Wheel. Of. FORTUNE!!!!

When Aaron was very young, probably when he was about a year and a half old, he started watching Wheel of Fortune every evening.  He absolutely loved that game show!  He would laugh and clap as he watched the letters being called out and then turned by Vanna White.  He would even stand by our dishwasher, reach inside when the door was open, and turn the bottom spray arm as he gleefully clapped and laughed and in his little voice yelled out, “Wheel.  Of.  FORTUNE!!!!”  He was adorable.  And unbeknownst to us, he was learning his letters.  He totally shocked us one day before he was 2 years old by pointing to the letters in a magazine article that Gary was reading and telling him what each letter was.  Gary yelled for me to come, so I ran downstairs, expecting that maybe Aaron had fallen and gotten hurt.  But instead Gary wanted me to see this surprise that was sitting on his lap…………our little baby boy who was correctly calling out each letter as Gary pointed to it.  We clapped every bit as much as the contestants on Wheel of Fortune, and Aaron clapped in delight as well.
 
We moved to Germany that next year, where we lived for six years and where Aaron didn’t have the same opportunity to watch his beloved Wheel of Fortune.  As he grew up and we moved back to the States, he never became attached to that once-favorite show like he had when he was a toddler.  Last year, though, Aaron found his old Wheel of Fortune PC game.  He and I played it occasionally, and really had a lot of fun with it.  Now he has a new Wheel of Fortune PC game, which we played a few weeks ago…….and once again had fun doing that together.  All of this led me to remember that Wheel of Fortune is still on television, so I told Aaron this bit of news.  I am beginning to question the wisdom of that decision.  🙂
The first night that he and I watched Wheel of Fortune together, Aaron was almost as delighted as when he was a little child.  Now every day the questioning starts in the morning.  “Mom, can we watch Wheel of Fortune tonight?”   I always tell him that I’m not sure.  Soon he repeats the question.  “So, Mom, can we watch Wheel of Fortune tonight?”  Again, I repeat that I’ll have to see what’s going on.  I’ve learned to never commit definitely to an activity, because if something interrupts it, I am in huge trouble with Aaron.  In his mind, I have lied.  That’s the black and white world in which Aaron lives.  But again I hear, “So Mom, do you think we can watch Wheel of Fortune?”   I’ll answer the same as long as he asks, but he is never deterred.

Watching Wheel of Fortune with Aaron is somewhat entertaining……..interesting……….funny……..and definitely loud.  Quite loud.  Aaron doesn’t miss a beat, either.  Every sequence of events, every comment, every gesture……everything!…….is for him a source of endless commentary.  And the loudness comes from the clapping.  Not the contestants clapping, but Aaron’s clapping!  Oh my goodness.  That young man can clap louder than any human on the planet, of that I am quite certain.  I am taken back to his little chubby hands clapping together with great joy as a toddler watching Wheel of Fortune.  Now he’s grown and has over the years perfected this ear-splitting clap of his, made with his thick hands.  Seriously, his clap will at times leave my ears ringing. 

Aaron wants to watch Wheel of Fortune for the very beginning until the very end.  This is the same way that he reads a book or watches a movie.  He reads a book from the very, very first word until the very, very last word…….table of contents, index, and all.  He watches a movie from the very, very beginning until the very, very end…………down to the very tiniest print at the very, very end of the credits.  Sigh.  So when I made my semi-commitment to watch Wheel of Fortune with Aaron, it was on the condition that I may NOT be able to watch it every single night.  I have to cover all my bases here.  Then I remembered the DVR, and so decided that I could tape the show on nights that I might be busy right at 6:30……….or for Aaron, 6:29……..so that he can watch the very, very first part of the show.  He loves watching Vanna and Pat come out on the stage together amidst the clapping and cheers.  This is, of course, a very, very necessary part of Wheel of Fortune…….for Aaron.

The first night that I taped Wheel of Fortune, I called Aaron downstairs for supper.  He thought I called him down to watch the show and so he was very concerned when he saw us sitting down to eat.  I told him not to worry, that I was taping the show, and yet he still had worry written all over his face.  “But Mom, are you taping for the VERY beginning of the show?!!”  I assured him that I was.  Then a couple minutes later……”Mom, are you SURE you’re taping from the VERY beginning?”   And again I promised that the show would start at the VERY beginning.  I tried to explain the wonder of the DVR, but he wasn’t convinced and continued to ask several more times if I was SURE that Wheel of Fortune would start at the VERY important beginning.  I sure was praying that our DVR worked correctly, and was VERY thankful when yes indeed, we got to see Vanna and Pat walk out together.  Whew!

Like I said, there is nothing that goes unnoticed by Aaron.  His questions and his comments are numerous.  “Mom, are Vanna White and Pat Sajak married?”  I told him that they are not married.  “So why do they hold hands?”  And I explain that they are good friends and have worked together for many years……and so they hold hands sometimes.  He thought this was strange.
 
Aaron wonders about the clothes that Vanna and Pat wear.  “So Pat Sajak wears a suit but Vanna White wears a fashion dress.”   Yes.  “Vanna’s dress is long!  Why doesn’t she trip on it?”   “Would you like a dress like that, Mom?”    “Why is her dress all shiny?”   “Look!!  She has flowers on her dress!!”   And on and on it goes. 

He notices the card that Pat is holding and wonders what is written on it.  He notices the way that the letter board lights up and is it a computer and how Vanna just touches it and the letter turns.  He notices Pat Sajak’s personality – “Pat Sajak does this thing of being funny!  Why is he funny?”  And Aaron just can’t make sense of why Pat must ask questions of the contestants.  To Aaron this is very odd.  “Mom, why is he asking if they’re married?!  He’s not married to them!”  No amount of explanation seems to sink in to Aaron, and he continues to wonder about all those rather strange, rude questions.

And the clapping………….yes, the clapping of the audience and the contestants.  This frequent clapping gives Aaron permission to join in, much like he did when he was a child.  Except that the decibels have gone way up now, and so I cringe and I fuss and I threaten………but to no avail.  CLAP!!!  “Mom, look at how they spin the wheel!”   CLAP!!!   “Mom, did they land on the Jackpot?!”   CLAP!!!  And sometimes for no reason…….CLAP!!!!  CLAP!!!!  CLAP!!!!

Aaron wonders why the contestants are so happy when they win a trip.  CLAP!!!  “So what’s the big deal about going to an island?”   CLAP!!!   He finds the cars that they sometimes win to be very interesting.  “Mom, the car tonight was silver!!  And last night it was red!”   CLAP!!!  “So when they win a car, it’s cost free?!”   Oh, I do love how he describes these concepts. 

Yes, Aaron, the car is cost free.   CLAP!!!

He really doesn’t understand the facial expressions of the contestants.  This is so common for those with autism.  The expressions on other’s faces and the social cues that are presented  often go completely unnoticed.  Therefore, as Aaron watches the body language that goes on during this game show, he is puzzled.   “Mom, that woman is strange!”  I asked him why he would say that and he replied, “Because she’s so excited.”  I use the opportunity to explain her excitement and why it transfers to her outward behavior, but almost before I can finish he’s off on another observation. 

“Why is that woman making a face with her eyes big like this?!”  Or…..”Did you see what she did to her hair?”  He registers nearly every eye movement, hand gesture, shoulder shrug, laugh, frown………..it all goes in his brain, but he can’t necessarily make sense of it.  So interesting!  At this point, I’m finding myself more intrigued by Aaron than I am by Wheel of Fortune.  CLAP!!!

Then there was the night that Vanna White hugged the guest LA Lakers basketball player at the end of the game.  Aaron found this to be of great interest, as he blurted out, “SEXY!!!”  I gave him my stern look and he explained, “But you said that word isn’t a bad word.” 

So I had to agree that, yes, I did say that the word ‘sexy’ is not a bad word……….but I just never know where Aaron is going to go with something like that.  Good grief – why does he have to notice everything?!
 
Aaron, why don’t you just go and……………CLAP!!!!

Is Mustard….Mayo? Or Mayo……Mustard?

This past Thursday, on Valentine’s Day, Aaron had his yearly eye exam appointment.  The exam went well, even though Aaron doesn’t do so great on the peripheral vision or the puff-of-air glaucoma check.  He doesn’t fuss but he just doesn’t see the little faint dots or open his eyes wide enough, or something, so if he was given a pass or fail – those would be a fail.  Everything else went fine, thankfully, and we were finished pretty quickly.  That gave us an edge on getting a good seat for lunch at Chili’s, which is very near his eye doctor.
 
We were seated in the colorful booth, and Aaron immediately began to look at the menu choices.  He mostly wanted to look at the pictures of the food, for this is his favorite way of picking out what he wants to eat.  We completely forgot to talk about what to drink before the server was there to take our drink orders.  I reminded Aaron that he didn’t need to look for pictures of the drinks, and I offered him some options.  He thought for awhile as the waitress and I patiently waited……….and then loudly asked, “Do you have water?”  I chuckled and the waitress nicely told him that yes, they had water, and off she went to get our drinks.
 
From that point, our friendly waitress wanted to ask me all the questions that were really for Aaron.  She looked at me and asked, “Would he like some lemon in his water?”  So I looked at Aaron and asked, “Aaron, would you like lemon in your water?”  He said no, and off she went.  Later, after Aaron ordered chicken strips……..making sure that they were indeed boneless……really and truly boneless……and crispy………our server returned with our food, looked at me and asked, “Would he like sauce?  Ranch, barbecue…..?”  So I looked at Aaron and asked, “Aaron, would you like sauce?  Ranch, barbecue……?”  He chose barbecue and again, off she scurried.  This scenario happened a few other times.  For crying out loud, couldn’t she see that Aaron was fully capable of listening, understanding, and answering?  Sometimes people amaze me!

Aaron kept up his usual chatter as we ate.  “Mom!  That sign says ‘MARGARITA Bar.’ ”  He emphasized the word ‘Margarita’ because I think he knows what it means and that he’s not allowed to have that beverage.  He continued, as he pointed toward the sign, “Is that beer?”  To Aaron, any alcoholic drink is beer.  I tried to explain, knowing that he would continue to see it as beer.
 
We had a lengthy discussion about tornadoes.  Aaron is aware that tornado season will be upon us soon, so he’s been talking about it a lot.  I should just record my answers to his usual questions and push the button when he begins the discussion.  And we also had our running back-and-forth commentary about tornado sirens………..where they are located, what they are for,  how they sound, how they rotate, why they rotate……     All the while, Aaron was trying to solve the problem created when his chips and salsa eating was interrupted by the arrival of his meal.  He usually eats one item at a time, so the big plate of chicken strips interfered with his chips and salsa.  He took a bite or two of his chicken, but decided that this was just too confusing.  Plus he noticed that occasionally I would reach over and take a chip, and this was an even bigger problem.  He couldn’t risk me finishing off the chips, so he abandoned his chicken and very quickly started scooping up chips, carefully dipping them in the salsa and quickly reaching for another one.  He’s so predictable and so all about himself!  I know this and I understand, but I teased him anyway and he seemed to not even hear.   However, he did notice when I reached over and took one of his French Fries.  He promptly moved his plate away from me, and reached for yet another chip.  Ah, Aaron!

The server came by and thought that Aaron was finished, so she asked if she could take his plate.  Yay!  She finally talked TO Aaron!  But he moved his plate away from her and told her that he was not finished.  He meticulously took each French fry and dipped it carefully into the ketchup……..and somehow was reminded of mayonnaise.  “Mom, is mayo another name for mayonnaise?”  I told him that it is, and he then went down the road of mayo and mustard.  He seems to get them confused continually.  “Why is mayo a different name for mustard?” he asked. 

Mayo is not a different name for mustard, Aaron.  Mayo is mayonnaise and mustard is mustard. 
 
“Oh,” he replied.  “So mustard……..it’s called mayo?”

No, Aaron.  Mustard is mustard.  Mayo is mayonnaise.  They are different things.

“So is mayo mustard?” he asked. 
  
AHHHHH!!!!  I reminded him that mayo is white and mustard is yellow……….and he nodded and went on to the next subject, even as I wondered if he got mayo and mustard straight in that brain of his.  I doubt it.

“Mom, I told Barb that I wish I was young.”   I told him that he is not old and he said, “I’m 28!”………as if 28 is indeed very old!  So I said, “Well, to me you’re young.  But to an 8 year old you might seem a little old.”  

I wondered what I was thinking as he responded, “So to an 8 year old I’m half old?”  I was just trying to formulate my answer to that question when he continued, “So I’m half old and half young?”  I love how his mind works as he connects the dots that my comment created…….half old and half young…………and I was a bit relieved when the server came to our table with the bill and Aaron said to her, “It seems like your voice is kind of high!” 

She laughed and I laughed, and Aaron wanted to know if he was being rude.  Soon we were ready to leave, and before we got up from the booth I reminded Aaron not to clap……….and please don’t stare at people or point to their food………….and don’t make any farting noises with his mouth…………..and by all means, DO NOT STRETCH!!!!  If you’ve seen Aaron stop in the middle of a crowded restaurant and stretch, you would totally understand this instruction from me.  Hands high about his head, stomach way out, and lots of noises.  Think gorilla.

We safely and rather quietly left the restaurant, with Aaron talking all the way………which is never really quiet, but it beats the stretching routine any day. 

I am somewhat mentally fatigued whenever I have an outing with Aaron that involves public settings and other people and food and plenty of time for rather loud conversations and the presence of BEER in any form!  But he’s never boring and he’s actually delightful if I take the time to really listen……….like the half old and half young comment.  I wonder if I’m the only one who understands that connection that he made.

And I’m thankful for the connection that I have………that we as a family have……….to this very unique Aaron…………noisy, one-of-a-kind Aaron!

LESSONS FROM THE BLOWING DUST

I heard the wind picking up on that sweltering September day last year as I worked around the house.  Our long, hot, and very dry summer was coming to a close.  At least the calendar said that the end of this season was near, although the thermometer didn’t agree.  Everyone was tired of the unrelenting heat and was wishful for some refreshing rain.  As I heard the wind outside begin to batter our house, I looked out the window, hoping to see the approach of rain.  Instead I saw, rolling in from the farmer’s fields behind our house, an encroaching wall of haze.
 
It was eerie to watch this cloud of dust from our upstairs windows as it was carried ever closer to our house, blown about by a force beyond its control.  Furthermore, this whole scene was beyond my control.  I could only stand and see this mass of dirt and dust being pushed straight toward us.  Soon our house was enveloped in a choking fog of dirt.  The trees whipped around and the dust covered everything.  Nothing was spared from the layer of blowing soil that the ripping wind carried along in its wake. 

The whole scene was rather alarming as the sun was hidden and the dust created an almost twilight atmosphere.  It was dirty and rough, and even stung the skin and caused the eyes to water.  This was not at all what I had hoped that the wind was bringing our way.  However, I soon heard a sound as I stood on our front porch and observed the unpleasant sight.  Ever so softly, I heard it.  Could it be rain?  And as I watched and listened, I knew that in the midst of this dirty mess there was indeed the unmistakable sound of raindrops.  The little pinging drops of rain soon turned into a shower and then into a nice downpour. 

What a welcome sight!  The falling rain washed away the awful dirt, cleaning the atmosphere and the trees and the grass from the ugly coating of grime.  The air cooled, and the scent became moist and sweet instead of dry and dusty.   I stood on the porch, reveling in the pleasant change that the rain had brought.  I was happy………the trees and grass seemed to glisten with relief……….and soon I heard birds singing with joy.  On so many levels, this burst of rain was exactly what we needed at that moment!
Have you ever been so discouraged that you feel as if you’re looking out the windows of your life and seeing nothing but an approaching wall of dirt?  Everything seems bleak as you think about your circumstances and problems.  You can’t see any sunshine or any hope of relief, and as life’s issues come bearing down upon you, you can say with the Psalmist as he cried out to God –  “Why do You hide Your face, and forget our affliction and our oppression?  For our soul has sunk down into the dust; our body cleaves to the earth.”  (Psalm 44:24-25)  Oh God, you cry, where are You?  Why do I feel so hopeless and so alone in this swirling mess of problems in my life?

We’ve all been there.  I know I have.  Over in Psalm 119, the Psalmist in verse 28 says, “My soul weeps because of grief.”  Beside that verse, I’ve written a note – a way I have of memorializing certain events in my life.  By that verse I wrote – “March, 2002; worry for Aaron.”  Aaron was a student in a school that was not a good fit for him.  It was an extremely stressful time in our lives.  Gary and I knew that Aaron was going to have to move to another school, and we were scared.  We were tired and we were unsure of what the future held for Aaron.  We felt like the writer in verse 25 of that chapter when he said, “My soul cleaves to the dust.”  There it is again…….that hateful, choking dust that crowded out our view of God. 

Yet the second part of verse 25 says, “Revive me according to Your Word.”  And the second part of verse 28 agrees – “Strengthen me according to Your Word.”  I remember God’s faithfulness during that time with our decisions concerning Aaron…….and I remember so many other times in my life when God spoke to me or to our family through the reviving strength of His Word.  His Word……..the living water of His Word……….that comes in and washes away the dust of fear and discouragement and sin.  Even in those oppressive days when I don’t feel like reading my Bible or listening to God, I know that when I do take time to let Him speak to me, it’s as if refreshing rain is washing over my spirit and renewing my joy.  The problems may not disappear, but the Solver of those problems speaks comfort and peace to my heart during those times. 
  
Resolve to stop…..to listen closely………to let God speak to you when all you see around you is darkness and stress.  God longs to revive us and to strengthen us if we will but let Him.  Meditate on what He says in the pages of scripture and to what He whispers in your heart, even in the midst of the choking problems you may be facing.  He is there in the darkness, longing to refresh you and love you……..and give you a promise for tomorrow.

The Just-Right Pillow

One of the main characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome, or any other form of autism, is the insistence on sameness that displays itself in a multitude of ways.  Aaron manifests this characteristic in so many areas every day of his life.  One way in particular is his bed, as I’ve written about in other blogs.  Every tiny aspect of his covers, his pillow, his nightstand, and even the items that he insists on putting on the floor around his bed must be just so-so.  If they are out of place then Aaron cannot rest. 

I remember when he still put his stuffed animals on his bed.  He did this into his early 20’s, which bothered me a lot.  I tried to get Aaron to put the animals away but he wouldn’t hear of it.  Every night he would meticulously place each animal on the bed in just a certain order, each in their own place that never varied.  Then he would adjust each arm, each paw, each ear, each tail…………and step back to view his bed.  If anything was out of place he would then adjust it carefully.  Or if we messed anything up as we said goodnight, it had to be fixed immediately.  Only when it was all exactly right would he softly climb into bed and settle down for sleep.   When Aaron had his VNS surgery, his upper chest and neck were very sore from the incisions.  Only then did he agree to let the animals stay in their crate in his closet.  Lo and behold, he realized that he could sleep just fine without his stuffed animals!  And also saw that he had more room to toss and turn without the fear of messing up a tail or an ear on his stuffed companions!  He has never asked for them again.  Victory!!

One day years ago I bought Aaron a body pillow to use.  I thought that it would keep him from settling at night into the space between his two regular sized pillows, where I would often find him during a seizure or when getting him up in the mornings.  Sure enough, he slept very well on his new large pillow and has never wanted to go back to regular pillows again.  There are some requirements for his body pillow, however, when we help him make his bed or change his sheets.  The pillow must be stuffed smoothly and fully into the very long pillow case, with no wrinkles or bulging.  And when placed on his bed, the zipper must always go on the left side of his bed.  Always.
 
This morning Aaron was grouchy, not wanting to go to Paradigm.  I just treaded lightly as I poured his coffee and offered him some breakfast, which he refused.  I went about my business as usual, hoping all the while that he would settle down and cooperate.   I still kept up my soft tone while being firm, not giving in to his demands to stay home.  And for some reason, he did start calming down.  I was in my bathroom getting ready when I heard him walk into my room and say, “Mom, something’s wrong with my pillow.”  I glanced out into my bedroom to see that Aaron had placed his long pillow on the end of our bed.

“What’s wrong with it, Aaron?” I asked.  He pointed to it and said, “See?  It’s all fluffed up!”  I couldn’t see anything fluffed up about it, but I knew that in his current mood I needed to take his concern seriously.  Any dismissive attitude on my part pertaining to his pillow would possibly only escalate his fragile mood.  I peered down at the seemingly normal pillow as he pointed out the problem.  And yes, there it was………..clear to me, since I do tend to see the world through Aaron’s eyes.

The pillowcase had been changed the day before, and the end of the pillow that Aaron sleeps on………the unzippered end……….was not perfectly flush inside the pillowcase.  The two sides at the end of the pillow were a little folded in, which made the two corners of the pillowcase sag down a little.  So this was why, when I went in to get Aaron up this morning, he had pulled the pillow way over so that he was sleeping in the middle of the pillow and that unzippered end was hanging off the bed.  He could not bring himself to sleep on that part of the pillow that wasn’t just right. 

And he confirmed this as he said, “I had a hard time sleeping on my pillow, Mom.  It wasn’t right!  It was all fluffed up!”  Yes, it was a little poochy there……..fluffed up, as Aaron says……….so I pulled the pillowcase back until it was nearly off and I made sure the corners of the pillow were rearranged so that they fit into the corners of the pillowcase.  Aaron watched carefully.  I laid it back on our bed as he examined it……….and was very relieved when he gave me his word of approval. 

We put the pillow back on his bed then, making sure the zippered end was on the left side of the bed, of course.  He had already asked me if I would help him make his bed while he was gone……….which is really asking me to just make his bed while he’s gone, which I’ve told him over and over.  Anyway, we got every cover just right and all the wrinkles tugged out and things tucked in that must be tucked in……….and Aaron was happy.

It was such a small thing, that fluffed up pillow.  It would have been easy for me to dismiss it in my hurry to get ready.  But that small thing to me was no small thing to Aaron, and it was best for me to recognize that and deal with it in an understanding way at that moment.  It saved a lot of anger in the long run, that’s for sure.  For Aaron would have been angered and bothered all day over that fluffed up pillow, and at my lack of comprehension about its importance.

This is a lesson that is reinforced almost daily in our home…………that small matters can be huge to Aaron, and to save huge outbursts or distress on his part, it’s best to nip it in the bud.  Repairing the fluffed up pillow was no big deal, seemingly, but it sure was to Aaron.  He saw my interest, too, and I hope he saw my love for him.  He went happily to his group, chattering all the way.  That makes for a good day for both of us!

And I’m sure that we’ll both sleep better tonight.

SHE’S CRAZY!!!!

As I recently had shoulder surgery, I was reminded of the time that Aaron had surgery for a broken wrist.  It was quite a few years ago, here in Wichita.  I was busy in the kitchen that particular evening as I cooked supper.  I didn’t pay much attention to Aaron as he walked in to where I was working until he told me that he had fallen outside and hurt his wrist.  “Mom,” he said, “I was trying to be one of those people at the circus that walks on that tightrope.  I was walking on the bricks around the porch and I fell off.”  I told him to go sit in the family room and soon I stood over him, looking down at the bulging bump on his wrist, and fearing the worst.

A trip to the emergency room and an X-ray confirmed what we thought to be true……….Aaron did indeed have a broken wrist.  He wore a splint until we could see the orthopedic doctor a few days later.  The doctor said that he would try to set the wrist without surgery, but if the bones moved at all then surgery would be necessary.  A couple nights later, I stood over Aaron in his bed and watched him have several seizures.  There was nothing we could do to stop the jerking.   And there was nothing we could do to change the outcome of that movement.  Surgery on his wrist was scheduled after the next X-rays revealed that the bones had shifted out of place.

None of these events phased Aaron in the least.  I guess God has gifted him with an ability to  have no fear of medical procedures.  He has always done better if allowed to watch while his blood is being drawn or an IV inserted.  EEGs, MRIs, X-rays, spinals………nothing has ever really upset him.  Gary and I are very thankful for that toughness!  So the prospect of surgery was no big deal to Aaron, even as I was concerned about it and wondering how it would affect his seizures.

The morning of his surgery arrived and there we were at the surgery center, bright and early.  Soon a nurse stepped out to usher Aaron and I into the prep area.  I knew right away that the second she saw Aaron, she recognized that he had special needs.  Nothing was strange about that.  However, I soon realized that she thought Aaron was mentally challenged.  I knew this because of the way that she spoke to Aaron.  She was very nice, but she spoke to Aaron like he was a very young child instead of a young adult.  She spoke slowly and deliberately to him, and she also talked in a sing-song voice.
  
She gave him instructions about undressing and about putting on the gown, all the while her voice lilting up and down.  I hoped that she would soon see that Aaron had no mental challenges and would just talk to him normally.  I stayed with Aaron, and soon he was settled on the bed.  She returned, and began preparing him for surgery.  “Aa….ron,” she slowly said,  “this is a blood pressure cuff.  Do you know what a blood pressure cuff is?”  Aaron sighed loudly and looked at her as if she had three eyes.  I knew that we were headed for dangerous ground as Aaron gruffly answered, “Yes!”  He stuck his arm out as she continued half-singing and half-talking.  “I’m going to wrap it around your arm and then it’s going to squeeze a little bit.  It won’t hurt at all.”   I wondered if her voice could possibly go up and down any further even as I noticed that Aaron was becoming more irritated.  If only she knew how often he had worn a blood pressure cuff!  As she removed the cuff, she said, “Very good, Aaron!” with all the enthusiasm and lilts in her voice that she could muster.  And Aaron was not enjoying this one bit!

Everything she did was preceded by her elementary explanations to Aaron in her singing voice and drawn out words.  “Aaron, this is a thermometer.  Do you know what a thermometer is?”   “Aaron, this is going on your finger but it won’t hurt.”   “Aaron, this will stick a little.  Good boy!”  I was in a dilemma as I patted Aaron’s arm in an effort to calm him.  Of course, she thought I was patting Aaron’s arm because he was scared when in reality I was patting his arm in the hopes that he wouldn’t lash out at her verbally by telling her what he thought of her silly voice.  I knew that if I corrected her in any way in front of Aaron, he would say, “Yeah!  I’m not dumb!  You are!!”……….or some variation of that.  Yet I kept hoping that she would lay off the singing voice and the simple childish talk to Aaron.
 
Finally, it was time for Aaron to mark his arm that was having surgery.  As she handed the pen to Aaron, she sang, “Aa…..ron, I want you to put an ‘X’ on the arm that’s having surgery.  Do you know how to make an ‘X’?”   And there lay Aaron, who knew his alphabet before the age of 2, being asked by this all-too-nice nurse if he knew how to make an ‘X.’  I happily told him to just make the ‘X’ as he reached up and yanked the pen out of the nurse’s hand, and rather angrily marked a big ‘X’ on his right arm.  She seemed oblivious to his simmering mood as she again sang, “Very good, Aaron!”
 
I was so very happy that she then turned and walked out of our little cubicle.  Aaron immediately jerked his head in my direction and loudly exclaimed, “SHE’S CRAZY!!!”  And I wanted to say, “Yes, Aaron………but she thinks YOU are!”………..yet I knew that I could not say that, so I just told Aaron that the nurse was being very nice and that he needed to also be very nice to her.  She quickly returned and began her lilting talking again while I once again patted Aaron’s arm.  And in total exasperation, Aaron rolled his eyes back into his head and gave a huge sigh.  He kept his eyes rolled back as the nurse continued to chatter and I continued to pat……….and he now really did look like he had mental challenges.  I just wanted to laugh, but I was trying to keep things balanced and I was hoping that Aaron’s eyes wouldn’t stick like that and I was pleading in my head for this oh-so-nice nurse to just hush.

I never dreamed that I would see the day that I was relieved to watch one of my children being rolled into surgery………….but that day had arrived.  We had survived the lilting-voiced nurse without a major blow-up from Aaron.   Yes, Aaron………..go to sleep now……….and let me go pray that our special nurse is not in recovery. 

Thankfully, she wasn’t to be seen again…….nice as she was.  But Aaron talked about that “crazy nurse” for a long, long time.   

We’re Eating WHERE?

Yesterday Aaron had a dentist appointment, and as usual, he was looking forward to our day together.  He gladly endures having his teeth cleaned because he knows that afterwards we will go somewhere for lunch, and then to Wal-Mart, and maybe somewhere else – which on this day, our somewhere else was to be CD Tradepost.  I let Aaron choose our lunch destination several days earlier and was not at all surprised when he chose Olive Garden…….his new favorite place to eat. 

He got up earlier than normal, which is sometimes a sign that he is excited about his day.  When I went in to talk to him, he immediately asked, “Mom, is 36.3 cold?”……..and I knew that he was looking at the outdoor temperature on his new  indoor/outdoor clock and weather center.  I assured him that the temperature today would be quickly rising and that we were in for a very warm, pleasant day for his dentist visit.
 
As I turned to leave his room, he had one more question.  “Mom, are we going to eat lunch at Oliver Garden?”  I responded with my own question to be sure that I had heard him correctly.  “Eat where, Aaron?”  And he repeated what I thought I had heard…..”At Oliver Garden,” he said.  I smiled and didn’t correct him.  Sometimes I prefer Aaron’s rendition of familiar names.

Later, as we drove past the farmer’s fields on our way to the dentist, Aaron kept up a steady stream of mostly one-sided conversation.  He talked about his Star Wars game; about Tavion; about whether cells can be renewed; about whether cells are actually nerves; and then transitioned to the fascination of crystals and fool’s gold……….among many other topics that entered that ever-active brain of his.
 
I enjoyed the relative quiet of the waiting room while he got his teeth cleaned, wondering if we would have a repeat of what happened at his last dental visit.  I was relaxing in my seat in the waiting area when I heard Aaron’s unmistakable voice say, “Mom!”………and I looked up to see him standing there in the middle of the waiting room, with the paper bib around his neck and the dark protective glasses covering his eyes.  “Aaron!  What are you doing?” I asked – just as the hygienist came around the corner, smiling.  He wanted to be sure that we were going to eat out and go shopping, and I said yes as he turned and followed the hygienist back to his waiting chair.  The other people in the room had that typical puzzled look on their faces and I acted like nothing strange had just happened.  If people could only see how funny their faces look at times like this!
 
Thankfully, on this visit Aaron stayed put in his chair and before long he was finished at the dentist and we were driving toward “Oliver Garden” for our fun lunch.  Later, as we waited for our food to arrive, Aaron spied the wine bottles sticking out of the racks in the wall.  “Mom!  Look at those bottles!” he exclaimed as he pointed to the wall. 

Aaron, don’t  point.

“But they keep those bottles in the wall!  Is that beer?”  I told him that it was wine, and he continued in amazement………”How do they get it out of the wall without breaking the glass?!”  So I gave him a lesson on how the bottles were not stuck in the wall, even as I looked at them and saw that they really did look like they were a part of the wall.  There I go, looking through Aaron’s eyes!

As we sat there, I had the usual conversations with Aaron about the usual topics.  Aaron, don’t make those noises.  Aaron, don’t stare at those people beside us.  Aaron, be careful and don’t spill your tea.  Aaron, don’t blow your straw paper on me.  Aaron, wipe up that spilled tea with your napkin.  Aaron, don’t sing.  And as I helped him get some salad, he said, “Mom, I don’t want the hard parts.”  I know that the hard parts of the salad are the croutons, even as he continued, “Do you want me to give you the hard parts?”  So I got the extra croutons and we were both happy.

As we munched on our pizza, Aaron brought up his favorite topic…….out of the blue, as so often is the case.  “Mom, Rosie likes me.”  Ah, Rosie…………Aaron’s special friend at his day group.  So here I sat with my grown son who is still a boy in most ways, and he wanted to talk about Rosie.  I asked him, “So how do you know that Rosie likes you?”  He didn’t hesitate at all before answering, “Because she sits beside me when we watch TV, and at the movies.  And we share popcorn.”

Their friendship is so sweet, and we are thankful for it.  He then told me that yesterday Rosie’s mom had come to Paradigm, and I was reminded of the very amusing comment that Aaron made a few weeks ago when he said, “Mom, today Rosie’s mom came to Paradigm.  It was the same kind of Mom that came to my birthday!!”  I had laughed and Aaron had no idea of how funny his comment was. 

He continued telling me about Rosie’s mom being at his group yesterday.  “I had a slushie that was half empty and I asked Rosie’s mom if I could give it to Rosie.  She said yes so I gave it to her.”   I asked him if Rosie ate it and he very patiently answered, “You don’t eat it.  You drink it!”  So I asked him if Rosie drank it and he said yes…………germs and all.  Well, they are friends, you know……….and friends don’t worry so much about all that germ business.

Last night, as we were saying good night, Aaron commented, “Mom, we had fun at Oliver Garden.”

Yes, Aaron, we did have fun at Oliver Garden.  I didn’t tell him that the most precious thing for me was to once again have the opportunity to see inside his heart that is sometimes tender…………at least when it comes to Rosie.  And I am thankful that even though Aaron has issues and is labeled as having “special needs”………..I have the unique privilege of having a son who will probably always tell me everything that he is thinking.  Much of it gets rather old at times, but then I have the opportunity to capture a real nugget……or more than one. 

And it’s not fool’s gold, either.  These times with Aaron are true gold……..priceless and irreplaceable.   

I’m Sorry, Mom……..I’m Sorry!

Earlier today, Gary and I were enjoying a quiet and laid-back Saturday morning.  Aaron was upstairs asleep……..nothing unusual about that, especially on a lazy Saturday.  Later, Gary went out to run some early errands before the crowds had the same idea.  I went upstairs to do some things and to jump in the shower.  Not long after I was in my room, I heard Aaron get up and go into his bathroom………nothing unusual about that, either.  Except that he was in there an awfully long time……….long enough for me to notice that this was unusual.  I stepped out into the hall and over to his bathroom door, where I was assailed by a very strong odor.

Fearing the worst, I asked, “Aaron, are you all right?”  And he softly answered, “No.”  Just a flat answer.  I knew what was wrong, even as I dreaded what I was about to face.  Aaron sometimes has intestinal trouble, as I wrote about earlier when I told about how he threw up on Thursday evening.  I knew that today his troubles were coming from the other end.  I told Aaron to just get in the shower and that I would come in then to see what needed to be done.

I waited until I heard the water running and then I opened the door.  Oh my goodness!  I won’t be graphic about the mess I found, but it was truly awful.  Poor Aaron had tried to clean it up, and it was just a disaster.  He heard me gasp, and as he stood in the pouring water of the shower, he said, “I’m sorry, Mom.  I’m sorry!  Mom, I’m sorry!” 

“I know you’re sorry, Aaron,” I said as I stepped back to assess the situation.  I removed my sling/immobilizer from my right arm, as well as my sweater, and then went downstairs to get gloves and so forth for cleaning.  I returned and set about the unpleasant task at hand.  And from the shower there came Aaron again……….”I’m sorry, Mom!  I’m sorry!” 

I finally told Aaron to quit saying that he was sorry, and I told him that it was all right………even as I fought the irritation that was welling up inside.  How on earth could he have made such a mess?  Goodness gracious!  Would I ever get it cleaned up?  And I was thankful that Gary wasn’t there, as he had his fair share of cleaning up vomit on Thursday. 

“I’m sorry, Mom,”  I heard Aaron say again.  And again I told him that it was OK, and that he didn’t need to keep apologizing.  But was it really OK, I asked myself?  I know that in these times of cleaning up Aaron’s messes………of dealing with his disasters………..of following behind him to correct the problems………..I, as always, have a choice to make.  I have learned that there is no benefit in self-pity.  Nothing is gained from questioning my lot in life……….being the mother of a child with special needs such as this.  I know that it is defeating for me to try to wish the situation away.   Negativity only breeds unhappiness and discontent…….and most important, is not how God wants me to handle this life that He has somehow allowed me and Gary to have. 

Paul said, “I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content.”  Paul wrote those words as he languished in a damp, horrible prison.  So there I was, cleaning up this vile mess and knowing that I needed to let my attitude reflect Jesus.  I needed to reflect Jesus to Aaron, and I needed to let God rule my thoughts.  So I prayed as I cleaned and as I tried not to gag.  I asked God to help me bring glory to Him even in this state in which I found myself.  I asked Him to help me have unconditional love for Aaron……….to not just love Aaron when he’s saying something hilarious but to also love him when he’s stinky and messy and furthermore, messing up my nice morning!

Eventually, the situation was under control.  The bathroom was clean and Aaron was in his room, playing a computer game and as good as new.  I walked in to where Aaron sat at his desk so that I could check on him, and as I turned to walk out I heard him softly say again, “I’m sorry, Mom.”  My eyes filled with tears as I walked away………….those tears that I don’t often allow to come.  I know that Aaron, in his own way, wishes that he could change things.  He is happy and content with his life most of the time, but I wonder what goes through his mind on days like today.  Does he wish that he didn’t have the issues that he faces daily?  Does he recognize his differences?  Does he see how dependent he is on Gary and I for his care?
 
I don’t know for sure, since Aaron doesn’t express those deep heart issues.  But his comment, his soft, “I’m sorry, Mom” shows me that he truly does know something.  He knows that he made a huge, ugly, smelly mess for his Mom to clean………and he was truly sorry.  That touches me.  And that urges me to love him and to let him know that it’s OK…….that I will be there to love him and help him for as long as God allows.

Aaron went outside later, and as I looked out I saw him in the front flower bed.  There he sat, in the mulch, relaxing and unwinding in the unique, quirky way that he does.  He hasn’t been out in the mulch for a long time.  He needed this today……….this time to decompress and sort out his thoughts.  Maybe I should have joined him……and wouldn’t that have been a sight to the people who were looking at the house for sale across the street from us?  I smiled at that thought. 

And I smiled as I looked at our son…….our special son……..who continues to teach me lessons of which he is completely unaware. 


May I learn them well.   

Something Went Wrong!

Yesterday, Thursday, was mall day for Aaron’s day group.  I always give him a little extra money on Thursdays so that he can get himself something for lunch.  And I always give Aaron my lunch tutorial on the way to meet his group.

“Now Aaron, for lunch be sure that you choose something that’s good for you.”  By that I mean something that’s not composed of ice cream, hot fudge, chocolate chips, and whipped cream.  In other words, Dairy Queen should not be his lunch destination, as it so often has been in the past.

He assures me, with some exasperation, that he knows this and that he promises to get a “good lunch.”  Still, I’m never sure that our definitions of “good” are anywhere near similar.  This is because Aaron wants what tastes good, whereas I want what is relatively good FOR him.
 
Aaron did his usual loud, grand entrance into the house when he returned from his day at the mall.  He hardly had time to blink when he rushed in the door before I hear him loudly say, “Mom?”  It didn’t take him long to find me and then he instantly began to tell me about his day – beginning, of course, with food and what he had for lunch.

“Mom!  We went to the mall and I had pizza for lunch!”  He said this rather breathlessly, as if he was telling me that he had gone to Rome for lunch.  He wanted to know if this was a good lunch and he hoped that I would be pleased, so I let him know that this was a good choice.  At least when compared to the Triple Death By Chocolate ice cream creation he sometimes consumes, pizza is a decent substitute.

He breathlessly continued, “And Mom!  I noticed something!  Those men were Italian!” 

Really, Aaron?  How did you know that they were Italian?

He answered, “Because they didn’t talk in the American way!”
 
He happily told me that one of the men behind the counter pointed to the various pizza choices and said, “Pizza, pizza, pizza!” ……………and not in the American way!  And Aaron told the Italian man that he was trying to decide what FLAVOR he wanted! 

As Aaron told me that he liked the flavor of pizza he chose, he said, “Look what I brought with me.”  Out of his pocket he pulled a knife, fork, and spoon that he had hidden in his pocket before he left the house.  I told him that he did not need silverware from home when he goes out to eat.
 
“But Mom, I wanted it because it’s metal!”  Oh, Aaron………….who always must have multiple pieces of silverware for every meal……..now wants metal silverware as opposed to plastic.  And I know that even though I remind him that he doesn’t need silverware at all with pizza, he will continue to have silverware around him with his pizza because he must.  He just MUST have silverware around him when he eats.  I also make a mental note that frisking him before he leaves the house would always be best.

Aaron continued on with reciting his lunch adventure by telling me about the lady at the oriental restaurant in the food court.  “Mom, that lady had meat on a toothpick.  She asked me if I wanted one and you know what I said?”  I told Aaron that I did not know what he said, knowing that he was about to tell me……….and he did.  “I said ‘Ewwww!’ ” 

I told Aaron that he should never respond to anyone who offers him food by saying “Ewwww!”  He answered, “But Mom, it was fish!  Do you want fish in Chinese?!”  I have no idea what fish in Chinese means, but obviously it is not in Aaron’s food palate.  Regardless, I confirmed to him that the nice response would have been to say, “No thank you.”  And he reaffirmed, “I thought it was just better to say ‘Ewwww!’ ”  Another mental note that we need some manners updating.

Later, as Gary and I were almost finished with our nice little dinner together, Aaron came downstairs and sat in the family room…………where I noticed that he looked a little odd and was swallowing in a strange way.  Then, as Aaron told Cody today……….”Something went wrong!”  I urged Aaron to hurry into the bathroom because I suspected that something was amiss in his digestive process……….which was correct.  He didn’t quite make it all the way to the toilet before that wonderful “pizza, pizza, pizza!” came right up.  This was not quite the ending to Aaron’s day or to our dinner that we would have chosen.  Indeed, something went wrong…….very wrong.

Poor Aaron, who lost all of that special flavor of pizza that he had chosen from that Italian man.  Poor Gary, who would not let me lift my one good arm at all and who patiently cleaned it all up himself.

Perhaps Aaron should have chosen to eat the fish that was in Chinese.  I’m not sure that he will ever choose that flavor of pizza again from that Italian man. 

Today it’s popcorn at the theater…………the largest popcorn possible……..with the most butter that they will squirt on the popcorn.  No amount of lecturing on my part or of something going wrong on Aaron’s part will deter him from his large buttered popcorn. 

Gary and I are taking Aaron out tonight to do a little shopping, and MAYBE to eat out.  We’ll see about that eating out part.   I know that I should frisk him before we leave…….to check for metal silverware in his pockets.

And brush him up on his manners as we drive.

And remind him of good food choices.

And stick some barf bags in the van……….and in my purse.

So much can go wrong! 
 
But somehow with Aaron, it all turns out right in the long run.

Grey Soup and Tornado Chips

 I was reminded this past weekend, as Aaron talked about food, of the very interesting ways that he describes certain foods.  As always, Aaron notices the uniqueness of various foods and he registers this information in his brain.  He then uses what he has registered in order to describe each food.  So often, he won’t say the name of the food that he’s trying to describe, but he’ll use the features of that food to identify it.  Sometimes he tries to tell us the color of the food, but since he’s color blind this often just adds to the comedy of his word pictures.

One day when he came home from his group, I asked him what they had fixed to eat that day.  It was the day that the staff cooked lunch for everyone.  He said, “We had chili with those black beans and those square crackers that have holes in them!”  I told him that the beans were probably kidney beans…….which he thought was quite funny……….and that the crackers were saltines.  Yet I know that the next time he tells me about kidney beans, they will be black beans……….and that saltines will the square crackers with holes in them.

He watched me make the green bean casserole for Thanksgiving dinner.  Shortly after that, he was trying to describe an omelet to me and the process of making it.  He said, “It was like those green beans we had……..all together.”  I understood exactly what he meant!

Telling me about the bread they had eaten at his group one day, he said, “It was French bread, I think.  Or garlic bread………..well, it was bread with black spots.”  I’ve learned not to be alarmed at the mention of black spots on or in a particular food.  Aaron describes most spices as being “black spots.”  He continued about the garlic bread…….”That garlic bread is strong in your mouth!” 

One day he was telling me what he had gotten to drink at the bowling alley.  “Mom, I got lemonade.”  That was unusual for him, so I asked him if he liked it.  He answered, “Lemonade has a strong and nasty taste………..I like it!”  OK.  Whatever you say, Aaron.

I returned home from a church event on Sunday afternoon and Aaron came down to talk to me……to be sure I was up on all the details of his day.  Finally, I asked him if he had eaten anything all day and he said, “Yes, I had some of that grey soup with those beans in it!”

Fortunately, I knew that he was referring to some Taco Soup that I had made……..which actually does have a tiny tinge of grey in it from the beans and their liquid.  But somehow, grey soup just sounds a little unappetizing to me.  I do wonder what people think when he tells them that his mom made some grey soup.  And again, it doesn’t matter that I said, “Oh, you mean the TACO SOUP.”  Aaron will still say “that grey soup” no matter what. 

We then had a discussion about the beans in the Taco Soup, which led him to remember a bean dish that he often sees in the deli at Wal-Mart or Dillon’s.  “You know, Mom, in that deli area?  It had some of those beans in a sauce kind of way……those red beans.”  Through some questions and a process of elimination, I finally realized that Aaron was talking about Baked Beans – which I reiterated to him several times.  Less than 24 hours later we were in Dillon’s, where Aaron happily saw some baked beans in the deli, and he exclaimed, “Mom!  There are some of those beans in that sauce kind of way!”  He didn’t even notice my shoulders slump as I once again stressed, “Yes, Aaron.  BAKED BEANS!” 

But he wasn’t through talking about fascinating deli food.  “Mom, they had those eggs with that squishy egg stuff on top!”  As tasty as that sounds, Aaron, there is a name for those eggs, too………..DEVILED EGGS.  He quickly says, “Yeah!” as he rushes on to the next food topic, and I know that he will not know the squishy eggs as Deviled Eggs the next time he sees them.

Yesterday he told me that there were some of the packaged nuts from his Christmas stocking that he did not like.  “You know, Mom,” he began.  Why does he always think that I know what he is going to be talking about, based on his crazy descriptions?!  Anyway, he continued, “I don’t like some of those nuts that were in my stocking.”  He paused as he waited for me to get with the conversation and ask him the question that he wanted to hear……….which I did………because if I don’t, it will just prolong the inevitable.

Which nuts don’t you like, Aaron?

“It’s those honey baked nuts.  They were totally baked!” 

Oh yes, Aaron.  The HONEY ROASTED PEANUTS.  I never exactly got a clear idea of why he doesn’t like them……….whether it’s the honey or the fact that they are totally baked.  Regardless, Gary is now the new owner of several packs of those honey baked nuts.

As we played Skip-Bo, he ate some Bugles chips.  But Aaron never calls them Bugles.  “Mom, these are those tornado chips!” 

Yes, Aaron……….those are BUGLES! 

He agrees and then says, “They look like tornadoes, don’t they, Mom?”  And I know that they are forever tornado chips in Aaron’s world. 

Today he was excited to show me what he had picked up at Subway……….a take-out menu and a nutrition guide.  He was fascinated with all the numbers on the nutrition guide, but I was happy for him to finally be able to discuss the various sandwiches by name………..not by how many black dots the bread had or if it had white mustard or that yellow cheese. 

Yes, Aaron………..the sub you get is a COLD CUT SUB.  On ITALIAN BREAD!  See?  There it is, in black and white.  Read it for yourself! 

I can only hope.

Returning to Normal

Today marks two weeks since my shoulder surgery.  Somehow it seems like the whole event happened much longer ago.  Then I stop and realize that it will be almost another two weeks until I can begin physical therapy, and that seems like a long way off.   Funny how our perceptions of time get all out of whack when our normal routine and world get shaken up. 

My surgery was more extensive than anyone thought it would be.  I had three tendons that needed to be re-attached; a biceps repair; and a very large bone spur taken out – or whatever it is that surgeons do with bone spurs.  I don’t need details.  The surgeon wants me to heal more before I start physical therapy, so that means longer in the sling/immobilizer with no use of my arm.  I’ve done very well, thanks to my amazing husband who does anything and everything to serve me and make life easier for me.  I’m learning how to do a lot with my left hand, which is not my dominant hand, and realizing that  I have so much for which to be thankful.  No crutches, for one thing.  I would be a hazard on crutches, primarily to myself.  My situation is not permanent, and for many people that is not the case as they find themselves minus a limb.  I am not undergoing months of chemo with an uncertain future ahead.  I have family and friends who love me, and have been so supportive both from near and far.  We have our huge Great Dane, Jackson, who sits by me and looks at me with sweet pity.  And I have Aaron, who causes me to be jerked back to reality daily.

Yes, dear Aaron……..whose world is all about…….Aaron.  Yet he has shown some surprising sides of himself over the past two weeks.  Before my surgery, I took him to Wal-Mart for a casual shopping trip.  He had some Christmas gift cards, but there really wasn’t much on this trip that he wanted.  Of course, he got some Skittles because Skittles are always important to have.  And he was very animated when we entered the produce department and he saw eggplants.  Yes, eggplants…….because they are unusual to him and they are a pretty color and he still remembers the summer that Gary planted an eggplant in our garden and it grew!  We didn’t buy an eggplant that day in Wal-Mart, but he was happy to hold it up for me to see…….and everyone else that was near us.

The day of my surgery, he bounded in the door as usual and I heard him come tromping up the stairs.  He came into the room where I was propped up in bed and launched right in to a rundown of his day.  To others, he would have perhaps seemed very uncaring because he didn’t ask about me right away………but I knew better.  I saw his eyes darting around the bed, taking in the sight of Mom not looking so great and the IceMan machine whirring beside the bed and the mound on my right side that was my surgery site.  He was taking it in and checking things out, and it was very vital to him to know that Mom was awake and could talk……..and most importantly, still had ears with which to listen to Aaron’s stories and questions and reviews of his latest movie that he has seen.  He popped in and out over the next few days, talking about his day at Paradigm or what he had eaten or what my opinion was concerning the possibility of aliens on other planets or whether I had any new information about global warming.  There is sameness with Aaron, that’s for certain.

He walked in one day to see my empty right shirt sleeve laying on top of the covers.  Coming out of the sleeve, where my hand should have been, was the hose for the ice machine.  This sight shocked even Aaron, whose eyes got huge as he blurted out, “Mom!!!  You don’t have a hand??!!”  We looked down and realized how shocking this looked, and then I showed him where my real hand was – all tucked into my immobilizer under the covers – and Aaron and Gary and I laughed and laughed.  Aaron was also very relieved to see that Mom was not missing a very necessary part!

At other times  he showed surprising tenderness.  He likes it when he and I use back scratchers at night to tickle each other’s backs.  One day he asked if we could “do our backs.”  I told him that I didn’t think I was up to that yet and he answered, “No, I don’t mean that you have to do my back.  I’ll just tickle your back.”  Well, my goodness!  I was surprised and pleased at that display of kindness, and I told him so…….which made him uncomfortable with pleasure.  He was also careful with goodnight hugs, being very slow and gentle with me instead of rough and brusque. 

He had one morning of non-compliance – the first morning that Gary went back to work and I was on my own again with Aaron.  I seriously wanted to walk away that morning as he challenged everything I said, and as his rudeness increased I became more and more exhausted.  He did go on to Paradigm when his ride came, angry with me even as he brushed out the door and uttered one more insult.  But when he came home, he was happy and acted as if the morning had never happened.  Since then he has been fine…….maybe he just needed to test the waters or his concern finally spilled out in his behaviors, as often happens. 

I never know what to expect when he comes home, but it almost always involves lots of talking and sometimes surprises……..such as this day last week when he was delighted to show me what his friend had painted on his face.  He told me about passing a school bus and how the children inside were staring at him on this day.  Yep, Aaron, I bet they were.
 
He is happy that I can now awkwardly shuffle cards, so Skip-Bo is sometimes a part of our evening here and there.  Yesterday we walked around our circle when he got home, minus our big dog, and it felt so good to be outside and to walk and of course, to listen to Aaron talk.  This past Sunday, though, I did not want to listen to him talk.  I had just settled in a chair with cushions and my blanket for a Sunday nap………and I heard his door open and then the unmistakable sound of his thumping down the stairs.

I kept my eyes closed, but Aaron doesn’t pay attention to those blatant hints.  He talked to me a minute, then thumped downstairs to talk to Gary, then back up to talk to me some more……despite my closed eyes.  Surely, I hoped, when he sees my closed eyes he will hush.  Instead, he settled himself on the arm of the couch near my chair and proceeded to talk.   I could feel myself nodding off and then realized that Aaron was saying, “…….right, Mom?  Mom?  Is that right?  There are lots of volcanoes in Hawaii, right?”
  
Yes, Aaron…….I could barely make the words come out………..there are volcanoes in Hawaii.  Then I felt myself once again being pulled down into sweet sleep,  only to be jerked up again with, “………so Mom…..Mom?…….earthquakes cause cracks in the ground, don’t they?”

Uh-huh…..I barely muttered.  His monotone voice began to drone again, making me even sleepier.
“…….is that right, Mom?  Huh?  Is that right?”

I agreed that it was right, not even knowing or caring about what I had just agreed to……….and he began to talk again about volcanoes or earthquakes.

For crying out loud, Aaron, please!  Can you not see that I’m trying to take a nap?

 

Unfazed, he said OK and got up, going back to his room.  Yet I knew I wasn’t dreaming when soon I heard that thump, thump, thump of him coming down the stairs again.  AAHHH!!!  I didn’t move and I barely even breathed as he entered the family room, walked near me, and stopped.  Then I heard him chuckle.   “HeHeHeHeHe,” he laughed in his deep voice.  I didn’t budge.  He walked toward the kitchen, stopped, and turned to walk back……..and as he passed I once again heard it……..”HeHeHeHeHeHe.” 
 
Then he was gone, thumping back upstairs not to return again……….and leaving me to smile and to wonder what that was all about.  You never know with Aaron.  He just called me as I’m writing this – called from Barb’s cell phone at Paradigm.  I asked, “Aaron, what are you doing?”  He answered, “I don’t know!”  Oh, Aaron. 

See, I’m not the only one that wonders what on earth Aaron is doing.   Half the time, he doesn’t even know!  Yes, things have returned to normal around here for sure.