Tattoos and Enchiladas and……….

On Thursday, Aaron had his Epilepsy doctor appointment.  I was very relieved to be called back rather quickly from the waiting room.  Aaron was way too fascinated by the dad who was sitting there, arms covered in tattoos.  “Mom, look at his tattoos!” Aaron whispered………except Aaron doesn’t really whisper………..it’s more of what we would call a normal voice but to him is quieter than his usual loud voice.  Then I whispered for him to hush and he wanted to know why and I was hoping this man didn’t hear or at least that he was kind and understanding.   It was very nice to escape that situation!    Aaron’s seizures and his medicine levels are stable, so there wasn’t much new there.  However, we love time with the nurse practitioner, Keith Trevolt.  He is a lay pastor as well as a very knowledgeable health care provider,  and our visits with him are always uplifting, informative, and fun.  He seems to have all the time in the world to listen to Aaron, and as Aaron got wound up, Keith had lots to listen to……….mostly about (drum roll)………..Battleship!!!!  Aaron would have replayed every scene and every conversation and every alien move had I not finally intervened.   I rescued Keith, and Aaron and I went on our way to the next destination……….the real reason Aaron wanted to come, which was lunch, of course.

I had suggested that we eat at Carlos O’Kelly’s.  Aaron was happy about this choice because it’s a place he has been to rarely, if ever.  We were thankfully ushered immediately to a booth and so began this serious eating-out process.  I told Aaron to first decide on his drink……….and of course, he immediately spotted the margarita selection on the back of the menu.  “Mom, is that a beer?”  His fascination with beer continues, of course, so I had to try to quickly explain the difference and then urge him to confirm his choice – iced tea, thankfully.   

Aaron and menus have become a very time-consuming combination.  He wants to look at and read every item.  I tried to suggest various food choices and his response, invariably, is to say, “Let me see it.  What’s in it?”  He wants to see a picture and get a full description of each choice, which takes forever, so I finally strongly suggested an enchilada……….and then we had to face the selection of sides………..and determine what the soup of the day was………..and let him ponder that while the waitress had her pen poised………and Aaron had more questions……….and needed a picture…………JUST ORDER, AARON!!!!!

His Tortilla Soup arrived in a very tiny bowl, with a glob of sour cream on top.  As soon as Aaron methodically cleaned the sour cream swipe on the side of the bowl, he proceeded to spill much more of the soup down the sides of same bowl as he tried to scoop soup out of a much-too-small bowl.  He managed to eat most of the soup, completely soaking the cute little napkin under the soup but thankfully not getting too much of the soup on the table or his clothes.  He’s a little shaky and so soup can be difficult, but I ignore the mess so he won’t feel badly about it. 

His enchilada had been delivered and he dug into that next, very carefully smoothing out that dollop of sour cream on top so as to cover the entire enchilada.  This took some time as he smoothed and smoothed again that sour cream, as if he was painting the top of his enchilada.  But then his fork was covered in sour cream and this was a problem………..because Aaron will not put the fork in his mouth to clean it.  No, no, no…….Aaron will only clean his utensils with a napkin.  So he took a napkin and wiped his fork off in it, watching me to see if I objected.  I was thankful that the waitress had brought extra napkins earlier.  How did she know?  Next Aaron carefully removed the jalapenos and put them on his little soup plate. 

Now it was time to seriously eat.  He observed his plate and then began to eat the garnish first.  Aaron eats one item at a time, and he considered the little pile of onions and spices to be an item to eat……….not an item to put onto his enchilada.  The enchilada was all smooth with his sour cream and was not to be further disturbed.  After finishing the garnish, he tackled the rice.  His waitress kindly offered to get him a spoon and as she walked away, Aaron asked, “Can I have a knife?”  Because with every meal, even if it’s cereal, Aaron must have multiple spoons and at least one knife and one fork.  She didn’t hear him and somehow he survived without a knife for this meal. 

My meal didn’t take long to eat, so I spent the majority of my time sipping my Pepsi and watching Aaron and of course, listening to Aaron.  I listened to Aaron clap his very loud clap, telling him to stop, and then listening as he tried to quietly slip in a clap here and there………or clap under the table.  I listened to Aaron as he talked about everything around him.  “Mom!  Look!”  He was pointing behind us, to the bar.  “Look at those levers.  They turn them and beer comes out!”
 
I asked him if his food was spicy.  He thought for a second and then said, “Well, half of it was and half of it wasn’t.”    There he goes with that half business again!  He saw the waitress  bring me a take-out box for the remainder of my lunch, so he asked me if we could take the chips home.  As the next waitress passed our table………..not our waitress……..Aaron saw her and said, “HEY!!”  She stopped and thankfully she smiled and thankfully she understood and thankfully she brought Aaron a nice bag in which he could thankfully take home those chips. 
Finally, four napkins and two spoons and one fork and a bag of chips later, we were ready to leave.  We made a quick run into Target, where Aaron asked if he could go find some Mike and Ikes……….and I reluctantly agreed.  He promised to come back quickly and meet me where I was checking out some sale items.  He took longer than I thought he should and of course, I should not have been surprised to look up and see Aaron lumbering toward me with this:
He was very happy to have found this wonderful pillow.  As I placed the pillow in the cart, he then pulled 3 boxes of Mike and Ikes out of his pockets.  Thank you, security guys, for not questioning my son about why he was stuffing Mike and Ikes into his pockets.  Good grief, Aaron! 

It was nice to arrive home, in more ways than one, and to have Aaron lay down for a nap.  My brain needed a break, not to mention my nerves. 

And I was thankful for the either deaf or patient tattooed dad;  our kind nurse practitioner;  pleasant, understanding waitresses; and either blind or unobservant security personnel. 

It’s all part of a day with Aaron.

The Spitting Farmer

So now that you’ve read the title, I may as well just get on with the story.  Last night Aaron and I were playing Skip-Bo.  He was doing his usual……..eating……….talking……….and trying to cheat whenever my eyes turned away for more than 5 seconds.  I can control the eating………I am keeping baggies of sliced cucumbers in the frig  as a healthier snack option.  Of course, he must have a bowl into which he dumps the cucumbers……….he will NOT eat out of the baggie – but at least he’s eating cucumbers and not Skittles.

I can also control the cheating by not letting my eyes stray onto my tablet or phone, or by not leaving the table.  Even then, I have to be very alert.  Aaron is a quick cheater.  I like to think of him as being very smart instead of being a very big cheat.  I am his mother, you know.

As for the talking – we have yet to find a way to control the talking.  A captive audience is Aaron’s favorite, and since I can’t leave the table when playing Skip-Bo with Aaron, I am a captive.

As I sat there, captivated by his non-stop chatter in his mostly monotone voice, I was captively listening to his usual talk of his day and his friends and his activities and his food choices and his games, etc., etc., and etc.
Then he said it.

“Mom, Dad caught me doing something and he made me stop.”

He paused as he often does, for effect.  I was bracing myself for what Aaron might have been doing that Dad had to make him stop doing……….and wondering why Gary had not told me about this thing that Aaron was doing that he had to stop doing.

Then Aaron finished with, “I was trying to be a farmer and spit on the steps.”

Those of you who know me, or who have read my blog for awhile, know that I often withhold laughter in front of Aaron when it means that I am laughing at Aaron.  I don’t want to make Aaron feel bad for being laughed at, or I don’t want to encourage poor behavior by laughing in front of Aaron.  I try to wait until the time that I can laugh behind his back.  However, there are those times that withholding my laughter is very unhealthy for me……….and last night was one of those times.  I chose my good health and I laughed.  I laughed very loudly……..while Aaron blandly went on with his Skip-Bo move and his monotone talking.

He then demonstrated the way that he tried to spit……..minus the spit, thankfully………but the little ppfftting sound he made was even more hilarious.  Oh my goodness!  Now I have some questions about this behavior on several levels.

Number One:  Why does Aaron think that farmers spit?

Number Two:  If Aaron wants to emulate a farmer, why didn’t Aaron instead put a piece of hay in his mouth from the “hay barrels”, as Aaron calls them, like farmers routinely do.  Right?

Number Three:  Why didn’t Aaron say that he tried to spit like a baseball player?  Baseball players spit!  A lot!

Number Four:  Since when do farmers……or even baseball players…….spit on steps?  Carpeted steps?

I helped Aaron carry his coffee up to his room this morning.  As we walked up the steps, with Aaron behind me, he said, “Mom, this is where I tried to spit on the steps.”  I quickly looked down, glad that I had on shoes.  I reaffirmed to him that he should never spit on the steps……….and knowing Aaron, he should never spit anywhere.

I have also decided that it’s been way too long since I vacuumed those stairs.  Maybe all the dirt on the carpet confused Aaron and brought out his spitting instincts.

Don’t try to call for several minutes.  I can’t hear the phone over the vacuum.

The Green Pepper Gift

Earlier in the summer, when our garden was producing pleasant vegetables, I often had a variety of our produce on the kitchen counter.  Sometimes I would let Aaron take a few cucumbers or squash or peppers to some of the staff at his day group.  He especially liked giving these treats to Barb, one of the staff there with whom he has formed a close bond.  Barb is a mom herself, soft-spoken and kind, so Aaron responds well to her.  She is patient with Aaron, and even allows him to get on her computer……….so this has propelled Barb way up on Aaron’s list of favorite people.

It’s been awhile since we had any fresh produce to share, as our garden has become very unpleasant……..dried up and brown and ugly.  Therefore, yesterday I bought some cucumbers and some bell peppers at Aldi.  They were laying on the kitchen counter this morning, waiting for me to find a place for them in the frig.  Aaron and I were busy getting ready this morning.  He was more hyper than usual, bouncing from his movie that he was watching……..to my room to talk to me……….to the kitchen to drink his coffee……..back up the stairs to talk to me some more…………..to his room……….

I knew that he had bagged up some of the croissants that he bought yesterday at Wal-Mart (Yes!  More croissants!), but as he got his shoes and socks on in the family room, I noticed an extra bag.  I asked him about it and he did NOT want me to look at it.  I asked him what was in the bag and he bristled.  Earlier he had been telling me about a character in his Star Wars game and he said, “Mom, she did a fuss with somebody!”

Well, Aaron did a fuss with me at that point!  I could tell that he might do a big fuss with me, but I insisted on knowing what was in the bag, so he sharply told me that he was taking Barb some…………green peppers.  Yes, green peppers………….that I had bought at Aldi………..all three of my new Aldi green peppers!  He had my green peppers in the bag for Barb.  I explained that these were not garden green peppers – that these were store bought green peppers – from the store – that I had paid for – that I needed – and that Barb probably did not need – my green peppers.

Aaron would have none of that.  For some reason, he really wanted Barb to have these peppers………really, really wanted Barb to have these peppers.  So out to the van we went, Aaron holding his bag of croissants………and the bag of green peppers………my green peppers………from the store……..that I had bought……

We were silent on the way to Quik-Trip to meet his group.  He knew that I was frustrated.  I knew that he and I would do a big fuss if I said much more.  As we drove, and listened to the Supremes, Aaron softened and tried to talk.  I remained mostly silent.  Finally, we pulled up to Quik Trip.  Aaron reached into the bag that had the green peppers………my green peppers……….and quickly broke the plastic wrap and pulled out one large, pretty pepper.

“Mom, can I take Barb just one pepper?” he asked as he opened the door to make his exit………..with the one green pepper……….my green pepper.  I mumbled a yes and he settled into Cody’s car, with his bag of croissants and his bag with the one green pepper.

We got through this episode without doing a big fuss, as Aaron would say.  And again I must weigh the pros and cons of Aaron taking this strange gift to Barb………..the green pepper gift……..my green peppers from Aldi……..and I mentally scratch my head.  Who can know what prompted him to grab this unusual gift for his special friend?  How can I encourage his kindness and generosity but teach him wisdom………..about giving away our food.  What will it be next that he decides to stuff in a bag and give away?  I don’t mind giving people things at all………but Aaron will take freedoms with this that we never intended.  He always does.

And I imagine that Barb scratched her head as Aaron handed her the bag……….with a green pepper………….from Aldi.  Aaron said that she laughed.  I should probably call her and explain………and hide the cucumbers tonight.

Only For Rosie

I hope that all of you have read my former blog about Aaron and Rosie so that you will have some background about their special relationship.  Every now and then Aaron will still mention how someone teases them about being boyfriend/girlfriend.   We continue to encourage the friendship aspect of their relationship, and I feel sure that Rosie’s mother would agree.  It really is sweet to hear Aaron talk about her, though, because he always speaks of her with a kindness and a tenderness that he never offers to anyone else………..including me or Andrea, the other two very important females in Aaron’s life.  It’s not that Aaron is never tender or kind to us, but ongoing tenderness?  Nah!  Not with Aaron and his short fuse that we often light. 

Some of Aaron’s day group staff may correct me, but it doesn’t seem from what Aaron shares with us that he teases Rosie or gets frustrated with her like he does with his other friends there.  Lately, Aaron has given us further insights into his friendship with Rosie.  One day he matter-of-factly told me that he let Rosie wear his watch.  He wondered if I would mind him doing that, so I was careful as I talked to him to not make him get defensive.  I wanted to know more about this new kindness that Aaron was extending to Rosie without making him feel like it was something that I wouldn’t approve of or understand.  Over the next few days, from what I could gather, he explained that Rosie didn’t have a watch and that she wondered what it would feel like to wear one.  Therefore, Aaron said he let Rosie wear his watch in Wal-Mart.  Then he later said that he lets Rosie wear his watch every day at Paradigm when they’re not going anywhere but are at the office. 

“Mom, Rosie always gives it back.  Is that OK to let Rosie wear my watch?”   I told him that this was fine, all the while feeling like a mother with a 13 year old who is trying to maneuver this new world of male/female relationships…………what is acceptable and what is not?  Aaron gave Rosie all of our crayons………and markers…………and colored pencils.  I hope he’ll just let her borrow the watch and not eventually give it to her.  Maybe she can teach Aaron how to wear his watch on his wrist and not pushed halfway up his arm the way he does now!  Or maybe Rosie thinks that’s the correct way to wear a watch, so she has it pushed up her arm, too.  Who knows?

Check out the watch!
Today I noticed a bag on the kitchen table as we were getting ready to leave for Aaron’s group.  I peeked inside and saw three DVDs before Aaron took the bag away.  When I questioned him about it, he reluctantly said, “Those are for Rosie.”  As I asked him more questions, he told me that he had his three Shrek movies in the bag.  “Rosie doesn’t have them so I’m taking them to her.”  I broached the subject of Rosie returning the movies, but Aaron was through talking about it.  He doesn’t want to hear me say that she can’t borrow – or have – the movies.  I’ll need to address that later, but for now I let it drop.  He’s showing another kindness and I hesitate to discourage that.  We already tell him not to spend money on Rosie, yet we know he does.  There is a balance to this business of teaching kindness yet also being careful about the over-extension of it.  Aaron has always had a tendency to give people money and he has done just that with Rosie.  When we told him to stop giving her money, he did for awhile…………but then told us that he wasn’t giving Rosie money anymore – he was buying her things instead.  Oh Aaron.

Yesterday’s conversation, though, was the best.  Gary and I took Aaron with us out to eat.  We had a long wait for a table and then for our food.  Aaron occupied himself by cramming peanuts in his mouth as fast as he could shell them.  Finally, he burped – quietly – thankfully!  This reminded him of something to tell us………everything reminds Aaron of something to tell us.  He said, “Sometimes at Paradigm I kind of burp.”

I said, “Now Aaron, how do you KIND of burp?  You either burp or you don’t burp.” 

And knowing Aaron, it would be a very loud burp.  So Aaron laughed and agreed that he did indeed burp. 
Then he continued, “Rosie said to say excuse me.”

So did you say excuse me, Aaron?  And he said that yes, he did say excuse me.  This is very surprising.  I had to ask him………..Aaron, would you say excuse me for anyone else?

He replied, “No………only for Rosie.”

Only for Rosie.  That spoke volumes to Gary and me. 

Only for Rosie………..will he share his money, and share his Number 52 Slurpee, and share his popcorn, and share his watch, and share his crayons and markers and colored pencils and even a pencil sharpener, and share his DVDs. 

It truly is sweet to see this caring, sharing side of Aaron…………..even amidst the burps.  

Happy Labor’s Day!

Yes, as Aaron says – “Happy Labor’s Day!”  As always, he puts a different little twist on our familiar sayings.  I guess “labors” in the plural is really more appropriate, because we all certainly have more that one labor in our lives.  But a very special thank-you to those who work so hard every day to keep our nation moving and the gears turning in this great country.

Our travel plans for the weekend didn’t work out and so I’ve been fighting the blues.  A mother’s heart is always drawn to her children and when time with them doesn’t work out……….well, it just stinks.  But God has a bigger plan, which I well know, and so I move on.  And with Aaron, there is always something else to move on toward.  Life is not still with Aaron around!

I ran him down to Great Clips yesterday evening just before it closed.  Sure enough, there was no waiting.  This is the perfect arrangement for Aaron!  He immediately walked up to the counter and began removing his glasses………..then began to remove his ring…………until I stopped him.  Poor girls behind the register, with eyes big as they probably wondered what he was getting ready to remove next.  These girls, though, were happy and relaxed and understanding with Aaron as he plopped into the chair.  The one who cut Aaron’s hair went above and beyond, even shaving his cheeks and trimming his eyebrows.  He loved the extra attention!  I had to remind him, though, to quit talking while she trimmed his mustache.  He literally talks every minute that he is in that chair, so it was hard for him to be quiet.  And of course, can you guess what he talked about the most?  You win if you guessed…………..Battleship!!!!

I gave this sweet girl an extra tip and off we marched to Papa Murphy’s for a pizza for supper.  Aaron loves the pizza there………..but doesn’t care for the dinging of the door each time it opens………..and the way it dings even when it’s not opening.  “Would someone tell that door to stop dinging??!!”  Aaron doesn’t like broken dinging doors…….I don’t like the extra stares……….so I was glad to take our pizza and leave!  Aaron helped me throw newspapers in the recycle bin on our way home.  Of course, he quit suddenly to walk over to something his eagle eyes had spotted nearby…………that I had totally missed.  It was a small, bright  squeeze ball that he picked up over my protests and that I made him discard.  His room would be totally full of that kind of junk if he had his way.

This morning, I heard his floor creaking and his bedroom door opening……….then he thumped downstairs to where I was sitting.  “I woke up now,” he informed me.  Really, Aaron?  He immediately wanted to know if I would plug his keyboard in while he showered, and so forth and so on as he finally got up to take his pills.  As he said one day, “Mom, I’ve taken my pills and dranken my water!”

I heard him in the shower, happily and loudly singing as he often does.  Today it was his funny made-up song that consisted of   “A pom-pom-pom and a bee-bee-bee!”  Over and over and over he sang his song……..the pom-pom-pom in a higher pitch than the lower bee-bee-bee.  I hoped he was washing as well as he was singing!  He likes his current body wash………the one that he one day breathlessly told me, “Mom!  My shampoo has confetti in it!!”  Only Aaron.

He’s busy in his mulch right now.  The day is before us.  Maybe a little shopping, maybe eating out, maybe not.  Aaron will certainly be using his keyboard as much as possible, and if we open the car door to go anywhere then he will certainly be there to jump in and go with us.  Unless it’s clothes shopping………..Aaron doesn’t do clothes shopping.

And as for laboring on this Labor’s Day, he will labor as little as possible, too. Same for Gary and I, I do believe.

So Happy Labor’s Day, everybody!  Enjoy time with your family, doing what you love.  We plan to do just that!

Battleship and Blood Pressure

Aaron has been counting down the weeks and then the days until his latest mega-movie was out on DVD.  He usually googles a favorite movie on the very day he gets home from seeing it on the big screen in order to find out when it’s coming out on DVD.  Why do producers wait so long to put a movie on DVD?  They must not have an Aaron, who begins the countdown the minute that he gets that info from the internet.  He reminds Gary and I repeatedly about when the movie will be in the stores, so that when it does become available we are worn down and ready to just buy the movie so that Aaron will be quiet.  Another instance of throwing the parenting books out the window, which we did long ago.

Anyway, we were hoping to make a road trip this weekend and take Aaron with us, so the key to getting Aaron to go on this unexpected trip was to employ the Battleship movie as an incentive to sit in the van for hours of riding.  Well, the trip didn’t work out and so my plans backfired.  This is why you would have found me last night sitting in our family room watching Battleship with Aaron.  I promised him that I would do this, so it was best to fulfill that promise as soon as possible in order to have a peaceful weekend.  Well, sort of.  First I had to endure endless previews of the movie before we watched it and now it’s endless reviews of the movie after we watched it.


Battleship is a decent movie and is most assuredly a far better movie than Sharktopus or that awful Vortex movie (the German movie dubbed in English that didn’t match the actor’s mouth movements and was incredibly dumb……REMEMBER??!!).  We settled in for our movie, with Aaron in his usual chair with his usual multiple snacks with his usual multiple bowls for the multiple snacks with his usual water bottle nearby and his usual blanket and his usual stolen remote control so that HE can control the sound.  He was all settled, so I thought, and then he popped out of his chair again so that he could go get his usual napkins that he forgot……….so the entire usual process of his settling-in began again.  All that wiggling!  He was like a worm on a hot rock!!

Finally it was time to start the movie.  “Mom, there are eight things before the movie starts so you can skip over those.”  Aaron means that there are eight movie reviews before the movie starts.  He knows this because he has already been sneaking peeks at his new DVD and has memorized these important elements.  So I skipped those eight things and came to where the movie was to start, but before I hit “Play” we had to watch this exciting preview of Battleship……….because Aaron ALWAYS watches this part of the DVD……….over and over and over.  Thankfully, we just watched it once and then it was time to endure…..I mean, watch…….our Battleship mega movie.

Aaron immediately had questions about this and that in the movie.  I reminded him that he had already seen the movie and I had not, so he should know the answers………….and he reminded me that it was back in May that he had seen the movie………..so he had forgotten.  I doubt that.  We watched a few minutes and then Aaron said, “Oh Mom!  This is near the part where he gets zapped!”  

Don’t tell me that, Aaron!  I want to be surprised!  Besides, how do you remember that if it was SO long ago that you watched it?

Aaron can’t be quiet for long and soon he had more questions, which prompted me to remind him that he had seen the movie before.  He replied, “Mom, stop saying that!  I haven’t seen it since May 2012!!” 
 
Aaron continued to give me movie insights as the movie progressed, and to ask many questions………….such as, “Do you want him to be the senior officer?    I wouldn’t!  He’s quite clumsy!”  Really?  I thought the whole movie was becoming quite clumsy and quite corny and very definitely quite unbelievable………..just like Aaron loves his movies to be!  And between the screeching of metal and explosions and alien ships and battleships and fighting and way too much drama……….and Aaron’s clapping and yelling and input and questions………….I was exhausted.  Plus I truly think this whole event raised my blood pressure.  I was scared to check it, hoping that a good night’s sleep was awaiting me where my body would return to normal. 

For Aaron, though, the ending of a movie is just another beginning.  Now he has the freedom to talk and talk and talk about every aspect of the movie that is imprinted on that brain of his.  And so it started, as he cleaned up his napkins and his bowls and his water and his snacks………..and asked me to put the movie in the case and slip the case in the box, because the case always goes in the box………the endless questions and comments were just beginning. 

How did the missile from the plane kill them?  Why did they have knives in their hands?  Were the Martians on the mountain arming missiles or something?  Could they talk?  Why did the sun hurt their eyes?  Were they trying to call in other Martians? 

This did not help my blood pressure.  This did not help my tired, over-stimulated brain.    I have discovered that “I don’t know” is an answer that he easily accepts, yet keeps him moving right on to the next question. 

I slept well.  This morning Aaron lumbered downstairs to inform me that he had also slept well.  Within 60 seconds, as expected, he launched in to more movie commentary and questions.  As I fixed breakfast and as we ate, it continued.
 
Are the Martians strong or half-strong?  Are the Martians dumb?  The Martians didn’t even care about his fake legs.  How come they can’t tell metal on a person?  I just wondered what’s so different.  You know what I thought was so dumb?  They didn’t kill all the people! 

We prayed over our breakfast and as we looked up he didn’t miss a beat.  Oh Mom, did you know that Martians can suck up human electricity?  You know that fish ship can suck up electricity?  I like their legs.  They’re skinny.  It’s neat how you could see the inside of the Martian ship.  That guy was dumb because that one Navy said this wasn’t a good idea but he did it anyway – he woke the Martians up.  That ship looked like a fish.  It jumped out of the ocean.  Fish do that, right?  How come they wanted an X-ray computer vision mind?  I like how the aliens talk – they don’t really talk.

Whew!  Aaron finally went outside to relax in the mulch as he loves to do.   I took a deep breath and tried to clear my mind.  Now I’m thinking of his last comment:  “I like how aliens talk – they don’t really talk.”

This confirms what I have suspected about our Aaron all along…………he is not an alien.  He may be very different, but he is not an alien.  Maybe one day I’ll have the answer.

Unto The Least: A Man Named Richard

I remember him so well.  Richard……….nondescript, uneducated, stinky, and often unwelcome Richard.  Our paths crossed because Richard attended the same church where I grew up and where I worshipped.  Our paths also crossed because God ordained it to be so.  God ordained it to be so………so that I would learn a lesson.   It was a lesson best taught by the method that God loves to use – the weak things of the world confounding the mighty. 

Richard was a very short little man.  I often think that he was our version of Zaccheaus there in Princeton, West Virginia where I was raised.  Richard didn’t have much education and he was also very simple minded.  Today I’m sure he would be classified as being developmentally delayed, at the very least.  Yet he had served our country in World War 2, returning to Princeton when his time was up.  I remember hearing the story of how Richard wanted to help build the parsonage for our pastor at Johnston Chapel Baptist Church.  The men decided that Richard could dig the sidewalk, and so they used twine and little posts to outline the walkway that Richard should dig.  As Richard dug, his shovel cut the twine and it veered off to the side……..and Richard continued to follow the twine with his digging.  I’m not sure if the men let Richard dig anymore after that or if they found another safer job for him to do. 

I remember Mom and Dad loading us five kids into the old station wagon and then leaving for church.  We never missed a service unless we had a fever or were throwing up, or maybe if blood was involved.  This was in the day of services every Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and anything in between.  This was also in the day of revival services that lasted at least a week, and sometimes longer if the Spirit led.  There were mission conferences, too, as well as other special services thrown in here and there.  The Kings did not miss church.  If Dad was working, then Mom loaded the station wagon and off we went. 

I loved going to church, but I always dreaded that drive up Thorn Street because often we would see him………..Richard, standing on one of the corners of Thorn Street, not far from his house.  Richard, standing there waiting for a ride to church from one of the church members that he knew would drive by in our little town and see him, and offer him that ride.  Richard, whom I was sure never, ever, ever took a bath.   The smell was just awful!  We kids would strain our necks to look ahead to see if he was still standing there, hoping against hope that some other family had come by before us and picked Richard up.  If we saw him, we would beg Mom or Dad not to stop for him………..to let someone else have that privilege on this day. 

But no……..Mom and Dad would always stop for Richard.  He would hop in our already crowded car and immediately we would be assaulted by that odor.  We girls learned a trick.  We would take a small purse-size container of perfume and try to hide it in our hand as we held it up to our nose.  Or at least have some perfume on our wrists that we could sniff in the hopes of blocking out that smell.  I’m not sure what John did to combat the odor but at that point it was each King for himself.   If no one was able to give Richard a ride, then he would walk to church, regardless of the weather……and that was probably a five mile walk.

Richard would talk, talk, talk.  He had a very fast, clipped speech.  I can still hear him make a comment and then say, “Isn’t that right?  Huh?  Isn’t that right?”  Then he would laugh and launch into something else, and ask again if that was right.  If he wasn’t talking, he was making a clicking sound with his tongue, as if he was getting food out from between his teeth.  He probably was, since I also doubted that Richard ever, ever brushed his teeth……….which just added to his unique smell. 

At church, Richard would lean up on the pew in front of him and talk to whomever was sitting there.  His eyes would dart between the people as he rapidly talked, and clicked his tongue, and laughed, and said, “Isn’t that right?   Huh?  Isn’t that right?”  The large church helped to spread his odor out some and keep it from being as strong……….unless you were the fortunate ones who were sitting in front of him and with whom he decided to engage in his mostly one-sided conversation.   Needless to say, when I was older and had the opportunity to sit in front of Richard……….I tried to find another seat.

Richard, though, was good at math.  I remember how that always surprised me.  On Wednesday nights, four men would count certain sections of church and then give the number to the pastor out loud as they were called upon to do so.  Richard almost always added those numbers faster in his head than Preacher Jimmie could do on paper, and he was usually right.  Amazing indeed!  And also amazing was the fact that Richard loved the Lord in his own simple way and was one of the most faithful church members that I have ever known.    I don’t remember seeing Richard carry a Bible and don’t know if he could read, but he knew his Bible.

Time marched on.  We King kids grew up, went to college, married and had our own lives.  Mom and Dad both eventually retired from their jobs.  They continued to be active at Johnston Chapel, enjoying the freedom to spend more time visiting the sick and those who were shut-ins.  Among those that they cared for, none stood out more to me than their continued care of Richard.  He had aged, of course, and time had taken a toll.  Richard was not only feebler, but was also dealing with the ravages of cancer.

I know that others helped with Richard, too, but Mom and Dad did a great deal for him in his old age.  They helped him find a better house to move into, and then helped him move his meager belongings.  They were shocked at what they found as they cleaned his house.  Such filth was hard for them to imagine!  And there in his closets and throughout his house were stacks of Christmas presents that church friends had given him over the years, still wrapped and unopened.   Inside were clothes and toiletries that he surely could have used over the years, but when questioned about it Richard said that he didn’t open them because he didn’t need anything.  Mom and Dad bought him clean clothes and new things, but Richard still preferred his old belongings and his old way of living.  Mom would take him home-cooked food and encourage him to eat better than he was.  She and Dad bought him a small refrigerator to keep his food from spoiling, but Richard refused to plug it in because he didn’t want to waste electricity. 

Dad helped Richard obtain his VA benefits, and then made sure that Richard started going to the proper doctors at the VA hospital.  He took Richard for many of his doctor appointments.  This was no easy task in many ways, but none more so than just the pure embarrassment of being in a public waiting room and doctor’s office with poor smelly Richard.  Mom and Dad tried countless times to teach Richard and to urge Richard to use better hygiene, but I don’t know that Richard ever took it to heart.  Dad would explain things to the doctor, but the people around them that they encountered must have wondered about Richard and about Dad.  Eventually Richard’s cancer became more complicated than what the local VA hospital could handle, so Dad took him to the nearest major VA hospital………..in Richmond……….a six hour trip one way.  Twelve hours confined in a car with Richard, as well as the time at the doctor appointments.  The smell……..the constant talking……….the clicking tongue.   Yet Dad just smiled and did what he knew that God would want him to do………..to take care of this little unwanted and unwelcome man. 

When Dad tried to see if Richard qualified for any other assistance such as Medicaid, it was discovered that Richard had money.  In fact, he had too much money to qualify for any government help.  Richard never offered to give Mom and Dad, or anyone else, any money for the things they did for him.  They wouldn’t have taken the money anyway.   That was not the motive.  A brother that no one knew about showed up at Richard’s death, and Mom and Dad walked quietly away from any further involvement……..but not before they gave Richard one of their burial plots since he didn’t have anywhere to be buried.

Mom and Dad didn’t want any public acclaim for what they did for Richard.  They just loved the Lord and they let the Lord’s love fill their hearts and direct their actions.  I know at times their service to Richard was tiring, was frustrating, was annoying, and very thankless.  Yet Mom and Dad, and the others who served Richard, did so because they lived out their faith and they believed Jesus when He said, “When you do it unto the least of these, you do it unto me.” 

 

Dad is with Richard in heaven now.   I sometimes try to imagine it, the two of them together up there.  Both have new bodies and are totally equal physically and mentally.  Did they hug when they saw each other?  Are they ever beside each other as they sing and as they worship?  Richard doesn’t smell anymore and Dad doesn’t have to explain him to anybody, or be embarrassed.  I wonder if Richard still talks fast, and does Dad still smile patiently at him?  I doubt it, but it’s fun to think about. 


And we kids are left with not only memories, but more importantly, we are left with a real example of selflessness that my parents demonstrated.  They loved the unlovely in more than word…………they loved also in deed.  I know that each of us has taken this lesson to heart in our own lives in various ways.  But I doubt that anyone could be any more kind and any more patient than my sweet parents were to Richard.

I can’t wait to see Richard in heaven!  I’ll give him a hug……….and no perfume bottle needed!

Aaron Rates Politics

Aaron does not have a political bone in his body.  He doesn’t understand politics nor does he care to understand politics.  He’s probably better off that way.   Of course, since there is so much on the news now about the presidential campaign, he can’t help but notice.  And if Aaron notices something, he will talk about it………which all of you who read this blog know very well.  Aaron talks and I blog.  It’s never-ending!

Last night Aaron was in the family room during part of the GOP convention.  It was time for good old back tickling with the back scratcher.  Ann Romney had just begun her speech when we sat down.  Aaron wanted to talk, as usual, but I told him that I wanted to listen to this speech.  Aaron tried to be quiet, which is very hard for him to do.  As Mrs. Romney spoke, Aaron began making comments.  I have learned that when someone is giving a speech or is performing in some way, such as singing………..and if these people are animated with their voices or their facial expressions…………then it drives Aaron nuts.  He seems to want people to be calm……flat……inexpressive……..unemotional……….boring.

A political rally is not calm……flat……inexpressive…….unemotional…….boring.  Therefore, Aaron was becoming agitated.  He began muttering softly at first, but as Mrs. Romney’s speech progressed, so did Aaron’s comments.

“She’s dumb!”    Aaron, she is not dumb.  Ann Romney is very smart.

“She’s stupid!”    Aaron, she is not stupid.  Don’t say those things.

“She’s crazy!”    Aaron, you do not call anyone crazy.

“Tell her to shut up!”   OK, Aaron!  That’s enough!

I tried to get him to express to me just what his frustrations were, but he had a hard time with that – as always.  And then Chris Christie came on.  If Aaron thought that Ann Romney was crazy, he definitely believed that Christie was even crazier.  Oh boy………..here we go!

The comments started and so I stopped Aaron in his tracks.  He just listened for a short time, trying to figure all this speech stuff out.  Then he said, “It seems like they make up stories to make themselves BE one!”

How interesting!  I asked, “They want to make themselves be what, Aaron?”

He answered, “They want to make themselves look cool!”

Our very perceptive Aaron.  Whatever we believe about politics, every politician is trying to sell themselves…….and Aaron gets it.  And Aaron doesn’t like it – any more than we sometimes dislike this whole process of politics.

Aaron continued to watch.  Christie’s name came up on the screen………….Chris Christie (R).   Aaron looked at his name and saw the (R) – then asked, “What’s the (R) for?”  I told him that it stood for Republican.

Aaron’s response………..”Oh, I thought he was rated R!”

HaHaHa!   Maybe this whole convention should be rated R………..at least for Aaron.  I’m sure he wouldn’t mind one bit if we restricted him from having to watch any more of it at all!

All of us probably wish that certain areas of politics could be restricted!  Aaron may have come up with something!

Car Salesmen

Aaron was walking through the family room the other night.  We had a football game on the television, but at this time there was yet another annoying local car commercial playing.  Aaron doesn’t like yelling………which is quite a mystery, since he doesn’t seem to mind his own yelling.

Aaron paused, turned toward the TV, and after a few seconds he said (with disgust), “That car salesman is a yell mouth!!”

And once again, Aaron has nailed it.

I Love Him!!

I took Aaron to the lab this morning for his routine blood work that he needed to have done before his Epilepsy check-up in a couple weeks.  Aaron knows the routine well………..and so do I.  As I check him in at the front desk, I am amazed as always that the receptionist doesn’t know how to pronounce any of his meds.  Seriously……….can she not even sound it out?  Oh well – I have other things on my mind as I gently oversee Aaron and his curiosity as we stand there waiting for her to figure out her pronunciations.  He loves the green Indian mask kleenex holder…….the one where the kleenex is coming out of the mask’s nose.  This is right up Aaron’s alley, believe me!  But he also has to pick up the little rubber bear and the hand sanitizer and a pen that is laying there………as I watch to be sure he doesn’t slip the coveted pen into his pocket.  I know his tricks!

The waiting room was empty, which is always a blessing………..so we were able to head straight back and let Aaron sit in the chair.  He stuck his arm out………the arm with his watch pushed halfway up to his elbow.  And I wonder what the tech thought of that watch………..and what she thought of the funny mouth noises Aaron makes………..and I realized that we are also blessed by the fact that Aaron has never been bothered by needles and tests.  He watches her carefully as she prepares the vials and then steps away to do something…….and I watch Aaron carefully as his eyes roam over the very interesting table right beside him, full of all the vials and the tourniquets and so many other interesting things……things that he will pick up to examine if I don’t keep an eagle eye on his every move.  She returns, and he watches every part of the process of having his blood drawn.  He rarely even flinches when the needle enters his vein, and he keeps a curious eye on each move that she makes as his blood is removed.

Soon we were on our way, and on this particular morning I told Aaron that we would go up the road to Wal-Mart.  Happy, happy Aaron!  He talked the whole way about this and that, as he always does, but was especially excited to tell me about a car he had seen the day before.  “Mom!  I saw a car yesterday with TWO policemen beside it.  It didn’t look like there was a wreck, but the car’s LID was popped up!”  So we talked about why car lids sometimes pop up and why the police were there…………as we walked into Wal-Mart and Aaron waved at the outdoor cameras as he always does.  Good morning, security guards!  Smile!

This was a trip for junk food, I will admit.  This made Aaron even happier, of course.  I told him to choose a drink and of course he said, “Can I have beer?”  He says this a lot, and he always laughs, and if I don’t laugh then he will repeat it until I do…….so I laugh and he chooses his flavored tea and off we go to the chip and candy aisle.  He carefully mulled over the selections, knowing that Mom has limits, and after choosing some Twizzlers he suddenly turned and said, “Mom, can I buy Dad something?  I love him!”  I wonder if the shock showed on my face.  Aaron rarely, rarely, offers up such sentiment………and without being prodded or reminded………..this was totally spontaneous from him.  This was a proud moment for me and I was hoping that the other shoppers nearby heard my son as he wanted to buy his Dad something…………his dad whom he LOVED!!  I have lots of moments with Aaron when we are out in public………..embarrassing moments and frustrating moments and tense moments………but not very many truly proud moments.  Of course, I was hoping that these same shoppers didn’t hear Aaron asking if he could have beer or hear him talking about how he likes to make funny comments about the women’s bras.  Let me have my ONE proud moment, OK?!

We went over to the beef jerky aisle as I looked for something that Gary would like in the line of meat or trail mix…….not candy for Gary.  Aaron looked over the selection quickly as he was in a hurry to go to the DVD aisle and being loving to Dad was taking a little more time than he wanted.  “Mom, does Dad like beef and jerky?”  And Aaron was off in a trot to look at DVDs as I chose something…………straight from Aaron’s heart……..but this is something else that we understand about our Aaron.

We looked at DVDs and Aaron had to rush over to ask the sales clerk for help even as I told him not to bother her.  This happens every time that we are in any store.  I wonder if the sales clerks all know Aaron and dread his arrival.  Oh well………I thanked her and once again told Aaron he didn’t need to bother her.  We chose a cheap DVD……….Chuck Norris – hopefully full of excitement but good values.  Soon we had paid and were heading out the door, where Aaron just HAD to stop at the ice machine.  There was a repairman on a ladder, with his head stuck in the open door of the machine and Aaron asked him if the machine was broken.  I wanted to be sarcastic and tell Aaron no, that this man was just trying to cool his head…….but Aaron doesn’t get sarcasm so I just smiled and hoped that nice man didn’t mind answering a silly question.

Soon we were home again, home again.  Aaron made sure he grabbed the bag with his DVD first and then helped carry in a couple more.  He ran downstairs to show Gary his new movie, and then ran back down to take him his turkey sausage rolls.  Then it was up to his room, where he turned on his fans and put on his headphones and began whatever it was he wanted to do on his computer.

I will probably hide the Nutty Bars, knowing that if I don’t then they may all disappear by day’s end.  I will have to delegate the Twizzlers, if I can stay ahead of Aaron on that.  And I will think of the blessings of life with Aaron on this day…………not that he had to go to the lab, which is a stark reminder of his Epilepsy and of seizures…………but that he actually enjoys the lab and that he loves a simple trip to Wal-Mart and that he’s not embarrassed to be seen with his mom.  And that I actually had a moment where I was not embarrassed by something Aaron said but was PROUD!!!

Little does Aaron know how many times I say to myself, “Can I do something for Aaron?  I love him!”