He Said What?!

Aaron asks lots of questions.  Some questions he asks over and over again, and we know that he will continue to ask them over and over again as long as the sun rises and sets.  Sometimes Aaron wants to talk things to death, on and on and on.  Yet when it comes to most of the questions he asks us, he simply wants a simple answer.  Concise and to the point.  Gary and I know this, but do we always follow what we know?  Of course not!  But Aaron will remind us, that’s for sure!

Yesterday Aaron was anxious to play a game on the computer.  We had taken the keyboard away for awhile as we do every day, and had also taken that particular game away because of behaviors the night before.  Aaron went outside to ask Gary if he could have the keyboard back and the answer was yes.  But then Aaron asked if he could have that particular game back, and the answer wasn’t so simple.

Gary wanted to emphasize to Aaron once again the reason we had taken the game away…………what we expected from him if we gave him the game back…………and several other points that were well worth making – except that Aaron was totally uninterested in this long answer.  He quickly became lost in all the words even as he tried to focus and to listen.  I heard Aaron take advantage of several pauses in Gary’s answer to ask again, “But Dad, can I play that game?”  And still the answer continued.  I listened, knowing exactly where Aaron was going mentally with all of this.

Finally Aaron had heard enough and he burst out, “Dad!  You’re not answering my question the way that I’m asking it!!”

Once again Aaron yanked us back to reality and made us smile.  How many times do we do that, I wondered, whether with Aaron or with others?  And I know there are times that I wish I had the freedom to blurt that statement out to someone who is not answering my question the way that I asked it!!

I won’t say that to Aaron, though, because so often in his random answers to our questions we learn so much about what makes his amazing mind function the way that it does.

This is the time of year when many moms and dads are experiencing what Gary and I have gone through this week – saying goodbye to an adult child who is going to college or moving away for a job or has gotten married or any number of other scenarios.  Our daughter, Andrea, was accepted into the graduate program at the University of North Texas Health Sciences Center and will pursue her master’s………….and probably PhD……….in Forensic Genetics.  Can you tell that we’re proud of her?  She has been so patient to wait on God’s timing for this big decision, and in the past six months He definitely opened some amazing doors in order for her to move in this direction now.

But she is still our little girl in our hearts in many ways, even as we’ve seen her mature and assume major responsibilities over the past few years.  She went straight from college into a job as an EMT in an inner city emergency room, handling all sorts of traumas and stresses with her quiet strength.  Then she spent a calmer year as an assistant to a Sports Medicine doctor in a normal clinic setting.  And for the past six months, she worked as a Microbiologist in a pharmaceutical lab.  All of these experiences helped confirm to her what she felt like God wanted her to do………which was none of the above!  Her acceptance into grad school came at just the right time in very many ways, and we are all very pleased and thankful.

It was still heart wrenching to drive away from her this past week and watch her walk back to her apartment while we traveled back home without her.  She has lived an hour away for the past six months, and that was good preparation for her and for us.  But now she’s far enough away that those weekend visits won’t happen like they used to.  Distance and the demands of school will make our visits far fewer and farther between than we’ve ever had before.  I know that we appreciate technology now, too, more than we ever have before!  She and her brother Andrew are only a text or a Skype session away………but still…………

All this leaving business leaves me drained………fragile………unbalanced.  And very emotional.  But truly, as I knew it would, the feelings are becoming easier to manage.  I remember when Andrew left for college.  For his first year, he was only 40 miles away but as I said goodbye to him I cried as if I was leaving him in Alaska.  He awkwardly patted me as we hugged and he said, “Uh, Mom…….I’m only 40 miles away.”  Kids just don’t understand a mother’s heart!  I smile now, and I so remember the actual physical dizziness I felt for several days after he left.  When our children leave, we seem to lose part of our purpose and our routine, and the hole left in our heart makes it hard to stand up straight and breathe.  But we must breathe and we must go on and we must function.  Somehow we do.  God is faithful that way as he enables us to go forward in His strength.

And then Gary and I have Aaron.  Good old blunt Aaron.  Not just blunt, either………..but verbalizing this whole goodbye process as he tries to come to grips with the fact that his sister has moved so far away.  Distance is relative to Aaron.  He can’t touch it or see it, so it’s hard for him to grasp.  When Andrea lived an hour away, he was used to her coming home on Saturdays and spending the night.  Still he would often ask, “Mom, is Andrea coming over on Saturday?”

The other day, after we had returned from taking her to Texas, Aaron asked his familiar question.  “Mom, is Andrea coming over on Saturday?”

No, Aaron.  She isn’t coming over on Saturday.

“On Friday is Andrea coming?”

No, not on Friday, either.

He persisted.  “But can’t there be any other days that she can visit?”

I reminded him of the map we had examined and that her new home is now too far away for many visits.

And the final reality.  “No more coming to visit?  Is that it?”

Oh Aaron.  I managed to keep from crying and I assured him that we would see her………….just not as often………..and he walked away with not another word, trying to absorb this new part of his life.

I can’t wait for his first Skype experience with his sister……….to see and hear how he’ll react.  Knowing Aaron, he’ll just laugh uncomfortably and then launch into the kinds of things he launched into at breakfast with Gary and I.   It’ll be all about him and his interests, but that’s what we expect and that’s what makes us laugh.  As he told me this morning, “Mom, I was watching a Looney Tunes video last night before bed and I was laughing so hard my eyes became watery!”

I know, Aaron.  My eyes are watery lately, too!  And it’s not always because I’m laughing, but it’s OK.  I’m breathing and I’m thankful for all of my children…………and I’m very much looking forward to the next time that they can come over for a visit!!

This past weekend found us moving Andrea out of her apartment an hour from here as we prepared to take her down to Texas to begin her new life as a graduate student.  Andrew got home late Friday night and on Saturday, with the help of wonderful friends, we got the U-Haul loaded and ready for the trip to Texas on Sunday.  I was dreading all the “lasts” that accompany a time like this and was trying hard not to dwell on them.  Saturday’s supper around our table was one of those “lasts” that I was going to be facing and I was praying that I would stay composed and not get emotional.  I should have known that having Aaron eat with us was the answer I needed.  Oh, he can raise our emotions for sure……………just not the kind that I was dreading.  Thankfully, on this “last supper for a long time” together, Aaron had us laughing.  He had no idea what a relief he brought to us that night!

As always, he talked and talked and talked some more to us, his captive audience.  He does know how to seize the moment when we are all together and then monopolize the conversation.  I don’t remember all that he talked about………….we never do………….and there are times that we try to forget what he said, trust me.  He was very excited about the fact that we were leaving because that meant that Krysten was coming to stay with him………….and that meant eating out and getting pizza and renting movies and having one-on-one time and attention that perfectly suits his “it’s all about me” mind set.  He was looking forward to a break from old Mom and Dad.  Little did he know how much we were looking forward to a break from old Aaron, too!  Ha!

As always, he talked about his latest movie that he’s watching and Handy Answer Religion Book that he’s reading.  He talked about the dog and the weather and what he’s done lately at his day group.  Talking about his day group, Paradigm, reminded him that Brandy, Paradigm’s owner, apparently had some of her family visit………..except that Aaron didn’t refer to these people as Brandy’s family.

“Hey!  Yesterday some of Brandy’s ancestors came to Paradigm.”

We knew right away what Aaron meant.  He continued, “I think they were 5.”

Hmmm……….pretty young ancestors she has.

“So why did she bring her ancestors to Paradigm?  I don’t get why she had her ancestors there.”

So we discussed Brandy’s ancestors coming to Paradigm and how they are actually called relatives and why they might have been there……………and all the while, Aaron kept calling them ancestors.  And he always will.

I had fixed Lasagna for supper, so as Aaron talked we watched him meticulously separate the meat from the cheese.  This was quite a process as Aaron hunched over his plate and scraped and separated, never missing a chance to talk in the midst of this serious food re-arrangement.  Then suddenly he remembered it…………a billboard he had seen while driving with his group.

“Mom!  I saw a sign!  You know, one of those big signs on the road.”

Yes, Aaron…………a billboard.

“Yeah, a billboard!  You know what it said?”

He paused for us to answer………..for us to tell him that we did not know what it said.  He loves this part.

“It said – cornstalk powder for butts!!”

Cornstalk powder for butts?  So now we were all cramming the lasagna in our mouths in an effort to keep from bursting out laughing, as I told Aaron that I bet this was actually cornSTARCH powder.

“Yeah!  Cornstalk powder!  And it’s for butts!  What’s that for?!”

So we had a discussion at this our “last supper together for awhile” about cornstalk powder which is really cornSTARCH powder and why it’s good for baby’s butts.  This is a place I didn’t expect to be during this meal, but I have to say that it did keep my mind off the fact that Andrea was leaving.  And instead of holding back the tears, we were holding back the laughter.

Thank you, Aaron.  You do have a way of diverting us from the reality at hand.  Do you ever!  But finally the subject of Andrea’s soon departure did arise.  Aaron came to attention and we wondered what he was getting ready to say.

“Andrea!  Look what I bought the other day!”  He got up from the table, went into the kitchen, and came back carrying the three…………yes, THREE……….bags of Reese Cups that he had bought at Wal-Mart.

And he said, “Here.  You can have this to take to Texas.”  He handed her a bag of unopened Reese cups.  Normally she would not want them, but she saw his heart and his real message of love.  She accepted the Reese cups and thanked him warmly………….and he was very pleased.

The next morning she went up to his room before we left.  He was sitting at his computer and she gave him a hug and said goodbye.  He just mumbled an unconcerned “OK” and “See you later” and kept playing his game.  She smiled when she came downstairs.  We know and understand Aaron so well.  Anything BUT the mumbled response would have been very surprising.

But there in her little apartment in Texas, as we helped her unpack on Monday, lay that bag of Reese cups.  There lay tangible proof of Aaron’s love, each piece tightly wrapped, waiting to be opened and enjoyed.  Just like our Aaron…………..opening himself in his Aaron way for us to see his heart.

See you later, Andrea!  Enjoy the Reese cups!

In a few days we will move our daughter, Andrea, down to Fort Worth so she can begin graduate school.  Aaron is very attached to Andrea and sees her more as a mother figure than a sister.  She’s lived an hour away for the past 6 months, and every weekend Aaron asks if Andrea is “coming over to see us.”  He knows that she is moving to Texas, and has once again asked if she will “come over to see us” when she moves.  I’ve told him that she won’t be able to come over as often now.  He hasn’t acted upset at this outwardly, but has been quiet when I’ve told him that fact.  He’s processing all of this, as he always does.

One of the first facts that he processed involved the state of Texas itself.  Aaron loves maps and flags and always wants to know where places are located geographically.  One day as he talked about Andrea’s move to Texas, he said, “So Texas is underneath Kansas.  It’s the place of cowboys!”

More or less, Aaron, on both counts.

A couple weeks ago, when Andrea had “come over”, we were eating supper and suddenly Aaron looked at Andrea and said, “Andrea, I can give you a movie to take down there.”    Aaron has quite a collection of DVDs and he loves them, so this was a very generous offer…………..or so we thought.  Until he added:

“You can get it from the shelf on this side of my desk.” –  as he made a hand motion indicating which side he was talking about.   “Those are the ones I don’t like.”

Um……….well………..thanks, Aaron.

One thing you can always count on is that Aaron will be honest……….totally, unashamedly honest.

Aaron was quite pleased with himself and didn’t know why on earth we were laughing.  Later, when Andrea went up to his room, she teasingly asked him if she could take some DVDs from the other side of his desk……….from the large bookshelf full of DVDs that he DOES like………….and that he did not offer to her.  He thought for a few seconds and then told her that, yes, she could take some from that shelf.  And added, “You tell me which ones I don’t like.”  Huh?

Dear honest Aaron.  As is so often the case, we have to sort through what he says or does and still see his heart.  He does love Andrea and to him he was showing that love.

But only on THIS side of his desk!!

Aaron loves Handy Answer Books.  He will read a few pages of one of his Handy Answer Books every night before bed.  Only before bed, mind you.  Aaron will not read at any other time because……….well, because in Aaron’s world there is only one time for reading and that time is right before bed, after his teeth are brushed and all his pillows are placed just right and his back scratcher is positioned beside him in the perfect position and his lamp beside his nightstand is on and the nightstand is pulled right over to where it touches his bed and he and I have said goodnight and hugged and he makes sure that I am going to turn the hall light off and he has asked whether or not it’s going to rain.  I think that’s it.

There are many different Handy Answer Books on topics such as weather, dinosaurs, math, geology, etc.  Right now Aaron is reading the Handy Answer Religion Book.  Some day I will write a blog about Aaron and religion.  He has some interesting insights into this sensitive subject.  Anyway, this Handy Answer Religion Book has been eye-opening to him as he has read about some religions that he had never heard of before.  For instance, Daoism was fascinating to him.  We heard many facts about this unusual religion.

Last night Aaron had a meltdown over not being able to play Spiderman on his computer.  Gary put on another game, Shark Tales, that Aaron could play but Aaron’s Spiderman behavior keeps us from allowing that game.  Therefore, Gary and I were mean and didn’t care and were some other things that Aaron chose to call us…………..and he slammed and banged and generally upset us all – even the dog.  Aaron is like a balloon letting out air at times like this and we usually have to be sure that he lands safely.  And he did finally land…………in the big easy chair in the family room, with a bag of tortilla chips and the TV tuned in to the Olympics.

As we sat there, Aaron completely calmed down and acted as if nothing had even happened.  He was happy and talkative and at ease.  It’s always somewhat amazing to see the change in him – how quickly it happens and how he’s able to pick up like nothing was ever amiss.  Gary and I are still licking our wounds, but not Aaron.

Aaron began talking to me about the new religion that he’s reading about in his Handy Answer Religion Book.    He was struggling to say this religion correctly.  “Mom, I’m reading about a new religion since I finished Daoism.  This new religion is Con…..”  Then he stopped and soon picked it up again.  “It’s called Con…..fus…..”   And finally, “It’s called Confusionism!”

Confusionism, huh?  

“Yes!”  he answered.  “It’s a religion I’ve never heard of called Confusionism!”

After the very confusing up and down day that I had just experienced………………and the confusing up and down meltdown that Aaron experienced………….the religion of Confusionism sounded perfect to me!

On most days, actually, I think I could write the whole chapter on Confusionism in Aaron’s Handy Answer Religion Book!!

Last year Aaron became interested in football for the first time in his life.  Many of you may remember reading some of my football blogs last fall and winter.  Seeing football through Aaron’s eyes was – well – interesting.  I was never more aware of the length of a football game than I was when watching it with Aaron, who talks and talks for a majority of the game.  Football games are long………..very, very long.  But it was very, very educational to listen to Aaron talk about the four rounds that comprise a football game;  the refs in their jailhouse suits;  whether the liquid that the players had squirted in their mouths was indeed mouthwash;  which team we were voting for……………among a few of the many insights that Aaron shared of his understanding of football.

And when the football season started, Aaron said the same thing that he said the other night when he saw that the Olympics was nearly ready to begin.  Aaron saw the Olympics commercial on TV and became very excited. “The Olympics is coming out?!”  Whereupon he clomped down to Gary’s study and exclaimed, “Dad!  The Olympics is finally out!”  Aaron makes it sound like the Olympics is the next blockbuster movie that he wants to see.  In fact, one night after Aaron again told us that the Olympics was coming out, Gary asked him if they were coming out in 3D……………and that comment was totally lost on Aaron as he walked away, happy in the knowledge that the Olympics was coming out.

He doesn’t quite understand what the Olympics really is and what they actually do in an Olympics.  He asked one night, “What do they do on the Olympics?  Different kinds of sports?”  We’ve been trying to explain what the Olympics are for and what they do, including what sports are competed in during these summer Olympics.  It’s all very new to Aaron, so we’ve been smiling a lot at his comments.  The opening ceremony was of no interest to him, but he’s watched some of the competitions and of course, has a lot to say about what he observes.

He was intrigued last night as he watched some of the gymnastics.  During the floor routine on the mat, Aaron asked why the gymnast was bouncing…………and while watching the pummel horse routine, he wondered why they were spinning.  “Is he dizzy?”  Aaron asked.   He thought the different swim strokes were amazing.  “What?!  They just keep on going?  When are they gonna stop?!”  Finally that meet was over and Aaron asked, “Did the U.S. become first?”

Today he watched a little while he ate his lunch.  More gymnastics came on and he wondered out loud, “What kind of Olympics is this?  Is this the pole kind?”  Gary knew that Aaron meant parallel bars while I was still scratching my head on that one.  When he saw the rowing teams, he was so surprised.  “HUH??  In the Olympics they do boating?”

Yes, Aaron, in the Olympics they do rowing.  He was still trying to absorb this news.  “I never knew they did boat!!”

Finally he asked, “So there’s all kinds of Olympics?”

There are all kinds of Olympics, Aaron.  And I’m sure we’ll be hearing all kinds of insights!

For some time now, Aaron’s desk chair hasn’t worked correctly.  To be specific, the pneumatic feature no longer operates.  That’s because Aaron doesn’t usually just sit down softly in a chair.  He drops.  And when someone of his size drops into a chair, even the best pneumatic feature will eventually cease to be a feature and will become an operation of the past.  Now Aaron’s desk chair sits rather low, permanently stuck where Aaron’s dropping into it left it………tired and refusing to cooperate with Aaron ever again.

Aaron immediately wanted a new chair, but we decided to teach him a lesson and allow him to sit lowly in his chair for awhile.  It’s actually been a long time that  he’s endured this rather low position.  In the meantime, Gary found out that there would be an auction at FlightSafety, where he works………….an auction of office furniture and so forth.  Gary told Aaron that on the day of the auction, he would bid on an office chair for Aaron.  It would be a nice office chair, but Aaron was going to have to wait for it.

Aaron rarely waits in silence.  Therefore, almost daily he has asked his dad about the auction.  Was the auction today?  It wasn’t?  Then when will the auction be held?  Are you still going to get me a chair?  Why wasn’t the auction held yet?  Will you tell me when the auction happens?  When will it happen?  Was it today?    You get the idea.   Many, many questions.  Many, many comments.   For many, many days.

One day Aaron asked me, “Mom, when is Dad going to be betting on the chair?”

Aaron, Dad won’t be betting on the chair.  It’s called bidding………….it’s an auction…………where you bid…………not where you bet.

“So when will Dad bet on the chair?”

Never mind.  And are you telling everyone that your Dad is betting on a chair?  Do I need to clarify some issues with your staff and friends at Paradigm?

Yesterday Gary came home from work and gave Aaron the good news.  The auction was held and Gary did indeed bid on the coveted chair.  He will hopefully bring the chair home on Monday.  Of course, Aaron is very happy to hear that on Monday he will have a new (new to him) chair.  Poor chair.  But we have instructed and instructed Aaron about how to sit in the chair.  How to sit and not drop.  We’ll see how this goes.  And it is not a pneumatic chair, but one that spins in order to be lowered…………or highered, as Aaron says.  I may someday have a spinning story to tell, knowing our Aaron.  I’m sure that the instruction time will be very fascinating.  

This morning Gary and I were working out in the front yard, and Aaron was sitting in the mulch doing his relaxing in the mulch thing.  Sometimes we sound so odd………..like the Adams family.  Anyway, Aaron has continued to talk about the chair in order to confirm that Gary did bid on the chair and that the chair would be his.  We expect this constant conversation until Aaron is actually in possession of the chair, but still it gets a little old.  Chair talk………..over and over again.   While busy in the mulch, Aaron said, “So Dad, will you bring the chair home?”  And Gary said, in a teasing way, “No, Aaron.  I think I’ll just leave it at work.”

Aaron doesn’t appreciate sarcasm like you and I might.  Aaron lowered his voice and said for only me to hear, “If he keeps talking like that to me, then I’m gonna be mean.”  It was just too funny.  We’ve praised Aaron for how pleasant and nice he’s been this week, for the most part, so this threat to be mean was the best way he could think of at the moment to get back at Dad for his sarcasm.   Gary heard the conversation and we burst out laughing while we watched for Aaron’s reaction………….and there was none, of course.  Aaron had made his point and we were, in his mind, to be forewarned if we did not straighten up our attitudes.  Never mind his.

Aaron has since asked Gary again about the chair.  I should keep count of the number of times we have this chair conversation this weekend.  It makes me want to grab a trash can and go sit in the mulch!  I think Gary  might join me.