Category: Asperger’s Syndrome

28 Years Ago

Today is one of Aaron’s favorite days of the whole year.  Today is his birthday!  Aaron is now officially 28 years old!  His countdown is now over…….the long anticipated day is finally here and he can continue his celebration that actually began yesterday with a special lunch, and then being taken out to get ice cream last night by the Atkesons.  Aaron has never lost his child-like enthusiasm for his birthday.  He relishes the fact that the day is all about him, although he’s not annoying about it.  He’s happy and exuberant for sure, and sometimes uncomfortable with too much attention……yet he would be very disappointed if that attention never came. 

I’ve been thinking back to that time 27 years ago when Gary and I were wanting a baby.   We were nearing our 5thyear of marriage when we found out that I was pregnant.  That was such an exciting time for us!  When I went into labor late on that November night, three weeks before my due date, we were surprised and a little scared.  My labor lasted only about 5 hours and there he was……..our baby boy.  A son!  We named him Aaron Daniel, and I was positive that no one on planet earth had ever given birth to a baby as beautiful as our Aaron.  No mother could have been prouder and more thankful than I was.  Those were my thoughts as I looked at this little tiny bundle of boy………our Aaron Daniel.  He only weighed 6 lb. 4 oz. at birth, and was even lighter than that when we took him home with us. 

 

Aaron grew and thrived normally, never giving us pause for alarm in any way.  He was bright and curious, and as cute as he could possibly be.  Aaron knew all of his letters, randomly, before he was two years old.  Gary was so shocked one day as he held Aaron on his lap before his second birthday.  Gary was reading a magazine and suddenly Aaron started pointing to the letters on the page that Gary was reading.  Aaron was telling what each letter was and in his amazement, Gary called urgently for me to come.  I thought that Aaron must have hurt himself, so I ran downstairs to find Aaron safe………..and calling out letters as Gary would point to them.  We laughed and cheered for Aaron, and Aaron was delighted……..though he wasn’t quite sure why.

 
 
 
 

As Aaron grew, we noticed that he was sometimes a little different from other children.  Still we weren’t alarmed.  His funny clapping seemed like an appropriate behavior for a young child, and was something that we knew he would outgrow.  He didn’t like the feel of certain clothes or the tags on shirts, but sometimes other kids didn’t like those things either.  He was very hard to potty train, but aren’t boys often that way?  Then came his first seizure in the winter of 1992 while we were stationed in Germany.  We were terrified at this unexpected and awful event.  Aaron spent nearly a week in the German children’s hospital in Mannheim and was diagnosed with Epilepsy.  I cried one night at home until I felt that I had no more tears, and then Gary and I faced the future with faith in God and love for our Aaron. 

Aaron adjusted to his seizure meds and kept on being a normal little boy.  He taught himself cursive, learned to read, and played with his friends.  But he didn’t like many of the loud sounds at school, and we noticed that he had a hard time with maintaining friendships.  We returned to the States in 1993, and that next year Aaron was removed from his seizure meds because he had been seizure free for two years.   Soon, though, the seizures returned and so did various medicines.  Aaron continued to regress socially as he grew older, and his behaviors were more extreme and very hard to understand.  He became more isolated…….it took very special people to understand him, especially boys his own age.  Yet God put us with some wonderful friends as we lived in Leavenworth and then again when we were stationed in Arizona.

But life was difficult for Aaron, and therefore for us as well.  In Arizona, his seizures increased dramatically as did the behaviors.  Finally, when Aaron was 14, he was diagnosed by a pediatric neurologist as having Asperger’s Syndrome.  I had never even heard of this, and was so shocked when the doctor told me that it was a form of autism.  We researched and studied and read……..and again, I cried at this news.  One long, hard cry……….and then we moved on in our life with Aaron.

 

There have been many ups and downs in our journey………..many hard times and hard decisions………many moments when we thought our hearts would break……….and many times when we just wanted to walk away in our frustration during a particular behavior.  But Aaron is our son and we love him deeply.  With time comes acceptance and knowledge and understanding.  With God all things are possible.

 

God allowed Aaron to be the young man that he is today.  Aaron has redefined our parenting……he has reshaped our family……..he has refreshed my world on so many levels with his unique view of the world around him.  Would I have designed Aaron to be this way?  Probably not.   But I have a God Whom I can totally trust and Who wove Aaron in my inward parts.  Even though I don’t know the answers to the “why” questions, I do know the Who of creation.  I trust my sovereign God with all my unanswered questions.  He is an awesome God.

And He gave us an awesome son!
 

Birthday Eve

Aaron is very excited about his birthday tomorrow.  The celebration began today as Barb, one of his favorite staff at Paradigm, took him out to eat.  Rosie went, too, so it was a very special pre-birthday lunch for Aaron with two of his very favorite people.  He couldn’t wait to tell me all about it when he burst in the house after his day was over. 

“Mom!  Barb took Rosie and I out to lunch!  We went to that Longhorn Steak House!”

How nice, Aaron!  What did you get to eat?

“Well, I got a bacon hamburger and a normal salad.”

Sounds good!  And what’s a normal salad?

“You know, just a salad with all that normal stuff.  But I didn’t like those hard croutons so I gave them to Barb.”

He also told me about the French fries and then added, “Mom, after we ate, that employee…….is that what you’d call her?”  I asked him if he meant the waitress and he continued, “Yeah, that waitress………Barb told her that it was my birthday and so she brought me a cake with ice cream and whipped cream that had chocolate and just one cherry on top!”

Wow, Aaron, that sounds so good!  Did you eat it?

“Yeah, I ate it!  And you know what?  They sang Happy Birthday in a different way………in a cowboy way.  That’s a cowboy restaurant!”

Whatever the cowboy way is for singing Happy Birthday, Aaron seemed to like it.  He usually acts pretty uncomfortable with all that attention, but deep down he enjoys it.  He records it in his brain and shares his picture images of it with us………usually over and over again.

To top off his wonderful Birthday Eve, our dear friends Dan and Wendy came over tonight with their special Elijah.  They took Aaron out for ice cream at Braums, where he later told me that he got a hot fudge sundae.  He is now officially more than stuffed!  And he is very happy with the fun and the attention and the fresh ears that will listen to all of his stories, and laugh at his stories, and pay him such special attention. 
 

Aaron is truly blessed on this Birthday Eve……..and so are we!

More About Nuns!

This past Thursday, Aaron went to the mall with his group.  He loves mall days because he loves the food court or Auntie Anne’s Pretzels or Dairy Queen……….it’s his Thursday food fest.  On this particular mall trip he was proud to tell me that instead of making his lunch a super duper extra large Triple Chocolate Blast Sundae, he instead chose to eat a sub at Subway.  I praised him for that decision and then asked him what kind of bread he decided to order.  He answered, “Normal!”  This means Italian.   It’s scary that I know this.
             
 Anyway, in addition to all the food he adores, he also loves all the fascinating sights and sounds of the mall.  Remember the day he couldn’t wait to tell me about the very unique sight of a mannequin, wearing……..well, in Aaron’s words:  “Mom!!  I saw a statue wearing BRAS!!!”  I didn’t even bother to ask him just how many bras she was wearing.  Some things are better to just leave alone.

So on this past Thursday, Aaron rushed in the door and hurried to find me downstairs so he could tell me about his latest mall experience.  Let me preface this by saying that Aaron has a great interest in nuns.  Yes, nuns.  Maybe it’s because one of his very favorite movies is The Sound of Music.  Maybe it’s because of the habits that they wear, which are very foreign to Aaron’s world………..so therefore merit his full attention.  And when something merits Aaron’s full attention, watch out.  He will stare, he might point, and he will most definitely comment – sooner or later.  We often hope it’s later but it’s usually sooner.
 
Anyway, here is Aaron’s story:  “Mom!  Guess what Cody saw me looking at?  A NUN!!!”

So you saw a nun, Aaron?  Where were you?
I was fighting fear at this point, wondering what had transpired.                                                                                

“We were eating and I saw a nun!  She had on those loooooong clothes that go like this!”  And he proceeded to make hand motions from his head down to his feet, describing what this nun was wearing.  This in itself is hilarious.  He continued:  “Cody told me to quit staring at her.”

 
Well, Aaron, we always tell you not to stare.  Were you pointing at her?

 
“No, I was just looking at her.  And you know what, Mom?  It was a WOMAN!!!”

 
Good grief, Aaron!  Yes, SHE is a woman………SHE is not an IT!!

 
But this was not all that Aaron had to say about this nun.  “Mom, I didn’t know they were in the United States!  I thought they were in another place outside the United States, like China!!!  So they’re allowed in the United States?” 

China.  Why on earth does Aaron think that nuns are in China?  He couldn’t tell me and I really have no clue………unless he’s heard that nearly everything “American” is actually made in China.  I don’t know.  I will be on the lookout now for Chinese nuns because this has made me curious.  Chinese nuns that are allowed in the United States, actually.

 
I do hope that if Aaron made comments about this nun (who is a woman, possibly from China but somehow allowed in the United States!)………..well, I hope that his comments were made quietly.  Aaron doesn’t do quietly very well, though.  This poor nun may be wondering about Aaron’s stares and about his surprise that she’s a woman and about the Chinese connection.  

 
And I would like to tell this woman nun not to worry – that we are often left wondering, too.

 

 

 

Timely Matters

Aaron keeps close tabs on matters pertaining to time or seasons or special events.  I talk about this fairly often here in my blog.  He is so precise and very aware and sometimes frustratingly regimented.  When I’m not rolling my eyes, or chewing on my tongue to keep from either cackling or making a smart comment, I will often laugh at his displays of rigidity.  He looks at me as if I have surely taken leave of my senses since he sees nothing humorous in what to him are perfectly normal behaviors. 

When it comes to the changing seasons, Aaron is often confused at oddities such as warm days in the fall or winter, or cold days in the spring or summer.  If Aaron was in charge, every single winter day would be cold; every single spring day would be warm; every single summer day would be hot; and every single fall day would be slightly cool.  How logical that would be!  How precise! 

I wrote before about how confused he was at the end of last winter, in early March, when we had some warm days.  He found me outside pruning when he came home from his group and he said, “Mom, those kids said it’s spring.  It’s not spring until March 20!”  And later, “So is it spring yet?  I don’t understand that!” 

I tried to explain that we sometimes say it’s spring when it turns warm, even if it’s not precisely March 20th or after.  But he was having none of that!  It’s not spring until it’s really spring, in Aaron’s world!  People are so confusing sometimes! 

And sure enough, during some recent cold weather Aaron asked, “Mom, is it winter?”  I told him that no, it was not winter yet…………and I knew exactly what was coming as he responded, “But all this coldness!!  When will it get warm?”  He gets very annoyed sometimes at how the weather jerks him around. 

He’s been on his birthday countdown for some time now.  He counts the days and makes his plans and has everything sorted out in his mind.  On October 4, he said, “Mom, we only have till my birthday one month and four days.”  I had to stop and think a minute, but as always he was totally right about that number. 

Last night as we played Skip-Bo, he said, “Mom, tomorrow’s the first of November!”   I said, “Yes it is, Aaron.  What do you think about that?”

“It’s almost my birthday,” he flatly replied.  Well, of course that’s what Aaron would think about when the month of November is mentioned.   He may be egocentric, but at least he’s honest about it!

He has really missed the absence of his portable clock that he carried around the house.  He broke it one day and I have refused to replace it.  But if you remember, his birthday is coming up……….in 7 ½ days, to be precise………..and I imagine he’ll get the same portable clock for his birthday as the one that he is missing.  It tells the indoor and outdoor temperatures, too, so he can see if the seasons are cooperating.  Anyway, he keeps this clock with him by his computer……or beside him as we play Skip-Bo………..or with him when he comes to the family room to watch TV…….

Last night as we played Skip-Bo, he lamented once again the absence of said clock.  He showed me how he has to take his watch off and “roll it”, as he says, and place it on the desk so he can check the time when he’s on his computer.  No matter that his watch is conveniently on his arm, pushed half-way up but still there, for him to check the time.  No, he must have it right beside him in the place of his absent portable clock, in order to keep track of the time.  To try to make him think otherwise is futile.  I may as well go outside to convince the pine tree as to try to convince Aaron.  He also has a clock on his night stand, but that clock is strictly for telling the time when he goes to bed and when he gets up, so he can record the precise minutes in his notebook by his bed.  That clock is not to be used when he is on the computer.  I feel sometimes as if I live in some sort of asylum.

And finally, speaking of time, as we began playing our Skip-Bo game last night, Aaron asked his usual question – “Mom, can we play more than one game?”

I said, “Probably not, Aaron.  It’s almost 9:30.”

Aaron pushed up his sweater sleeve and he pushed up his shirt sleeve in order to retrieve his watch that he keeps half-way up his arm.  He looked at his watch after hearing me say that it was almost 9:30 and he then replied, “No, it’s not.  It’s 9:24.  So how about it?”

He still thinks his mother is very silly for laughing.  What’s wrong with demanding precision?!

How about it??!!

 

Able To Eat

Aaron came home on Monday and told me that he didn’t eat much all day.  Sometimes his appetite goes up and down, but most often it’s up.  VERY up, actually.  His comment on Monday was, “Mom, I lost my able to eat.”

You lost your able to eat, Aaron?

“Yeah,” he replied.  He really has lost some weight and now says he lost his able to eat.  Hmmm…..

Wednesday is the day that the staff cooks there at Paradigm for the clients.  On the menu was Sloppy Joes.  As Aaron had said earlier, “Mom, Sloppy Joes are not my favorite.  Do I have to go?”  But go he did, and I was very proud of him for turning his attitude around.  When he got home, I asked him if he ate any Sloppy Joes.

“Well, they’re not my favorite.”  I know that Aaron, but did you eat some? 

“I ate some, but they’re not my favorite.”

Yes, Aaron, you’ve established that.  Did you like them?

“Well, they’re not my favorite.”  Hear Mom sigh.  “But I liked the chips!”

And with that he became more animated as he told me that he had chips – Doritos – and was it OK that he had chips for lunch?

It’s not too good, Aaron, if that’s all you had. 

We then talked about the strange bracelet that he was wearing, that he found on the ground outside of Paradigm, and that I told him he needed to return…………..and we talked about the dog…………and the weather……….and could we play Skip-Bo tonight…………and then:

“ Mom, I went with Brandi and Barb to Sonic.”

Long pause.  And…………….?

“Well, I got some chicken strips.”

Long pause.

Were they good, Aaron? 

“Yeah, they were good.”

Long pause.

Is that all you had, Aaron?

“No.”

Long pause.

And…………….?

“Well, I had an onion ring.”

Just one onion ring?

“Yeah.”

Long pause…………and then he laughed.

“There was just one onion ring in all those French fries!”

Oh, so you had French fries along with your chicken strips?

“Yeah.”

Long pause.

“And one onion ring in all those French fries!”  More laughter.

Eventually the story does come out………..bit by bit…………and I wonder how much is accurate and how much is he withholding.

I do believe, though, that he has found his able to eat!

Old Timey!

We never know how Aaron is going to react when we tell him it’s time to get off the computer at night.  Sometimes he’s fine, sometimes he’s slow, and sometimes he’s grouchy………….very grouchy………….or very, very grouchy.  Aaron is no fun when he’s grouchy.  He’s really annoying when he’s very grouchy.  And he’s nearly intolerable when he’s very, very grouchy.  Like he said one night when he got off the computer without a fuss, “Was it good that I’m good enough?”   Oh yes, Aaron, it’s very good when you’re good enough!

It took him awhile to finally finish his game and get off the computer on Saturday night.  However, he was in a funny mood and not at all grouchy, so we were very relieved.  This was one of those nights when he kept thumping back up the hall to our room to talk to us.  First it was to talk about his game that he was playing and what some of the characters are named.  “Mom, the girl’s name on that game is Jan.  Is that a real word for a person?”

Well, yes, Aaron………..Jan is a real word for a person.  He asked, “Do you know a Jan?” 

Aaron, my sister – your Aunt Jan – is named Jan.  “Oh yeah!” he replied.  “I didn’t think of that!”  Sorry, Jan. 

Then he continued.  “The guy’s name is Kyle.  Is Kyle a real word for a person?”  I told him that it was also a real word, a real name, for a person.  “Do you know a Kyle?” he asked.

So I told him of some Kyles that we know, and he was satisfied that these were truly real words for real people.  You never know what Aaron will come up with, honestly.

Then he wanted me to come to his room to help him straighten the covers on his bed.  I was getting tired, so I gave the top covers a quick pull and a quick tug………..but oh no, that was not enough for Aaron.  “No, Mom!  Will you help me with the other kind of stuff, too?”  And he proceeded to pull back the covers that I had just smoothed in order to show me that the sheet needed some adjusting as well.  Sigh.

OK, Aaron, let’s straighten the sheet and then the first cover and then the second cover and the pillow.  All right, we’re done.  Good night.

“Wait, Mom!  Can you help me put my fuzzy blanket on?”  Another sigh.

So I started to put his fuzzy blanket on top, until Aaron stopped me.  “No, it goes this way, with the tag up here.”  So I complied with the very particular way that Aaron wanted his fuzzy blanket placed on top of this other covers……………knowing that if I veered from his preferred method, I would be in there doing it all over again…………Aaron’s way.  I have learned some things over the years.

As we worked, I once again stressed to Aaron that he did not need to wear his long pajamas, his long sleeved shirt, AND a sweater to bed………….underneath all those heavy covers.  I knew that this conversation was probably futile, but I still wanted to try.  In order to drive home my point, I said, “Aaron, I just wear my nightgown to bed and have less covers than you, and I’m fine.”  With that, he began to chuckle, so I asked him what was funny.

“Your nightgown,” he replied.   “My nightgown is funny?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” he said.  “It looks like underwear.”

Oh good grief!  Here we go down this path again!  Why did I open that door?  I remembered when he went to his group and told them that his mom had come into his room in her underwear…………and it was just my very decent nightgown!!  So as we finished smoothing his fuzzy blanket and as he was checking the tag placement, he got an ear full concerning the difference between decent nightgowns and underwear.  Sheesh!

Aaron had one more thing to tell me as I walked up the hall and into the bedroom.  It had to do with Bob Seger’s song, “Old Time Rock and Roll.”  I know – what did that have to do with fuzzy blankets and nightgowns?  Nothing.  Except to Aaron, somehow and someway.

“Mom, the other day in the van Cody was playing that song that I like.”

What song was that, Aaron?

“You know, that “Old Timey Fashioned Rock and Roll!” he exclaimed.

I laughed and Aaron laughed………….although for different reasons, as is often the case.  I didn’t correct him because I liked the ring of that new title.  Old Timey Fashioned Rock and Roll just conjures up old men playing their old fashioned rock and roll to little old women in their wheel chairs at the nursing home. 

I know.  I was tired.  Time for bed, Aaron.  Take your sweater off!!!!

 

I’m Sorry

A couple days ago, Aaron woke up in a very bad mood.  He’s been awfully tired lately, and he certainly was on this particular morning.  He was in no frame of mind to be messed with………and my telling him to get ready to leave for his group was definitely messing with him!  I knew we were in trouble when he said, “Mom!  I don’t want to go today!!  They’re having tuna sandwiches for lunch!!!!”  

This was on Wednesday, and on Wednesdays Paradigm fixes lunch at the center for the clients.  I’ve learned that if Aaron doesn’t want to go on that day, then he’ll tell me that they’re fixing tuna sandwiches…………figuring that Mom will wonder who on planet earth would expect their son to eat TUNA sandwiches??!!  In my deep empathy, I would certainly invite Aaron to stay at home and watch movies and play computer games and maybe even eat pizza, if he’s lucky.  I mean, come on………TUNA?!

What Aaron doesn’t understand is that:  1. I like tuna.    2.  I don’t get why he shouldn’t like tuna.    3.  I fell for the tuna trick once and that was enough.    4.  I know how to text Barb in order to check his story.

So text I did, and Barb told me that they were having ham and turkey sandwiches.  And I should add a number 5.  I had bought food for Aaron at Sam’s to take to Paradigm to eat for his lunch when he wanted.  Food that Aaron likes………..but on this Wednesday Aaron informed me that he did NOT like the food from Sam’s either.  He began playing the blame game, saying, “Mom, it’s your fault for getting me that food at Sam’s!!”  As well as, “Mom, it’s your fault for making me go!”  And of course, “Mom, it’s your fault that I’m tired!!”  Really? 

Now I’ve been sick this week, probably strep, and on that day was feeling none too good.  I was not in the mood for a fight or for a game of “Who Can Win This Argument?” or for any hateful behavior on Aaron’s part.  It was probably a good thing that I was moving like a turtle, both physically and mentally.  I was talking slowly and softly, moving slowly and methodically……………feeling like I was in slow motion.  Aaron seemed to feed off of my slowness, because he didn’t escalate like he usually does………even when I told him that he was indeed going to Paradigm, and that he could indeed eat some of his awful food from Sam’s. 

When Aaron gets really mad, he’ll try to break something – and often succeeds.  Many times he’ll break something that is important to him, like his watch or his remote.  He’s gotten better, though, since the day I told him that if he broke something then I would break something else of his.  He didn’t like those terms.  On this day, he picked up his remote and then put it down again, but rather hard, and I gave him my warning.  He followed me into the bathroom and continued to rant, increasingly unhappy that I had texted Barb and that I knew the fallacy of the tuna sandwich story.  His mind was probably already concocting another horrible lunch dish to try on me the next time. 

Aaron knew that I wasn’t feeling well, but I didn’t mention it at all during this episode.  I knew he would  show no concern or care, and that it would only make things worse.  I continued to move slowly, to talk softly, and to show no emotion.  And he began to de-escalate.  He was calming down, for whatever reason, and I was hoping that the worst of the storm was over.  I walked into his room and found him sitting in his desk chair.  He turned the chair and himself toward me as I stood there, and then the most surprising thing happened.  He reached for me…………and I drew back for an instant, thinking that he might be wanting to slap at me.  But he was reaching for me, with his head down………….no eye contact……….and so I went closer.  He wanted to hug me!  I reached out to put my arm around his shoulders, and he laid his head on my chest………..like little Aaron from years ago.   Then he said, “I’m sorry.”

It’s amazing how those two words, spoken with true contrition, can wipe the slate clean.  There are times that Aaron says he’s sorry, but he says it with such an attitude that you know he doesn’t mean it.  Something like, “OK!!  I’m sorry!!  Are you happy??!”……..just doesn’t cut it.  But his contrition and tone of voice were sincere, genuine, heartfelt…………and it deeply touched my heart.  I treasured that hug and I thanked him, then left the room………..still walking slowly but with more lift in my step and more joy in my heart. 

I stopped by Sonic on our way to meet his group, and let him buy a grape Slushie.  And we listened to his favorite CD………..The Four Tops, of course!  And of course, Aaron talked!

“Mom, what’s that jinging sound they’re making in that song?”

It’s a tambourine, Aaron.  You know, they hit it against their leg or against their hand.

“Oh, I thought they hit it on their head.”  And he laughed, and I laughed at the thought of hitting the tambourine on their head………even though I’m sure that Aaron would like that way of playing a tambourine much better than the normal, boring way.

“Mom, The Four Tops sang in the old days.”

Do the 60’s seem like the old days to you, Aaron?   “YES!!” he answered……..as I felt very old.

“Mom, I noticed something.  They sing about women.  What’s so important about women?!” 

I was just starting to expound on the importance of women when we pulled up to the van to join his group.  Too bad!  I had a lot to say on that topic!

I also know the importance of Aaron…………even on the bad days.  And I know the importance of his genuine “I’m sorry.”  How healing those words are, across the board, in our lives.   How impacting they are when they are said with true repentance and sincerity…………..and when they came from our Aaron.

 

Laughter – And Comfort – In This Smelly World

Today Aaron and I went to one of his yearly meetings to update paperwork that the state requires as part of the services he receives.  Last week the meeting was at Paradigm, his day service provider.  It’s interesting to go there and to see some of Aaron’s friends.  Some want to hug me, some want to shake my hand, and some want to talk to me.  They are all so varied and interesting………some with sad stories, I’m sure………..some with strong, loving families and some not so blessed.  The staff there is amazing – full of love and understanding and so much patience.  I’m forever grateful for them.  As I was leaving, one of the young clients walked me to the door and he said, “Mrs. Moore, Aaron looks just like you.”  And then he quickly added, “I don’t mean that in a bad way!”  HaHaHa!  I’m not sure if he meant it would be bad for me or for Aaron, but I didn’t ask!

Today our second meeting was just with his case manager and with Barb, who works at Paradigm and whom Aaron loves.  On our way to Applebees for lunch, we stopped at Great Clips to see if they could give Aaron a haircut.  Sure enough, it was nearly empty and so Aaron got right in – taking off his glasses and then for some reason his ring, as he always does, for me to hold while he got his hair cut.   The girl who cut his hair has seen Aaron before and is very kind, so she chatted happily with him as she cut his hair and engaged him in a great way.  Aaron loves the attention, and the feel of the clippers relaxes him………..so much so that we were wondering if he was going to fall out of the chair as he leaned farther and farther over.  I called to him and then the stylist laughed, and Aaron straightened up………for a minute………and forward he went again.  He perked up when she asked him if he wanted gel.  He loves getting the green gel in his hair, although with a buzz cut he totally doesn’t need it………but he feels special and that’s always fun, for any of us……….and definitely for Aaron.  Plus it sure helps him smell good!

We were still early for Applebees, so I told Aaron that I wanted to run into Lowes to look at valences.  He trotted behind me, talking all the way, of course.  As I looked at the curtains, Aaron saw the clocks…………and we know how he loves clocks.  “Mom, you know those big clocks that make that loud noise?” 

Yes, Aaron – Grandfather clocks.  “Yeah!  Is that why they’re annoying?  Because they’re Grandfather clocks?”   I have no idea why he thinks they would be annoying because they’re grandfather clocks – both of Aaron’s grandfathers were sweet men.  Must be a movie he watched that had grouchy grandfathers.  He couldn’t explain it, either.

He was very interested in the grills lined up outside as we left.  One day after a trip to Lowes with Gary, Aaron came home talking about the round grills……..which he called “bowl grills.”  Today he lifted the lid on a large grill and saw the two racks.  “Look, Mom!  That grill cooks double!”  And then he spied the smoker/grill with the little stovepipe chimney.  “Mom!  There’s a pipe oven!!”  Of course, we had to examine the “pipe oven” and I tried to explain the purpose of a smoker………but Aaron was just focused on the little pipe chimney.

On our way over to Applebees, a truck passed us that was carrying a ramp with holes in it.  “Mom, that reminds me of those big trucks that have holes in them that carry animals.”  I told him that yes, they carry cattle or other animals.  I asked, “Aaron, have you smelled the cattle trucks?  What do they smell like?”  First he told me, “They smell dumb!”  And then he added, “They have too heavy a smell!”   Oh, yes, they do indeed!

Our meeting at Applebees went well, mostly because there was food involved.  For some reason, Aaron wants to pinch or poke his case manager – so I was happy that he sat across the booth from her.  He still managed to kick her, though.  Oh, Aaron!  He feels nervous at these meetings, thinking that she’s going to tell him he has to leave Paradigm, so this is his way of showing his fear.  And of embarrassing his mother. 

Aaron ordered Spinach/Artichoke dip with chips, which surprised me………and a house salad, which did not surprise me.  He got his salad before any of us got our food, and he promptly started putting the croutons on the table.  I stopped him, and he waited until I got my salad……….and I inherited the unwanted croutons.  Aaron wanted to know what the black stuff was in his dip………..that would be spinach, Aaron.  He dipped each chip very gingerly in the dip, then shook and shook the chip, and took a little bite.  Most of the dip was uneaten, of course, leaving me wondering why on earth he ordered such a thing.  He talked and talked and talked some more during our meeting, loving the audience and the chance to tell whatever came to his mind.  Somehow as we left, his case manager said this was her favorite meeting.  Was it the food or was it Aaron?  I didn’t ask. 

Aaron thumped downstairs just now to tell Gary and me about the rest of his day.  Brandy, the owner of Paradigm, has two sons.  One is Dirk, who is probably 6 years old now, and the other older son’s name escapes our memory.  Aaron excitedly said, “Mom, guess what Brandy brought to Paradigm today?!”  He paused for me to answer, so I replied, “What did Brandy bring to Paradigm today?”  And Aaron answered, with a huge smile, “A little girl!” 

Since when is a little girl a “what” and not a “who?”  Anyway, Aaron was very interested in the fact that Brandy, who has two sons, now has a little girl………..and he wouldn’t hear any of my comments about the fact that she was probably a niece or whatever.  To Aaron, Brandy has a little girl.  Then Aaron said, “I haven’t seen Brandy’s boys in a long time.  Remember?  Dirk and Jerk?”  

JERK?  OK, I had to laugh…………and so did Aaron………….and so did Gary.  We can’t remember the older son’s name, but I am quite sure it’s not Jerk…………even though Dirk and Jerk do have a certain ring to them. 

Aaron thumped back upstairs, quite pleased with his little funny saying and with our laughter…….and repeatedly assured that yes, Aaron, I WILL come get you IF I can play Skip-Bo.  And so almost ends another day with Aaron.  I am very thankful for the good people that God has put into our lives………..the ones who cut Aaron’s hair, take his restaurant orders with a smile, work out his yearly plans despite being kicked, love him so patiently at Paradigm, and give him ideas of funny names. 

And I’m thankful that God gave us Aaron.  The future may be uncertain as we make his yearly plans.  The winds of change are blowing in the state services that we receive.  Those winds may blow our way and leave us with “too heavy a smell.”  We don’t know what all the changes mean for Aaron and for us.  But God never changes and He loves Aaron more than we do.   

And that ‘s more comforting than anything else in this old smelly world!

From Hay Barrels to Football

Aaron came down from his nap today, hungry and full of things to talk about.  I heated up some leftover taco soup for him while he went to the bathroom.  He marched back into the kitchen and when I turned around he was munching on a Rice Krispie Treat.  Yes, I made some yesterday and we actually have a few still uneaten!  I told him not to eat sweets right before his lunch and he complied, amazingly enough.  He was suspicious of this strange looking soup – the black beans mixed with the tomatoes and corn gave it an unusual color to him.  But after one bowl he was ready for a second, so while it heated he talked all about black beans – and was happy to look at the can of beans I handed him.

Everything is interesting to Aaron – except for people’s emotions.  It’s so strange how that works.  He notices so many details and talks them to death, but totally doesn’t understand at times the simplest emotions.  Today my emotion was laughter as he talked, and he does respond well to that unless he thinks that we are laughing AT him.  Today I was laughing with him and it was very enjoyable.

For instance, out of the blue he said, “Mom, I was thinking that now that it’s winter there won’t be any more of those hay barrels left for the cows and horses.”   Yes, Aaron calls hay bales………hay barrels.  He always has, and it always makes me smile.  They do look like barrels, don’t they?  Anyway, I don’t know what got Aaron off on hay barrels in the middle of taco soup and  Rice Krispie Treats, but as always I answered him with great interest.  He likes to be treated as an adult and to know that we value his conversations………..even as we chew our tongues in order not to laugh, or try to hide our smiles. 

He continued, “The hay is all dead, right?”  I told him how cattle owners buy or raise lots of hay to use over the winter, and tried to talk intelligently about dead hay.  Anyway, I assured him that the cows and horses would be fine over the winter.  Then he asked, “So hay barrels are hay, right?”  Uh……..yeah, Aaron…………hay barrels would be hay.  Right.  And he shook his head yes as I once again hid my smile.

He was examining his bag of Mike and Ikes as he ate his soup.  I was not at the table when he asked, “Mom, have I eaten a cherry?”  I wondered at this question and turned to see him looking at the bag of candy, with pictures on the back of the various fruits represented by this gooey treat.  I assured him that he had eaten a cherry, when he asked, “So a lime is another orange?”  Uh…………no, Aaron………a lime is – a lime.  So I got out a lemon from the frig and used it to describe a lime, reminding him of the limes I bought some time back that he seems to have forgotten.  This led to me setting out the bottles of lemon and lime juice for him to sample, and laughing as he twisted his mouth and shook his head and didn’t want to try any  more! 

He noticed the nearly full trash can when he threw his napkin away.  “Mom, that trash can in the kitchen is getting stuffed!”  Yep, Aaron, tonight is trash night………….and no, you don’t need to take care of it now……….even as he turned to reach for more Rice Krispie Treats.  No more treats, Aaron! 

Off he went downstairs to talk to Gary, who was watching football.  I heard Aaron talking, and Gary replying, and Aaron talking a lot, and Gary replying………..on and on it went.  I came down to join in and enjoy Aaron’s happy mood.  “Mom, remember yesterday when that football player got hurt?  Those hospital people were bent over him.  He looked flattened!” 

Yes, Aaron.  “Mom, what was wrong with that player.  Why was he flattened?”  I assured him that the player wasn’t really flattened and that he just got the breath knocked out of him.  “So is that why those hospital people were standing around him?”  Yep, those hospital people are good about checking on flattened people, Aaron!

Aaron’s not very familiar with football generally.   I wrote several blogs last year about his football comments and insights, many of which were hilarious.   He doesn’t know the various teams, and trying to explain professional football as opposed to college football is next to impossible.  Yet he still observes and he asks lots of questions, such as why hospital people stand around flattened football players.  He then informed me, “Dad wants the team that has the star on it to win.”  That would be Dallas, for those of you who also don’t know much about football teams.  Aaron found out that Dad had voted for Dallas…………that’s  another way Aaron talks about football………..wanting to know which team we are voting for.  I wonder if he thinks Obama and Romney play football?

Aaron wasn’t through with his observing.  “The other team – the team that has the B.A.L. – who is that?”  We told him who the B.A.L. team was and he was satisfied that the B.A.L. team was going to win, even though we didn’t vote for them.  But that’s the way football is sometimes, you know. 

So is life.  We don’t always get what we vote for, but things have a way of working out…………especially when God is in charge.  There will be hay barrels for the cows that Aaron likes and hospital people for the flattened football players and other chances for the team with the star to win.  And candy and Rice Krispie Treats……….if I can keep Aaron out of them!!

What Season Is It Anyway?

In Aaron’s orderly world, the change of seasons presents………..well, change……….and change of any sort does not go unnoticed by Aaron.  The seasonal changes don’t upset him, but they do cause him to feel the need to discuss those changes – a lot.  He enjoys weather, anyway, so when he feels the temperature fluctuations and sees the trees changing then he will talk and talk about it. 

I remember back in the spring, or nearly spring, Aaron came outside to discuss this issue with me as I was pruning our Rose of Sharon bushes. It wasn’t technically spring yet, according to the black and white calendar that Aaron has on his wall, but he was somewhat flustered.  He had just come home from his group and it was a warm day in March.  He marched outside, coming over to where I was working, and said, “Mom, those kids said it’s spring.  It’s not spring until March 20!”  I explained, as I have so often, about how we talk about spring when it starts getting warm but that yes, spring doesn’t really arrive until that certain date that he knows is on his calendar……….in black and white………set in stone.  I thought that once again, after this same discussion over all these years, that he had for this spring……….for this moment………settled the “When Does Spring Really Start?” conflict. 

Silly me.  Later that evening, he walked into my bedroom and said, “So is it spring yet?  I don’t understand that.”  Ah, Aaron…………..seasonal ebbs and flows don’t match calendar dates, do they?  And that certainly doesn’t match your rigid view of the world, your view that is on your calendar, does it? 

It was no surprise to me when on September 21, Aaron came into the kitchen and asked, “Mom!  Is it fall yet?”  He knew it was fall because he had looked on his calendar, but I affirmed that today was the first day of fall.  And his response:  “So why is it hot?”  You see, Aaron also struggles with the fact that the first day of a new season doesn’t mean that there is an instant change in temperature.  This is just another anomaly that doesn’t compute in his brain. 

Our temperatures now have cooled down significantly.  Aaron is actually going to wear long pants today.  Changing his wardrobe every season, from shorts to long pants and then back to shorts in the spring, has always been a challenge for Aaron.  He gets used to one set of clothes and then he has to change.  This includes long sleeved or short sleeved shirts, too!  He would love living in a steady climate, like Hawaii, all year long!

Our cooler temperatures that we are now enjoying have not gone unnoticed by Aaron, of course.  As we played Skip-Bo last night, he said, “Mom, now that it’s cool, warmness is on another continent in the United States.”  He thought I was sighing because I needed air. 

So we discuss a little geography and a little science and a little about the seasons……..and finally just agree that he is correct, to some degree……….which makes him happy and off to bed he goes.  I never would have dreamed that something as routine as the change of seasons would create so much discussion.  But then I never dreamed that we would have an Aaron and that the key word in this seasonal thing is the word  “CHANGE.” 

If it continues to be cool, he’ll be bringing up winter any day now.  And if it snows before December 21, I will be sighing a lot as I once again explain to him how it could possibly snow before winter is actually here.  Seasons were so simple before we had Aaron.

But not nearly as interesting.