Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

Aaron had a big day yesterday.  He loves the attention; he loves the food; he loves the presents.  I think he got plenty of each!  He came home from Paradigm talking about the chocolate cupcakes.  “Mom, the chocolate cupcakes had that…………you know……………that chocolate syrup stuff on top!”  Icing, Aaron?  “Yeah, yeah, it was icing!” 

Gary got home from work and we all drove up to meet some of his Paradigm staff at Cracker Barrel.  Years ago Aaron saw a billboard for, of all places, Hooters…………..and so he was curious about it and one day asked if we could go to Hooters to eat.  We cautiously explained why that wouldn’t be happening.  On our way up to Cracker Barrel, he said, “So we can’t go eat at Hoots, right?”  Nope – no eating at Hoots, Aaron. 

We had a great time at Cracker Barrel.  It’s always nice to be joined by Andrea. 

The Paradigm friends are amazing.  They understand and love Aaron so much.  Thank you to Krysten, Courtney, and Cody for celebrating Aaron’s birthday with us.  Courtney actually is busy pursuing her degree now and isn’t working at Paradigm, and so we miss her and were happy to see her again.

At home once again, Aaron opened his presents.  Notice that he brought down his clock.  He always, always must have his clock!

And see the Swiss Army knife that he MUST use when opening gifts.  So far no major injuries to himself or to furniture.  We watch closely.

He was so full that the Apple Pie will wait to be eaten for breakfast today.  All in all, a great day for Aaron and for the rest of us.  Hyper, happy Aaron! 

Today is the BIG DAY!!!  It’s Aaron’s birthday.  He is 27 years old today.  Wow!  He’s been on the countdown for days.  I’ve heard these statements for quite awhile now: 

“Mom, my birthday is coming!”

“Mom, it’s almost my birthday!”

“Mom, my birthday is 4 days away!”

“Mom, my birthday is 3 days away!”

“Mom, did you know my birthday is November the 8th?”
And yesterday:  “Mom, today is November the 7th!”

So today’s the day!  He wasn’t as excited as I thought he’d be this morning.  Often he doesn’t show his excitement when the event is actually here.  It’s as if the anticipation is more meaningful than the actual day.  But that’s because Aaron has a hard time expressing how he really feels.  All the well wishes, hugs, and happiness on our part almost embarrasses him.  Yet he – and we – would never want to ignore his day.  We understand how he handles all the attention and we just go along with it, trying to help him roll with the flow of his special day. 

I fixed him one of his favorites for breakfast – pancakes, of course.  Maybe you can see in the picture that along with his fork, he also has a knife and spoon.  He ALWAYS has those utensils when he eats, and if I don’t put them out he will go and get them.  It doesn’t matter if he’s eating soup – he WILL have a knife and fork there.  And sometimes more than one!  Also the toothpicks and the napkins that he makes sure are there before he eats.  Routine, routine!

He’s intrigued by the new tablecloth that Andrea bought.  We played Skip-Bo on it the other night.  It was a little awkward but it worked, although Aaron kept smoothing out the wrinkles, saying, “Mom, I can’t get these lumps out!”  And so as he ate this morning he referred to the pretty tablecloth as “that soft spread thing.” 

He gets to eat at his restaurant of choice tonight, and that will be Cracker Barrel.  He decided that several months ago.  Several of his friends (staff) from Paradigm are joining us, as well as Andrea.  It should be fun!  Then back home for Apple Pie – he always prefers Apple Pie over cake for his birthday.  And presents, of course.  Then the day will be done, in Aaron’s mind.  It’ll be time for him to walk away, go up to his room, put away his gifts and get on with life as Aaron knows it. 

Aaron with our old birthday sign that the kids made for Gary years ago.  We always hang it up on our birthdays!

Another year older.  Another year of life with Aaron – in his world and in his way.  Unique and fascinating.  Sometimes frustrating.  Always coming back to love. 

Our weekend football games with Aaron continue to be………………well, educational in a strange sort of way.  He certainly keeps us alert and aware of football aspects that we usually never notice. 

Here’s a typical picture of Aaron as he settles in for the game.  If I get a little chilly and throw my fuzzy blanket over my legs, I have to say that our family room resembles a nursing home.  No comments from my well meaning (yeah, right!) family and friends.

This past Saturday we watched the LSU – Alabama game.  Aaron always asks, “Mom, so what team are you voting for?”  I told him that I was voting for Alabama.  He figures out, then, which team is which.  “Mom, Alabama is wearing the red hats, right?”   Yes, Aaron, the red HELMETS.  And he replies, “OK, they’re wearing the red hats.”   Whatever.

Aaron is very fascinated with the cheerleaders, and not for the reason that you would think a 27 year old young man would be fascinated with cheerleaders.  He just thinks that male cheerleaders are quite unusual.  He never thought of guys being cheerleaders.  “Mom, why are there boy cheerleaders?”   Well, Aaron, boy cheerleaders are usually called yell leaders, I believe.  “Yeah, so why do they have boy cheerleaders?”  Sigh.  Aaron, male yell leaders can hold up the pyramids better because they’re strong.  And they yell loud, too. 

Later the television camera panned over to do a quick shot of the girls standing on the boy’s shoulders.  “Look, Mom!!  The teenage cheerleader boys have to catch the teenage cheerleader girls so they don’t fall on the ground!”  He’s getting it.  I decided not to even talk about the age thing yet.  One concept at a time.

He loves watching the refs and trying to figure out their hand signals.  You have to take my word for it – his imitation of the hand signals is pretty hilarious.  And his comment at one point was, “Mom, that ref in his jail shirt has an “R” on his shirt!”  To Aaron, refs always have and always will wear jail shirts.  I guess he thinks they all have a rap sheet, too.  My apologies to the refs who may read this.

Coaches fascinate him.  He likes watching their expressions and seeing how they react to various decisions of the refs in their jail shirts.  This time he noticed their headgear.  “Mom, why does the chief of the team have those microphones?” 

He’s having a harder time figuring out the 4 quarters, but he’s doing better.  “Mom, is the halftime before the number 3 or the number 2?”   And as he started getting tired, especially when the team in the red hats that we voted for was losing, he said, “Mom, the 4th round is the last one, right?”

And toward the end of this game, he noticed the band swaying back and forth as they played their peppy song.  “Mom, how come on football teams they need singers like that?!”  Singers?  Did I miss something? 

I’m sure Aaron will help me figure it out during the next game that we watch! 

Last night we had the unexpected experience of having an earthquake here in good old Kansas.  We knew that there had been some earthquakes and aftershocks in Oklahoma over the past few days, especially on Saturday.  It was nearly 11:00 last night when we felt the earthquake here.  I was in the bathroom and was amazed at how shaky it was up on our upper level.  The shower doors were rattling and the whole house seemed to be moving.  It was a very helpless feeling!

Aaron was sitting up in his bed, reading like he does before he turns his light off.  The first thing I heard after the shaking stopped was, “Mom!  Mom!”  So I went into his bedroom and he wanted to know what had just happened.  I told him that we had an earthquake and he looked at me, speechless for a moment.  That’s a first!  He was truly dumbfounded at this news.  Aaron has read about earthquakes; he’s seen them on movies; and he’s talked about them over and over again.  But he never dreamed that he’d actually experience one! 

He hopped out of bed then and followed me downstairs to talk to Gary.  “Dad!  We had an earthquake!”  And so we talked about it together, and looked on the news on TV, and fed all that info to Aaron so he could file it away – to talk about over and over and over.  He was really unnerved by it last night and kept saying, “So……..will we get hit?”  I told him that we just did get hit.  “No, I mean will we get HIT?”  I finally figured out that he wanted to know if we would have a big earthquake, so I explained that we don’t know that and how we can’t look for an earthquake like we can look for a thunderstorm on radar.  He also wanted to know where the earthquake came from and I told him it was centered in Oklahoma – and so then his question was, “Did Oklahoma get hit?” 

It was interesting to follow his train of thought, and it was sad to see how scared he really was.  I knew he was a little reluctant to turn off his light and go to bed, but I assured him that God was with us.  God knew what would happen and He was in charge.  Aaron agreed with that and finally we were all able to settle down for the night. 

The earthquake will be something he’ll talk about a lot over the next few days.  This afternoon he said, “Mom, today are we gonna have another earthquake feeling?”  And then later, when our neighbor and his son came to our door to sell Boy Scout popcorn, Aaron popped out the door and told the dad, “Hey, we had an earthquake last night!  Did you feel it?  Were you in the earthquake?” 

So get ready, Paradigm staff and anyone else who crosses Aaron’s path over the next few days.  The earthquake is Aaron’s new favorite, exciting topic!  He hasn’t even talked about his upcoming birthday yet today!  There’s still time, though. 

And like Aaron says, I do hope we don’t have another earthquake feeling!!

I remember the day I took Aaron into Subway with me and watched him order his own sub.  It’s pretty entertaining.  I play the role of interpreter because Aaron is, well, confusing if you don’t speak his language.  When the guy asked Aaron what kind of bread he wanted, Aaron said, “I don’t want that bread with the black spots on it!” 

He doesn’t want the Italian seasoned bread.

“Do you have some of that meat…………what is it?……………..turkey……….or is it ham?”

Aaron, let’s get a Club.  OK.

“And I don’t want that spicy cheese!”

You’ll like American cheese.  Good.

And then he asks for the veggies.  “Can I have some tomatoes?”

Yes.

“Can I have some lettuce?”

Yes.

“Can I have some cucumbers?”

Aaron, just tell him what you want.  You don’t have to ask if you can have it. 

Ok.  And the end was the best:    “I want some of that white mustard.”  White mustard?  So the poor worker starts lifting up bottles to see which one Aaron wants, and Aaron keeps saying,  “No, I want the white mustard!” 

Finally I  asked Aaron, “Do you mean mayonnaise?” 

“Yeah, yeah – mayonnaise!”

I know that guy was very happy to have that order over with.  And now when we go in, Aaron always ends it by saying, “And I want WHITE mayonnaise!”  I just smile.

Today I got us some subs for supper.  When I got home, Aaron asked if we could have pizza for supper.  I told him about the subs and he immediately asked, “So, does mine have that WHITE mayonnaise on it?” 

Yes, Aaron – I made sure it was the WHITE mayonnaise!!!

Aaron has some awesome staff at Paradigm.  One that is no longer working there, and that he really misses, is Courtney.  This morning Courtney’s brother, Cody, told Aaron that Courtney wants to come to Aaron’s birthday dinner on Tuesday.  That’s happy news! 

Today when Aaron came home, he excitedly said, “Mom!  Guess who was at Paradigm today?”  So I asked, “Who?!”  And he happily said, “Courtney!!” 

So Aaron said that he got to talk to her, and we discussed how nice that was.  Then I asked Aaron, “Hey, is Courtney coming for your birthday?”  And Aaron said that he didn’t know because, in his words, “I didn’t talk to her ALL the way!” 

I love how he expresses himself in such unique terms!  And I’m a little scared at how easily I understand him!

Aaron has a birthday next week, on Tuesday.  He’ll be 27 years old!  That’s so hard to believe!  He’s all about his birthday and has talked about it and planned it for many weeks.  He has also been compiling his wish list, so today I took it and did a little shopping for him.  I thought you might want to see his list.  I just think it’s cute.  And remember how he told me awhile back, “Mom, one thing I want for my birthday is a Star Wars game.  It’s on the east side (of Wichita) and is in a medium box.”  So look at what he wrote with the Star Wars game. 

I didn’t find the Star Wars game today.  Of course, I was over here on the west side!  He and I may just have to do a little shopping together one day.  But don’t tell him that!  I won’t have a moment’s peace until I DO take him, once I tell him. 

Notice that he wants The Sound of Music.  That also makes me smile.  This guy who loves blowing up enemies in his PC games also likes The Sound of Music.  Of course, The Sound of Music has those nuns, and we know he has a fascination with nuns!  Those women nuns and their children – HaHa! 

I better wrap his gifts before he snoops around and finds them.  And put his list back where I got it – after all, he’ll want to start adding to it for Christmas after Tuesday is past.

Last night I was saying my good nights to Aaron.  He was busy playing a game on his computer, so I went in his room to make sure his clothes were laid out for the next day.  I gave him a hug goodnight, and told him that I wanted him to do better tomorrow morning about getting off the computer to get ready to leave for his group. 

A few minutes later he was getting his bed ready for the night and I went back into his room to say goodnight one more time.  As I walked out he said, “Hey Mom!  If I get off the game good in the morning, can you give me some money?” 

Well, Aaron Daniel!  No!  I do NOT give you money for good behavior that’s expected of you!

And he replied, “Oh, come on.  Can’t we make a deal?” 

No deal, Aaron!

So this morning he did a very good job of leaving his game, getting his shower taken, and all his other morning expectations.  As I walked by the bathroom and saw him finishing up with brushing his teeth, I said, “Good job, Aaron!” 

He looked up and said, “Can I have a dollar?” 

I’m not sure yet if I should admire his opportunism or be a little worried. 

One of the quandaries that comes along with Aaron’s autism is our being able to understand what makes him tick.  Was his refusal to go to Paradigm yesterday willful disobedience or is this behavior a result of his autism?  Can he control these issues and feelings that he has?  We’ve come a long way with Aaron, both in helping him learn to control his emotions and helping ourselves understand from where those outbursts come.  Yet he is wired very differently from the rest of us in the family and that wiring cannot be undone.  Training, talking, resolving, redirecting – all are important – but some facets of his autism will never be able to be disciplined away.

Such was the case yesterday when he refused to go to Paradigm.  As his tone escalated and he was becoming agitated, I had a choice to make.  I could also escalate in my frustration, which would only have compounded the problem.  Anger or outbursts never, ever, ever work with Aaron.  He is rarely intimidated or redirected through our frustrations.  But he WILL react, and not in a positive way.  The best thing to do is to try to get him to do what is hardest for him – it’s best to try to enable him to express verbally why he is feeling the way that he is at the moment. 

So through deep breaths and calmness yesterday I asked him questions, assuring him that my purpose was to try to understand his reasoning and his feelings.  I guided him through his responses until he was finally able to verbalize the bottom line when he said that because of the Halloween party, Paradigm was not Paradigm to him today.  No amount of pizza or candy could entice him to go. 

Yes, I was frustrated but I also had to have a little talk with myself.  There’s no room for selfishness when dealing with special needs of any kind in our children.  Was I as concerned about Aaron as much as I was concerned about my own schedule and plans?  Was my initial response of not wanting to speak to him for the rest of the day a loving way to react to the needs of my son?  How can I preach understanding and acceptance, and then have a desire to ignore my son for the rest of the day? 

I looked outside and saw him sitting under a tree near the garden, totally immersed in breaking leaves and twigs into his bucket.  Concentrating hard, he was, and sorting out all the conflicting thoughts he was having.  And my mother heart went out to him and the Lord filled me with a special love for my special boy.  I had a couple quick errands to run and so I slipped off while he was occupied.  And while I was out I ran into Papa Murphy’s and got the Jack-‘O-Lantern pizza we had seen on commercials.  Aaron was surprised and happy when I called him in later for lunch.

 We enjoyed our lunch together, and Aaron talked about all sorts of things, as always, that pop into that head of his.  He then clipped some more of my coupons until he got tired and thumped up the stairs to his room to play a game on his computer.  I got everything done I wanted to yesterday, and I had no regrets.  Thank you, Lord, for Your patience with me and for enabling me to practice patience with this son that I love so much.