Category: Adult Autism

Get Lost

I wondered how Aaron would do this morning with having to get up to go to his day group after three fun days off.  On his days off he was up early, in the shower without having to be told, and very happy first thing in the morning.  I dreaded what this morning would hold as he faced reality.  Aaron likes his day group, but if given the choice I do believe that he would stay home every day.

It didn’t help that Aaron had two seizures during the night.  I was surprised, therefore, to hear him get up on his own this morning and go to the bathroom.  However, he went back to his room and shut his door – which is not a good sign at all.  He was either feeling bad from the effects of the seizures, or he just didn’t want to leave the house.   I waited for awhile until it was finally time for him to really start getting out of bed and getting ready.

I softly knocked on his bedroom door, and then I opened it and stepped inside.   He was all snug under his multiple covers…………and he did not want to be bothered.  I spoke to him, and then left.  I repeated this action several times until I finally got a reaction from him.  “Leave me alone,” he muttered.  And so it went for a few more tries.  I decided not to say anything about his seizures that he never remembers.  I knew he would latch onto that as a reason to stay home.
 
I became a little more insistent as I continued to go in his room and tell him to get up.  I also tried to interest him in his coffee that was cooling downstairs in the mugs he likes, and also in the applesauce that I thought he would want.  Finally, as I turned once again to walk out of his room, he perked up and asked, “Mom?  Did you see what was on my door?”  And as I looked up on his door, there on his Star Wars poster was a pink post-it note on which Aaron had scrawled a note to Mom.  He has done this before, but his notes rarely say the same thing.  I peered up at the note and saw what he had written.

Get lost.  I just shook my head and smiled as Aaron watched me and tried to gauge my reaction.  He laughed then.  He was quite proud of himself and also thought that his little note was funny.  I walked up the hall as I said, “Very funny, Aaron.  Now I’m getting lost and I want you to get up!”

Oh, if Aaron only knew how many times I’ve wanted to do just that……..to get lost.  Saturday evening was one of those times.  Aaron’s heart was set on watching Wheel of Fortune with me.  I thought I had enough time to do just a little ironing before Aaron’s favorite game show came on, but I wasn’t quite finished when I went in to Aaron’s room and told him to go on down and turn the TV on.  He set aside what he was doing, and went downstairs…….only to find that I wasn’t there.  “Mom?  Mom?  MOM!!”  he yelled.  He barreled upstairs to find me finishing up a shirt I was ironing.  One little shirt.  But Aaron was very unhappy that I wasn’t downstairs getting ready to watch Wheel of Fortune with him.  I told him that I would be down in just a minute, but to Aaron this was totally unacceptable.  He quickly escalated into yelling……..and I was not in the mood for this behavior on this day that had previously been so pleasant. 

I then did the thing that never, ever works.  I yelled back.  But Aaron cannot be outdone in these battles………a fact that I know but that I disregarded in my complete frustration.  No more details are needed, but I will say that I just totally lost my temper.  For those of you who might see me as the most patient parent on planet earth………..your bubble has just been popped.  I can get angry with the best………..or the worst……….of them. 

I’m not proud of this incident and have even wondered if I should write about it.  But I want to be honest as I portray life with an autistic adult child.  I am imperfect.  I get tired and frustrated and angry.  Sometimes other concerns are weighing me down.  When Aaron has a breakdown over something so selfish as me not being there to watch Wheel of Fortune at the moment he wanted me to be there, then I just might cross that line that leads to my own breakdown. 

I took a little time to remove myself from Aaron and from the situation.  Talking to Gary helped, as did getting some fresh air and collecting my thoughts.  I also asked God to forgive me, as well as Aaron.  But Aaron is so matter-of-fact about an argument.  He can resume his life as if nothing even happened, while I am in an emotional heap.  I was fighting guilt while he just wanted to know if we could play Skip-Bo later or tickle our backs.  I wish I could pick up, dust off, and move on as quickly as Aaron can. 

I know this is part of life that any parent faces.  A parent of a child, adult or not, with special needs must also balance figuring out what it causing the emotional outburst of their child with trying to maintain some calm and discipline…………..for themselves as well as for their child.  Sometimes it’s just too much, especially when our minds are tired or overwhelmed with other issues as well.  I know not to let the guilt of my lack of control be something that I allow Satan to use in order to discourage me.  I accept God’s forgiveness, even as I know I must forgive myself and close that chapter.

Get lost, Aaron wrote this morning.  Ah, if only life was that simple!  When Aaron starts escalating into anger, I wish I could hold up a Get Lost sign that either would apply to him…….or would allow ME to get lost until he calms down.  But I can’t do that, so I buck up and deal with it………with God’s help and with lessons learned from years of experience. 

I’ll just leave Aaron’s Get Lost sign on his door for awhile to remind me that it’s best not to lose the lessons we learn and the growth we experience as we travel this journey together.  

Sleeping in a Wrong Direction

Aaron got up early on Saturday morning, headed straight to the shower……which is surprising…….and then came slowly downstairs to find me in the kitchen.  I told him good morning and he immediately answered, “My back is sore.”  I smile, not because Aaron’s back is sore but because he rarely returns our greetings in the appropriate way.  This morning his sore back is of utmost importance to him, so therefore he thinks that it should also be of utmost importance to Mom.

I assured Aaron that I was sorry about his back, which prompted him to continue.  “I was sleeping in a wrong direction……..kind of bent,” he said.  I expressed more concern, and he added, “I wasn’t in a normal kind of sleeping way.”  As he got ready to eat some cereal, we talked about why we don’t always lay in a normal kind of sleeping way and that this sometimes causes a bent back, and then a sore back.  Aaron wanted an answer to this dilemma, and he also wanted to talk it to death.  Typical Aaron. 

We later went outside, where Aaron relaxed in the mulch with his coffee and his mulch trash can.  I sat nearby on the porch glider, wondering how Aaron’s back felt as he sat there all bent over…………. but I was not wanting to bring up his back issues again.  He talked and talked about many other things as we drank our coffee, and as I wondered what the people in the passing cars were thinking about this grown young man hunched over under the tree in the mulch.   Aaron does make us a rather unique family, for sure.


When Aaron finally stood up from under the tree, he was a little stiff.  This reminded him of his aching back, so he said, “My back is sore.  I should not have slept bent.”  Here we go again, I thought.  I knew that Aaron was going to discuss his bent, sore back all day.  Later, when he decided to lay down for a quick nap, he told me that he was going to try not to sleep bent.  And then when he woke up, he was happy that he had slept in a straight way and not a bent way.

We went to Wal-Mart soon after his nap, and as we were in front of the store………….in the crosswalk, of course……….Aaron was continuing his sore, bent back story and decided right then and there to demonstrate just what he meant by sleeping bent.  “You know, Mom…..I was sleeping like this!”   And I looked over to see him bent sideways in the middle of the crosswalk, as if he was doing side bends for an exercise class.  I wondered if someone watching on the security camera was either laughing or sitting up straighter as they tried to figure out what this unusual young man was doing in the middle of the cross walk………..not to mention what all the people milling around thought.   Oh well.  I just walked on as I told Aaron to quit bending and to come in the store.  I’m pretty much a pro at this embarrassing business.

Yesterday morning Aaron got up and came downstairs once again.  “Mom!  Finally I slept straight!”    Yay, Aaron!  But he wasn’t totally cured, I found out, as he continued by telling me that his back still hurt some.  He launched right in to what it means to sleep straight as opposed to sleeping bent…………and why we sometimes sleep bent………..and how to make sure we sleep straight…………and why sleeping bent produces sore backs.   Every little detail of sleeping straight and sleeping bent had to be gone over and over with Aaron. 

He ended by saying, “I can’t make my back go away from hurting!”  I laughed and I assured him that with time his back would indeed go away from hurting.  It’s hard to tell with Aaron how much of this constant talk is a ploy for attention, and how much is just his usual way of talking about every issue of his life until there could not possibly be another word to say……….but with Aaron there are always more words to say, even if he’s already said them many times.  He took me seriously in home school as I told my kids that repetition is the key to learning.  Man, did he ever!

I can happily say that this morning I dared to ask him how his back was feeling.  He answered by saying that it felt better today.  It took him a few seconds to answer and I was holding my breath.  I think that perhaps we have moved beyond his bent back and that it has finally gone away from hurting.

I’m waiting for the next issue that he wants to talk about and to demonstrate.  I just hope it’s not in the middle of the Wal-Mart cross walk!

No Electricity??!!

This past Sunday was a pretty stressful day around here.  I’m not talking about the huge storm that moved into Wichita…….or the tornadoes that were just to the south of us…….or the hail…..or the sideways rain……….or the fierce winds.  I’m talking about spending this delightful day with Aaron – and no electricity for about 7 hours.  When his precious weekend schedule is disrupted, no matter the reason, then regimented Aaron can……and did……become most unhappy. 

Gary and I were watching the weather.  We knew that there was rotation in the huge clouds that were all around us.  When the tornado sirens started blaring, I went up to Aaron’s room and told him that it was time for us to head all the way downstairs to the basement.  Aaron resisted this at first because he was playing a computer game, but he finally walked into the kitchen carrying his supplies for our stay in the basement.  He was carrying his soft, black, fuzzy pillow; his favorite blanket; his two current favorite DVDs; and his watch, dangling from his fingers and for some reason not on his arm.  He was wearing his shoes and socks, so that was good.  Just before we headed down the stairs, the electricity went off.  This was the real storm threat to us in the long run, but we thought that surely the power would be back on soon and so we were not alarmed. 

Our basement is finished, with carpeting and couches – and lights and a nice television that we couldn’t use because of the lack of electricity.  Gary and I ventured upstairs a few times to check on how the storm was progressing, but Aaron stayed where he was.  He pet Jackson for awhile, and listened to the hail and the wind…….and talked a lot, of course.  Finally he put his fuzzy pillow on the couch, laid down and placed his blanket on himself, and went fast asleep.  Everything was going nicely, I thought.  Silly me.

The storm had calmed down and was nearly over when Gary and I went upstairs to look out once again.  I soon woke Aaron up, and he gathered all of his belongings together before thumping up the stairs.  It only took him a few seconds to realize that the electricity was still off.  He put his pillow and blanket and DVDs back up in his room, and checked the time on his watch that was now on his arm.  Then he asked when the electricity would be turned back on…….and of course we didn’t know for sure.

For awhile, everything was fine and happy.  We looked out the windows as we surveyed for possible damage.  The sun came out, and we walked out on the driveway to look around.  Then I decided to do a few things that I could do without electricity.  Aaron followed me around as I folded some sheets, got Andrew’s bed ready for his arrival in a couple days, put away some laundry, and worked on a grocery list.  Aaron was talking and talking as usual, but soon his voice took on a different tone.  Electricity deprivation was setting in.  We were in trouble.

Aaron has just a set way of doing things.  His world functions the way that Aaron wants it to function, day after day.  We suggested that Aaron sit down and read a book.  But no……..Aaron will ONLY read his Handy Answer Books at night before bed.  At no other time will he read a book.  Believe me, we have tried to encourage reading at other times of the day or night.  But in Aaron’s world, reading is for just before bed……….propped up in his bed with his pillows around him in just the right order, along with his faithful back scratcher placed just so-so……and maybe a snack hidden from Mom under his covers.  Reading is not for the daytime with the sun shining and while sitting on a couch.  That’s crazy!  And Mom and Dad are crazy for even suggesting such a thing!

We also knew that Aaron would not go out to “do the mulch,” as he says.  He likes to sit out in or by some of our flower beds, or under our trees, and then break little pieces of mulch into his special mulch trash can.  But when the mulch is wet, as it was on this day, it won’t break like he wants it to and so he will NOT “do the mulch.”  Aaron realized that mulch was not an option on this increasingly boring day.  And he had already cut out the Sunday coupons.  His options were narrowing………and his frustration was rising.

Gary and I could see another storm coming……….a storm called Angry Aaron………..and there wasn’t much we could do to prevent it.  These times are when we parents of autistic  children………..or adults, as Aaron is………..try to balance those issues of using this time as a teachable moment or a time of discipline, as compared to feeling like we give in or enable poor behavior in our children.  Yet all of our years with Aaron have taught us that once he starts down a track of great frustration it is nearly impossible to turn him around in the same way that we could another of our children.  The disconnect, if you will, in Aaron’s brain just won’t allow him to see things any other way but the way that he sees it. There are times when we have to see Aaron’s world through Aaron’s eyes, and then seek to re-route that train that’s headed down the track to a sure collision. 

Aaron began to blame Gary and I for the lack of electricity.  No amount of explaining kept him from blaming us.  And if it wasn’t exactly our fault that the power was out, it was certainly our fault that we didn’t know when it was coming back on.  And if it wasn’t our fault that we didn’t know when it would come back on, it was most definitely our fault that we didn’t have a plan of action that would give him something to do.  Never mind that nothing we suggested was  acceptable to him.  It was still our fault!!

Aaron’s anger was escalating.  When Aaron gets really angry, he will break something – and it’s usually something that he likes.  So strange, but true.  Therefore, I was very thankful when Gary suggested that we go for a drive to see if we could find out where the power problem was.  I fully expected Aaron to demand that if we did find the problem, then Gary should climb up the pole and fix it……….since after all, it was HIS fault!

The drive was nice.  Of course, Aaron had to have on his favorite music and he had to talk the whole time, but at least he was happier.  We finished by going to Taco Bell, where Aaron had to examine every single item on the drive-through menu………and I told Gary to just order Nachos Bell Grande for him……….and right after that was done, Aaron said he wanted tacos.  Sorry, Aaron.  He ate his Nachos at our kitchen table, in the dusky light, with his TWO spoons and his TWO forks that he got from the silverware drawer, and the napkin caddy, and his water with a straw – always.

Gary grilled turkey burgers and turkey hot dogs on the grill, and Aaron ate a couple hot dogs while trying to sneak some to Jackson – always.  Then he and I played Skip-Bo by lantern light, and he was very happy about that……even when I won!  And just as we finished our game, the power came back on!!  Before I could hardly blink, Aaron had vanished.  He was in his room in record time, turning his computer on and treasuring at least a short time to play his game.  He wasn’t even angry when it was time to get off and get ready for bed.  The storm had truly passed, at least for that day.

When I went in to his room to say good-night, he told me to wait a minute.  He sat on his bed and reached for his digital clock on his night stand, then told me to tell him what time it was so that he could set his clock.  I told him that it was 11:12.  Click, click, click.  He set the correct time, then stood up and looked at his satellite digital clock by his desk.  His eyes became large and almost wild as he said, “It’s 11:13!!”  Back to his bed he went, and quickly changed his night stand clock to 11:13.
 
Another crisis averted!  Dear Aaron.  He wants his life to run like clockwork, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen.  Yet trying to explain that to Aaron is NOT easy.  Sometimes it’s not at all possible.  Therefore, Gary and I are the ones that have to constantly adjust.  We have to reset our way of thinking and our way of disciplining and our way of living on those days and in those moments.  We do get frustrated and tired, and sometimes we feel guilty for getting frustrated and tired.

But God is faithful in these storms…….in the tornadoes and in the Aaron issues, God is there.  Whether it’s 11:12 or 11:13, God is with us.  And there is much He can teach us through this Aaron of ours.

Like today……….Wednesday……..Aaron’s least favorite day to go to his day group.  But that storm story is for another day.  

I’m Iknorin’ You!

Yesterday morning was one of those mornings with Aaron.  If there is a morning that Aaron stubs up and refuses to go to his day group, it’s usually on Wednesday.  The staff at Paradigm cooks on that day.  They fix very yummy meals, but Aaron wants nothing to do with it.  For several weeks, Aaron told me that the staff was just going to give them tuna sandwiches and that he doesn’t like tuna, and on and on.  Well, I checked with some of the staff and found out that they have never fixed tuna sandwiches and had no intention of fixing tuna sandwiches.  Aaron was caught and he knew it.  Therefore, he has changed his Wednesday tactic. 

He got up on his own yesterday.  Andrea was busy getting ready to head back to Texas.  I found Aaron sprawled out on her floor, petting her little dog, Darcy……..who was trying to hide under her desk because she doesn’t exactly trust Aaron.  Darcy is a perceptive little doggie.  She doesn’t like Aaron’s booming noises, or how he bursts through closed doors, or his clapping, or his loud talking.  She does like the fact that he slips her treats………treats like gummy worms, or peanuts, or pieces of meat under the dinner table.  Therefore, Darcy will timidly allow Aaron to pet her as she searches his outstretched hand for a little food nugget.  Aaron had no such treat in his hand as he laid there petting her, so she stayed under the desk, keeping her distance as best she could.  Smart little Darcy.

I spoke to Aaron and he slowly got up, coming into my bedroom as I was getting ready.  He began his Wednesday morning con job.  “Mom, I’m tired,” he flatly said.  I told him that I was sorry, and then told him that I had poured his coffee…….which would work wonders on his tiredness.  This was not the response he wanted.  He wanted me to quickly realize that there was absolutely no cure for such extreme tiredness as he was now experiencing.  So with as much feigned exhaustion as he could muster, he continued.  “No, I’m really tired.  I read until 11:32 and then at 2:00 I was still awake.”  His tone was one of utter fatigue and was definitely designed to prick my tender mother’s heart……….and to allow him to stay home. 

Inside I was smiling, and I was also dreading the way that this morning might progress.  Aaron can easily turn very hateful when his worn-out ploy doesn’t get the desired result……..which is that Mom will allow him to stay at home.  I expressed concern for his weariness even as I went about my business.  I once again reminded him of the coffee waiting downstairs and his morning pills.  Aaron was beginning to see that Mom had a rather hard heart in her chest on this morning.  Therefore, he deployed Plan Number 2.

“Mom, I’m iknorin’ you.”  Oh brother!  This is one of Aaron’s favorite games to play anymore………..except it’s not a fun game.  It’s almost always a sign that he is getting fed up with me.  So I just “iknored” what he said and kept getting my make-up on, even as he followed me into my bathroom.   He stood there staring at me, hoping for some result that would come from his statement.  There was none.  He repeated, “I’m just iknorin’ you.”  Still no response from seemingly calm Mom.  “So I’m iknorin’ you.”  I shook my head but made no comment.  “I’m going to iknore you.” 

It was so hard not to laugh.  In his effort to ignore me, he was totally NOT ignoring me!  I don’t know how many times he repeated that he was “iknorin’ ” me, but I just sat there going about  my business………which in reality meant that I was the one doing the “iknorin’ “………….not Aaron.  He never seemed to come to that reality, however.

Finally, he walked out of the bathroom and made one more verbal fling.  “You can’t make me stop iknorin’ you!!!!”

At last he was out of sight and I could fully smile, and even chuckle.  He actually drank his coffee and took his pills, and then I heard him taking his shower.  Progress!  A good sign indeed!

He ended up sitting at his desk, watching his new GI Joe movie.  I realized that we might be able to leave early enough for me to take Aaron to either Dillon’s or Quik Trip to get a drink.  Knowing that the very sound of my voice might stir up his anger again, I decided to try a different tactic to ease him beyond his frustration on this morning.  I wrote him a note, and then quietly walked into his room.  I handed him the note over his shoulder, laying it on the desk in front of him.  He read it quickly before I could leave the room, and then he happily replied, “OK!”  And he immediately added, very softly, “Sorry.”  I patted his shoulder and left the room, where soon he joined me to say that he wanted to go to Dillon’s.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  He didn’t write me back on that little piece of paper.  Instead, he was willing to communicate.  More progress!

We had overcome that hurdle, but the rest of the morning was crazy, thanks to Aaron.  He said something to Andrea and me about opening the front door, so we rushed downstairs……….where we looked outside and saw Darcy running through our neighbor’s yard.  We ran outside and yelled, not knowing how far Darcy would run, but thankfully she came back to Andrea right away.  I was fussing at Aaron, who seemed oblivious to what he had done, and soon I hustled him into the van.  I was trying not to be late to meet his day group ride. 

We backed out of the driveway, and Aaron suddenly opened the van door and hopped out, not caring that we were in the middle of the street.  He said that he forgot something, and I yelled at him to close the van door.  I pulled back into the driveway as he scurried (as fast as Aaron can scurry) back to the garage, where he opened the door and went inside the house.  He came back carrying his container of peanuts, and off we hurried to Dillon’s.

I walked quickly into the store, with Aaron lagging behind.  He finally chose his flavored water and then had to have more peanuts, and finally we were done and on our way to meet his group, and of course he talked non-stop the whole way, and I was frustrated at being late…………  

But at least he wasn’t “iknorin’ ” me, right?  We pulled up to the day group van, where Aaron opened his window so that Craig would open his window…….and Aaron continued to talk.  I nudged him out as he grabbed his Dillon’s bag that held his peanuts and flavored water, and then he grabbed his other peanuts……all the while happily talking to Craig while he juggled his TWO containers of peanuts and his water.  Aaron was asking Craig about the barbecue that they were going to have that day, and informing Craig that he would NOT go to the barbecue in the park, water balloons or not.  

I had moved beyond being “iknored” and the whole dog incident and the tiredness of Aaron and rushing through Dillon’s by the time Aaron barged in the door at 4:30.  He rushed upstairs to find me as he yelled, “Mom!  Mom!”  He burst into my bedroom and proceeded to excitedly tell me about the barbecue in the park……..the barbecue that he had no intention of attending………and of the hamburger and chips he ate……….and the water balloons that he avoided………and the geese that he fed and the goose poop that he scraped off of his shoes. 

He dug in his pocket and pulled out some very dirty coins that I had him promptly throw away.   He continued to dig in his pocket and then pulled out a very ragged feather.  He held it toward me as he said, “Here, Mom!  This is for you.  It’s a goose feather.  Here, take it!”  I came very close to telling him that this feather was very dirty and that he should throw it away as he did the filthy coins, but the look on his face stopped me.  To Aaron this gift was as valuable as a gold and diamond necklace.  How could I say no?


So I reached out and took the possible goose feather, and I thanked him as warmly as if it was that beautiful necklace.  He hardly reacted, though I knew he was pleased as he thumped up the hall to his bedroom……..where he checked to be sure I had plugged in his keyboard, and then changed his clothes……..with his door open.  And he loudly reminded me to tell him when Wheel of Fortune came on, the way he does every single night.

That ragged possible goose feather with who-knows-what on it is still sitting on my desk……….a reminder that Aaron cared enough for Mom to bring me a treasure.  I never know what to expect from Aaron from day to day, from hour to hour…..even though at times he is so predictable.  His mind is amazing and multi-layered, that’s for sure.

I went from being “iknored” to being the recipient of a valued feather of unknown origins.  All in all, I’d say it was a pretty good day.

Be Quiet!

I have often referred to an old article that I have had for years when I talk about the traits of persons with Asperger’s Syndrome.  The article is from the Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support website, known as O.A.S.I.S.  Karen Williams wrote a good article there entitled, “Understanding the Student With Asperger’s Syndrome:  Guidelines for Teachers.”  But this article is also an excellent resource for parents, siblings, or friends of those with many forms of autism.  I remember that when I first read this article, I thought Ms. Williams must surely have met our Aaron.  She was describing him so well!

In this article, as she writes about impairment in social interaction, Ms. Williams says that the individual with Asperger’s is insensitive and lacks tact.  She goes on to say, “When they have been unintentionally tactless or insensitive, it must be explained to them why the response was inappropriate and what response would have been correct.  Individuals with AS must learn social skills intellectually. They lack social instinct and intuition.”

And I say: “Yes! Yes! Yes!”  I don’t know how many times I have said to someone, “I don’t know how many times we’ve told Aaron not to say……”  Or, “I don’t know how many times we’ve told Aaron not to do…….”  Just fill in the blank.  Almost anything would fit.  Gary and I continue to correct, reinforce, admonish, explain, redirect……and pray a lot…….and get red faces a lot……..over some of the things that Aaron says and does.

Aaron will call it like he sees it.  For instance, someone in his day group has buck teeth.  One day Aaron was very excited to tell me about this person.  “Mom!  ______ has bucket teeth!”  As if that wasn’t bad enough, he proceeded to demonstrate what the bucket teeth looked like.  Somehow I held it together and explained to Aaron that this person couldn’t help what kind of teeth he had, and that he shouldn’t mock him. 
Aaron was totally confused.  He didn’t understand why his actions were wrong, so I rehearsed our lesson about not talking about people’s physical characteristics.  I knew where Aaron would someday go with this fascination about the “bucket teeth.”  Sure enough, not long ago Aaron said, “Mom!  I told _____ that he looks like a rabbit!” 
I knew this would happen……..so again I talked to him about how very wrong this was, and how would he feel if someone told him that he looked like a rabbit?  And Aaron’s response?  “But Mom!  He DOES look like a rabbit!”

It’s a good thing that I have a hard head, because I sure do beat it against the proverbial wall a LOT!!

The other morning, Aaron decided to play a little game with me.  I went in to wake him up.  He lay there perfectly still under his always-present pile of covers.  I spoke to him a few times as I opened his blinds.  Finally as I walked toward his bedroom door, he flatly said, “I’m iknorin’ you.”  I love how he pronounces the word “ignoring.”  So I chuckled and told him to get out of bed.  Later that evening, I went to his room to tell him that his favorite Wheel of Fortune was getting ready to come on the television.  As I walked out of his room, he said, “I’m still iknorin’ you.”  And as I went down the stairs, he continued, “You fell for it.  You’re weird!” 

Now he shouldn’t tell people that they are weird, especially not Mom, so once again I reinforced this fact when he came downstairs.  And of course, he affirmed, “But you ARE weird, Mom!”  Sigh.

I never like for Aaron to answer the phone, but Aaron LOVES answering the phone.  A few days ago, as I was getting ready to take him to meet his group, our phone rang.  Aaron made a beeline for it, so I told him not to answer it because I couldn’t talk.  He saw on the caller ID the last name of Travis……..a name he knows well.  He was very excited as he pushed the talk button and blurted out, “Mom can’t talk now!!”  Not even a hello from Aaron! I could hear Jennifer laughing heartily and then Aaron laughed.  He thought that this was so much fun!  And I was very glad it was my good friend who totally gets Aaron.

Aaron calls Jackson’s dog food “pebbles” because the pieces are little round balls.  Yesterday we went into Papa Murphy’s to get Aaron a pizza for supper.  Aaron wanted to look at the topping selections, so he looked down through the window at the containers of toppings.  Instantly he spied the little Italian sausage balls that looked like Jackson’s dog food pebbles and very loudly exclaimed, “That looks like DOG FOOD!!” 
And there I stood, explaining to the puzzled young man behind the counter, that our dog’s food is round like that sausage is round……….not wanting him to think that Aaron has just insulted the pizza toppings or Papa Murphy’s……….and Aaron was off inspecting the buckets of cookie dough and wondering where on earth the bread sticks were.

I remember years ago sitting in church, where we had a guest preaching on this particular Sunday morning.  Gary and I were sitting in the back, where we always sat with Aaron for obvious reasons.  This preacher was a little louder and moved around more than our pastor did……..our pastor that Aaron was used to and with whom he was very comfortable.  We could tell that Aaron was becoming frustrated with this moving, louder preacher.  And our Aaron, who doesn’t know how to really whisper, said rather loudly, “Can someone tell him to be quiet?!” 

At those moments, Gary and I look like we’ve practiced synchronized parenting as we both bent towards Aaron, who was sitting between us, and as we both clamped down on his legs and hissed at him to HUSH!!!  I’m sure that we could take gold in the synchronized parenting category.  And in the red-faced, we think we’re going to have a stroke, category as well.

Oh my goodness, how many times have we wished that we could just tell Aaron to be quiet!  But in retrospect, we can look back with much laughter over so many of the things that Aaron has said and done. 

And I guess embarrassment is part of building strong character in us as Aaron’s parents……….or just shows what a character Aaron is!

I may as well say it – keep talking, Aaron!  He’s going to anyway. 

When Is It TOTAL Morning?

Aaron got up half-heartedly this morning, saying he was very tired and that he didn’t sleep well and that his stomach hurt and do I have to go to Paradigm……….and I just walked back up the hall.  Slowly he got out of bed and slowly he came around to a measure of cooperation as I poured his coffee and fixed him a bowl of his favorite leftover potato dish for breakfast.  I barely listened as he talked about how tired he was.  This is a favorite ploy of Aaron’s……..trying to convince me that he is SOOOO tired.

The other morning he told me this same tired story about being tired, telling me that he had not gone to sleep until after midnight.  This reminded him of a question that he had been mulling for some time, to hear him tell it.  “Mom, I’ve always wondered.  Is midnight like half morning?”  And before I could formulate my answer to his always interesting question, he continued.  “So if midnight is half morning, when is it total morning?” 

I tell you, sometimes his questions and his comments just leave me:

A.  Speechless
B.  Amazed
C.  Doubled over in laughter
D.  All of the above

You can’t pull much over on Aaron, either.  He usually begins each day with asking me this question that I have heard thousands of times:  “Mom, can we do something tonight?”  He  pauses and then adds, “Like play Skip-Bo or do our backs?”  And I have told him thousands of times that I don’t know and that I’ll see and that I’ll let him know.  I never say yes, because if something unforeseen happens that prevents me from doing something with him, I have entered the category of being a liar………and I’ve written even recently about the ramifications of Aaron thinking that I have lied. 

The other morning, when asked this familiar question about whether I could do something that night, I told Aaron once again that I wasn’t sure.  And he asked, “So why don’t you know?  Are you doing something tonight?”  I said, “Well, Aaron, sometimes I just want to relax at night.”  And Aaron wisely answered, “Relaxing means we could do something.” 

Not in my book, Aaron.  You have no idea.

Sometimes Aaron and I take Jackson on a walk around our circle in the evening.  Aaron, of course, talks the entire way.  Every step is filled with conversation………..mostly one sided.  You can guess which side.  Jackson doesn’t talk……..and I usually can’t fit a word in……….so there is only Aaron left.  The other evening, Aaron pointed to some one’s yard and asked, “What are those yellow flowers?”

I answered, “Quit pointing, Aaron.”  I say this repeatedly as we walk past people’s homes……..people who are probably wondering why Aaron is always pointing at their homes.  Sigh.  Then I reminded Aaron that those yellow flowers are dandelions……and that dandelions are a weed, because I know that question is next.  “So dandelions are a weed?” he asks anyway.  “Yes,” I repeat.  About that time we walked past a pretty budding Bradford Pear and Aaron asked, “What kind of tree is that?  Is that a weed tree?”

And while I was laughing at the thought of a weed tree, there he was – pointing at another house and asking, “Is that the house that was hit by a fire?” 

Aaron, houses aren’t hit by fires, exactly……….not like they’re hit by lightning……..which could actually cause a fire so I guess you could say…………    

Aaron, quit pointing!

Aaron talks about all the animals we see and hear as we walk………the dogs and cats and birds and squirrels.  He stops and talks to anyone and everyone that may be out in their yard.  Lucky people!  Aaron won’t let them go, either.  I smile and try to ease Aaron away while making sure that Jackson is behaving, and I never know who is alarming our neighbors the most………..our huge Great Dane or our Aaron who will NOT quit talking!!

People should learn what to do when they see us coming, and especially if they see Aaron pointing at them!   Go inside.

Speaking of animals, one day as we were driving, Aaron and I smelled a skunk.  He sniffed and then wrinkled up his nose and proclaimed that something smelled like a skunk………and then added, “I’m not talking about you, Mom!”   So glad he cleared that up.

Not long after that conversation, he came home from his group and was describing the road on which they were driving.  “Mom!  You know that road?  There was a dead skunk there!  It was freshly dead and it smelled bad!”

I was very glad he didn’t reference me again.

And how Aaron loves cows…….and bulls.  We pass a field of each of those particular bovines on our way to meet his group.  First the cows.  He always looks for them and wonders where they are if he can’t see them, as was the case the other morning.  “Mom!  Where are the cows?  Are they in that farm den?”

He means the barn.  But doesn’t “farm den” have such a warm and homey ring to it?

Then we later pass the pasture that is the home to some bulls.  This morning………. as Aaron had the window rolled down and tried to sit so as to block Mom’s hair from blowing wildly…….he saw some bulls.  They aren’t often out when we drive by, so he was happy to see them.  He talked about the baby bull and the big bull………..and by the time I dropped him off at Quik Trip to meet his ride, he was talking about how bees dance.  Yes, how bees dance.


He just cracks me up and he has no idea why.  He came in the kitchen the other night and told us, “Hey!  I saw a commercial about that restaurant that I like.  You know……CAROL’S O’Kelly!!” 

Which restaurant, Aaron?  “CAROL’S O’Kelly!” he repeated.

And this morning……….”Mom!  Did you read The Wizard of Is today?”
 
“Read WHAT, Aaron?”

“The Wizard of IS?!”

He thought I was laughing because I had read the Wizard of Is.

Oh, Aaron.  Life is so much more interesting with you in it to make the mundane and the usual most interesting and unusual!

He’ll be home soon.  And I’ll have a new blog idea, I’m sure.

A Flower For Mom

I’m sitting here at the computer, taking a little breather from Aaron and his incessant talking, and trying to decide how to convey Aaron in my writing.  He is so interesting, yet so exhausting; so funny, yet so frustrating;  so predictable, yet so surprising.  Sometimes I just can’t fully explain or project the complexities and the simplicities of Aaron.

He often majors on such minor aspects of life.  He will focus on something and talk about it until Gary and I are mentally numb.  For instance,  the other day he bought a Cheddar Pasta Salad for his lunch while out with his day group.  He came home carrying the empty shopping bag, but inside was the receipt for the pasta salad.  He wanted me to see it and to be as disturbed as he was by the fact that his pasta salad rang up as potato salad.  I have since, including this morning, explained to him that the two salads cost the same.   It doesn’t really matter that Cheddar Pasta Salad was rung up as Potato Salad.  Both are in the deli and both cost the same.  I have assured and reassured Aaron that this matter is really no big deal…….yet I know that to Aaron it IS a big deal.  Simply put, Potato Salad is not Cheddar Pasta Salad.  This fact and this incident upsets Aaron’s world.  Mom and Dad need to get this, and need to discuss this with as much fervor as Aaron.  After days of discussion, our flat voices and vacant stares do not make sense to Aaron.  He hardly notices.  Like he said this morning, “Mom, should I fuss at those scanner people?  That was weird!”

I sigh and think of what and who is really weird, but I just assure Aaron that he should not fuss at those scanner people…….and I hope that soon he’ll just GET OVER IT!!!  Just like I’m longing for him to get over the new PC game he saw at Wal-Mart that he is wanting to buy.  Alien……which is right down Aaron’s alley because it’s full of growling, slimy aliens that your character must kill.  Gary and I want to research this game before we say yes or no.  Aaron isn’t into research………..he’s into talking us down to a level of no resistance. 

He was discussing this game while I was getting ready the other morning.  He asked repeatedly if and when we could go to Wal-Mart to check it out…….which to Aaron means to buy it.  And he says what he often says when making these requests – “Mom, I’m not making you!”  As he talked on and on the other morning, he tried a new tactic as he asked if we could probably go to Wal-Mart.  “Mom, I said probably!  Does that mean making you?”  Clever, Aaron – very clever.

That night I saw predictable Aaron as he came down to the kitchen.  It was time for bed, and he took his pills.  He then headed for the guest bathroom, because he prefers it more than his bathroom upstairs.  Aaron must always say goodnight, and he very much prefers to say goodnight in his room.  I reached out to give him a goodnight hug in the family room and he backed away.  He knew I wasn’t going to wait on him to use the bathroom, so he thumped up the stairs and walked into his room.  I followed obediently, knowing exactly what was happening.  He stepped into his room, turned and gave me a goodnight hug, and then went back downstairs to use the bathroom.  Yes, predictable Aaron. 
The next day he told me that he was tired because he stayed up reading too late.  Aaron will only read at night before bed, all propped up just so-so in his bed as he reads one of his Handy Answer books.  As he told me that he was tired, he began discussing Latin names of animals.  Last night I discovered why he was talking about Latin animal names and why he had been tired that morning.  Aaron, who reads EVERY word of his Handy Answer books, had read this long list of English/Latin animal names, along with the animal’s  expected life span.  He showed me the list that was on several pages, and also pointed out how he had read across the list…………every name…….every single name.  I just shook my head in disbelief while he was again unaware of how amazing he is. 

Sometimes Aaron is even sweet.  A couple evenings ago, he and Gary were on a walk out in the yard.  Later Aaron came in the house and with great purpose he marched over to where I sat.  He held out a “flower” as he said, “Here, Mom!  I picked you a flower!”  He thrust it toward me as he continued, “Put it in a pot of water and save it, OK?” 

I took the “flower” that was handed to me and saw that it was Chickweed.  And even though I didn’t really want a Chickweed flower, I shrugged off my resistance and accepted it gratefully.  Aaron was very pleased with the “flower” he had given to Mom, and I was so touched by his earnest show of love.  I put the “flower” in a glass of water, where it is thriving.  Aaron loves the little blue flowers that are really purple………..but Aaron is color blind and so to him this pretty “flower” is indeed blue.  And I am relieved that at least he didn’t pick this “flower” from the neighbor’s flower bed, which he has been known to do.

These incidents are just the tip of the iceberg that is Aaron.  And just as with a real iceberg, the majority of which is underwater, so it is with Aaron.  There is so much more to him than meets the eye.  It takes some time to understand him, and just when you think you do, he does something that catches you by surprise.

That’s what I think of when I look at my pretty Chickweed “flower.”  I’m glad I saved it and didn’t toss it in the trash.  And I’m always glad when I take the time to understand Aaron, and not just toss him aside in frustration. 


But I do roll my eyes a lot!

Big Red Gum…….And Forgiveness

I want to share something that happened yesterday morning with Aaron.  This incident gave a glimpse into several aspects of his autism, and also taught me yet another valuable life lesson.  Aaron does have a way of teaching me things that stay with me for a long time……..and sometimes hopefully forever.

I had an obligation at church on Monday and Tuesday that prevented me from taking Aaron to meet his day group.  I arranged for his driver to pick him up at our house.  But on Monday I realized that I could drive Aaron to meet his group, and so that night I told Aaron that I would be driving him the next morning.  He likes that arrangement better and so he was very happy. 

As I got ready yesterday morning……Tuesday……I decided that I would just go over to the church a little early.  I hadn’t contacted Aaron’s driver concerning the changes yet, so I decided to just leave things the way they were and have Craig come to our house like we had planned.  Knowing how Aaron sometimes reacts to changes, I realized that he might not like this idea very well.  First the driver was coming to the house……then I said that I would take him…….and now I was back to the driver coming here.  Up and down………..changes, changes………….and I know better.  Aaron’s rigid thinking doesn’t allow for change very easily.  I was soon to see this reality in full display.

I walked into Aaron’s room, where he was watching a video, and I chirped happily to him that I was going to go on to church early and that Craig would just come  to the house to pick him up.  And in his low, monotone voice, Aaron said, “You’re a liar.”

This flat proclamation was a forerunner of trouble, and I knew it.  What made me think that somehow Aaron would be accepting of this idea?  Did I suppose that his rigid way of thinking would somehow disappear this time?  Silly me!  But I responded with more cheer than I felt as I told him that sometimes things change and that this would work out just fine.  Right, Aaron?  And his voice went up a notch as he answered, “But you lied!”

Now no amount of reasoning with Aaron would dissuade him from his notion that I had lied to him.  I told him that I would take him to meet his group, and then I said I was not taking him to meet his group.  Aaron’s dots don’t connect, disconnect, and reconnect the way that mine do.  I can’t jerk him along with all these changes of plans and expect him to comply the way that others would.  Nope.  Not gonna do it. 

We walked downstairs, where Aaron took his pills and where I had poured his coffee.  Happy Mom was quickly becoming frustrated Mom as Aaron slowly escalated from calling me a liar to declaring his feelings for his lying mother.  There was no mistaking those feelings, either, as he declared, “I hate you!”  Now this isn’t something I am proud to admit that Aaron said, but this is Aaron being totally blunt and unfiltered. 
He truly doesn’t hate me, but it’s all he knows to say in order to show me that he is very frustrated.  Aaron won’t sit down and look me in the eye as he shares his heart with me in a level, kind voice.  He isn’t able to express his feelings properly, so he resorts to what his heart is telling him.  Mom said this, then she said that, and then she went back to this.  I am so confused and disappointed and mad!  Mom is a liar!  I hate Mom!

This one-sided verbal assault went on for several minutes.  I interjected a calming word here and there, but Aaron would have none of it.  And I realized that I had actually created this situation by disregarding what I know about Aaron, and by not following the special Aaron rules that I normally follow.  I had failed, and I was paying the price.  So I told Aaron that I would take him to meet Craig, but I also told him that I was hurt by his words.  He also could tell that I was hurt by the look on my face and the sound of my voice.  He does know how to read those clues after living with me for all these years.

I went into my bathroom and shut the door.  I heard Aaron walking up the hall, and then soon walking back to my room.  Then he said, “Here Mom.  This is for you.”  I looked down as I heard a noise outside the bathroom door, and there under the door Aaron slid a pack of his special Big Red gum.  I knew instantly that this was a peace offering……….Aaron’s way of saying that he was sorry.  And he actually said, “I”m sorry, Mom.” 

I opened the door, and there he stood……relaxed and hopeful.  His anger was gone.  Was it because he got his way, I wondered?  So I started to hand him back the gum, but he said, “No.  I want you to keep it.  I’m sorry, Mom.”  And I knew that no matter what his motive was, Aaron had given me an apology that I needed to accept.  There are some things I must do because Aaron is my son……..there are things I must do because they are right………..and there are things I must do because God says to do them.  Sometimes it’s all of the above. 

Later yesterday afternoon, my heart was hurt over another incident.  Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.  As I reached in my purse to get my keys, I saw the pack of Big Red gum.  I could even smell the strong cinnamon flavor coming out of my purse.  I thought about forgiveness at that moment…….of how important it is to ask for forgiveness and likewise how important it is to extend forgiveness, even if true motives aren’t totally clear.  And of how our obedience to God, regardless of the circumstances, is said in scripture to be a sweet smell to Him……..a sweet savor of sacrifice. 

I may not ever chew that Big Red gum.  I may keep it as a reminder of my Aaron who sought forgiveness and showed his sorrow by sliding Big Red gum under my bathroom door.  And as a reminder of the forgiving that I was allowed to extend today to that person from yesterday who asked for my forgiveness.


There’s some more sweet smelling savor going up to heaven.  I wonder if it smells like Big Red gum?

Rosie’s Birthday Dinner

Last week I got a special phone call.  Many of you remember Aaron’s very special friend at his day group……..Rosie.  Rosie’s real name is Rosa, but Aaron has always called her Rosie……which I find to be endearing.  Aaron and Rosie are very special friends, and as their friendship has grown, Aaron has struggled with whether or not they are girlfriend/boyfriend, or just good friends.  We always tell Aaron to simply relax and enjoy being friends with Rosie.

The phone call was from Rosie’s mother, Louise.  She and her husband were inviting us to go out and eat dinner with them and with Rosie in honor of Rosie’s birthday.   After we hung up, I went up to Aaron’s room and told him the exciting news.  He listened and then he shifted his body and hung his head.  He didn’t know how to handle this great news, but the smile on his face spoke volumes.  He didn’t even have to say a word for me to know how pleased he was.  But of course, he soon found his tongue! 

“So Rosie’s mom called and wants me to come to Rosie’s birthday?” he asked.  And when I confirmed that this was true, he wanted to know where we were going to go eat and what day and what time.  Then I told him what Rosie’s mom had suggested as a gift for Rosie when I asked her for some ideas.   Aaron wasn’t at all surprised when I told him that he could get Rosie some crayons and a coloring book for her birthday gift.  He knows how much Rosie loves crayons.  Aaron was happy with that idea, and so we planned to go shopping on Friday night.

Aaron picked out the box of 24 crayons and a bag of candy.  Then we found the coloring books, and he dismissed several before saying yes to a Disney one.  As we shopped, I thought of how normal and sweet and natural this was.  Shopping for a special friend for her birthday, and picking out just the right gift, was not only a nice thing to do…………but it was a confirmation to Aaron that he was a special friend to Rosie.   To Aaron, it was perfectly natural to be choosing crayons and candy and a coloring book for Rosie.  You would have thought he was pondering over a beautiful diamond necklace as he said no, maybe, and finally yes to just the perfect coloring book.

As is typical for Aaron, over the next few days he talked a lot about the upcoming birthday dinner with Rosie and her parents.  Over and over again, we confirmed the day and the time and the location.  Finally Tuesday, THE day, arrived.  Aaron bounded in the door when he returned home from his day group, and he immediately asked me if we were still going to Rosie’s birthday dinner.  He and I got Rosie’s special gifts all situated in a pretty gift bag.  Aaron had previously picked out Rosie’s card.  Of all the girly, pretty choices he had – Aaron chose a card with spiders on the front.  He wouldn’t change his mind, so spiders it was for Rosie!   He seriously signed her card, including his last name as he always does.  
        
It wasn’t long before Gary got home, and off we headed for Chili’s………..with Aaron making sure that one of his favorite CD’s was playing in the van.  Soon we were seated in the large booth with Leroy and Louise, and with Rosie.   Rosie was eyeing the gift bag that was perched on the end of the table, while Aaron was beside himself with excitement.  He was very loud and was talking non-stop………..sure signs of great excitement.  Rosie was calm and level, while Aaron’s volume kept increasing and his mouth wouldn’t stop. 

Finally we ordered our meals while we kept telling Aaron to speak quietly………and no, Aaron, don’t talk about that and no, don’t talk about this.  His soft voice and filters were nonexistent at the moment!  Rosie got to open her gift and her card, and was very happy with the crayons and the coloring book and card.  She immediately opened the crayons and checked them out, holding some and examining others.  Aaron continued to talk loudly, while Rosie calmly reminded her mom of things to tell us about………..a wedding, a shower, a baby, a shot in her arm.  Aaron was pulling items out of his pockets that he had secretly brought to show to Rosie’s mom.  Somehow we parents managed to visit a little, too, as we monitored our adult “kids” in their eating and their talking……..especially Aaron with the talking, and the show and tell!


I wondered what others who were seated around us thought of all the noise (mostly from Aaron!) and the general excitement at our table.  I wonder if anyone else saw what was really happening at our table.  Life was happening……..normal for our Aaron and Rosie, no matter how unusual it might seem to others.  Despite Aaron’s loudness and bluster, he has a tender place in his heart for Rosie.  He showed it again last week, when he wanted to take Rosie some candy and I said no, reminding him that Rosie’s mom wants her to eat healthy food.  And before I knew it,  Aaron had two apples in his hands to take to Rosie. 

There we sat in that booth, enjoying the friendship of our Aaron and Rosie.  But it went far beyond the surface for all of us parents, I’m sure.  Friendships of any kind, and especially tender feelings, are rare for our special children.  Aaron and Rosie are comfortable in their relationship.  There they were, with Aaron noisily talking and Rosie calmly joining in when she could or when she wanted.  Rosie reminded Aaron of things to talk about – as if he needed it!  They were both relaxed in their own way, with Rosie pushing back her pretty pink cap and showing us her beautiful brown eyes……..a sign that she was becoming comfortable.  And Aaron………always comfortable as long as he can talk.

As we left Chili’s, I asked Aaron and Rosie if I could take their picture.  I took a couple shots, and finally asked for one more.  Then Rosie did the sweetest thing as she stood there by Aaron, some crayons in her hand.  She put her arm around Aaron’s shoulders………and Aaron beamed!  After the picture, he bolted……….so funny!  But the joy on their faces was unmistakable and priceless. 
 
It still warms our hearts, and I’m sure it warms Leroy and Louise as well.  It goes beyond birthday dinners and crayons and spider cards.  It goes deep into the human connections that we all need, including our often lonely special children.  Aaron can be annoying as he tries to tease and as he talks too much.  But somehow he has found a special connection to Rosie, and I believe she has found that with Aaron, too.  So we are thankful for this fresh breath of special friendship that they share, and for how God has let them be a part of each other’s lives at this time. 

I don’t even think Aaron said goodbye as he bolted toward the van.  Yet Rosie isn’t encumbered with all those expectations that crowd our usual female brains.  Sometimes their world is to be preferred as they function on a much less complex level.  Rosie had her crayons, and Aaron had his good meal with lots of talking.   And we parents had a warmth in our hearts over time well spent with our special kids and their special friendship. 

Coupon Craziness

I recently re-posted a much earlier blog I wrote about how Aaron cuts out coupons for me that are in the Sunday morning newspaper.  Coupon cutting has been his Sunday job for many years and he has refined it into an exact science all his own.  Aaron’s autism is in full display as he tries very hard to cut exactly on the dotted lines, and then has multiple containers for the various large and small pieces of paper.  He still takes the thin strips of paper that are left after cutting on the dotted lines, and he cuts those strips into small pieces as he holds the paper over his “small paper” container.   He enjoys watching the tiny pieces of cut paper fall into the container.  What would take me maybe 15 minutes to cut will take Aaron much, much longer because of these tireless coupon-cutting rituals that he performs. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                The actual coupons that he saves for me are placed carefully into a little plastic box that has a lid…….placed very carefully and in just a certain way.  He prefers that only current coupons go into this box……….coupons that he cuts out on that particular Sunday.  He has occasionally mixed new coupons into the old if I haven’t had time to empty and file away the current coupons that are in the box.

Such was not the case this past Sunday.  I walked into the kitchen and there on the table I saw a messy stack of coupons.  When Aaron walked into the kitchen later, he pointed to the coupon pile and said, “Mom, those are the old coupons that were in the box.”  Knowing what he had done and why he had done it – but wanting him to tell me himself –  I asked him why the coupons were on the table.

He patiently explained to his silly mother that he had dumped the coupons out of the box………but still he didn’t admit why he had done such a thing.  I finally asked him why the dumped coupons couldn’t go into the box and he told his still silly mother, “Because they are the OLD coupons!” 

Still playing dumb, I asked, “So can I just put the old coupons in the coupon box now?”  That crazy question caused him to firmly shake his head no and then say, “No!”………just in case, since I was silly, I might not understand the firm shaking of his head. 

Just to be certain, I asked, “So the old coupons can’t be mixed in with the new coupons?”  And again came the firm shake of his head and his even firmer, “No!”  I know that it’s best to play by Aaron’s rules in these matters that have no serious consequence, so I left the coupons out for a couple days, in plain sight.  Later, I put them away in the box in which I file my coupons so that Aaron wouldn’t by some chance find that I had disobeyed his coupon orders by mixing the old and the new together. 

If there are some good coupons in the Sunday paper, I will sometimes buy a second paper.  Aaron used to cut out all the sets of coupons that I had gathered, but over the past few months he has gotten tired of all that cutting.  One full set seems to be enough for him.  One Sunday, I came home with a second paper.  Aaron saw the extra coupons, and so proceeded to get out his scissors and all his special coupon-cutting containers.  However, it wasn’t long before he was tired.  He didn’t finish all those coupons.  I told him that it was fine, that I would just cut them out later.  This did not sit well with Aaron.  He is the chief coupon cutter……….not Mom!  He began to get angry, so I just let the matter drop.  Later, as I walked through the family room, I saw that the unfinished stack of coupons was gone.

Now I know Aaron very well and I somehow knew what he had done.  Sneaking up to his empty room, I carefully opened his desk drawer and sure enough there they were………..the missing coupons were tucked away in his drawer.  He was not going to cut them out, but he was NOT going to let his silly mother cut them either.  Mom doesn’t even cut on the lines half the time!!  I very quietly eased the coupons out and softly shut the drawer.  I cautiously walked downstairs.  Good!  No sight of Aaron!  I went to Gary’s study and was in the process of sharing the coupon escapade with him when I heard the unmistakable thump, thump, thump of Aaron hurrying down the stairs!

I hid the coupons behind me as Aaron entered the study and I acted like nothing at all was amiss.  But as I tried to slyly walk around Aaron and escape, he spied the papers in my hand.  “What is that?!” he suspiciously asked.  I felt like a teenager who got caught trying to smuggle something forbidden past her parents.  “Oh,” I casually answered, “it’s just the coupons.”  And in a flash, Aaron lunged out and grabbed them from me.  Wow! He was very angry!  As I tried to reason with him, he escalated quickly.  Gary and I were both taken by surprise. 

“I’ll cut them out!!” he yelled.  And as we tried to reason with him, he became more and more upset…………until finally he wadded most of the coupons up into a wrinkled mess.  Gary and I hadn’t seen that coming!  But Aaron’s reasoning was clear now……….if he couldn’t cut out the coupons, NO ONE could cut out the coupons.  He finally relinquished the crumpled coupons and we were able to get him to calm down, but not before he was in tears and was an emotional mess.  Somehow the rest of the evening was salvaged and things returned to normal.  And I learned a big lesson.

I learned that if I buy another Sunday paper, I have to be as sly as Aaron.  Gary and I sometimes stop by the store and get another paper, but now we might leave it in the car until the coast inside the house is clear.  In other words, until we can furtively sneak the paper into the house without Aaron seeing it.   Or we’ll bring the newspaper in the house, but quickly hide it before Aaron sees what’s in the bag.  The other day, I had the extra paper in full view on the table when Aaron bounded down the stairs.  I quickly hid the paper on the chair, out of Aaron’s sight, again feeling like a reckless teenager hiding a secret stash of cigarettes or something from Mom and Dad. 

  
All of this for coupons!  Oh, and for our peace of mind………..both Aaron’s, and Gary’s and mine.  I never dreamed I’d be hiding coupons from my 28 year old son.

But then I never dreamed I’d have such a unique son as Aaron, either.