The Words and Ways of Aaron

I loaded some more dishes into the dishwasher this morning and counted the bowls.  I have five bowls in there.  So what’s the big deal?  Well, I emptied the clean dishes yesterday as I was fixing supper……so these are five bowls just from late yesterday afternoon and last night……..and Gary and I didn’t use any of those bowls.  Those are all bowls that just Aaron used.  Five.  All by himself.

Aaron’s use of bowls reminds me of some of his very unique ways.  The other night I took Aaron to Sonic to get a milk shake.  He settled in his favorite chair with his treat when we got home.  I looked in the family room and saw this:


Yes, Aaron put the milkshake………..cup and all……….into a bowl.  I know better than to make a big deal out of it or to try to stop Aaron from doing that.  Aaron LOVES bowls and puts everything, nearly, into a bowl.  When he eats his favorite Pringles, he has a bowl into which he puts the Pringles and then a separate bowl that he leans over when he bites the chip and into which the crumbs fall.  He dumps jelly beans into a bowl…….or Mike and Ikes…….or Hot Tamales.  Monday evening, as I sat with Aaron on the couch to watch Wheel of Fortune, he was eating peanuts.  I watched him and saw that he was dumping several peanuts into his hand, then dropping them all into a bowl (of course!), and eating them from the bowl.  He ate for awhile and then decided to offer me some peanuts.  He poured some peanuts into my hand, but when I started to eat them he told me no………and then said, “Here.”  He held the bowl out to me.  I asked if he wanted me to drop my peanuts into the bowl and then eat them, and he said yes.  So I ate my peanuts the Aaron way, and he was satisfied……….and I was amazed, as always, with Aaron’s way of living his life.

Yesterday morning was a great morning, which was quite a relief after the rough Monday that we had the day before.  One of Aaron’s first questions when he came downstairs was to ask me if it would storm that day.  Monday was a stormy, rainy day, and he loves storms.  He also loves to have the weather outlined for him nearly every morning and every night.  In answer to his question, I told him that it might storm in the evening.  He thought for a second and then asked, “So this evening means like in bed?”   Remember my story about dusk?  I had visions of a repeat of that scenario, and so I was very happy when Aaron liked my answer and didn’t keep asking over and over and over about when evening would happen.

He was happy that he had slept well that night, which is another one of Aaron’s frequent concerns……….how he sleeps, when he went to sleep, and when he gets up in the morning.  He said, “Mom, I fell asleep during the bed.  And today I woke up at 7:56…….and then I woke up again at 8:07!” 

He was happy that I agreed to fix him some cinnamon toast, and as he later ate it he was reminded of French toast.  He wanted to know about how to make French toast, but none of my answers seemed to satisfy what he wanted to know.  Finally he said, “I’m just saying……what’s in the middle instead of just cooking it?”  Then I understood that he wanted to know why the middle was sometimes squishy……….and made progress in answering that question before he moved on to the next topic.

“Mom?” he asked.  “I told Tim about those white spots on Jackson where his fur is loosening up.  Can’t we put some new fur there?”  After a long discussion about allergies and loosening fur and how we can’t put new fur there, I walked into the kitchen to find a gallon baggie full of markers sitting on the table.  Oh great!  Aaron had discovered the old markers downstairs from where I was cleaning out some drawers.  Of course, he claimed them for Rosie!  I offered to let him take two markers and he grabbed three and I agreed with this compromise.  Now the rest are hidden because Aaron would continue to sneak some into his pockets every day to take to Rosie until they would all be gone. 

Speaking of putting things into his pockets, this is always something that Aaron does.  I never know what he’ll have in his pockets when he comes home.  Yesterday it was this:

He found these sunglasses on the ground, he said……….and if anyone from Paradigm is missing some glasses, then please let me know.  Aaron was delighted with his find and thought that he truly looked cool.

Speaking of delighted, he was also very happy with his food purchase yesterday….which he brought home and which was laying on the kitchen table in a Wal-Mart bag.

Three…….yes, three……..bags of cheese cubes.  This reminded me of the three boxes of croissant rolls he bought (more than once)……..or the bags of candy……..and the containers of Pringles, or peanuts.   Why does he buy in multiples?  I tell him over and over that one is such a good number, but he doesn’t seem to agree. 

This morning I found Aaron and Jackson on our bedroom floor.  Two buddies……as long as Aaron is being quiet and nice.  Otherwise, Jackson slinks out of the room and tries to stay out of Aaron’s way.    There are days that we all want to stay out of Aaron’s way.  But his ways and his words are just what make Aaron….Aaron.  We take the good with the bad……the funny with the frustrating……..the sweet with the stubborn.

I need to run the dishwasher before he comes home this evening…….and by evening I mean around 4:32……..because I’m sure that by tonight……and by tonight I mean by 9:57……….there will probably be several more bowls sitting in the sink……..and by several I mean 5.

There.  Now I need to check the weather. 

He Said Thanks

I’ve been making a concerted effort to work with Aaron on some basic manners…….behaviors that can get overlooked far too easily in the routine of our days.  One of the big ones is to say a simple “thank you” when I do something for him.  Aaron can be demanding, and it’s all too easy to overlook his lack of thanks on some days.  But too much overlooking can lead to ingrained behaviors on his part……and on mine.  I can get as accustomed to his lack of thanks as he can get to being demanding.  Therefore, when he wants something from me I pause beside him after giving him his request.  I just stand there watching as Aaron starts getting a little uncomfortable, and then he’ll chuckle softly and flatly say, “Thanks.”

Aaron’s mornings this past week were stellar for the most part.  He was compliant and pleasant, willing to go to his day group and able to pull himself together when he was feeling a little out of sorts.  But this morning……….let’s just say that I was having a full payback for so many happy days last week.  Was it the full moon last night?  Was it the rain this morning?  Was it that Aaron woke up at 6:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep?  Was it that today is bowling day for Paradigm, and he doesn’t want to go bowling?   Whatever it was, it was NOT fun!

He and I were sitting on the patio, watching the storm clouds darken and enjoying the lightning.   He was eating some peanuts and even offered me some.  I took his jar of peanuts and poured a few in my hand, but he insisted that I put them into his ever-present bowl.   I dumped them into the bowl because I knew that this was important to him, and then I picked them out one by one as I ate them and as Aaron enjoyed sharing them.  What a nice morning!  Until I mentioned getting ready to start our day……..and Aaron said, “Do I have to go today?!  I don’t want to go bowling.”

My internal alarms started buzzing as I sensed that Aaron was serious in his questioning.  He wasn’t at all jovial but instead had an edge to his voice that told me our pleasant morning  might be drawing to a close.  Just like the approaching storm became closer and more intense, so Aaron’s approaching mood change was storming upon our nice time together.  He became verbal, letting me know that he was very unhappy with me for telling him that he had to go to Paradigm. 

I finally went inside and so did he, but I went on up to my room to get ready……closing and locking my door as I wished that I could just as easily close out his ill behavior.  After my shower, I opened my door and found him outside in the hall………still angry and still insisting that he wasn’t going to his group today and still informing me of what a bad mother I was.  He knows that if he doesn’t go to his group because of his anger, then he doesn’t get his computer keyboard.  Seeing me also confiscate the TV control only confirmed to him his awful predicament……and increased his anger.

I won’t go into all the words he used……..no cursing but certainly some name-calling and much anger.  It’s a side of Aaron that I don’t like to share.  He isn’t funny Aaron at this point but is instead very hateful and frustrated.  His lack of filters and self-control is fully visible, trust me.  However, he did get dressed and had me help him with his belt.  He wanted me to look at his tooth that was sore……..and therefore I was able to show him some small measure of love and care as I gazed into his wide-open mouth and then gave him some Ibuprofen.  He softened.  I was still mostly silent, showing him that hurt inflicted upon others isn’t so easily shrugged off.

Earlier in the morning I had told him that we could stop to get him something at Dillon’s, so as we prepared to leave he asked if we could instead run by Sonic and get him a milk shake.  A milk shake this early?  I thought about it, and then agreed………with little emotion.  He knew that Mom was still upset.  He reaches a point in these moments when he seems to realize that he has crossed a line, but he doesn’t know how to make it right……..how to extricate himself from the muddy mess he’s in.

He talked on the mile drive to Sonic, but his chatter was tempered by my silence.  We pulled through the drive-through and soon Aaron had his favorite Hot Fudge Sundae milkshake.  He even blew his straw wrapper on me, which was sure to bring a smile……….but he saw that Mom was still not so happy.  I drove a little ways more, and then out of the blue……… rather quietly and quickly………Aaron said, “Thanks.”

Oh, Aaron.  I knew he was grasping at this point for anything that might break the ice……..and he remembered that Mom liked it when he said thanks like he was taught to do.  The ice around my heart melted a little, which he sensed and so he proceeded to talk and talk.  And I took the opportunity to say, “Aaron, when you are upset you need to just talk to me nicely about what’s bothering you.”  I gave him some examples as we neared our destination, but I knew that he was just glad that Mom was talking.  He wasn’t exactly taking notes on what I was saying.  Does he ever?

Well, yes, he does.  He said thanks, didn’t he?  He wanted to do at least one thing right on this morning……and he wanted Mom to be at least a little pleased with him.  He happily climbed in the Paradigm van and off he went for his day.  I went home to collect my thoughts and lick my wounds, and regroup for the time that he barrels in the door at the end of his day. 

Thanks.  A small word that carries a lot of weight.  A word I need to remember on a day such as this as I thank the Lord for everything, as the Bible says I should do……….even grouchy Aaron. 

Especially grouchy Aaron!

The Diversion

I was outside on the patio this morning with my cup of coffee, talking to a friend on the phone, when the patio door opened and there was Aaron……….showered, dressed, shoes on……..Wow!!  He pulled out a patio chair and sat beside me, staring down at my feet.  He stared and stared while I finished my phone conversation.  I hung up the phone, looked at Aaron, and wished him a very good morning. 

“I don’t like your foot color thing,” he replied. 

“What?” I laughingly asked. 

“That painting on your feet,” he continued.  I laughed again.  No good morning from Aaron in return for my greeting, but only a precise and blunt commentary on my feet.  “You don’t like the polish on my toes?” I asked in fake disbelief.

“No,” he flatly replied.  My dark pink polish may have looked blue to Aaron since he’s color blind, but when I asked him what color my toes were he said they were a “kind of pink.”  And with his disapproval of my toes established, we went inside……..where I poured his coffee and then went up to get myself ready while Aaron drank his coffee and read the comics.

Aaron had a perfect morning relaxing in the mulch until it was time to go.  He was in a very happy mood today.  We passed the cow pasture and there out in the distance were the cows that he loves to see.  Some days they’re not anywhere in sight and Aaron wonders about that.  One day he didn’t see the cows and he said, “Where are the cows?  Maybe they’ve been turned into meat!”  But today the cows were there and Aaron was glad.

Picture from Beth Hite

It wasn’t long before Aaron brought up the subject of Rosie.  He talked again about how they held hands……..several times, according to Aaron……..and how he liked that.  Then he said, “I could tell she almost put it as I was her boyfriend.” 

He couldn’t quite explain what he meant by that, so he continued.  “If she had said I was her boyfriend, I would have said that I don’t want to get married right now.” 

I told Aaron that he and Rosie can be good friends.  I said that they can even call each other boyfriend and girlfriend if they want………but it doesn’t mean that they will get married.  I encouraged him, as I have done so often, to just enjoy being good friends.

“So how long did it take you and Dad?” he asked.  I knew what he meant, but I asked anyway.  “How long did it take Dad and I to get married?” I asked.  He said yes, and so I paused before telling him that it took a year and a half. 

Now I wonder if Aaron is counting up a year and a half from now to see when he might need to get married.  I reminded him that having this special relationship with Rosie does NOT mean that they must marry.  I do believe that Aaron is feeling like a boyfriend/girlfriend connection is the precursor to sure marriage…….and he’s feeling some pressure.  What both sets of parents want, believe me, is for Rosie and Aaron to continue being special friends.  Period.

And in true Aaron fashion, as we drove by the field where bulls graze, Aaron quickly went from talk of hand-holding and marriage to talk of bulls.  “You don’t eat bulls,” he blurted.    I said, “What?!” 

“You don’t eat bulls!” he repeated.  “Cows are hamburger but bulls are nothing!”

Picture from Beth Hite
I laughed, both from the humor of what he said and from relief to have left this marriage talk.  I’m no cow or bull authority, so I didn’t try to expound on what he said.  I was just thankful for the diversion that the cows and bulls had given Aaron, and not in the way you might think.

I have to laugh, really.  I just have to laugh, and wait for the door to burst open today to see what else Aaron wants to talk about.

Stay tuned.

What Rosie Did

It was almost two years ago that I first wrote about Aaron and his special friend, Rosie.  Since then I have written several more times about their very special friendship.  Aaron and Rosie continue to have a sweet relationship……one that we can’t quite define but one that is unique to them.  Aaron is kind to Rosie, at least as far as we know.  He still likes to take Rosie things,  and to share food or money with her.  We’ve been working with him to come up with other ideas of items to take to Rosie….things like pictures from the movie Cars that we print from the computer, or baby carrots instead of chips, or apples instead of Nutty Bars.  Just the other day, after cleaning out a drawer in what used to be our home school room, I found three crayons.  Aaron was very happy to take those three crayons to Rosie the next day…….because Rosie loves crayons.  And Aaron has already taken her every crayon that we own…..or so we thought.  I think these last three should be it!


We’ve met Rosie’s parents and we’ve talked some about their friendship.  We’re all very delighted for them to have each other.  We don’t want to discourage them in any way, but I believe I can safely say that we just want them to remain as special friends.  Aaron, though, has been observing some things and connecting some dots.  Some days I feel like the ice we’re stepping on may be getting a little thin. 

Some of his comments are funny…..like the night we went to watch the Fourth of July fireworks.  The next day, Aaron said, “Mom, I saw a boyfriend and a girlfriend last night.”  I asked him how he knew that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and he replied, “Well, they were acting strange.”  He couldn’t describe to me what he meant by that statement, and I was trying like everything to remember who was sitting near us and how they were acting……..but all I could come up with was a cute couple who sat near us and who were sweetly snuggling some.  To Aaron that was strange?  Maybe that’s really a good thing for him to think that way, right?

One evening as he and I walked around our circle,  Aaron once again mentioned Rosie.  He seemed burdened as he mentioned her and then again as he said something about whether or not he was her boyfriend.  I asked him if he wanted to be her boyfriend and he answered, “Well……kind of.  But then I have to think about marriage and that’s hard.”

I nearly stopped dead in my tracks as my mind was swirling, trying to think of what to say to him that would neither condemn nor condone this new word he was saying…….GULP!!……..marriage!!   He continued.  “Was it hard for you and Dad to think about marriage?”  I mean, how do you answer that question to this boy/man who is trying to figure out all this relationship stuff?   I stumbled through something about how it’s hard to know that you should marry this person, and is this person the right one, and that being friends is great,  and I don’t know what else I said………and Aaron asked what I meant………and I just said it’s very hard to explain.  So, yes, it’s very hard to think about marriage.  When we got home, I much-more-calmly-than-I-felt sat down and talked to Gary about it.  He just shook his head and looked as helpless as I felt.  

Aaron doesn’t even understand what marriage really means.  He just knows that when two people, like Mom and Dad, became good friends………and then even better friends………and then very good friends……that they got married.  Connect the dots……one, two, three, four…..

Today Aaron was giving me his usual run-down of his day…..where they went and what he ate and what he did.  He told me that Rosie was sitting beside him in the van.  Aaron’s voice got very soft as he said, “Mom, do you know what Rosie did?”  Then Aaron leaned down toward me as I sat in my computer chair.  He reached for my hand and I nearly flinched, because Aaron loves to take our hands and roughly squeeze them.  But I didn’t move as Aaron very gently took my hand and held it.  “Rosie did this,” he said as he continued to sweetly hold my hand…….like a couple would do.  Oh my.  It was a tender moment, but I knew that it was really a tender moment between Aaron and Rosie, just being demonstrated to good old Mom.

“Did you like that, Aaron?” I softly asked him.   “Yeah,” he softly answered.  And that was it.  He soon lumbered upstairs to change clothes and start his evening.  I sat still for a minute, transfixed over that moment……how sweet it was, how tender……..and how much it says about Rosie and Aaron.  Holding hands was not lost on Aaron.  It meant something to him, deeply……not physically but even deeper, in his heart.  We don’t want to dismiss that for Aaron.  I don’t think we could if we tried.  We love this joy that he and Rosie seem to have together – this special bond that they share.

I have a feeling, though, that when Andrea or Andrew get married someday……….we’re gonna have a whole lot of questions to answer from Aaron as he connects even more dots.  I never dreamed this would ever be a concern for us with Aaron, but here we are……….maybe. 

I still think God sent an instruction manual with Aaron, surely.  I just wish I hadn’t misplaced it.    

A Grown-Up Man?

Last night Aaron had asked if he could have pancakes for breakfast the next morning, so after my shower this morning I opened my door and went to Aaron’s bedroom to tell him that his wish was about to come true.  I was going to fix pancakes.  But Aaron’s room was empty, though his bed was made, and so I went downstairs to find him.  Upon walking into the kitchen, this is what I found.

There were his shorts in a heap on the floor, looking as if he had just slipped them off and left them there………which he had.  I looked around for him, but there was no sign of Aaron.  I went upstairs, wondering if he was hiding in his closet like he has done before.  No, still no Aaron in his closet or in any other closest or under a bed.  I looked outside, thinking he must be in the mulch, but all his mulch or twig sites were empty. 

I went ahead and got his pancakes started before checking all the downstairs areas, including our two storage rooms.  All were empty of Aaron.  Now I was starting to get a little concerned.  I called for him and told him that I was fixing pancakes, but the house was silent.  Back outside I went, calling his name, but there was no answer.  I went over to the side of the house where he had been sitting by the trees last week, and when I looked on the other side of the trees, there he was!  His back was to me, and his bland clothes didn’t stand out, so he was hard to see.

I called to him again, and he finally answered.  “I didn’t think you’d see me!” he happily said.  He had no idea that I was getting a little frazzled.  He got up immediately when I told him that his pancakes were ready.  He reminded me of a young child as he was obviously pleased with his good job of hiding, and excited as he anticipated his fresh, hot pancakes that were waiting for him.

He put his mulch trash can back in the garage and then washed his hands thoroughly before he came to the table, stepping over his dropped shorts.  He explained to me that those were the pair of shorts that were hard to button, so he had just dropped them there and put on his shorts from yesterday.  I left him to eat his pancakes and went back upstairs to finish getting ready, where he later joined me.  His denim shorts were back on as he walked into my room, holding them together at his waist and carrying his belt that he needed me to help him thread through his belt loops.  I helped him button the shorts and get on his belt, and then he handed me one of his tennis shoes that he wanted me to untie and retie after he slipped it on his foot.

All the while, he was telling me about eating five pancakes but leaving the others on the plate, and wondering if Jackson could have the ones he didn’t eat……….and if it was OK that he let Jackson eat the crumbs that were on the floor.  I wondered if the crumbs were more like bite-sized chunks that he conveniently left on the floor for his dog buddy to eat, but knowing I wouldn’t get an accurate answer I just left that unsaid.  I agreed that we could take Jackson with us for our drive to meet Aaron’s group, so off we headed for the van……..after Aaron made sure that I put in his computer keyboard.  As we passed the kitchen table, I saw Aaron’s empty plate and then the pile of untouched silverware there on the side.  I always shake my head at Aaron’s need of multiple pieces of silverware, no matter what he eats.  It’s like a security blanket for him, always necessary but rarely ever needed.

He grabbed two bottles of water and hopped in the van, with Jackson sitting on the back seat and music soon playing from the CD that I inserted……..and that Aaron examined and then approved.   Soon he said, “Mom?  Last night at 11:01 I saw lightning.”  

“Really?” I asked.  “So what time was it?”  I love his precise time-giving, and he did not disappoint me.  “It was at 11:01,” he repeated.  “And it scared me!”  So we talked about why the lightning scared him………him saying that he didn’t know it was going to lightning.  Last night was one of those nights that he didn’t check on the weather and the outside temperature before going to bed, so I guess that explained his surprise at the lightning.  I imagine that tonight he will remember to do his routine weather check before he closes his door to go to bed.
 
Then as he so often does, Aaron took a sharp verbal turn and for whatever reason he said, “Mom, yesterday I saw a man at McDonald’s who had a beard like this.”

  I looked over at him and he was making the motion of a long, skinny beard coming down from his chin.   Aaron continued, “I thought he would get food in that long beard!”  And then…..”He wasn’t an old man but he was a grown-up man!” 


I laughed, and thought as Jackson and I drove home about Aaron not being an old man……….but is he a grown-up man?  In some ways yes, but in many ways no.  There he was this morning, playing his hiding game and loving his pancakes and trying to feed the dog and needing help with his buttoning and his belt and one of his shoes.  We have some work to do to help Aaron be more of a grown-up man, but some things about him will probably never change.  He will always think that hiding from Mom is fun sometimes, and that secretly feeding the dog is great, and that unexpected lightning at 11:01 is a little scary. 

It’s all a part of fun and frustrating Aaron, and part of the balancing act that parents like Gary and I face every day.  I’m thankful that we can have Aaron with us at this stage of his life, and I also know that we must prepare him for the time that he will need to be very grown-up and learn to live somewhere else. 

And that is like the unexpected lightning…….a little scary.  Makes me want to grab Aaron’s trash can and go hide behind that tree he was using this morning!  But I can’t and I shouldn’t, so Gary and I will someday face that time together – I hope – and certainly with the Lord by our side.       

Clothes…….and Shoes…….and Clothes

Like any of us, Aaron has preferences in his life.  He has preferences about what he eats, for instance.  Take chicken……….Aaron has gotten so he will only eat boneless chicken.  When he knows that I’m fixing chicken here at home, he always asks if it is boneless.  If it’s not boneless, then he wants the meat cut off the bone.  He doesn’t like to get his hands messy by picking up the chicken, and he’s very awkward with a knife and fork, so I understand why he wants the chicken cut off the bone……or why he likes to just keep it easy and have boneless chicken. 

He came home from Paradigm the other day and clomped upstairs to find me.  “Mom!” he exclaimed.  “Guess where we went today?” 

He didn’t really want me to guess, because he launched right on with his story.  “We went to Church’s Chicken!!”  He asked me if I have been to Church’s Chicken, and then told me that he had eaten boneless chicken……..of course! 

Yes, Aaron, I know how you love boneless chicken!  And he asked, “Mom, do you want chicken that has bones?”

I told him that I do like chicken that has bones, and then I asked, “So do you want chicken that has bones, Aaron?”

“No!!” he replied.  “I cough on them!!”

I started explaining once again that he doesn’t need to EAT the bones, but he was already telling me where else they had been that day.  “Mom!  We also went to TJ Maxx!”

Now I know Aaron and I knew that TJ Maxx was probably not his favorite store.  Aaron will go shopping with us at the drop of a hat if he knows we are going to Wal-Mart…..Dillon’s…..Aldi……Target…………definitely CD Tradepost……….even Lowes or Menards or Ace Hardware with Dad.   I doubted, though, that TJ Maxx would interest him, and I was right.

He continued, “I didn’t really like TJ Maxx.  It’s just a clothes place.”

I told him that they have other things there, too, and he asked, “Like what?”

I quickly racked my brain to think of some of those other things that TJ Maxx has that Aaron would like as he stood there staring at me, waiting for those interesting items that he must have missed. 

All I could come up with in a hurry was shoes, so shoes it was. 

Well, Aaron, TJ Maxx has shoes.

He looked at me like I had just lost my marbles when I said that TJ Maxx has shoes.

“NO!” he replied.  “Shoes are in the CLOTHES family!!!”

It’s a lesson about the science of clothes……..and shoes…….. that I will not soon forget.

I Went Outside

I knew the minute that I laid eyes on Aaron this morning that he was tired and probably grouchy……and I was right.  He was having another “I’m tired and I don’t feel well and I don’t want to go to Paradigm” morning.  I just poured his coffee, opened the comics as I told him how funny Get Fuzzy was today, and told him that it was a nice morning……….so going outside to the mulch would be a great idea.  He dismissed that idea with a grunt, and I made my exit to go upstairs and get in the shower. 
Later, I went downstairs, steeling myself against Aaron’s certain verbal onslaught……….and found it strangely quiet.  There were his empty coffee cups on the table, his pill container and water glass on the counter showing that he had taken his pills, and the rumpled comics revealing that he had read his favorite Get Fuzzy comic.  I glanced out the window and saw a splash of yellow out under the trees.  There sat Aaron, wearing his yellow shirt, and fully occupied in the twigs and small sticks there under the trees.  He was meticulously breaking each twig and watching it fall into his mulch trash can, slowly filling it even more, piece by little piece.
I left him alone, hoping that his quiet time under the trees was working its magic.  Still, as I walked outside after awhile to tell him that it was nearly time to leave, I dreaded his possible reaction.  By this time he had moved over into the neighbor’s back tree line, where there was a whole new and fresh pile of dry twigs.  I approached him, took a deep breath, and said, “Hey Aaron!  It’s time for us to go.”
To my great surprise and relief, he happily just said, “OK!”  And that was it!  Wow!  He got right up, and he and I walked to the house, talking about the nice day and how the sun was getting hot.  I was still surprised at how much his mood had changed, and was just very thankful that it had changed for the better. 
As we drove to meet his group, Aaron launched into his topic of the day………robots.  In particular, HK47……the robot on his Star Wars Republic game.  He talked about everything robot and HK47 that he could think of, and asked me tons of questions that I tried to intelligently answer despite the fact that I am not a robot or HK47 expert.  Finally Aaron paused for a breath, and I quickly grabbed the moment to tell him that I was really proud of him for doing so well today.
He flatly replied, “I went outside.”  That was all he felt the need to say…….so I said, “You like going outside in the mulch, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” he answered.  “My mind thinks.”
Now this may sound like no big deal, but to me it was huge……….because to Aaron it was huge.  Huge for him to be able to convey just what he’s doing as he sits out on the ground, breaking mulch or twigs into his trash can.  I asked him what he thinks about, and he told me that he still makes up stories……which I knew that he used to do, but I wasn’t sure if his mind was still thinking up stories.   This story making calms him, and the repetitive motion of breaking small pieces of wood is a large part of this calming process.
 
Hoping to continue this glimpse into Aaron’s mind, I said, “You like it outside, don’t you, Aaron?”
And he answered, “Yeah.  Unless it’s a hundred!  Then that’s a problem!!”
I laughed, and Aaron laughed as he rubbed his hands together, and the spell was broken.  The sharing was over as he launched again into robots and HK47……….how he talks and what he says and what he sees and how he moves……….
But I was back at his simple comment……..”My mind thinks.”   It was like looking into a secret room full of hidden things not ever seen when he made that simple comment.  I loved that moment!  I loved those three little words that were enormous to me!  Somehow that time for him to let his mind think is also a time when he is able to refresh and be calmed. 

It’s the cheapest, most effective therapy ever………at least for Aaron!  I still think I just might join him.

Shut-Up

When our children were little, we tried to teach them to be polite.   There were certain words or phrases that we didn’t allow them to say.  One of those phrases was “shut up.”  We worked hard to keep from using that phrase, or allowing the kids to use it, when they were growing up.

Fast forward now to Aaron.  I don’t know if it’s because this was a forbidden phrase in our home or what, but Aaron says “shut up” now.  Sometimes he says it in a humorous way, with a smile or a laugh, and we know he’s not being malicious.  Other times, he is more serious when he says it……..and when he is really angry, he throws it out with venom.  It seems that nothing we say or do has been able to keep Aaron from uttering “shut up” from time to time.

We know that the other clients in his day group get tired of hearing Aaron say “shut up.”  After his recent bad day at Paradigm, Gary and I have really been calling Aaron’s attention to how often he says “shut up”………..and then reminding him of how much it offends and bothers people, and what a better response he could use.

Aaron has really tried to cooperate with this focus for the most part.  The other night he and I were having some light, fun conversation before bed……….and he laughingly told me to “shut up.”  I gave him my Mom look and before I could say a word, he said, “Mom, have you noticed that I’ve stopped saying shut-up?”

I replied, “Aaron.  You just said it.”

And he answered, “Well, I start to say it and then I stop saying it and then I say it.”

So now we know Aaron’s definition of stopping something.  He starts, then stops, and then starts again.  He kind of stops, right?   I could use this for my eating habits, you know.  “Well, I start to eat it and then I stop eating it and then I eat it.”  Or any number of other habits that I struggle with!

I closed our bedroom door that night, and Gary and I laughed as Aaron thumped up the hall to his room.  We definitely still have our work cut out for us!

Test Results……And More!

Today I took Aaron to his doctor appointment at the air base.  I will tell you right away that all of his test results came back perfectly normal.  What a huge relief!!  His blood pressure was excellent, and his weight showed that he has lost a grand total of approximately 60 pounds over a 7 month period.  The drug that we weaned him from this winter can cause weight gains of 50-60 pounds, so since all tests are normal and he has no other symptoms, we are fairly certain that this explains the huge weight loss.  We will monitor his weight monthly and send that info to his PA there.  We are very, very thankful for this good report today.  Thank you, Lord!

And now for the rest of the story.  You surely know that going on an outing with Aaron will be interesting.  His test results may have been normal, but as for the rest of the morning………

We walked up the hallway of the clinic and went right away to the sign-in counter.  I was aware of the curious stare of the girl behind the desk as she was trying to mentally classify Aaron.  Good luck with that, I thought.  And as I turned to remind Aaron to stay beside me, and to quit making the mouth noise, and to not clap…….. I was also aware of the stares of the two people behind us.  I was so thankful that Aaron doesn’t notice that, and that he feels no discomfort in public settings.  Absolutely none, as he delightfully started pulling on the stretchy barrier that marks the sign-in lane and I reminded him not to do that as I remind him at every clinic visit……and I was glad to take the necessary information form and sit down.

But Aaron had no sooner sat in the chair beside me when he was up again, headed with purpose toward something.  I quickly looked up and called him back, but then I saw what he saw……….a blood pressure machine!  He loves blood pressure machines, and so he said that he wanted to do this while we waited for his name to be called.  Mind you, none of Aaron’s conversations are spoken quietly.  I just nodded and smiled, and he happily turned in the chair at the machine……….where he proceeded to take off his ring, his watch, and his glasses.  I was thankful that he didn’t start to remove his shirt as well!  And also thankful that right then his name was called………so he sighed, and put on his ring and his watch and his glasses.

Aaron loves doctor visits.  He likes being the center of attention, and he likes answering questions whenever he is allowed, and he likes going on and on about whatever he wants to talk about to this person who has an interest in him and has ears to listen to his stories.  However, this day was a little different.  He did not have a rash to show, or a complaint to complain about, or a pain to rate.  When the PA came in the room after Aaron was triaged, she and I just talked and talked about Aaron’s test results and his meds that he takes and when he was weaned off the one drug.  She looked at Aaron, and spoke to Aaron, and smiled at him…….but the vast majority of the conversation was with me.  And why should Mom get all the attention?  She is not the one who lost weight and had to have blood drawn and had to pee in a cup and had to have nasty fecal smears done. 

So finally Aaron eased off of the exam table and stood beside me, staring at the wall…….the wall full of fun gadgets just waiting to be touched and picked up and explored.  I told him to not even think of touching anything………so he sat in the chair against the wall.  He sat there quietly, until I heard him rather softly say something about wanting to show her this.  Show her what, I thought?  But I was concentrating on my conversation with the PA.  Aaron, realizing that he was being further ignored, began to scoot his chair closer to me.  Scoot, scoot, scoot.  Still, the PA and I were engaged in what we were discussing………so Aaron proceeded to take off one of his shoes and then to remove his sock.

He sat in the chair, and then scooted even closer to me……….minus his shoe and sock.  Still we talked, but not about what Aaron wanted us to notice and discuss.  He knew better than to interrupt again, so instead he proceeded to slide down in his chair in order to stretch his leg out and place his bare foot up on the trash can that was right beside my chair.  And there he sat, scrunched down in his chair with his leg stretched out and his foot resting on top of the trash can………..waiting to be noticed………waiting to be questioned………waiting to be examined…….waiting for SOMETHING! 

Lt. Wendt likes Aaron, and she smiled like she understood and I smiled because I understand all too well………and then as Aaron saw a break in the conversation, he jerked up and grabbed his foot and said that he had something to show the PA!  He pulled back his toes and there, underneath his last two toes, was a little patch of peeling skin………and some black slipper sock fuzz.  “Look!” Aaron breathlessly said.  “What is that?!”

Lt. Wendt was grinning, and I replied to Aaron, “That’s slipper sock fuzz and some loose skin because you don’t shower correctly!”  Aaron was disappointed that this was the only discussion and diagnosis that he was to hear about his toe problem; but he was happy that the PA listened to his lungs and his heart, and that he got at least a little attention to make this visit worthwhile.  Soon his shoe and sock were back on his foot and we were driving down the road, headed for lunch at Subway……….where Aaron told me all about getting “unsweeted tea” when he went to Subway with Krysten, and do I like “unsweeted tea?”

After lunch, we went to our vet to pick up dog food and allergy pills……….and where Aaron got to pet Cato, the resident cat.  Then to Dillon’s for one of his prescriptions, and for junk food, and where of course Aaron had to try out the lounge chair that was on sale.

  And we looked at raspberries and blackberries to see the differences in those two interesting fruits.  Never a dull moment with Aaron!


All of this weight business with Aaron has taken a toll on us, and I believe he and I were both feeling like a huge weight was taken off our shoulders.  Thank you, Lord, for good test results and for a good day with Aaron……..and that all Aaron had to show the PA was slipper sock fuzz under his toes! 

  

A New Day………A New Start

Yesterday Aaron called me from his day group, having a bad day and very upset.  He wanted me to come and pick him up, but that’s something I don’t want to start doing unless there’s a very good reason.  I talked to Barb, part of the management there who is a real buddy of Aaron’s, and she shared some of the details of his very bad, no good day.  We agreed that Aaron could stay there, which he did, though there was a part of me that wanted to drive right over there and rescue him from his misery.

Much of Aaron’s problem has to do with his mouth, and with his impulsivity……..saying and doing things that he sees as funny, but which are not at all humorous to many around him.  He had settled down by the time he got home yesterday, and talked and talked about what he had eaten and what he shared with Rosie and that he didn’t want to go bowling, and on and on.  I broached the uncomfortable subject of his phone call to me, and of what happened to make him so unhappy.  He listened and responded a little, then was off to his room and to his routine.  In other words, the discussion was closed.  Typical Aaron.

He talked about it some with Gary during the evening, too……….and at one point came upstairs happily carrying a pack of Big Red gum that Gary had given him.  He waved it in front of my face while I was on the phone, grinning broadly and saying, “Look what Dad gave me!”  You would think he had keys to a new car!  Happy, happy Aaron!

This morning I drove early to the air base to drop off the last of Aaron’s lab samples in preparation for his appointment tomorrow morning.  Then I stopped by his epilepsy doctor’s office to get a copy of his lab results from a month ago.  All this lab business was leaving me with a rather heavy feeling……….a sense of foreboding.  We all know how uncomfortable it is to wait on test results, praying and hoping that things are fine.  We’re concerned about Aaron’s dramatic weight loss, hoping that it can be explained by some medicine changes, but still feeling the heaviness of worry creeping in to our minds. 

Yesterday morning I tried to get Aaron to step on our scales.  He wanted nothing to do with it, however.  A couple months ago he was happy to see how much he weighed, but now he was tired of all this talk of weight loss.  Finally he asked, “Mom, is something wrong with me?”  I felt stricken, but I cheerily told him that we weren’t saying anything was wrong………..that we just needed to be sure that everything was working as it should…….as I watched him storm off and hoped I sounded believable.

I wasn’t surprised this morning, then, when Aaron told me once more that he did NOT want to go to Paradigm because of what happened yesterday.  He repeated this several times as I got his coffee poured and even gave him some of his wiggly jello.  I kept the conversation light as I hoped that soon his mood would change.  I hoped that when he went upstairs I would soon hear the shower running, but instead I heard his movie playing in his room.  When I walked in his room a little later, feeling like I was walking on eggs, I casually mentioned that it was time to get ready. 

“You mean I have to go today?” he asked.  “I don’t want to go to Paradigm today!”

I asked him if it was because of what happened yesterday, and he blurted out a quick yes!  Then I told him how much everyone at Paradigm loves him, and how his friends like him, and how much Rosie would miss him………..and he grabbed his little hand towel that he keeps with him at all times and that really needs to be washed……..and he put it to his face, quickly wiping his eyes. 

Aaron was crying.  Not sobbing, but stubborn tears were there that he quickly tried to wipe away.  My heart went out to him as I felt my own tears sting my eyes.  Aaron had had enough…….enough of standing on scales and blood work and peeing in a cup and fecal smears and bad relationship days.  So I reached out and rubbed his back…….and I told him that I understood, but that today was a new day with a new start.  It was probably my touch more than my words that caused Aaron to relax.  He quieted down, took a shower, got all ready, and even tolerated mom’s choice of a CD in the van………..Pachabel’s Canon in D………a stretch for Aaron, who would have preferred something a little more rowdy.

Aaron was smacking his lips and chewing with gusto as we drove along.   “Are you chewing some of the Big Red gum that Dad gave you?” I asked.

“How did you know?” he answered as he chomped.  I smiled…and said that I could pretty definitely hear his hearty chewing and could smell the cinnamon.  He thought that was rather strange.

I also know that we love Aaron, even in the aggravating times and the times when we want to throw our hands up and the times that we raise our voices.

I know something else.  I know that Aaron hurts and worries just like the rest of us do………except he can’t verbalize it like we can.  But his tears told me enough.  They showed me his heart.

Something else I know is that God is in charge of each day, of each test, of each uncertainty. 

Tomorrow is a new day……..every day is a new day……..to know that we love and are loved, and to have a fresh new start with each other and with God.