The first one was at 11:46. The second at 1:33, and the third at 2:48. Aaron’s seizures last night…..and how I hate them! I was able to give him some Ativan when I heard him stirring about an hour after the first seizure. I think the Ativan helped the next two seizures not to be as severe as they usually are. I lay in bed during those hours, comfortable but unable to sleep as I listened to Aaron through the baby monitor. I used some of that time to pray, and to ask God to ward off my fearful thoughts about Aaron and about our world. I prayed for family and for friends as well.
I don’t remember exactly when Aaron got up from bed this morning, but I am sure that he knows. I am also sure that he wrote it in his special notebook that holds those important times that he faithfully records, every single day. He looked more than a little worse for wear as he came into the kitchen, staring at me sitting at the table. He told me that he didn’t feel well and I told him that he had some seizures, which he never remembers….thankfully. He took his pills, and I gave him something for his headache as well. Seizures cause such awful headaches.
Poor Aaron. Today was movie day with his group, which he loves, and which he would now miss. So much for his extra-large popcorn with extra butter and extra napkins and anything else extra that Aaron can grab…..such as toothpicks. But he was comforted later after I texted Barb to ask what movie they were watching today. I told Aaron that the movie today was to be Sponge Bob, and Aaron lifted up his hands in surrender as he backed up and said, “No!! Sponge Bob is NOT my favorite!”
Some things work out like that for Aaron, and some things just don’t. We can’t pick and choose on what day his seizures will occur, of course. It’s just extra sad when he has to miss something special because he’s too sick to go, again.
I was tempted to just stay home all day with him, but as the morning went on he seemed to be feeling pretty good. He came into my room and I asked him how his head was feeling.
“It’s becoming fine,” he answered. I just love the way Aaron phrases responses like that. It’s uniquely Aaron, and it makes me stop and smile. He smiled when I asked him if he wanted to go to McDonalds for lunch, and use his gift card that Aunt Sandra gave him for Christmas. I even got brave and decided that we would eat inside the restaurant, hoping that he didn’t have a seizure there. He didn’t. He was mostly slow and quiet, which is typical on the day following a night of seizures. He lacks his usual zip. He’s rather flat. But he did notice the little girl sitting in the booth nearby with her grandmother, and when she noticed him, they waved and Aaron smiled. It made me thankful that I had decided to go inside to sit.
We went to our vet for dog food, and there in the Dillon’s parking lot we saw this huge truck/limo that made us both laugh, and become very curious. Aaron wanted me to drive behind the truck/limo so that he could try to decode what the personal license plate said. And inside Dillon’s, as I chose a head of lettuce, Aaron found his favorite……artichokes! He stopped to look at the Chinese food in the deli as he always does, and as always I had to tell the server that we weren’t buying…..only looking. Of course, we had to stop to look at the lobsters, shrimp, and crab legs on ice in the seafood department. It’s best not to be in a hurry if I go to Dillon’s with Aaron.
But it pleased me to see him being happy over such mundane things that we take for granted…..especially on this day after his nighttime seizures. Giving him a little fun doesn’t cost me much at all, but it sure brings priceless joy to my heart, and to his as well.
Just two evenings ago I was telling Andrea on the phone about Aaron’s seizure that morning. It always makes the kids sad to hear about his seizures. I told Andrea, though, that it was such a blessing that Aaron doesn’t seem sad over his seizures, really. He doesn’t talk about all the things he can’t do or how hard it is to be different. He doesn’t seem to grieve the loss in his life that makes the rest of us sad for him.
But don’t you know, that very evening, Aaron said, “Mom, I wish scientists could stop my seizures so that I could be normal.” This comment stopped me in my tracks, and left me struggling for words as Aaron repeated it again in case I hadn’t heard him. I assured him that I understood, and that I wished scientists could stop his seizures, too. I walked upstairs with my load of clean towels, swallowing the lump that was suddenly in my throat. So Aaron does sometimes think thoughts that he doesn’t often share. He does wish that he could be “normal.” I was thankful that he expressed himself in a way that he usually doesn’t…..in a way that he finds hard to do. But his simple comment made my strong outward reserve crack some, and I had to walk away quickly lest he see my tears.
A couple months ago, Aaron excitedly shared with me yet another story from a movie he was watching. Suddenly he paused as he described the super hero, and he told me that this hero looked like this:
This pose was so out-of-character for Aaron that I just laughed and laughed, which delighted Aaron. He didn’t even mind that I took his picture. There he was, Aaron posing as this certain super hero.
In reality, though, as I’ve pondered that funny pose, I realize that Aaron truly is a hero. At least in my book he’s a hero. He’s a hero for enduring so much pain and so much hurt and so much disappointment over the years……so much physical and emotional hardship. Yet he continues to go through each day in his Aaron way, hardly ever complaining. He pushes through each day despite his seizures and his social difficulties. He sure is an example to me when I feel overwhelmed or tired or discouraged.
I know many parents of special children who would agree with me on this when it comes to their kids, no matter their age. I hear their stories often. Children with seizures, Downs, autism, and so many other issues. Children who just pick themselves up and keep on truckin’. And parents who love them with all their hearts. They are heroes as well, and they are all around us.
So today, and every day, I know that we live with our special SUPER hero. He teaches me not to give up, on him or anything else in life. We’ll keep plugging along beside Aaron, trying to care for him and provide for him. Trying to understand him and to instruct him, especially when his mouth or his hands get out of line. Trying to explain him when necessary, and to defend him if needed.
And trying to help him believe that he IS normal and wonderful and special……just like a SUPER hero should be.