Losing Trust

Sometimes when Aaron gets up in the morning, he’ll immediately get on his computer and start playing a game.  We’ve had mornings when he doesn’t want to get off the game, then, to get himself ready to go head out the door and meet his group.  Some mornings have been pretty rough as he’s gotten very grouchy.  And when Aaron gets very grouchy, he can really get VERY grouchy.

So Gary and I started unplugging his keyboard at night, removing it from his room, and putting it somewhere safe and unseen – only to be plugged back in after he was gone in the mornings.  This kept him from that ever-present temptation to get “hooked on a game”, as he says, and possibly become VERY grouchy.

This plan has worked well – but for the past few days, Aaron has wanted us to try leaving it plugged in and give him the chance to show us that he can control himself.  He’s actually done great with this arrangement for the past few days, either not getting on the computer at all or getting on for awhile but being willing to quit the game and get ready without becoming VERY grouchy.  He has wanted to show us that we can trust him.

Today he had a harder time removing himself from his game, however.  He didn’t become VERY grouchy or even a little grouchy, though, which was good.  However, he got off the game rather late and had to really rush to get everything done.  He was worried about my reaction and decided he needed to explain himself.

Mr. Precise Aaron said, “Mom, I got up early……..at 6:59!!  What was I supposed to do?  I HAD to get on the computer!”

No, Aaron – no one was holding a gun to your head, telling you that you HAD to get on the computer.   And I don’t mind you playing for awhile but I want you to get off in time to get ready.

He was still worried about the situation.  Then he asked, “So…….did I lose my trust?”

Ah, Aaron, you do have a way of expressing yourself.  Did you lose your trust?  Somehow phrasing this question that way gives me pause and makes me think.  Aaron has “lost his trust” as we’ve struggled at times with him not telling us the truth, or cheating when we play Skip-Bo, or hiding money in his desk so he’ll have more to spend the next day.  Just this week I found out that he had once again done the hiding trick with his money. 

Strange…………..no matter the level of disability, the innate tendency of us humans is to sin.  That’s what it is……….plain old sin from our plain old sin natures.  So instead of correcting Aaron’s phrasing, I used it to try to tell him how the way he hid his money and then lied about what he bought while bowling did make him lose his trust.  Maybe he’ll understand it better if I speak in his terms. 

Mom and Dad are hurt, Aaron, when you lose your trust.  But more important, so is God. 

Aaron listens, hangs his head, and thumps downstairs to get Jackson a bone and grab his huge bag of Skittles to take to Paradigm.  I wonder if he’s learned his lesson.  In all reality………..probably not. 

Sometimes I don’t, either.  But once again, God continues to love……….and so do I.

Author: hesaidwhatks

I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

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