Month: February 2013

I’m Sorry, Mom……..I’m Sorry!

Earlier today, Gary and I were enjoying a quiet and laid-back Saturday morning.  Aaron was upstairs asleep……..nothing unusual about that, especially on a lazy Saturday.  Later, Gary went out to run some early errands before the crowds had the same idea.  I went upstairs to do some things and to jump in the shower.  Not long after I was in my room, I heard Aaron get up and go into his bathroom………nothing unusual about that, either.  Except that he was in there an awfully long time……….long enough for me to notice that this was unusual.  I stepped out into the hall and over to his bathroom door, where I was assailed by a very strong odor.

Fearing the worst, I asked, “Aaron, are you all right?”  And he softly answered, “No.”  Just a flat answer.  I knew what was wrong, even as I dreaded what I was about to face.  Aaron sometimes has intestinal trouble, as I wrote about earlier when I told about how he threw up on Thursday evening.  I knew that today his troubles were coming from the other end.  I told Aaron to just get in the shower and that I would come in then to see what needed to be done.

I waited until I heard the water running and then I opened the door.  Oh my goodness!  I won’t be graphic about the mess I found, but it was truly awful.  Poor Aaron had tried to clean it up, and it was just a disaster.  He heard me gasp, and as he stood in the pouring water of the shower, he said, “I’m sorry, Mom.  I’m sorry!  Mom, I’m sorry!” 

“I know you’re sorry, Aaron,” I said as I stepped back to assess the situation.  I removed my sling/immobilizer from my right arm, as well as my sweater, and then went downstairs to get gloves and so forth for cleaning.  I returned and set about the unpleasant task at hand.  And from the shower there came Aaron again……….”I’m sorry, Mom!  I’m sorry!” 

I finally told Aaron to quit saying that he was sorry, and I told him that it was all right………even as I fought the irritation that was welling up inside.  How on earth could he have made such a mess?  Goodness gracious!  Would I ever get it cleaned up?  And I was thankful that Gary wasn’t there, as he had his fair share of cleaning up vomit on Thursday. 

“I’m sorry, Mom,”  I heard Aaron say again.  And again I told him that it was OK, and that he didn’t need to keep apologizing.  But was it really OK, I asked myself?  I know that in these times of cleaning up Aaron’s messes………of dealing with his disasters………..of following behind him to correct the problems………..I, as always, have a choice to make.  I have learned that there is no benefit in self-pity.  Nothing is gained from questioning my lot in life……….being the mother of a child with special needs such as this.  I know that it is defeating for me to try to wish the situation away.   Negativity only breeds unhappiness and discontent…….and most important, is not how God wants me to handle this life that He has somehow allowed me and Gary to have. 

Paul said, “I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content.”  Paul wrote those words as he languished in a damp, horrible prison.  So there I was, cleaning up this vile mess and knowing that I needed to let my attitude reflect Jesus.  I needed to reflect Jesus to Aaron, and I needed to let God rule my thoughts.  So I prayed as I cleaned and as I tried not to gag.  I asked God to help me bring glory to Him even in this state in which I found myself.  I asked Him to help me have unconditional love for Aaron……….to not just love Aaron when he’s saying something hilarious but to also love him when he’s stinky and messy and furthermore, messing up my nice morning!

Eventually, the situation was under control.  The bathroom was clean and Aaron was in his room, playing a computer game and as good as new.  I walked in to where Aaron sat at his desk so that I could check on him, and as I turned to walk out I heard him softly say again, “I’m sorry, Mom.”  My eyes filled with tears as I walked away………….those tears that I don’t often allow to come.  I know that Aaron, in his own way, wishes that he could change things.  He is happy and content with his life most of the time, but I wonder what goes through his mind on days like today.  Does he wish that he didn’t have the issues that he faces daily?  Does he recognize his differences?  Does he see how dependent he is on Gary and I for his care?
 
I don’t know for sure, since Aaron doesn’t express those deep heart issues.  But his comment, his soft, “I’m sorry, Mom” shows me that he truly does know something.  He knows that he made a huge, ugly, smelly mess for his Mom to clean………and he was truly sorry.  That touches me.  And that urges me to love him and to let him know that it’s OK…….that I will be there to love him and help him for as long as God allows.

Aaron went outside later, and as I looked out I saw him in the front flower bed.  There he sat, in the mulch, relaxing and unwinding in the unique, quirky way that he does.  He hasn’t been out in the mulch for a long time.  He needed this today……….this time to decompress and sort out his thoughts.  Maybe I should have joined him……and wouldn’t that have been a sight to the people who were looking at the house for sale across the street from us?  I smiled at that thought. 

And I smiled as I looked at our son…….our special son……..who continues to teach me lessons of which he is completely unaware. 


May I learn them well.   

Something Went Wrong!

Yesterday, Thursday, was mall day for Aaron’s day group.  I always give him a little extra money on Thursdays so that he can get himself something for lunch.  And I always give Aaron my lunch tutorial on the way to meet his group.

“Now Aaron, for lunch be sure that you choose something that’s good for you.”  By that I mean something that’s not composed of ice cream, hot fudge, chocolate chips, and whipped cream.  In other words, Dairy Queen should not be his lunch destination, as it so often has been in the past.

He assures me, with some exasperation, that he knows this and that he promises to get a “good lunch.”  Still, I’m never sure that our definitions of “good” are anywhere near similar.  This is because Aaron wants what tastes good, whereas I want what is relatively good FOR him.
 
Aaron did his usual loud, grand entrance into the house when he returned from his day at the mall.  He hardly had time to blink when he rushed in the door before I hear him loudly say, “Mom?”  It didn’t take him long to find me and then he instantly began to tell me about his day – beginning, of course, with food and what he had for lunch.

“Mom!  We went to the mall and I had pizza for lunch!”  He said this rather breathlessly, as if he was telling me that he had gone to Rome for lunch.  He wanted to know if this was a good lunch and he hoped that I would be pleased, so I let him know that this was a good choice.  At least when compared to the Triple Death By Chocolate ice cream creation he sometimes consumes, pizza is a decent substitute.

He breathlessly continued, “And Mom!  I noticed something!  Those men were Italian!” 

Really, Aaron?  How did you know that they were Italian?

He answered, “Because they didn’t talk in the American way!”
 
He happily told me that one of the men behind the counter pointed to the various pizza choices and said, “Pizza, pizza, pizza!” ……………and not in the American way!  And Aaron told the Italian man that he was trying to decide what FLAVOR he wanted! 

As Aaron told me that he liked the flavor of pizza he chose, he said, “Look what I brought with me.”  Out of his pocket he pulled a knife, fork, and spoon that he had hidden in his pocket before he left the house.  I told him that he did not need silverware from home when he goes out to eat.
 
“But Mom, I wanted it because it’s metal!”  Oh, Aaron………….who always must have multiple pieces of silverware for every meal……..now wants metal silverware as opposed to plastic.  And I know that even though I remind him that he doesn’t need silverware at all with pizza, he will continue to have silverware around him with his pizza because he must.  He just MUST have silverware around him when he eats.  I also make a mental note that frisking him before he leaves the house would always be best.

Aaron continued on with reciting his lunch adventure by telling me about the lady at the oriental restaurant in the food court.  “Mom, that lady had meat on a toothpick.  She asked me if I wanted one and you know what I said?”  I told Aaron that I did not know what he said, knowing that he was about to tell me……….and he did.  “I said ‘Ewwww!’ ” 

I told Aaron that he should never respond to anyone who offers him food by saying “Ewwww!”  He answered, “But Mom, it was fish!  Do you want fish in Chinese?!”  I have no idea what fish in Chinese means, but obviously it is not in Aaron’s food palate.  Regardless, I confirmed to him that the nice response would have been to say, “No thank you.”  And he reaffirmed, “I thought it was just better to say ‘Ewwww!’ ”  Another mental note that we need some manners updating.

Later, as Gary and I were almost finished with our nice little dinner together, Aaron came downstairs and sat in the family room…………where I noticed that he looked a little odd and was swallowing in a strange way.  Then, as Aaron told Cody today……….”Something went wrong!”  I urged Aaron to hurry into the bathroom because I suspected that something was amiss in his digestive process……….which was correct.  He didn’t quite make it all the way to the toilet before that wonderful “pizza, pizza, pizza!” came right up.  This was not quite the ending to Aaron’s day or to our dinner that we would have chosen.  Indeed, something went wrong…….very wrong.

Poor Aaron, who lost all of that special flavor of pizza that he had chosen from that Italian man.  Poor Gary, who would not let me lift my one good arm at all and who patiently cleaned it all up himself.

Perhaps Aaron should have chosen to eat the fish that was in Chinese.  I’m not sure that he will ever choose that flavor of pizza again from that Italian man. 

Today it’s popcorn at the theater…………the largest popcorn possible……..with the most butter that they will squirt on the popcorn.  No amount of lecturing on my part or of something going wrong on Aaron’s part will deter him from his large buttered popcorn. 

Gary and I are taking Aaron out tonight to do a little shopping, and MAYBE to eat out.  We’ll see about that eating out part.   I know that I should frisk him before we leave…….to check for metal silverware in his pockets.

And brush him up on his manners as we drive.

And remind him of good food choices.

And stick some barf bags in the van……….and in my purse.

So much can go wrong! 
 
But somehow with Aaron, it all turns out right in the long run.