Category: Asperger’s Syndrome

No Electricity??!!

This past Sunday was a pretty stressful day around here.  I’m not talking about the huge storm that moved into Wichita…….or the tornadoes that were just to the south of us…….or the hail…..or the sideways rain……….or the fierce winds.  I’m talking about spending this delightful day with Aaron – and no electricity for about 7 hours.  When his precious weekend schedule is disrupted, no matter the reason, then regimented Aaron can……and did……become most unhappy. 

Gary and I were watching the weather.  We knew that there was rotation in the huge clouds that were all around us.  When the tornado sirens started blaring, I went up to Aaron’s room and told him that it was time for us to head all the way downstairs to the basement.  Aaron resisted this at first because he was playing a computer game, but he finally walked into the kitchen carrying his supplies for our stay in the basement.  He was carrying his soft, black, fuzzy pillow; his favorite blanket; his two current favorite DVDs; and his watch, dangling from his fingers and for some reason not on his arm.  He was wearing his shoes and socks, so that was good.  Just before we headed down the stairs, the electricity went off.  This was the real storm threat to us in the long run, but we thought that surely the power would be back on soon and so we were not alarmed. 

Our basement is finished, with carpeting and couches – and lights and a nice television that we couldn’t use because of the lack of electricity.  Gary and I ventured upstairs a few times to check on how the storm was progressing, but Aaron stayed where he was.  He pet Jackson for awhile, and listened to the hail and the wind…….and talked a lot, of course.  Finally he put his fuzzy pillow on the couch, laid down and placed his blanket on himself, and went fast asleep.  Everything was going nicely, I thought.  Silly me.

The storm had calmed down and was nearly over when Gary and I went upstairs to look out once again.  I soon woke Aaron up, and he gathered all of his belongings together before thumping up the stairs.  It only took him a few seconds to realize that the electricity was still off.  He put his pillow and blanket and DVDs back up in his room, and checked the time on his watch that was now on his arm.  Then he asked when the electricity would be turned back on…….and of course we didn’t know for sure.

For awhile, everything was fine and happy.  We looked out the windows as we surveyed for possible damage.  The sun came out, and we walked out on the driveway to look around.  Then I decided to do a few things that I could do without electricity.  Aaron followed me around as I folded some sheets, got Andrew’s bed ready for his arrival in a couple days, put away some laundry, and worked on a grocery list.  Aaron was talking and talking as usual, but soon his voice took on a different tone.  Electricity deprivation was setting in.  We were in trouble.

Aaron has just a set way of doing things.  His world functions the way that Aaron wants it to function, day after day.  We suggested that Aaron sit down and read a book.  But no……..Aaron will ONLY read his Handy Answer Books at night before bed.  At no other time will he read a book.  Believe me, we have tried to encourage reading at other times of the day or night.  But in Aaron’s world, reading is for just before bed……….propped up in his bed with his pillows around him in just the right order, along with his faithful back scratcher placed just so-so……and maybe a snack hidden from Mom under his covers.  Reading is not for the daytime with the sun shining and while sitting on a couch.  That’s crazy!  And Mom and Dad are crazy for even suggesting such a thing!

We also knew that Aaron would not go out to “do the mulch,” as he says.  He likes to sit out in or by some of our flower beds, or under our trees, and then break little pieces of mulch into his special mulch trash can.  But when the mulch is wet, as it was on this day, it won’t break like he wants it to and so he will NOT “do the mulch.”  Aaron realized that mulch was not an option on this increasingly boring day.  And he had already cut out the Sunday coupons.  His options were narrowing………and his frustration was rising.

Gary and I could see another storm coming……….a storm called Angry Aaron………..and there wasn’t much we could do to prevent it.  These times are when we parents of autistic  children………..or adults, as Aaron is………..try to balance those issues of using this time as a teachable moment or a time of discipline, as compared to feeling like we give in or enable poor behavior in our children.  Yet all of our years with Aaron have taught us that once he starts down a track of great frustration it is nearly impossible to turn him around in the same way that we could another of our children.  The disconnect, if you will, in Aaron’s brain just won’t allow him to see things any other way but the way that he sees it. There are times when we have to see Aaron’s world through Aaron’s eyes, and then seek to re-route that train that’s headed down the track to a sure collision. 

Aaron began to blame Gary and I for the lack of electricity.  No amount of explaining kept him from blaming us.  And if it wasn’t exactly our fault that the power was out, it was certainly our fault that we didn’t know when it was coming back on.  And if it wasn’t our fault that we didn’t know when it would come back on, it was most definitely our fault that we didn’t have a plan of action that would give him something to do.  Never mind that nothing we suggested was  acceptable to him.  It was still our fault!!

Aaron’s anger was escalating.  When Aaron gets really angry, he will break something – and it’s usually something that he likes.  So strange, but true.  Therefore, I was very thankful when Gary suggested that we go for a drive to see if we could find out where the power problem was.  I fully expected Aaron to demand that if we did find the problem, then Gary should climb up the pole and fix it……….since after all, it was HIS fault!

The drive was nice.  Of course, Aaron had to have on his favorite music and he had to talk the whole time, but at least he was happier.  We finished by going to Taco Bell, where Aaron had to examine every single item on the drive-through menu………and I told Gary to just order Nachos Bell Grande for him……….and right after that was done, Aaron said he wanted tacos.  Sorry, Aaron.  He ate his Nachos at our kitchen table, in the dusky light, with his TWO spoons and his TWO forks that he got from the silverware drawer, and the napkin caddy, and his water with a straw – always.

Gary grilled turkey burgers and turkey hot dogs on the grill, and Aaron ate a couple hot dogs while trying to sneak some to Jackson – always.  Then he and I played Skip-Bo by lantern light, and he was very happy about that……even when I won!  And just as we finished our game, the power came back on!!  Before I could hardly blink, Aaron had vanished.  He was in his room in record time, turning his computer on and treasuring at least a short time to play his game.  He wasn’t even angry when it was time to get off and get ready for bed.  The storm had truly passed, at least for that day.

When I went in to his room to say good-night, he told me to wait a minute.  He sat on his bed and reached for his digital clock on his night stand, then told me to tell him what time it was so that he could set his clock.  I told him that it was 11:12.  Click, click, click.  He set the correct time, then stood up and looked at his satellite digital clock by his desk.  His eyes became large and almost wild as he said, “It’s 11:13!!”  Back to his bed he went, and quickly changed his night stand clock to 11:13.
 
Another crisis averted!  Dear Aaron.  He wants his life to run like clockwork, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen.  Yet trying to explain that to Aaron is NOT easy.  Sometimes it’s not at all possible.  Therefore, Gary and I are the ones that have to constantly adjust.  We have to reset our way of thinking and our way of disciplining and our way of living on those days and in those moments.  We do get frustrated and tired, and sometimes we feel guilty for getting frustrated and tired.

But God is faithful in these storms…….in the tornadoes and in the Aaron issues, God is there.  Whether it’s 11:12 or 11:13, God is with us.  And there is much He can teach us through this Aaron of ours.

Like today……….Wednesday……..Aaron’s least favorite day to go to his day group.  But that storm story is for another day.  

I’m Iknorin’ You!

Yesterday morning was one of those mornings with Aaron.  If there is a morning that Aaron stubs up and refuses to go to his day group, it’s usually on Wednesday.  The staff at Paradigm cooks on that day.  They fix very yummy meals, but Aaron wants nothing to do with it.  For several weeks, Aaron told me that the staff was just going to give them tuna sandwiches and that he doesn’t like tuna, and on and on.  Well, I checked with some of the staff and found out that they have never fixed tuna sandwiches and had no intention of fixing tuna sandwiches.  Aaron was caught and he knew it.  Therefore, he has changed his Wednesday tactic. 

He got up on his own yesterday.  Andrea was busy getting ready to head back to Texas.  I found Aaron sprawled out on her floor, petting her little dog, Darcy……..who was trying to hide under her desk because she doesn’t exactly trust Aaron.  Darcy is a perceptive little doggie.  She doesn’t like Aaron’s booming noises, or how he bursts through closed doors, or his clapping, or his loud talking.  She does like the fact that he slips her treats………treats like gummy worms, or peanuts, or pieces of meat under the dinner table.  Therefore, Darcy will timidly allow Aaron to pet her as she searches his outstretched hand for a little food nugget.  Aaron had no such treat in his hand as he laid there petting her, so she stayed under the desk, keeping her distance as best she could.  Smart little Darcy.

I spoke to Aaron and he slowly got up, coming into my bedroom as I was getting ready.  He began his Wednesday morning con job.  “Mom, I’m tired,” he flatly said.  I told him that I was sorry, and then told him that I had poured his coffee…….which would work wonders on his tiredness.  This was not the response he wanted.  He wanted me to quickly realize that there was absolutely no cure for such extreme tiredness as he was now experiencing.  So with as much feigned exhaustion as he could muster, he continued.  “No, I’m really tired.  I read until 11:32 and then at 2:00 I was still awake.”  His tone was one of utter fatigue and was definitely designed to prick my tender mother’s heart……….and to allow him to stay home. 

Inside I was smiling, and I was also dreading the way that this morning might progress.  Aaron can easily turn very hateful when his worn-out ploy doesn’t get the desired result……..which is that Mom will allow him to stay at home.  I expressed concern for his weariness even as I went about my business.  I once again reminded him of the coffee waiting downstairs and his morning pills.  Aaron was beginning to see that Mom had a rather hard heart in her chest on this morning.  Therefore, he deployed Plan Number 2.

“Mom, I’m iknorin’ you.”  Oh brother!  This is one of Aaron’s favorite games to play anymore………..except it’s not a fun game.  It’s almost always a sign that he is getting fed up with me.  So I just “iknored” what he said and kept getting my make-up on, even as he followed me into my bathroom.   He stood there staring at me, hoping for some result that would come from his statement.  There was none.  He repeated, “I’m just iknorin’ you.”  Still no response from seemingly calm Mom.  “So I’m iknorin’ you.”  I shook my head but made no comment.  “I’m going to iknore you.” 

It was so hard not to laugh.  In his effort to ignore me, he was totally NOT ignoring me!  I don’t know how many times he repeated that he was “iknorin’ ” me, but I just sat there going about  my business………which in reality meant that I was the one doing the “iknorin’ “………….not Aaron.  He never seemed to come to that reality, however.

Finally, he walked out of the bathroom and made one more verbal fling.  “You can’t make me stop iknorin’ you!!!!”

At last he was out of sight and I could fully smile, and even chuckle.  He actually drank his coffee and took his pills, and then I heard him taking his shower.  Progress!  A good sign indeed!

He ended up sitting at his desk, watching his new GI Joe movie.  I realized that we might be able to leave early enough for me to take Aaron to either Dillon’s or Quik Trip to get a drink.  Knowing that the very sound of my voice might stir up his anger again, I decided to try a different tactic to ease him beyond his frustration on this morning.  I wrote him a note, and then quietly walked into his room.  I handed him the note over his shoulder, laying it on the desk in front of him.  He read it quickly before I could leave the room, and then he happily replied, “OK!”  And he immediately added, very softly, “Sorry.”  I patted his shoulder and left the room, where soon he joined me to say that he wanted to go to Dillon’s.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  He didn’t write me back on that little piece of paper.  Instead, he was willing to communicate.  More progress!

We had overcome that hurdle, but the rest of the morning was crazy, thanks to Aaron.  He said something to Andrea and me about opening the front door, so we rushed downstairs……….where we looked outside and saw Darcy running through our neighbor’s yard.  We ran outside and yelled, not knowing how far Darcy would run, but thankfully she came back to Andrea right away.  I was fussing at Aaron, who seemed oblivious to what he had done, and soon I hustled him into the van.  I was trying not to be late to meet his day group ride. 

We backed out of the driveway, and Aaron suddenly opened the van door and hopped out, not caring that we were in the middle of the street.  He said that he forgot something, and I yelled at him to close the van door.  I pulled back into the driveway as he scurried (as fast as Aaron can scurry) back to the garage, where he opened the door and went inside the house.  He came back carrying his container of peanuts, and off we hurried to Dillon’s.

I walked quickly into the store, with Aaron lagging behind.  He finally chose his flavored water and then had to have more peanuts, and finally we were done and on our way to meet his group, and of course he talked non-stop the whole way, and I was frustrated at being late…………  

But at least he wasn’t “iknorin’ ” me, right?  We pulled up to the day group van, where Aaron opened his window so that Craig would open his window…….and Aaron continued to talk.  I nudged him out as he grabbed his Dillon’s bag that held his peanuts and flavored water, and then he grabbed his other peanuts……all the while happily talking to Craig while he juggled his TWO containers of peanuts and his water.  Aaron was asking Craig about the barbecue that they were going to have that day, and informing Craig that he would NOT go to the barbecue in the park, water balloons or not.  

I had moved beyond being “iknored” and the whole dog incident and the tiredness of Aaron and rushing through Dillon’s by the time Aaron barged in the door at 4:30.  He rushed upstairs to find me as he yelled, “Mom!  Mom!”  He burst into my bedroom and proceeded to excitedly tell me about the barbecue in the park……..the barbecue that he had no intention of attending………and of the hamburger and chips he ate……….and the water balloons that he avoided………and the geese that he fed and the goose poop that he scraped off of his shoes. 

He dug in his pocket and pulled out some very dirty coins that I had him promptly throw away.   He continued to dig in his pocket and then pulled out a very ragged feather.  He held it toward me as he said, “Here, Mom!  This is for you.  It’s a goose feather.  Here, take it!”  I came very close to telling him that this feather was very dirty and that he should throw it away as he did the filthy coins, but the look on his face stopped me.  To Aaron this gift was as valuable as a gold and diamond necklace.  How could I say no?


So I reached out and took the possible goose feather, and I thanked him as warmly as if it was that beautiful necklace.  He hardly reacted, though I knew he was pleased as he thumped up the hall to his bedroom……..where he checked to be sure I had plugged in his keyboard, and then changed his clothes……..with his door open.  And he loudly reminded me to tell him when Wheel of Fortune came on, the way he does every single night.

That ragged possible goose feather with who-knows-what on it is still sitting on my desk……….a reminder that Aaron cared enough for Mom to bring me a treasure.  I never know what to expect from Aaron from day to day, from hour to hour…..even though at times he is so predictable.  His mind is amazing and multi-layered, that’s for sure.

I went from being “iknored” to being the recipient of a valued feather of unknown origins.  All in all, I’d say it was a pretty good day.

Be Quiet!

I have often referred to an old article that I have had for years when I talk about the traits of persons with Asperger’s Syndrome.  The article is from the Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support website, known as O.A.S.I.S.  Karen Williams wrote a good article there entitled, “Understanding the Student With Asperger’s Syndrome:  Guidelines for Teachers.”  But this article is also an excellent resource for parents, siblings, or friends of those with many forms of autism.  I remember that when I first read this article, I thought Ms. Williams must surely have met our Aaron.  She was describing him so well!

In this article, as she writes about impairment in social interaction, Ms. Williams says that the individual with Asperger’s is insensitive and lacks tact.  She goes on to say, “When they have been unintentionally tactless or insensitive, it must be explained to them why the response was inappropriate and what response would have been correct.  Individuals with AS must learn social skills intellectually. They lack social instinct and intuition.”

And I say: “Yes! Yes! Yes!”  I don’t know how many times I have said to someone, “I don’t know how many times we’ve told Aaron not to say……”  Or, “I don’t know how many times we’ve told Aaron not to do…….”  Just fill in the blank.  Almost anything would fit.  Gary and I continue to correct, reinforce, admonish, explain, redirect……and pray a lot…….and get red faces a lot……..over some of the things that Aaron says and does.

Aaron will call it like he sees it.  For instance, someone in his day group has buck teeth.  One day Aaron was very excited to tell me about this person.  “Mom!  ______ has bucket teeth!”  As if that wasn’t bad enough, he proceeded to demonstrate what the bucket teeth looked like.  Somehow I held it together and explained to Aaron that this person couldn’t help what kind of teeth he had, and that he shouldn’t mock him. 
Aaron was totally confused.  He didn’t understand why his actions were wrong, so I rehearsed our lesson about not talking about people’s physical characteristics.  I knew where Aaron would someday go with this fascination about the “bucket teeth.”  Sure enough, not long ago Aaron said, “Mom!  I told _____ that he looks like a rabbit!” 
I knew this would happen……..so again I talked to him about how very wrong this was, and how would he feel if someone told him that he looked like a rabbit?  And Aaron’s response?  “But Mom!  He DOES look like a rabbit!”

It’s a good thing that I have a hard head, because I sure do beat it against the proverbial wall a LOT!!

The other morning, Aaron decided to play a little game with me.  I went in to wake him up.  He lay there perfectly still under his always-present pile of covers.  I spoke to him a few times as I opened his blinds.  Finally as I walked toward his bedroom door, he flatly said, “I’m iknorin’ you.”  I love how he pronounces the word “ignoring.”  So I chuckled and told him to get out of bed.  Later that evening, I went to his room to tell him that his favorite Wheel of Fortune was getting ready to come on the television.  As I walked out of his room, he said, “I’m still iknorin’ you.”  And as I went down the stairs, he continued, “You fell for it.  You’re weird!” 

Now he shouldn’t tell people that they are weird, especially not Mom, so once again I reinforced this fact when he came downstairs.  And of course, he affirmed, “But you ARE weird, Mom!”  Sigh.

I never like for Aaron to answer the phone, but Aaron LOVES answering the phone.  A few days ago, as I was getting ready to take him to meet his group, our phone rang.  Aaron made a beeline for it, so I told him not to answer it because I couldn’t talk.  He saw on the caller ID the last name of Travis……..a name he knows well.  He was very excited as he pushed the talk button and blurted out, “Mom can’t talk now!!”  Not even a hello from Aaron! I could hear Jennifer laughing heartily and then Aaron laughed.  He thought that this was so much fun!  And I was very glad it was my good friend who totally gets Aaron.

Aaron calls Jackson’s dog food “pebbles” because the pieces are little round balls.  Yesterday we went into Papa Murphy’s to get Aaron a pizza for supper.  Aaron wanted to look at the topping selections, so he looked down through the window at the containers of toppings.  Instantly he spied the little Italian sausage balls that looked like Jackson’s dog food pebbles and very loudly exclaimed, “That looks like DOG FOOD!!” 
And there I stood, explaining to the puzzled young man behind the counter, that our dog’s food is round like that sausage is round……….not wanting him to think that Aaron has just insulted the pizza toppings or Papa Murphy’s……….and Aaron was off inspecting the buckets of cookie dough and wondering where on earth the bread sticks were.

I remember years ago sitting in church, where we had a guest preaching on this particular Sunday morning.  Gary and I were sitting in the back, where we always sat with Aaron for obvious reasons.  This preacher was a little louder and moved around more than our pastor did……..our pastor that Aaron was used to and with whom he was very comfortable.  We could tell that Aaron was becoming frustrated with this moving, louder preacher.  And our Aaron, who doesn’t know how to really whisper, said rather loudly, “Can someone tell him to be quiet?!” 

At those moments, Gary and I look like we’ve practiced synchronized parenting as we both bent towards Aaron, who was sitting between us, and as we both clamped down on his legs and hissed at him to HUSH!!!  I’m sure that we could take gold in the synchronized parenting category.  And in the red-faced, we think we’re going to have a stroke, category as well.

Oh my goodness, how many times have we wished that we could just tell Aaron to be quiet!  But in retrospect, we can look back with much laughter over so many of the things that Aaron has said and done. 

And I guess embarrassment is part of building strong character in us as Aaron’s parents……….or just shows what a character Aaron is!

I may as well say it – keep talking, Aaron!  He’s going to anyway. 

When Is It TOTAL Morning?

Aaron got up half-heartedly this morning, saying he was very tired and that he didn’t sleep well and that his stomach hurt and do I have to go to Paradigm……….and I just walked back up the hall.  Slowly he got out of bed and slowly he came around to a measure of cooperation as I poured his coffee and fixed him a bowl of his favorite leftover potato dish for breakfast.  I barely listened as he talked about how tired he was.  This is a favorite ploy of Aaron’s……..trying to convince me that he is SOOOO tired.

The other morning he told me this same tired story about being tired, telling me that he had not gone to sleep until after midnight.  This reminded him of a question that he had been mulling for some time, to hear him tell it.  “Mom, I’ve always wondered.  Is midnight like half morning?”  And before I could formulate my answer to his always interesting question, he continued.  “So if midnight is half morning, when is it total morning?” 

I tell you, sometimes his questions and his comments just leave me:

A.  Speechless
B.  Amazed
C.  Doubled over in laughter
D.  All of the above

You can’t pull much over on Aaron, either.  He usually begins each day with asking me this question that I have heard thousands of times:  “Mom, can we do something tonight?”  He  pauses and then adds, “Like play Skip-Bo or do our backs?”  And I have told him thousands of times that I don’t know and that I’ll see and that I’ll let him know.  I never say yes, because if something unforeseen happens that prevents me from doing something with him, I have entered the category of being a liar………and I’ve written even recently about the ramifications of Aaron thinking that I have lied. 

The other morning, when asked this familiar question about whether I could do something that night, I told Aaron once again that I wasn’t sure.  And he asked, “So why don’t you know?  Are you doing something tonight?”  I said, “Well, Aaron, sometimes I just want to relax at night.”  And Aaron wisely answered, “Relaxing means we could do something.” 

Not in my book, Aaron.  You have no idea.

Sometimes Aaron and I take Jackson on a walk around our circle in the evening.  Aaron, of course, talks the entire way.  Every step is filled with conversation………..mostly one sided.  You can guess which side.  Jackson doesn’t talk……..and I usually can’t fit a word in……….so there is only Aaron left.  The other evening, Aaron pointed to some one’s yard and asked, “What are those yellow flowers?”

I answered, “Quit pointing, Aaron.”  I say this repeatedly as we walk past people’s homes……..people who are probably wondering why Aaron is always pointing at their homes.  Sigh.  Then I reminded Aaron that those yellow flowers are dandelions……and that dandelions are a weed, because I know that question is next.  “So dandelions are a weed?” he asks anyway.  “Yes,” I repeat.  About that time we walked past a pretty budding Bradford Pear and Aaron asked, “What kind of tree is that?  Is that a weed tree?”

And while I was laughing at the thought of a weed tree, there he was – pointing at another house and asking, “Is that the house that was hit by a fire?” 

Aaron, houses aren’t hit by fires, exactly……….not like they’re hit by lightning……..which could actually cause a fire so I guess you could say…………    

Aaron, quit pointing!

Aaron talks about all the animals we see and hear as we walk………the dogs and cats and birds and squirrels.  He stops and talks to anyone and everyone that may be out in their yard.  Lucky people!  Aaron won’t let them go, either.  I smile and try to ease Aaron away while making sure that Jackson is behaving, and I never know who is alarming our neighbors the most………..our huge Great Dane or our Aaron who will NOT quit talking!!

People should learn what to do when they see us coming, and especially if they see Aaron pointing at them!   Go inside.

Speaking of animals, one day as we were driving, Aaron and I smelled a skunk.  He sniffed and then wrinkled up his nose and proclaimed that something smelled like a skunk………and then added, “I’m not talking about you, Mom!”   So glad he cleared that up.

Not long after that conversation, he came home from his group and was describing the road on which they were driving.  “Mom!  You know that road?  There was a dead skunk there!  It was freshly dead and it smelled bad!”

I was very glad he didn’t reference me again.

And how Aaron loves cows…….and bulls.  We pass a field of each of those particular bovines on our way to meet his group.  First the cows.  He always looks for them and wonders where they are if he can’t see them, as was the case the other morning.  “Mom!  Where are the cows?  Are they in that farm den?”

He means the barn.  But doesn’t “farm den” have such a warm and homey ring to it?

Then we later pass the pasture that is the home to some bulls.  This morning………. as Aaron had the window rolled down and tried to sit so as to block Mom’s hair from blowing wildly…….he saw some bulls.  They aren’t often out when we drive by, so he was happy to see them.  He talked about the baby bull and the big bull………..and by the time I dropped him off at Quik Trip to meet his ride, he was talking about how bees dance.  Yes, how bees dance.


He just cracks me up and he has no idea why.  He came in the kitchen the other night and told us, “Hey!  I saw a commercial about that restaurant that I like.  You know……CAROL’S O’Kelly!!” 

Which restaurant, Aaron?  “CAROL’S O’Kelly!” he repeated.

And this morning……….”Mom!  Did you read The Wizard of Is today?”
 
“Read WHAT, Aaron?”

“The Wizard of IS?!”

He thought I was laughing because I had read the Wizard of Is.

Oh, Aaron.  Life is so much more interesting with you in it to make the mundane and the usual most interesting and unusual!

He’ll be home soon.  And I’ll have a new blog idea, I’m sure.

A Flower For Mom

I’m sitting here at the computer, taking a little breather from Aaron and his incessant talking, and trying to decide how to convey Aaron in my writing.  He is so interesting, yet so exhausting; so funny, yet so frustrating;  so predictable, yet so surprising.  Sometimes I just can’t fully explain or project the complexities and the simplicities of Aaron.

He often majors on such minor aspects of life.  He will focus on something and talk about it until Gary and I are mentally numb.  For instance,  the other day he bought a Cheddar Pasta Salad for his lunch while out with his day group.  He came home carrying the empty shopping bag, but inside was the receipt for the pasta salad.  He wanted me to see it and to be as disturbed as he was by the fact that his pasta salad rang up as potato salad.  I have since, including this morning, explained to him that the two salads cost the same.   It doesn’t really matter that Cheddar Pasta Salad was rung up as Potato Salad.  Both are in the deli and both cost the same.  I have assured and reassured Aaron that this matter is really no big deal…….yet I know that to Aaron it IS a big deal.  Simply put, Potato Salad is not Cheddar Pasta Salad.  This fact and this incident upsets Aaron’s world.  Mom and Dad need to get this, and need to discuss this with as much fervor as Aaron.  After days of discussion, our flat voices and vacant stares do not make sense to Aaron.  He hardly notices.  Like he said this morning, “Mom, should I fuss at those scanner people?  That was weird!”

I sigh and think of what and who is really weird, but I just assure Aaron that he should not fuss at those scanner people…….and I hope that soon he’ll just GET OVER IT!!!  Just like I’m longing for him to get over the new PC game he saw at Wal-Mart that he is wanting to buy.  Alien……which is right down Aaron’s alley because it’s full of growling, slimy aliens that your character must kill.  Gary and I want to research this game before we say yes or no.  Aaron isn’t into research………..he’s into talking us down to a level of no resistance. 

He was discussing this game while I was getting ready the other morning.  He asked repeatedly if and when we could go to Wal-Mart to check it out…….which to Aaron means to buy it.  And he says what he often says when making these requests – “Mom, I’m not making you!”  As he talked on and on the other morning, he tried a new tactic as he asked if we could probably go to Wal-Mart.  “Mom, I said probably!  Does that mean making you?”  Clever, Aaron – very clever.

That night I saw predictable Aaron as he came down to the kitchen.  It was time for bed, and he took his pills.  He then headed for the guest bathroom, because he prefers it more than his bathroom upstairs.  Aaron must always say goodnight, and he very much prefers to say goodnight in his room.  I reached out to give him a goodnight hug in the family room and he backed away.  He knew I wasn’t going to wait on him to use the bathroom, so he thumped up the stairs and walked into his room.  I followed obediently, knowing exactly what was happening.  He stepped into his room, turned and gave me a goodnight hug, and then went back downstairs to use the bathroom.  Yes, predictable Aaron. 
The next day he told me that he was tired because he stayed up reading too late.  Aaron will only read at night before bed, all propped up just so-so in his bed as he reads one of his Handy Answer books.  As he told me that he was tired, he began discussing Latin names of animals.  Last night I discovered why he was talking about Latin animal names and why he had been tired that morning.  Aaron, who reads EVERY word of his Handy Answer books, had read this long list of English/Latin animal names, along with the animal’s  expected life span.  He showed me the list that was on several pages, and also pointed out how he had read across the list…………every name…….every single name.  I just shook my head in disbelief while he was again unaware of how amazing he is. 

Sometimes Aaron is even sweet.  A couple evenings ago, he and Gary were on a walk out in the yard.  Later Aaron came in the house and with great purpose he marched over to where I sat.  He held out a “flower” as he said, “Here, Mom!  I picked you a flower!”  He thrust it toward me as he continued, “Put it in a pot of water and save it, OK?” 

I took the “flower” that was handed to me and saw that it was Chickweed.  And even though I didn’t really want a Chickweed flower, I shrugged off my resistance and accepted it gratefully.  Aaron was very pleased with the “flower” he had given to Mom, and I was so touched by his earnest show of love.  I put the “flower” in a glass of water, where it is thriving.  Aaron loves the little blue flowers that are really purple………..but Aaron is color blind and so to him this pretty “flower” is indeed blue.  And I am relieved that at least he didn’t pick this “flower” from the neighbor’s flower bed, which he has been known to do.

These incidents are just the tip of the iceberg that is Aaron.  And just as with a real iceberg, the majority of which is underwater, so it is with Aaron.  There is so much more to him than meets the eye.  It takes some time to understand him, and just when you think you do, he does something that catches you by surprise.

That’s what I think of when I look at my pretty Chickweed “flower.”  I’m glad I saved it and didn’t toss it in the trash.  And I’m always glad when I take the time to understand Aaron, and not just toss him aside in frustration. 


But I do roll my eyes a lot!

Big Red Gum…….And Forgiveness

I want to share something that happened yesterday morning with Aaron.  This incident gave a glimpse into several aspects of his autism, and also taught me yet another valuable life lesson.  Aaron does have a way of teaching me things that stay with me for a long time……..and sometimes hopefully forever.

I had an obligation at church on Monday and Tuesday that prevented me from taking Aaron to meet his day group.  I arranged for his driver to pick him up at our house.  But on Monday I realized that I could drive Aaron to meet his group, and so that night I told Aaron that I would be driving him the next morning.  He likes that arrangement better and so he was very happy. 

As I got ready yesterday morning……Tuesday……I decided that I would just go over to the church a little early.  I hadn’t contacted Aaron’s driver concerning the changes yet, so I decided to just leave things the way they were and have Craig come to our house like we had planned.  Knowing how Aaron sometimes reacts to changes, I realized that he might not like this idea very well.  First the driver was coming to the house……then I said that I would take him…….and now I was back to the driver coming here.  Up and down………..changes, changes………….and I know better.  Aaron’s rigid thinking doesn’t allow for change very easily.  I was soon to see this reality in full display.

I walked into Aaron’s room, where he was watching a video, and I chirped happily to him that I was going to go on to church early and that Craig would just come  to the house to pick him up.  And in his low, monotone voice, Aaron said, “You’re a liar.”

This flat proclamation was a forerunner of trouble, and I knew it.  What made me think that somehow Aaron would be accepting of this idea?  Did I suppose that his rigid way of thinking would somehow disappear this time?  Silly me!  But I responded with more cheer than I felt as I told him that sometimes things change and that this would work out just fine.  Right, Aaron?  And his voice went up a notch as he answered, “But you lied!”

Now no amount of reasoning with Aaron would dissuade him from his notion that I had lied to him.  I told him that I would take him to meet his group, and then I said I was not taking him to meet his group.  Aaron’s dots don’t connect, disconnect, and reconnect the way that mine do.  I can’t jerk him along with all these changes of plans and expect him to comply the way that others would.  Nope.  Not gonna do it. 

We walked downstairs, where Aaron took his pills and where I had poured his coffee.  Happy Mom was quickly becoming frustrated Mom as Aaron slowly escalated from calling me a liar to declaring his feelings for his lying mother.  There was no mistaking those feelings, either, as he declared, “I hate you!”  Now this isn’t something I am proud to admit that Aaron said, but this is Aaron being totally blunt and unfiltered. 
He truly doesn’t hate me, but it’s all he knows to say in order to show me that he is very frustrated.  Aaron won’t sit down and look me in the eye as he shares his heart with me in a level, kind voice.  He isn’t able to express his feelings properly, so he resorts to what his heart is telling him.  Mom said this, then she said that, and then she went back to this.  I am so confused and disappointed and mad!  Mom is a liar!  I hate Mom!

This one-sided verbal assault went on for several minutes.  I interjected a calming word here and there, but Aaron would have none of it.  And I realized that I had actually created this situation by disregarding what I know about Aaron, and by not following the special Aaron rules that I normally follow.  I had failed, and I was paying the price.  So I told Aaron that I would take him to meet Craig, but I also told him that I was hurt by his words.  He also could tell that I was hurt by the look on my face and the sound of my voice.  He does know how to read those clues after living with me for all these years.

I went into my bathroom and shut the door.  I heard Aaron walking up the hall, and then soon walking back to my room.  Then he said, “Here Mom.  This is for you.”  I looked down as I heard a noise outside the bathroom door, and there under the door Aaron slid a pack of his special Big Red gum.  I knew instantly that this was a peace offering……….Aaron’s way of saying that he was sorry.  And he actually said, “I”m sorry, Mom.” 

I opened the door, and there he stood……relaxed and hopeful.  His anger was gone.  Was it because he got his way, I wondered?  So I started to hand him back the gum, but he said, “No.  I want you to keep it.  I’m sorry, Mom.”  And I knew that no matter what his motive was, Aaron had given me an apology that I needed to accept.  There are some things I must do because Aaron is my son……..there are things I must do because they are right………..and there are things I must do because God says to do them.  Sometimes it’s all of the above. 

Later yesterday afternoon, my heart was hurt over another incident.  Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.  As I reached in my purse to get my keys, I saw the pack of Big Red gum.  I could even smell the strong cinnamon flavor coming out of my purse.  I thought about forgiveness at that moment…….of how important it is to ask for forgiveness and likewise how important it is to extend forgiveness, even if true motives aren’t totally clear.  And of how our obedience to God, regardless of the circumstances, is said in scripture to be a sweet smell to Him……..a sweet savor of sacrifice. 

I may not ever chew that Big Red gum.  I may keep it as a reminder of my Aaron who sought forgiveness and showed his sorrow by sliding Big Red gum under my bathroom door.  And as a reminder of the forgiving that I was allowed to extend today to that person from yesterday who asked for my forgiveness.


There’s some more sweet smelling savor going up to heaven.  I wonder if it smells like Big Red gum?

Rosie’s Birthday Dinner

Last week I got a special phone call.  Many of you remember Aaron’s very special friend at his day group……..Rosie.  Rosie’s real name is Rosa, but Aaron has always called her Rosie……which I find to be endearing.  Aaron and Rosie are very special friends, and as their friendship has grown, Aaron has struggled with whether or not they are girlfriend/boyfriend, or just good friends.  We always tell Aaron to simply relax and enjoy being friends with Rosie.

The phone call was from Rosie’s mother, Louise.  She and her husband were inviting us to go out and eat dinner with them and with Rosie in honor of Rosie’s birthday.   After we hung up, I went up to Aaron’s room and told him the exciting news.  He listened and then he shifted his body and hung his head.  He didn’t know how to handle this great news, but the smile on his face spoke volumes.  He didn’t even have to say a word for me to know how pleased he was.  But of course, he soon found his tongue! 

“So Rosie’s mom called and wants me to come to Rosie’s birthday?” he asked.  And when I confirmed that this was true, he wanted to know where we were going to go eat and what day and what time.  Then I told him what Rosie’s mom had suggested as a gift for Rosie when I asked her for some ideas.   Aaron wasn’t at all surprised when I told him that he could get Rosie some crayons and a coloring book for her birthday gift.  He knows how much Rosie loves crayons.  Aaron was happy with that idea, and so we planned to go shopping on Friday night.

Aaron picked out the box of 24 crayons and a bag of candy.  Then we found the coloring books, and he dismissed several before saying yes to a Disney one.  As we shopped, I thought of how normal and sweet and natural this was.  Shopping for a special friend for her birthday, and picking out just the right gift, was not only a nice thing to do…………but it was a confirmation to Aaron that he was a special friend to Rosie.   To Aaron, it was perfectly natural to be choosing crayons and candy and a coloring book for Rosie.  You would have thought he was pondering over a beautiful diamond necklace as he said no, maybe, and finally yes to just the perfect coloring book.

As is typical for Aaron, over the next few days he talked a lot about the upcoming birthday dinner with Rosie and her parents.  Over and over again, we confirmed the day and the time and the location.  Finally Tuesday, THE day, arrived.  Aaron bounded in the door when he returned home from his day group, and he immediately asked me if we were still going to Rosie’s birthday dinner.  He and I got Rosie’s special gifts all situated in a pretty gift bag.  Aaron had previously picked out Rosie’s card.  Of all the girly, pretty choices he had – Aaron chose a card with spiders on the front.  He wouldn’t change his mind, so spiders it was for Rosie!   He seriously signed her card, including his last name as he always does.  
        
It wasn’t long before Gary got home, and off we headed for Chili’s………..with Aaron making sure that one of his favorite CD’s was playing in the van.  Soon we were seated in the large booth with Leroy and Louise, and with Rosie.   Rosie was eyeing the gift bag that was perched on the end of the table, while Aaron was beside himself with excitement.  He was very loud and was talking non-stop………..sure signs of great excitement.  Rosie was calm and level, while Aaron’s volume kept increasing and his mouth wouldn’t stop. 

Finally we ordered our meals while we kept telling Aaron to speak quietly………and no, Aaron, don’t talk about that and no, don’t talk about this.  His soft voice and filters were nonexistent at the moment!  Rosie got to open her gift and her card, and was very happy with the crayons and the coloring book and card.  She immediately opened the crayons and checked them out, holding some and examining others.  Aaron continued to talk loudly, while Rosie calmly reminded her mom of things to tell us about………..a wedding, a shower, a baby, a shot in her arm.  Aaron was pulling items out of his pockets that he had secretly brought to show to Rosie’s mom.  Somehow we parents managed to visit a little, too, as we monitored our adult “kids” in their eating and their talking……..especially Aaron with the talking, and the show and tell!


I wondered what others who were seated around us thought of all the noise (mostly from Aaron!) and the general excitement at our table.  I wonder if anyone else saw what was really happening at our table.  Life was happening……..normal for our Aaron and Rosie, no matter how unusual it might seem to others.  Despite Aaron’s loudness and bluster, he has a tender place in his heart for Rosie.  He showed it again last week, when he wanted to take Rosie some candy and I said no, reminding him that Rosie’s mom wants her to eat healthy food.  And before I knew it,  Aaron had two apples in his hands to take to Rosie. 

There we sat in that booth, enjoying the friendship of our Aaron and Rosie.  But it went far beyond the surface for all of us parents, I’m sure.  Friendships of any kind, and especially tender feelings, are rare for our special children.  Aaron and Rosie are comfortable in their relationship.  There they were, with Aaron noisily talking and Rosie calmly joining in when she could or when she wanted.  Rosie reminded Aaron of things to talk about – as if he needed it!  They were both relaxed in their own way, with Rosie pushing back her pretty pink cap and showing us her beautiful brown eyes……..a sign that she was becoming comfortable.  And Aaron………always comfortable as long as he can talk.

As we left Chili’s, I asked Aaron and Rosie if I could take their picture.  I took a couple shots, and finally asked for one more.  Then Rosie did the sweetest thing as she stood there by Aaron, some crayons in her hand.  She put her arm around Aaron’s shoulders………and Aaron beamed!  After the picture, he bolted……….so funny!  But the joy on their faces was unmistakable and priceless. 
 
It still warms our hearts, and I’m sure it warms Leroy and Louise as well.  It goes beyond birthday dinners and crayons and spider cards.  It goes deep into the human connections that we all need, including our often lonely special children.  Aaron can be annoying as he tries to tease and as he talks too much.  But somehow he has found a special connection to Rosie, and I believe she has found that with Aaron, too.  So we are thankful for this fresh breath of special friendship that they share, and for how God has let them be a part of each other’s lives at this time. 

I don’t even think Aaron said goodbye as he bolted toward the van.  Yet Rosie isn’t encumbered with all those expectations that crowd our usual female brains.  Sometimes their world is to be preferred as they function on a much less complex level.  Rosie had her crayons, and Aaron had his good meal with lots of talking.   And we parents had a warmth in our hearts over time well spent with our special kids and their special friendship. 

Coupon Craziness

I recently re-posted a much earlier blog I wrote about how Aaron cuts out coupons for me that are in the Sunday morning newspaper.  Coupon cutting has been his Sunday job for many years and he has refined it into an exact science all his own.  Aaron’s autism is in full display as he tries very hard to cut exactly on the dotted lines, and then has multiple containers for the various large and small pieces of paper.  He still takes the thin strips of paper that are left after cutting on the dotted lines, and he cuts those strips into small pieces as he holds the paper over his “small paper” container.   He enjoys watching the tiny pieces of cut paper fall into the container.  What would take me maybe 15 minutes to cut will take Aaron much, much longer because of these tireless coupon-cutting rituals that he performs. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                The actual coupons that he saves for me are placed carefully into a little plastic box that has a lid…….placed very carefully and in just a certain way.  He prefers that only current coupons go into this box……….coupons that he cuts out on that particular Sunday.  He has occasionally mixed new coupons into the old if I haven’t had time to empty and file away the current coupons that are in the box.

Such was not the case this past Sunday.  I walked into the kitchen and there on the table I saw a messy stack of coupons.  When Aaron walked into the kitchen later, he pointed to the coupon pile and said, “Mom, those are the old coupons that were in the box.”  Knowing what he had done and why he had done it – but wanting him to tell me himself –  I asked him why the coupons were on the table.

He patiently explained to his silly mother that he had dumped the coupons out of the box………but still he didn’t admit why he had done such a thing.  I finally asked him why the dumped coupons couldn’t go into the box and he told his still silly mother, “Because they are the OLD coupons!” 

Still playing dumb, I asked, “So can I just put the old coupons in the coupon box now?”  That crazy question caused him to firmly shake his head no and then say, “No!”………just in case, since I was silly, I might not understand the firm shaking of his head. 

Just to be certain, I asked, “So the old coupons can’t be mixed in with the new coupons?”  And again came the firm shake of his head and his even firmer, “No!”  I know that it’s best to play by Aaron’s rules in these matters that have no serious consequence, so I left the coupons out for a couple days, in plain sight.  Later, I put them away in the box in which I file my coupons so that Aaron wouldn’t by some chance find that I had disobeyed his coupon orders by mixing the old and the new together. 

If there are some good coupons in the Sunday paper, I will sometimes buy a second paper.  Aaron used to cut out all the sets of coupons that I had gathered, but over the past few months he has gotten tired of all that cutting.  One full set seems to be enough for him.  One Sunday, I came home with a second paper.  Aaron saw the extra coupons, and so proceeded to get out his scissors and all his special coupon-cutting containers.  However, it wasn’t long before he was tired.  He didn’t finish all those coupons.  I told him that it was fine, that I would just cut them out later.  This did not sit well with Aaron.  He is the chief coupon cutter……….not Mom!  He began to get angry, so I just let the matter drop.  Later, as I walked through the family room, I saw that the unfinished stack of coupons was gone.

Now I know Aaron very well and I somehow knew what he had done.  Sneaking up to his empty room, I carefully opened his desk drawer and sure enough there they were………..the missing coupons were tucked away in his drawer.  He was not going to cut them out, but he was NOT going to let his silly mother cut them either.  Mom doesn’t even cut on the lines half the time!!  I very quietly eased the coupons out and softly shut the drawer.  I cautiously walked downstairs.  Good!  No sight of Aaron!  I went to Gary’s study and was in the process of sharing the coupon escapade with him when I heard the unmistakable thump, thump, thump of Aaron hurrying down the stairs!

I hid the coupons behind me as Aaron entered the study and I acted like nothing at all was amiss.  But as I tried to slyly walk around Aaron and escape, he spied the papers in my hand.  “What is that?!” he suspiciously asked.  I felt like a teenager who got caught trying to smuggle something forbidden past her parents.  “Oh,” I casually answered, “it’s just the coupons.”  And in a flash, Aaron lunged out and grabbed them from me.  Wow! He was very angry!  As I tried to reason with him, he escalated quickly.  Gary and I were both taken by surprise. 

“I’ll cut them out!!” he yelled.  And as we tried to reason with him, he became more and more upset…………until finally he wadded most of the coupons up into a wrinkled mess.  Gary and I hadn’t seen that coming!  But Aaron’s reasoning was clear now……….if he couldn’t cut out the coupons, NO ONE could cut out the coupons.  He finally relinquished the crumpled coupons and we were able to get him to calm down, but not before he was in tears and was an emotional mess.  Somehow the rest of the evening was salvaged and things returned to normal.  And I learned a big lesson.

I learned that if I buy another Sunday paper, I have to be as sly as Aaron.  Gary and I sometimes stop by the store and get another paper, but now we might leave it in the car until the coast inside the house is clear.  In other words, until we can furtively sneak the paper into the house without Aaron seeing it.   Or we’ll bring the newspaper in the house, but quickly hide it before Aaron sees what’s in the bag.  The other day, I had the extra paper in full view on the table when Aaron bounded down the stairs.  I quickly hid the paper on the chair, out of Aaron’s sight, again feeling like a reckless teenager hiding a secret stash of cigarettes or something from Mom and Dad. 

  
All of this for coupons!  Oh, and for our peace of mind………..both Aaron’s, and Gary’s and mine.  I never dreamed I’d be hiding coupons from my 28 year old son.

But then I never dreamed I’d have such a unique son as Aaron, either.      

Autism Awareness at Our House

It was 14 years ago that I sat in the exam room of a pediatric neurologist in Tucson, Arizona.  I tried to talk quickly to him about the reason that I was there, because the reason that I was there was sitting by himself out in the waiting room.  There sat Aaron………..or at least I hoped he was sitting and not roaming……….all by himself while I tried to convey to this new doctor our concerns for Aaron.  There were things that I didn’t want Aaron to hear coming from his mother’s lips.  I didn’t mind talking in his presence about the seizures that he had battled for 7 years.  Seizures were out of his control……..out of our control………no matter what drugs he was currently taking.  Seizures were a medical issue.  But his behaviors that were increasingly disruptive and odd…….his social awkwardness and lack of friends during this pivotal time of puberty……….his rages and his strange obsessions………..these were issues that I did not want to discuss in his presence.  My mother’s heart hurt for him and I refused for my son to hear me talk about him in this way.

Gary and I had taken Aaron to many military doctors since his first seizure.  His care was good, we thought.  But as he grew, he was more and more different.  We blamed his differences on the seizures or the seizure drugs, but more and more we weren’t so sure.  Finally, stationed in southeast Arizona at Fort Huachuca, we had reached the end of our rope.  Gary was having to drive five hours one way to take Aaron to the closest military pediatric neurologist in El Paso, Texas.  Aaron’s seizures were worsening, and his strange behaviors were increasingly alarming to us.  We requested to be allowed to see a civilian peds neurologist and the military approved.
 
So there I sat in Dr. Gray’s exam room in Tucson, telling this new doctor about my unusual son and sharing my concerns.  As we talked, the door opened and an assistant stuck her head in the room.  “Uh,” she said, “can Aaron come in with you now?  He’s out in the waiting room dismantling the artificial tree in the corner.”  I was not at all surprised, although embarrassed.  That would be exactly what he would be doing and I knew it.  So Aaron was nicely ushered into the room with me and Dr. Gray, where he sat on the exam table and let this new doctor begin his check-up.  Within a few minutes, Dr. Gray turned to me and said, “I know exactly what this is.  Aaron has Asperger’s Syndrome!”  This nice doctor may as well have been speaking Russian to me.  I had no idea what this strange syndrome was.  When I asked him to explain, he did just that in three words that changed our lives……..”Aaron has autism.”  I was stunned, and remember very little of the rest of our visit……..except I do distinctly remember standing in the hall with Dr. Gray as he had Aaron walk down the hall.  The doctor pointed out that even Aaron’s unusual gait confirmed this diagnosis.

Later that night, after all the kids were in bed, Gary and I talked at length about this new diagnosis.  And I cried, just as I cried when Aaron was diagnosed in Germany with Epilepsy.  One hard, gut-wrenching cry……….and then I dried my eyes and smiled in front of Aaron and off we marched into this unknown future.  But I wasn’t alone.  I had Gary by my side and we marched and we learned together.  And most importantly, we had God by both our sides.  My special verses in Psalm 18:28-29 became even more relevant to me:  “For it is You Who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness.  For by You I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.”  And God has repeatedly done just that.  He has lightened many a dark moment, and He has given us giant leaps over lots of walls that we thought were impossible to scale. 

It’s not been easy over the years to live with Aaron.  As we have tried to teach Aaron how to adapt some of his thinking and his behaviors to our world, it is most often the rest of us that have found ourselves adjusting to Aaron’s world.  It seems that no matter what we say or teach or emulate, there are some of Aaron’s traits and behaviors that will be a part of him forever.  Some of his behaviors are very frustrating………some are very embarrassing……..and some are very funny.  Over the years, we have relaxed with Aaron and have learned to smile and to laugh at many of the things he says and does.

This month of April is Autism Awareness Month.  Well, there are plenty of times that Aaron raises our autism awareness, whether we want it raised or not!  For instance, on any given trip to Wal-Mart, you will know that you are with Aaron for these reasons:

1.  As you walk across the crosswalk to the Wal-Mart doors, Aaron just might hold both his arms out as he stops in the middle of the crosswalk……….proudly thinking that he is stopping the traffic just like a policeman does…….with his head up high and a very serious look on his face.

2.  Upon entering the store, Aaron looks at the security camera and holds up both hands as he gives the peace sign, grinning broadly.

3.  If you hear some of the cereal boxes in the cool display at the end of the aisle start hitting the floor, you’re not one bit surprised to turn and see Aaron standing there, saying, “Mom!  Look!  Chocolate cheerios!!”………….as he holds up one box that didn’t fall and is oblivious to the ones laying on the floor all around him.

4.  If you hear a loud fox whistle, you know that Aaron is near………….unaware of the girls who turn and stare at him.  He just thinks the fox whistle is cool.

5.  If you hear a very loud clap, you know that Aaron is in the store…………again not one bit concerned about the number of people who are eying him suspiciously.

6.  If you walk past little sexy nighties  that are displayed for Valentine’s Day right beside a busy center aisle, and you hear someone say, “Mom!”………….and you turn to find Aaron holding up the tiger print nightie while he yells, “You need this!”…………you know that you are with Aaron and you know that you are wishing for a hole to swallow you at that moment. 

7.  If you send Aaron to get a package of the rolls that he likes, and you see him walking toward you with his hands full of packages of rolls, you just laugh and realize once again that Aaron will take full advantage of every opportunity given to him.


8.  If you hear someone yell, “Mom!”  and you are anywhere near the produce department, you know that you will turn to see him holding up an eggplant or maybe an artichoke or a coconut…….and wanting you to buy it. 

I have never liked drawing attention to myself in public, so living with Aaron has been a lesson in remaining calm and trying not to be embarrassed……..and remembering to coach Aaron as we enter public places about not whistling or clapping or making that farting noise with his mouth.  And not striking up conversations with random people, for Aaron does love to talk to anyone on whom he spies ears on the sides of their head.
 
Aaron definitely does not have non-verbal autism.  Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk…………on some days, especially when he is at home all day, it can get very tiring.  If friends come over, we eventually have to almost get rude in order to make Aaron hush and let the rest of us talk.  However, in the midst of all that talking, he does make some hilarious comments.  His way of expressing the world that he observes can be very amazing, really.  For instance, here a few recent comments from Aaron:

1.  “Isn’t it a legend that Huskies were used for dashing?”

2.  “I heard on Forensic Files that some people make artificial money!”

3.  “Mom!  I looked up the Archie’s on the internet!  Can I show you someday today?”

4.  Speaking of jello, he said, “Do you like that wiggly pudding?  It’s bouncy!”

5.  Realizing that he had numbers on the back of his shirt – “I didn’t know I had something behind me on my back while I was doing coupons.”

6.  Calling me a funny name one day – “Mom, I’m not trying to name call you.  I’m trying to do a teasing.”

7.  Noticing a hole in Krysten’s pants – “Mom, look!  Krysten’s pants are broken!”

I could go on and on about the things that Aaron says.  And oh, the things that Aaron does……….day in and day out, without fail.

1.  He loves to wear his watch halfway up his arm.  One day recently he said, “Mom, I don’t wear my watch up high anymore.  You know why?  It was trapping the blood!”  But he does still wear it up high, trapped blood or not.

2.  He relaxes by sitting in the mulch, breaking it into tiny pieces and watching them fall into the trash can that is just for that purpose.

3.  He will always get multiple pieces of silverware when he eats, using only one piece for each food item.  Even when eating pizza, for instance, he will have his pieces of silverware near his plate.  And a straw for his drink – always!


4.  He takes delight in the simplest things, like a special rock that he found one day. 


5.  He loves our Great Dane, Jackson, and will pet him……….and try to give him Skittles or peanuts or

Chex Mix  or whatever else he may be eating at any given moment.


6.  He loves Wheel of Fortune, and will watch it now every night………clapping VERY loudly and yelling VERY loudly…….and working hard to figure out every comment and facial expression of the hosts and contestants…….and still wondering if Vanna and Pat are married because they are always on beaches together!

7.  He loves to go out and take a walk with his dad……….talking all the while, of course.
8.  He wants to play Skip-Bo every night………..although we don’t play EVERY night, much to his dismay.

These are just partial lists of what Aaron says and does.  It’s impossible, really, to fully explain Aaron.  He is very complex while also being very predictable at times.  He is a unique young man and he has shown us a different world than I would ever have imagined.  Would I have chosen this path years ago if God had given me a choice?  I sometimes doubt that I would have, yet I think of all that I would have missed and realize that this path truly has been amazing. 

Verse 30 of Psalm 18 says:  “This God – His way is perfect…..”   Yes, His way has been perfect for us.  Easy?  No.  But somehow perfect – yes. 

And this Aaron – he is so special and we do love him very much.  

Roller Coasters and Masterpieces

I’ve been on a roller coaster ride this morning.  Not literally, of course, but being around Aaron leaves me with that up and down roller coaster feeling……….and with that sensation of wobbly legs you feel when you get off the roller coaster, but also the satisfaction of saying, “I did it!!” 

First, there was surprise.  I heard Aaron get up and open his bedroom door.  I was sure that he would come down the stairs to join me in the kitchen, but instead I heard the bathroom door close and then the shower running.  Usually he holds off on showering for as long as possible, hoping on many days to avoid it altogether.  That’s why I was surprised to hear him taking a shower right away, willingly.   Then when he came downstairs he was actually clean.  I can always look at his hair to tell if he has showered.  That was surprise number two……the fact that he really did shower while the water was running.  And that he was in a good mood.

I soon learned why he was in such a willing, compliant frame of mind.  “Mom, can I have the keyboard this morning?”  Oh, yes, his motives are becoming clear.  He’s happy because it’s Saturday and he’s compliant because he wants his keyboard sooner rather than later.  I told him that he could have his keyboard, and then he asked, “So when can I have it?”  And I told him that I would see about that………..and asked him about breakfast.  Gary and I had earlier enjoyed an omelet and bacon, so I asked Aaron if he wanted some of that yummy omelet and he said no……….but he said yes to the bacon, of course.

He proceeded to get a huge plate for his two pieces of bacon that were already on a plate, but Aaron can’t use the plate that the bacon was already on because he must have a new plate…….and the roller coaster started slowly chugging up the first incline.  He poured himself some cereal and dumped milk in the bowl……..lots of milk.  I usually ask him if he wants some cereal with his milk, but this funny saying is wasted on Aaron so this morning I saved my breath.

“So have you decided when I can have my keyboard, Mom?”  And he clicked his teeth with his spoon because he can’t stand to get his lips messy………chug, chug goes the car on the roller coaster. 

I don’t know about the keyboard, Aaron………as he slurps his milky cereal and I try to ignore the irritating sounds.  It does no good to remind Aaron to not click his spoon or slurp his cereal.  When I do remind him, he just slowly puts the spoon in his mouth and ever so carefully scrapes it over his teeth……with his lips bared back from his teeth like a rabid dog.  It’s quite a sight and not one that I want to see this morning. 

Aaron got up to get his coffee, and of course spilled some on the floor.  That, and the fact that he fed Jackson a cheerio when he knows that he’s not supposed to feed Jackson our food……..even one cheerio because with Aaron it will turn into multiple cheerios……….made my chugging roller coaster car go over the first hill and come barreling down the other side.  He can’t help the shaky hands that spill the coffee……and I guess in some ways he can’t handle the impulsiveness that makes him feed the dog.  Still, so frustrating! 

“So Mom, did you decide when I can have my keyboard?” he asked as I swiffered up the spilled coffee.  My threatening look was answer enough for him, so he was quiet for a few seconds before launching off on his favorite topic……..food!  Yesterday when he came home from his group, he loudly pushed the door open and loudly exclaimed, “I’M FULL!!!”    Tell me something else I don’t know, Aaron.  So as he loudly slurped his coffee this morning, he said, “Mom, Allen said he likes those one hot dogs that are called Bratwurst.  I’m guessing a Bratwurst is a pig, right?” 

Continuing on after discussing pig Bratwurst, he moved along to what he saw at the store.  “Mom, guess what I saw in the dairy section?  It was that bean casserole.  On top of it is that thing that’s kind of crunchy.” 

And……”Mom, at Long John Silvers they have those Hush Puppies.  You have to curl the bread into a ball.”

Still at Long John Silvers………”Mom, John likes that fish that you have to pull the tail off!!”

Then I later turned around to see him holding the cantaloupe that he saw on the counter.  “Mom, I want you to open it!”

We finally headed upstairs, but not before Aaron had to check the weather in the newspaper.  This is very important to Aaron.  He saw that we have a chance for rain, so he had to discuss and discuss what this means.  “A chance means it’s not really!”  And we’ll just leave it at that, Aaron.  All these discussions are wearing me down as my roller coaster car is inching up another incline……….nearing another downhill lurch that lay just ahead.

We walked into my bedroom and for some reason, Aaron picked up a pin on my desk and scribbled on my box that is a part of my new desk set.  He knew right away that he had goofed big time as I gasped.  I went on and on about why he did that as I tried to scrub the ink stain out, and poor old Aaron just went into overdrive with his talking.  This is the way he handles the stress of a major blunder.  His impulsiveness has gotten him into hot water and Mom is not happy………..and he knew the keyboard was in jeopardy.  My roller coaster car was crashing down the steep incline as I tried to hang on and not lose control or lose my temper.  He did what he does best……………talking in the fastest speed that he could muster. 

Well, soon it was over.  Aaron was happy on his computer, pecking away on his keyboard.  I stared down at my blotched box, hoping that the ink stain would be gone when it all dried.  I thought of the marks that Aaron leaves on my life.   Some are welcome works of art, and others are carelessly splattered dabs of ink that are reminders of frustrations and anger.  Yet all can be used to create a masterpiece painting if I let God have them.  I need to wipe away the marks that bring defeat or that can cause hurt to Aaron……….difficult as that can be at times.  Ignore the clicking teeth and slurping noises even as I remind him to stop, and sit back to enjoy his conversation and listen to his unique expressions of the world he sees.
 
The roller coaster of life with Aaron can take my breath away, but I pray that it’s more often because of laughter and delight instead of anger and reprimand.  And I’ll wipe away the ugly marks, and strive to leave none of those on Aaron’s life, as well. 

Let God’s artistry shine!  And hang on for the ride!