He Said What?!

Persons with autism are easily overwhelmed by change.  Routine and sameness are very important to them.  Growing up in a military family brought many changes to Aaron’s life and he’s learned to adapt very well.  But sometimes it’s the little things that get him flustered.  For instance, one day I noticed that the water in our guest bathroom faucet was coming out at an angle instead of straight down.  When Aaron got home that afternoon, he ran in there to use the bathroom and when he turned the water on to wash his hands, he came running out saying, “Mom!!  The water in the bathroom is bent!!”  The bent water coming from the faucet was a topic of conversation for some time after that. 

Therefore, when I bought a different brand of toilet paper a couple weeks ago the first thing I thought of was the fact that Aaron would not only notice the change but he would certainly comment.  I put the first of the new rolls out and when he used it yesterday it did – uh – leave an impression, so to speak.  Here’s the old toilet paper:

And here’s the new toilet paper:

And Aaron’s comment:  “Mom!  That new toilet paper is weird!”   
Me:  “So what’s weird about it, Aaron?”
Aaron:  “Well, it’s got lines on it.  I’ve never seen toilet paper with lines on it.  That’s weird!”

I assured him that the new toilet paper was just fine and he assured me that he would use it.  He better!  I’m hoping that this uncertainty about the lined toilet paper will soon pass and will come out just fine in the end.  Puns intended.  Sorry.

This is the first year that Gary and I have planted potatoes. Gary was around home grown potatoes when he was a boy and so he knew how to plant our spuds. I also set out to research and find out as much as I could about planting potatoes. I bought the seed potatoes at a local mercantile and asked questions there; I googled and read some items on-line; and most importantly, I asked other experienced potato growers for advice. And so in the spring Gary and I planted a long row and a half row of tender red potatoes. We were very excited to see the first green shoots break through the soil, and our excitement continued as the small growths became large and lush. I could imagine all the delicious potatoes growing just under the mounded soil and couldn’t wait to dig them up and cook them in various ways. I wondered where I would store the heavy yield that I fully expected to find.

I asked questions as I thought that our harvest was near and had other gardeners confirm that it was definitely time for Gary and I to dig up our crop. One friend said that potatoes are her favorite crop to harvest as she pulls up the plants and has potatoes spill out of the mounds, and then finds even more as she digs in the soft dirt. And so one morning before the heat was overbearing I anxiously went to the garden with my tools and my big bucket. I thought I might need two buckets, or even more, but thought I’d only have time to fill one on this morning. I carefully dug and found nothing. A little more digging and I found one little potato, then later another little one, but no more. I continued to dig until I reached the next plant, then gently pulled it up as I expected the potatoes to roll out all around my feet. Nothing. Hmmmm. This process continued for as long as I was able to dig that morning. I walked into the house and looked down at those pathetic few potatoes in the big bucket. Surely the rest of the mounds would yield more that that! But sadly, Gary finished the digging on Saturday and had the same results. I stood and watched him dig, again holding the bucket that I hoped to fill, but we were disappointed once again. What had happened to our potatoes? We had planted carefully, had watered, had fertilized. We had beautiful green, bushy growth that led us to believe that underneath the ground were dozens of delicious potatoes waiting to be unearthed. However, underneath the deceptive and beautiful greenery was almost nothing of substance.

I’ve thought about this experience for several days. My mind first went to the lives of some along the way that have touched our lives. And in this case, not necessarily in a positive way. We have known and ministered with people who have every outward evidence of being mature believers in Christ. They say the right words, participate in many right activities, help others, etc., etc. But somewhere along the way their true colors show. When you dig deeply into their lives you find hypocrisy with no real fruit. At times certain ones have brought hurt and disappointment into our lives. But I also, and more importantly, remembered the advice Gary has given me and our children many times. He has wisely said, “Patty, look at your own heart and let God deal with others.” How many times have I exhibited lush, beautiful outward growth but inwardly I am struggling to produce fruit? Am I allowing the Spirit to produce His fruit in my life or am I trying to manufacture it myself? If you dig deep enough into my life, will you find fruit or will you find the dirt of unforgiveness, bitterness, or other sinful issues? It’s easy to be like the Pharisees and show outward growth but have inward barrenness. God spoke to His people through Isaiah and said, “Because this people draw near with their words, and honor Me with their lip service, but they remove their hearts from Me……the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the discernment of their discerning men shall be concealed.” May I have a true and faithful heart so that I will consist of more than just the outward greenery of words, actions, and lip service! I pray that I will have deep inner fruit that will manifest itself outwardly for the glory of God!

I never know what Aaron will bombard me with the second he barges in the door when he gets home from his group.  He never says “Hi Mom!”  Instead he immediately starts telling me something about his day.  Like one day last week, as soon as the door burst open, it was:

“Mom!  Today we went to the east mall and I got a 12 foot sub!!”    [Wow!  Do they make them that big?]

“I got all the meat on it like I always do.”    [A club.]    “Yeah, a club!”

“And I got that white stuff on it……………you know……….”     [Mayonnaise]

“Yeah, mayonnaise!”     “And then when I was eating it some of the meat went down a wrong pipe on my throat, and it made me cough!”     [Did someone call a plumber, I’m wondering?]

But I decided not to ask him that.  Some questions just spoil the moment.  Wonder what I’ll hear today?

My dad was color blind, and that gene passed to his daughters to be possibly passed on to our sons.  Only two of us daughters have sons – Kathryn and I.  Kathryn’s son, Matt, is color blind.  And of my two sons, only Aaron is color blind.  I remember how as children we loved to ask my dad what color this item or that item was.  We were amazed at dinner, for instance, when he couldn’t tell the difference between the colors of the peas and the carrots.  Or we’d tease him in some way about colors.  He was the most patient dad on the planet!  Mom would hang his pants and shirts together, matching sets, so he could just grab a set and go.  He knew that they always matched and that he would look coordinated, not disastrous like it would have been if he was left to put them together.  When we were older and Mom would travel with her job, we’d threaten to mix Dad’s clothes up if he wasn’t nice to us.  Those were empty threats but we sure had fun giving him a hard time and having him play along with us. 

I also remember how my Mom wore this Avon pink lipstick with matching nail polish.  Dad finally asked her to stop wearing it because pink looked blue to him, which meant that her blue lips and nails were a little eerie looking!  One day, when we lived in Germany, we were driving down the autobahn and we passed a bright pink truck.  Little Aaron yelled out, “Look at the BLUE truck.”  I knew then that he was color blind. 

The other day Aaron bought a huge bag of Skittles and brought it home.  Often he likes to take a handful of Skittles and organize them by color.  He leans way down to examine them in an effort to match them correctly.  This morning he said, “Mom, I have a hard time with some of the colors in the Skittles.”  So I asked him which colors are hard (though I knew) and he said, “Just the green, orange, red, and purple.”  Well, that just about covers it – only yellow is left!  I asked him to sort some for me while I fixed him some breakfast, and he proceeded to lean over his little pile and begin separating them.  And sure enough, there in his pile of purple Skittles were two stray red ones that seemed just the same color to Aaron as the purple.  He does a good job, though, and can compensate just like my dad did.

Dad could see yellow, too, and blue.  So Mom would major on blue decorations at Christmas – a show of her love for Dad.  And yellow roses or other yellow flowers were a favorite. Mom always planted plenty of yellow miniature roses or other yellow flowers for him to enjoy.  When Dad died, though, Mom made sure there was a beautiful arrangement of multi-colored flowers adorning his coffin because now he could see and enjoy all the colors, not just the blue and yellow.  Another example of her love shown for him.

Funny how something like Skittles can lead to such sweet, unexpected memories. 

Aaron was in the kitchen chattering with me as I fixed supper awhile ago.  He saw me put corn on the cob on the counter, walked over and looked at it and said, “Mom, why does that corn have hair on it?”  HaHa!  The world through Aaron’s eyes!

Funny, though………last week he was talking about his legs having fur.  Now he says that corn on the cob has hair.  Is he confused or what?!

Oral hygiene can be an issue with Aaron.  Not can be – it IS an issue with Aaron.  Some of his meds over the years have made his gums swell at times, for instance.  His lack of fine motor skills and manual dexterity make even brushing his teeth difficult for him.  Also, he thinks that the harder he brushes then the cleaner his teeth will be, so his gums suffer from being brushed too hard.  Don’t even get me started on the difficulty with flossing!  Even the taste of toothpaste, too, has been an issue with him over the years.

So when his hygienist told us a few months ago that Aaron should start using mouth wash to assist in his oral health, I was very skeptical that he would agree to it once he tasted it.  Even opening the bottle on the Scope I bought has been a nightmare.  The lid has to be squeezed and then turned. This was amazingly difficult for Aaron to accomplish because of his motor skills issues.  You just had to have been there to see me trying to show him how to do it.  Now he just grabs the bottle and uses brute force to open it, then laughs like he’s just killed a  mammoth for dinner! 

But he IS using the mouthwash every night, for which I’m very grateful and surprised.  He came downstairs some time back, though, and said, “Mom, that stuff I have to use in my mouth at night is very SPICY!!”   You know, I guess spicy describes it very well. 

But I thought for sure I bought the mint flavored, not the chipotle. 

Aaron has some very unique and sometimes comical ways of describing things.  Some of his word pictures are really very sensible.  The other day we were outside with our Great Dane and Aaron said, “Mom, Jackson doesn’t like those pointy things on a pine tree in a V section.” 

Those WHAT??!!

And he repeated, “Those pointy things on a pine tree in a V section.” 

He could see that I was still clueless, so he showed me:

PINE NEEDLES!!!!!

We soon learned after we bought this house 12 years ago that along with the house came some unusual bugs. Well, unusual to us since we had never lived with this particular species before that we know of. As our first summer here began to unfold, I did some research and found out that these are very common Box Elder Bugs. They are black and grey with a splash of red. Box Elders proliferate like crazy so as the weeks of summer go by, the number of bugs increases dramatically. These bugs live very comfortably in the dryness and heat of a Kansas summer, so this year they’ve done particularly well. They thrive in our front flower beds among the mulch and down in the dead leaves that hide behind the landscape bricks. And they totally love our Golden Rain Tree right outside the front yard. Thankfully, Box Elder Bugs don’t bite, sting, fly annoyingly around our heads, or eat our flowers. However, they ARE annoying simply by their sheer number. Hundreds and hundreds of them congregate on the sidewalk, porch, tree, flower beds, front door – you get the picture. They even climb my legs while I water or weed the flowers, and in my book that’s beyond annoying.

  So I bought the spray. Gary and I hesitate to use poison but desperate times require desperate measures! Gary did the spraying one evening after supper, and the next day when I went outside to water I was amazed at the spray’s effectiveness. Where yesterday there had been hundreds of active Box Elder Bugs, today there was stillness. I have to say that I was happy with each little dead bug body that I saw laying on the ground or on the porch. As I watered the Impatiens under the Golden Rain Tree I was surprised at the hundreds of dead bugs laying on the ground around the tree trunk. Piles of bugs lay there, poisoned and dead, totally ineffective after the poison hit their bodies.

This scene brought to my mind a very uncomfortable truth. I thought of the hundreds of people that come across my path. Some of them I don’t know at all; some are mere acquaintances; some are casual friends; some are dear friends; some are family. How many times have I damaged someone by the words that I say? Are my words like the poison that killed the Box Elder Bugs, full of bitterness or hatefulness? Am I irritated with the receptionist at the doctor’s office, silent with the stressed Wal-Mart cashier, or hesitant to take the time to talk to a lonely customer that tries to engage me in conversation in the store aisle? Do I gossip with my friends or speak words of bitterness that allows others to continue in their own hurts and frustrations instead of moving beyond the hurt and growing into Christlikeness? Do I encourage those that are tired or do I drag them down with my own issues? As I open my mouth every day, will I spray poison with my words or will I edify and bless? When I look around at the effect I’ve had on others, will I see dead and lifeless bodies laying on the ground? Or will I see the light of hope and blessing in people’s lives because of the words that I have spoken? Paul said in Ephesians 4:29 to “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Oh Lord, may my words today and every day bring hope and blessing instead of poison and death!

Those of you who have followed my life with Aaron on Facebook for awhile know that he often talks about his weight.  He asks – a lot – if I think he’s losing weight.  One of his “famous” sayings from a long time ago was, “Mom, do you think I’m almost losing weight?”   Well, now, how am I supposed to know if you’re ALMOST losing weight?  But when I posted this, many of us girls decided that this would be our new mantra.    [How’s the weight loss going?  You know, I’m almost losing weight!!  Yep, almost there – almost losing that weight!]   Sigh…………..story of my life…………..ALMOST losing weight!

Aaron’s conversation with me today was so typical of him.  He came bounding in the house after his group dropped him off and began immediately telling me about his day.  It went like this:
       
“Mom, I went to Quik Trip and you know those Corn Dogs?  Well, I bought four Corn Dogs.  Then I got a Slushee………..a number 52.”    (Does he mean a 52 ounce?  Do they even sell 52 ounce drinks?  Maybe a 32?  Who knows?)     Continuing:

“The Corn Dogs came to $5.00.  With the Slushee it became $5.63.  Is it good that I bought Corn Dogs instead of candy?”    (Well……..sort of………….but FOUR Corn Dogs?!)
    
“So, Mom, do you think I’m losing weight?”    (It’s really hard to tell right now, Aaron.)

“Hey, Mom, can I have some of that vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce on top?” 

 Me:  “No, Aaron, not after FOUR Corn Dogs, plus a number 52 Slushee.  And all that ice cream with chocolate sauce won’t help you lose weight!” 

Aaron:  “Oh.  Do you think I’m losing weight?”

Round and around and around he goes………………and where his weight will be, nobody knows! 

In case you don’t know by now, I enjoy laughter.  I can be as serious as the next person, but I come from a family that has always been full of humor, laughter, and joy.  We pulled tons of practical, innocent jokes when I was growing up – many of them at my dear Dad’s expense.  And he loved it!  My mother is the Queen of Puns, and still her humor shows through her progressing age issues. 

One aspect of Asperger’s Syndrome is that these individuals often do not understand jokes, irony, or metaphors.  Aaron is no exception.  He does better now than he used to at understanding jokes or other’s sense of humor, but it’s still a challenge for him.  A conversation between us a few months ago illustrates this point very well. 

We were driving to meet his group and Aaron excitedly said to me, “Mom!  Yesterday in Wal-Mart I saw a woman that looked just like you, and I thought it was you!!”   Deciding to make a little funny joke, I said, “So Aaron, she must have been real skinny and pretty.”   He looked at me in disbelief, gave a “Humpf”, and said, “I said she looked like YOU!!!” 

I’m thankful for the good sense of humor God has given me.  Thick skin helps, too.