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I remember the day I took Aaron into Subway with me and watched him order his own sub.  It’s pretty entertaining.  I play the role of interpreter because Aaron is, well, confusing if you don’t speak his language.  When the guy asked Aaron what kind of bread he wanted, Aaron said, “I don’t want that bread with the black spots on it!” 

He doesn’t want the Italian seasoned bread.

“Do you have some of that meat…………what is it?……………..turkey……….or is it ham?”

Aaron, let’s get a Club.  OK.

“And I don’t want that spicy cheese!”

You’ll like American cheese.  Good.

And then he asks for the veggies.  “Can I have some tomatoes?”

Yes.

“Can I have some lettuce?”

Yes.

“Can I have some cucumbers?”

Aaron, just tell him what you want.  You don’t have to ask if you can have it. 

Ok.  And the end was the best:    “I want some of that white mustard.”  White mustard?  So the poor worker starts lifting up bottles to see which one Aaron wants, and Aaron keeps saying,  “No, I want the white mustard!” 

Finally I  asked Aaron, “Do you mean mayonnaise?” 

“Yeah, yeah – mayonnaise!”

I know that guy was very happy to have that order over with.  And now when we go in, Aaron always ends it by saying, “And I want WHITE mayonnaise!”  I just smile.

Today I got us some subs for supper.  When I got home, Aaron asked if we could have pizza for supper.  I told him about the subs and he immediately asked, “So, does mine have that WHITE mayonnaise on it?” 

Yes, Aaron – I made sure it was the WHITE mayonnaise!!!

Aaron has some awesome staff at Paradigm.  One that is no longer working there, and that he really misses, is Courtney.  This morning Courtney’s brother, Cody, told Aaron that Courtney wants to come to Aaron’s birthday dinner on Tuesday.  That’s happy news! 

Today when Aaron came home, he excitedly said, “Mom!  Guess who was at Paradigm today?”  So I asked, “Who?!”  And he happily said, “Courtney!!” 

So Aaron said that he got to talk to her, and we discussed how nice that was.  Then I asked Aaron, “Hey, is Courtney coming for your birthday?”  And Aaron said that he didn’t know because, in his words, “I didn’t talk to her ALL the way!” 

I love how he expresses himself in such unique terms!  And I’m a little scared at how easily I understand him!

Aaron has a birthday next week, on Tuesday.  He’ll be 27 years old!  That’s so hard to believe!  He’s all about his birthday and has talked about it and planned it for many weeks.  He has also been compiling his wish list, so today I took it and did a little shopping for him.  I thought you might want to see his list.  I just think it’s cute.  And remember how he told me awhile back, “Mom, one thing I want for my birthday is a Star Wars game.  It’s on the east side (of Wichita) and is in a medium box.”  So look at what he wrote with the Star Wars game. 

I didn’t find the Star Wars game today.  Of course, I was over here on the west side!  He and I may just have to do a little shopping together one day.  But don’t tell him that!  I won’t have a moment’s peace until I DO take him, once I tell him. 

Notice that he wants The Sound of Music.  That also makes me smile.  This guy who loves blowing up enemies in his PC games also likes The Sound of Music.  Of course, The Sound of Music has those nuns, and we know he has a fascination with nuns!  Those women nuns and their children – HaHa! 

I better wrap his gifts before he snoops around and finds them.  And put his list back where I got it – after all, he’ll want to start adding to it for Christmas after Tuesday is past.

Last night I was saying my good nights to Aaron.  He was busy playing a game on his computer, so I went in his room to make sure his clothes were laid out for the next day.  I gave him a hug goodnight, and told him that I wanted him to do better tomorrow morning about getting off the computer to get ready to leave for his group. 

A few minutes later he was getting his bed ready for the night and I went back into his room to say goodnight one more time.  As I walked out he said, “Hey Mom!  If I get off the game good in the morning, can you give me some money?” 

Well, Aaron Daniel!  No!  I do NOT give you money for good behavior that’s expected of you!

And he replied, “Oh, come on.  Can’t we make a deal?” 

No deal, Aaron!

So this morning he did a very good job of leaving his game, getting his shower taken, and all his other morning expectations.  As I walked by the bathroom and saw him finishing up with brushing his teeth, I said, “Good job, Aaron!” 

He looked up and said, “Can I have a dollar?” 

I’m not sure yet if I should admire his opportunism or be a little worried. 

One of the quandaries that comes along with Aaron’s autism is our being able to understand what makes him tick.  Was his refusal to go to Paradigm yesterday willful disobedience or is this behavior a result of his autism?  Can he control these issues and feelings that he has?  We’ve come a long way with Aaron, both in helping him learn to control his emotions and helping ourselves understand from where those outbursts come.  Yet he is wired very differently from the rest of us in the family and that wiring cannot be undone.  Training, talking, resolving, redirecting – all are important – but some facets of his autism will never be able to be disciplined away.

Such was the case yesterday when he refused to go to Paradigm.  As his tone escalated and he was becoming agitated, I had a choice to make.  I could also escalate in my frustration, which would only have compounded the problem.  Anger or outbursts never, ever, ever work with Aaron.  He is rarely intimidated or redirected through our frustrations.  But he WILL react, and not in a positive way.  The best thing to do is to try to get him to do what is hardest for him – it’s best to try to enable him to express verbally why he is feeling the way that he is at the moment. 

So through deep breaths and calmness yesterday I asked him questions, assuring him that my purpose was to try to understand his reasoning and his feelings.  I guided him through his responses until he was finally able to verbalize the bottom line when he said that because of the Halloween party, Paradigm was not Paradigm to him today.  No amount of pizza or candy could entice him to go. 

Yes, I was frustrated but I also had to have a little talk with myself.  There’s no room for selfishness when dealing with special needs of any kind in our children.  Was I as concerned about Aaron as much as I was concerned about my own schedule and plans?  Was my initial response of not wanting to speak to him for the rest of the day a loving way to react to the needs of my son?  How can I preach understanding and acceptance, and then have a desire to ignore my son for the rest of the day? 

I looked outside and saw him sitting under a tree near the garden, totally immersed in breaking leaves and twigs into his bucket.  Concentrating hard, he was, and sorting out all the conflicting thoughts he was having.  And my mother heart went out to him and the Lord filled me with a special love for my special boy.  I had a couple quick errands to run and so I slipped off while he was occupied.  And while I was out I ran into Papa Murphy’s and got the Jack-‘O-Lantern pizza we had seen on commercials.  Aaron was surprised and happy when I called him in later for lunch.

 We enjoyed our lunch together, and Aaron talked about all sorts of things, as always, that pop into that head of his.  He then clipped some more of my coupons until he got tired and thumped up the stairs to his room to play a game on his computer.  I got everything done I wanted to yesterday, and I had no regrets.  Thank you, Lord, for Your patience with me and for enabling me to practice patience with this son that I love so much. 

Aaron is reading his Handy Answer Science Book every night before bed.  This morning he said, “Mom, I saw something in my Handy Answer Science Book last night that I don’t understand.  Can you give me a piece of paper and let me write it for you?”

So I gave him a piece of paper and this is what he wrote:

I told him that this symbol means square root, which of course meant nothing to him.  So on another piece of paper I began showing him the meaning of square root using the number 9.  He interrupted me with a loud laugh and then said, “That’s dumb!” 

Well, why is that dumb, Aaron?    “Because 9 is not square!!!” 

This time I also laughed, and he joined me because he thought I was laughing at my own “dumbness” to think that the number 9 could be square.  What a good laugh we had together, each for our own different reason! 

I was able to explain sqaure roots to Aaron.  He’s good at math and he accepted the lesson – but I do believe he still thinks that this whole concept is pretty dumb. 

Literal Aaron is still stuck on the word “square!” 

We are experiencing this fact of Asperger’s today:

       Persons with Asperger’s are easily overwhelmed by minimal change.

Amen.  That came from me.  See how calm I am.

GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Today is Halloween and Aaron knows that his day group is having a fun day.  Some will dress up, but not all will.  Aaron certainly wouldn’t because he doesn’t like the way that “different” clothes feel on his body.  And to cover his face up with a mask – been there, tried that…………….no way!

So yesterday Aaron started saying that he didn’t want to go to Paradigm today.  I knew why but asked anyway.  He talked about it being Halloween.  I tried to tell him of all the fun they would have today.  Pizza, candy…………….he’s not buying it. 

This morning was the same thing – “I don’t want to go to Paradigm!”       “Do I have to go to Paradigm?!”         “Can I stay home?”    

We talked…………….actually, I talked……………..and Aaron didn’t really listen.  So I asked him exactly why he doesn’t want to be a part of this fun day and he said:

“Because it isn’t Paradigm to me today!”

On Monday Paradigm goes bowling!  Not a silly Halloween party that Aaron doesn’t like!  And no amount of persuasion will make him want to go.  If I force it we’ll have a disaster.  So Aaron is staying home and is now out in his mulch, calming down. 

Maybe I should join him. 

Aaron has a special friend at his day group.  He calls her Rosie, although that’s not exactly her name.  It’s his variation, and it’s really very sweet that he has a special name for his special friend.  Aaron has always had a hard time making friends because of his social skills – or lack thereof – and over the years has had very few real friends.  He’s also shown no interest in girls other than as another target of his teasing or as a person with ears who will listen to his talking. 

When Aaron first started telling us about Rosie we really didn’t give it much thought.  He has now made friends at his day group and it’s been wonderful to hear him talk about his interactions with them during his day.  His life is more normal and happy than it’s ever been in that area.  However, Rosie began to occupy more of his conversation as time went on.  He talked about how he liked walking with her when they would go shopping or eating with her at lunch.  He told us that she loves crayons – really, really loves crayons! 

One day I found Aaron slipping a box of our old crayons into his pocket.  I asked him what he was doing and he replied, “Mom, Rosie loves crayons and I want to take her some.”  So I agreed.  But soon he began taking her other crayons until finally we had no more crayons in our old crayon box.  All the markers went, too, and even some colored pencils.  I also found out that Aaron was buying Rosie food or snacks with his money.  Or he would share some of his food or drink with her.  It was sweet, yes, but we didn’t want it to go too far. 

Aaron began expressing some frustration that some of his friends were teasing him about Rosie being his girlfriend.  I told him to be nice and to tell them that he and Rosie were just good friends.  We had that same conversation several times over the next few weeks.  Finally one day Aaron once again spoke to me with frustration over this girlfriend issue.  I told him to do what I had said before, and this time even urged him to express that fact to Rosie herself – that they could be good friends and be very happy with that. 

Later that evening, as he and I were watching something on television, he turned to me and said, “Mom, you know what you told me to say to Rosie about being friends?  Well, I’m going to keep those words inside of me.”  As I questioned him about what he meant, he continued, “Rosie told me she loves me.  No girl has ever told me that she loves me.  I like how that made me feel.”  I just sat there, confronted with the humanity of my special son.  Despite his social impairments, he had just shown me that he also has the same need for love that all us have.  He had no intention of telling Rosie anything that would jeopardize their special relationship. 

It was hard to swallow that huge lump in my throat.  It was a moment that one of those doors of my heart cracked open – the doors I try to keep closed because they hurt too much when what’s inside them is exposed.  Rough and gruff Aaron has feelings.  Clueless Aaron, who usually thumps someone on the head or whacks them on their back, was showing tenderness toward Rosie.  Egocentric Aaron was wanting to help Rosie by buying her food or taking her crayons.  And Aaron exposed a part of his heart that we had never seen before.  His desire to be accepted, and loved, and valued by a special someone. 

Rosie and Aaron are still friends.  Rosie doesn’t go out with the group as often as she used to, but Aaron sees her a lot at their center where they meet every day.  Today I was there for his yearly BASIS meeting, and after the meeting I watched as Aaron teased his friends and the staff.  He can be loud and rough but they love him.  He and I walked to the door as I was leaving, and there sat Rosie.  Aaron didn’t try to say something silly about her hair or whack her on her back.  He very kindly and gently looked at her and said, “Hi, Rosie.”  No big deal, but that’s what made it a big deal.  Simple and kind and genuine. 

Gary and I are content with Aaron and Rosie being good friends.  We hope it stays that way, innocent and sweet.  We know that we need to walk with caution in these areas with Aaron.  For now, it is simple and good, and we pray that Aaron and Rosie can always be special friends. 

Aaron and I drove back down to McConnell Air Base to have his TB Tine test checked.  Or as Aaron said, “………to have my TP test looked at.”   We’ve already talked about Aaron and tp so I won’t go there again – though I could.  Anyway…………….

He started talking once again about Ozark people.  Turns out he saw Ozark people on a Looney Tunes segment.  Today’s update was, ” Oh, Mom, I found out what Ozark people are.  They’re not cowboys or farmers, remember?  I found out on Looney Tunes that Ozark people are Hillbillies!” 

Really?  Hillbillies.  So I asked him to tell me what he knows about Hillbillies.

“Well,”  he said, “Hillbillies live alone.”   That’s it.  So I asked him again, “Ok, but what is a Hillbilly?”  And he answered, “Mom, they didn’t give a full definition.”   HA!

Yeah, I guess a full definition on Looney Tunes is a bit much to expect.  Then he asked me to explain what a Hillbilly is.  I told him that, technically, since I’m from the WV mountains that I’m a Hillbilly.   I tried to explain it but realized that I was making myself look a little questionable, and knowing that everyone Aaron talks to for the next few weeks will be told that I’m a Hillbilly – well, I just told Aaron to look at all the pretty leaves outside. 

You know how I love the change of seasons.