  When he got home, I asked him if he ate any Sloppy Joes.

“Well, they’re not my favorite.”  I know that Aaron, but did you eat some? 

“I ate some, but they’re not my favorite.”

Yes, Aaron, you’ve established that.  Did you like them?

“Well, they’re not my favorite.”  Hear Mom sigh.  “But I liked the chips!”

And with that he became more animated as he told me that he had chips – Doritos – and was it OK that he had chips for lunch?

It’s not too good, Aaron, if that’s all you had. 

We then talked about the strange bracelet that he was wearing, that he found on the ground outside of Paradigm, and that I told him he needed to return…………..and we talked about the dog…………and the weather……….and could we play Skip-Bo tonight…………and then:

“ Mom, I went with Brandi and Barb to Sonic.”

Long pause.  And…………….?

“Well, I got some chicken strips.”

Long pause.

Were they good, Aaron? 

“Yeah, they were good.”

Long pause.

Is that all you had, Aaron?

“No.”

Long pause.

And…………….?

“Well, I had an onion ring.”

Just one onion ring?

“Yeah.”

Long pause…………and then he laughed.

“There was just one onion ring in all those French fries!”

Oh, so you had French fries along with your chicken strips?

“Yeah.”

Long pause.

“And one onion ring in all those French fries!”  More laughter.

Eventually the story does come out………..bit by bit…………and I wonder how much is accurate and how much is he withholding.

I do believe, though, that he has found his able to eat!

Lessons From the Untended Garden

As I opened our back door this morning, I was still expecting to be hit by the furnace-like temperatures that we’ve endured here in Kansas for weeks. What a pleasant relief, though, to feel the almost-cool air hit my face and to see the clouds in the sky instead of the blazing sun. It’s been wonderful to sit outside in the morning or the evening without feeling like I’m sitting in a sauna. The rains that we’ve had recently have rejuvenated both my garden and my spirits. How nice it’s been to be able to take a break from the constant, daily watering duties that I’ve had for most of the summer! To wake up in the mornings and say, “Aaaah! I don’t have to go out and water and sweat today!” has been almost like being on vacation.

So as I lazily walked outside this morning with a cup of coffee and began to walk around, I was hit with some stark reminders. In this time of respite from my gardening, I’ve allowed some unpleasant things to creep in among my flowers and vegetables. I remember writing to the gardening editor of our local newspaper a few years ago and one of her replying comments was that our gardens are to always be a place of beauty. While we were being baked and going thirsty in our extreme heat and drought, I was out in the gardens daily trying to nourish them and save them. During that time, I was able to see the weeds, the dead growth, or the other problem areas and then take care of it right away.

 However, now that the crisis has eased, I’m not paying nearly as much attention to the details of my gardens. It’s starting to show, too. Dried blooms need to be removed; weeds need to be pulled; unproductive plants need to be cut back; vegetables need to be picked. It’s time to shake myself and to be alert and busy once again. Time to ensure that my gardens are a place of beauty and not a picture of neglect!

During the storms of my life I can distinctly remember going to God and to my Bible, asking for direction and for a Word from my Lord. Time spent with Him was valuable and necessary to me. I wanted to hear from Him! I needed God and I needed His attention in my life. I have so many verses in my Bible that are highlighted and then beside them I have written a date with a small note of the event that was taking place at that time. The majority of them are during a time of storm and crisis.

 Yet during the reprieves of life, when things are pleasant and uneventful, it’s very easy to neglect that time with the Lord. Or maybe I still spend the time with Him but not necessarily with the fervency that I have during the time of trials. If I’m not careful, I will begin to see some ugly results of this attitude. Weeds of indifference, apathy, pride, and self-sufficiency will mar the beauty of God’s image in my life. My inattention will certainly result in deadness instead of growth. The Psalmist expresses this beautifully in Psalm 119:92-93 – “If Your law had not been my delight, then I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget Your precepts, for by them You have revived me.”

May I remember Your precepts, O Lord, not just in my times of affliction but also in the times of refreshing. May I be revived in every stage of life by Your Word and by Your presence that I daily seek, so that my life will be a reflection of Your beauty.

Old Timey!

We never know how Aaron is going to react when we tell him it’s time to get off the computer at night.  Sometimes he’s fine, sometimes he’s slow, and sometimes he’s grouchy………….very grouchy………….or very, very grouchy.  Aaron is no fun when he’s grouchy.  He’s really annoying when he’s very grouchy.  And he’s nearly intolerable when he’s very, very grouchy.  Like he said one night when he got off the computer without a fuss, “Was it good that I’m good enough?”   Oh yes, Aaron, it’s very good when you’re good enough!

It took him awhile to finally finish his game and get off the computer on Saturday night.  However, he was in a funny mood and not at all grouchy, so we were very relieved.  This was one of those nights when he kept thumping back up the hall to our room to talk to us.  First it was to talk about his game that he was playing and what some of the characters are named.  “Mom, the girl’s name on that game is Jan.  Is that a real word for a person?”

Well, yes, Aaron………..Jan is a real word for a person.  He asked, “Do you know a Jan?” 

Aaron, my sister – your Aunt Jan – is named Jan.  “Oh yeah!” he replied.  “I didn’t think of that!”  Sorry, Jan. 

Then he continued.  “The guy’s name is Kyle.  Is Kyle a real word for a person?”  I told him that it was also a real word, a real name, for a person.  “Do you know a Kyle?” he asked.

So I told him of some Kyles that we know, and he was satisfied that these were truly real words for real people.  You never know what Aaron will come up with, honestly.

Then he wanted me to come to his room to help him straighten the covers on his bed.  I was getting tired, so I gave the top covers a quick pull and a quick tug………..but oh no, that was not enough for Aaron.  “No, Mom!  Will you help me with the other kind of stuff, too?”  And he proceeded to pull back the covers that I had just smoothed in order to show me that the sheet needed some adjusting as well.  Sigh.

OK, Aaron, let’s straighten the sheet and then the first cover and then the second cover and the pillow.  All right, we’re done.  Good night.

“Wait, Mom!  Can you help me put my fuzzy blanket on?”  Another sigh.

So I started to put his fuzzy blanket on top, until Aaron stopped me.  “No, it goes this way, with the tag up here.”  So I complied with the very particular way that Aaron wanted his fuzzy blanket placed on top of this other covers……………knowing that if I veered from his preferred method, I would be in there doing it all over again…………Aaron’s way.  I have learned some things over the years.

As we worked, I once again stressed to Aaron that he did not need to wear his long pajamas, his long sleeved shirt, AND a sweater to bed………….underneath all those heavy covers.  I knew that this conversation was probably futile, but I still wanted to try.  In order to drive home my point, I said, “Aaron, I just wear my nightgown to bed and have less covers than you, and I’m fine.”  With that, he began to chuckle, so I asked him what was funny.

“Your nightgown,” he replied.   “My nightgown is funny?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” he said.  “It looks like underwear.”

Oh good grief!  Here we go down this path again!  Why did I open that door?  I remembered when he went to his group and told them that his mom had come into his room in her underwear…………and it was just my very decent nightgown!!  So as we finished smoothing his fuzzy blanket and as he was checking the tag placement, he got an ear full concerning the difference between decent nightgowns and underwear.  Sheesh!

Aaron had one more thing to tell me as I walked up the hall and into the bedroom.  It had to do with Bob Seger’s song, “Old Time Rock and Roll.”  I know – what did that have to do with fuzzy blankets and nightgowns?  Nothing.  Except to Aaron, somehow and someway.

“Mom, the other day in the van Cody was playing that song that I like.”

What song was that, Aaron?

“You know, that “Old Timey Fashioned Rock and Roll!” he exclaimed.

I laughed and Aaron laughed………….although for different reasons, as is often the case.  I didn’t correct him because I liked the ring of that new title.  Old Timey Fashioned Rock and Roll just conjures up old men playing their old fashioned rock and roll to little old women in their wheel chairs at the nursing home. 

I know.  I was tired.  Time for bed, Aaron.  Take your sweater off!!!!

 

I’m Sorry

A couple days ago, Aaron woke up in a very bad mood.  He’s been awfully tired lately, and he certainly was on this particular morning.  He was in no frame of mind to be messed with………and my telling him to get ready to leave for his group was definitely messing with him!  I knew we were in trouble when he said, “Mom!  I don’t want to go today!!  They’re having tuna sandwiches for lunch!!!!”  

This was on Wednesday, and on Wednesdays Paradigm fixes lunch at the center for the clients.  I’ve learned that if Aaron doesn’t want to go on that day, then he’ll tell me that they’re fixing tuna sandwiches…………figuring that Mom will wonder who on planet earth would expect their son to eat TUNA sandwiches??!!  In my deep empathy, I would certainly invite Aaron to stay at home and watch movies and play computer games and maybe even eat pizza, if he’s lucky.  I mean, come on………TUNA?!

What Aaron doesn’t understand is that:  1. I like tuna.    2.  I don’t get why he shouldn’t like tuna.    3.  I fell for the tuna trick once and that was enough.    4.  I know how to text Barb in order to check his story.

So text I did, and Barb told me that they were having ham and turkey sandwiches.  And I should add a number 5.  I had bought food for Aaron at Sam’s to take to Paradigm to eat for his lunch when he wanted.  Food that Aaron likes………..but on this Wednesday Aaron informed me that he did NOT like the food from Sam’s either.  He began playing the blame game, saying, “Mom, it’s your fault for getting me that food at Sam’s!!”  As well as, “Mom, it’s your fault for making me go!”  And of course, “Mom, it’s your fault that I’m tired!!”  Really? 

Now I’ve been sick this week, probably strep, and on that day was feeling none too good.  I was not in the mood for a fight or for a game of “Who Can Win This Argument?” or for any hateful behavior on Aaron’s part.  It was probably a good thing that I was moving like a turtle, both physically and mentally.  I was talking slowly and softly, moving slowly and methodically……………feeling like I was in slow motion.  Aaron seemed to feed off of my slowness, because he didn’t escalate like he usually does………even when I told him that he was indeed going to Paradigm, and that he could indeed eat some of his awful food from Sam’s. 

When Aaron gets really mad, he’ll try to break something – and often succeeds.  Many times he’ll break something that is important to him, like his watch or his remote.  He’s gotten better, though, since the day I told him that if he broke something then I would break something else of his.  He didn’t like those terms.  On this day, he picked up his remote and then put it down again, but rather hard, and I gave him my warning.  He followed me into the bathroom and continued to rant, increasingly unhappy that I had texted Barb and that I knew the fallacy of the tuna sandwich story.  His mind was probably already concocting another horrible lunch dish to try on me the next time. 

Aaron knew that I wasn’t feeling well, but I didn’t mention it at all during this episode.  I knew he would  show no concern or care, and that it would only make things worse.  I continued to move slowly, to talk softly, and to show no emotion.  And he began to de-escalate.  He was calming down, for whatever reason, and I was hoping that the worst of the storm was over.  I walked into his room and found him sitting in his desk chair.  He turned the chair and himself toward me as I stood there, and then the most surprising thing happened.  He reached for me…………and I drew back for an instant, thinking that he might be wanting to slap at me.  But he was reaching for me, with his head down………….no eye contact……….and so I went closer.  He wanted to hug me!  I reached out to put my arm around his shoulders, and he laid his head on my chest………..like little Aaron from years ago.   Then he said, “I’m sorry.”

It’s amazing how those two words, spoken with true contrition, can wipe the slate clean.  There are times that Aaron says he’s sorry, but he says it with such an attitude that you know he doesn’t mean it.  Something like, “OK!!  I’m sorry!!  Are you happy??!”……..just doesn’t cut it.  But his contrition and tone of voice were sincere, genuine, heartfelt…………and it deeply touched my heart.  I treasured that hug and I thanked him, then left the room………..still walking slowly but with more lift in my step and more joy in my heart. 

I stopped by Sonic on our way to meet his group, and let him buy a grape Slushie.  And we listened to his favorite CD………..The Four Tops, of course!  And of course, Aaron talked!

“Mom, what’s that jinging sound they’re making in that song?”

It’s a tambourine, Aaron.  You know, they hit it against their leg or against their hand.

“Oh, I thought they hit it on their head.”  And he laughed, and I laughed at the thought of hitting the tambourine on their head………even though I’m sure that Aaron would like that way of playing a tambourine much better than the normal, boring way.

“Mom, The Four Tops sang in the old days.”

Do the 60’s seem like the old days to you, Aaron?   “YES!!” he answered……..as I felt very old.

“Mom, I noticed something.  They sing about women.  What’s so important about women?!” 

I was just starting to expound on the importance of women when we pulled up to the van to join his group.  Too bad!  I had a lot to say on that topic!

I also know the importance of Aaron…………even on the bad days.  And I know the importance of his genuine “I’m sorry.”  How healing those words are, across the board, in our lives.   How impacting they are when they are said with true repentance and sincerity…………..and when they came from our Aaron.