Category: Adult Autism

I Will NOT!!!

Aaron was up very early this morning, before 7:00.  I listened from the kitchen, wondering what was up.  He didn’t come downstairs, though, and soon I heard him turn on a DVD.  I decided not to bother him and just see how the morning would play out. 

I was heading outside to do a little more raking of small limbs and twigs that were left over after a huge storm last week.  Aaron came downstairs before I went outside, and proceeded to tell me that he was tired and that his stomach hurt, and that he didn’t want to go to Paradigm…….and furthermore, he had NO intention of going to Paradigm.  I just let him talk and I told him I was sorry he wasn’t feeling well………and then told him I was going out to do some raking.  I know not to push him too much when he’s in these moods.

I hadn’t been outside very long when I looked up to see Aaron walking toward me, his long pajamas swiping the grass, and his sweater and long shirt making him look not only hot on this summer day, but looking like an old man as well.  He watched me rake and he told me that he still wasn’t feeling well, and I told him that I was still sorry about that.  He turned and walked away, returning soon carrying his mulch trash can.  He sat near the trees and bushes, where the twigs and the bark are plentiful, and then he was quiet as he broke the wooden pieces into even smaller pieces.  I knew he was relaxing, in his Aaron way, and so I didn’t make him come in even after I was finished and as I headed for the house. 


After my shower, I looked out of an upstairs bedroom window and there he was……..still immersed in his thoughts and his stories as he snapped the little twigs into tiny pieces.  I poured his coffee, and then leaned out the back door to tell him that I would fix him some sausage if he wanted it.  I didn’t know what reaction I would receive……..but Aaron was compliant and happy to hear the words coffee and sausage.  He took a few more minutes for his thoughts and his stories to finish in his head, and then he stood up and carrying his trash can, he slowly came back to the house. 

Now Aaron was happy as he ate his breakfast and drank his coffee, then showered with no fuss and was ready to go when it was time.  Jackson hopped into the van with us, which made Aaron extra happy, and as we drove off he put in a new favorite CD and then began his talking……….but not before I told him that I was very proud of him for pulling it together and doing so well.  He was puzzled about what that term “pulling it together” meant, and so I explained it as we drove to meet his group.

Later today, as I pulled into the Sam’s parking lot, my phone rang and I saw that it was Aaron calling from Barb’s phone at Paradigm.  I answered, and right away told Aaron that I was getting ready to go into Sam’s and couldn’t talk long…….because Aaron will talk very long if I let him.  When he heard that I was at Sam’s, he excitedly said, “Mom!!  We went to Sam’s today!”

I expressed my surprise, and he continued, “Guess what I got there?”

I didn’t even try to guess because he rushed right on.  “I got a four berry milkshake!!  It had FOUR different things that have berry in it!!!”

He was very, very excited about the four berry milkshake…..and then he had me help him figure out what things have “berry” in them.  He was happy to hear of all the different “berry” possibilities and I was happy to hear how happy Aaron was today.  Later, at home, he remembered something else that has “berry” in it.  Strawberry Jello!  In fact, last Thursday Gary and I were getting ready to leave on a short vacation trip to Texas.  Aaron walked into our bedroom holding my container of pudding and jello mixes from the kitchen, setting them on our dresser and discussing with me the difference between jello and pudding……..and figuring out that one is wiggly and the other is flat! 


So on this evening, Aaron pulled out the pudding and jello container again, holding up the strawberry jello and asking if we could make it tonight.  I was tired……..it was getting late……..and I didn’t really want to make jello, so I begged off and said we would make jello tomorrow. 

As Aaron stood in the kitchen with me, talking about jello,  I decided to tell him that in the morning he and I would be going to the air base early.  I told him that he was going to have some blood drawn for a test.  Aaron is so used to having his blood drawn that he hardly even reacted………but then I broached the other subject…….the other test.

“Aaron,” I said, “you also need to have a urine test.  That means you’ll need to pee in a cup, like you’ve done before.”  And Aaron stopped dead still in the middle of the kitchen, stared at me eyeball to eyeball, arched his eyebrows and straightened his back, and firmly said, “I will NOT!!” 

Oh boy.  So I assured him that he has done it before, and that he’ll be in a bathroom, and no one will be watching………and anything else I could think of to help him want to pee in a cup.  Then he said, “Well, you’ve never had to do that!”  And I assured him that indeed I have, many times……….and I thought about telling him how much easier this peeing in a cup is for him than for me, but I thought better of it. 

I decided that this would be a good time to make that jello, and Aaron readily agreed as he put the peeing in a cup conversation on the back burner and I put a pan of water on the front burner for our jello.  He wanted to help make the jello as I told him that the water had to boil first.

“Will you tell me when the boiling water part is over?” he asked.  I agreed, and later he stirred the jello and we poured it into the pan.  I told him that maybe we could have some tomorrow morning after we…..gulp…….get back from the lab – and peeing in a cup, but I didn’t remind him of that again.  Tomorrow morning just might be interesting.  Very interesting. 

I haven’t told him about the fecal test yet.  That’s going to be beyond interesting.  I think I need to go sit in the mulch awhile.

Cloning Aaron?!

Aaron has been in a good mood for the past few days, and that’s always a blessing.  While in a pleasant mood, Aaron likes to talk.  I mean, we know that Aaron always likes to talk………but these happy moods promote lots of talking.  I mean, LOTS of talking.

The other morning, he and I were on our way to meet his group.  I had told him that if we could leave early, we would stop by the store on our way and let him pick up a drink and some Pringles.  This promise only promoted Aaron’s happiness, which in turn pepped up his talking.  And with Aaron’s powers of observation, he finds many topics on which to expound.  In other words, I was in store for a verbal marathon………talking……..LOTS of talking.

He had already been in and out of my room all morning, going on and on about the usual…….his latest movie of the upside down ship and can ships really go upside down and what would happen if they do……..about aliens and his Star Wars game and why he can’t have the Alien game that he’s seen at Wal-Mart and what’s wrong with guts and gore anyway…………about cloning and can humans be cloned…….and about Jackson and why can’t he have some of those peanuts or whatever else Aaron is eating and why is Jackson downstairs instead of upstairs……..and I said that maybe Jackson wanted some peace and quiet as I almost told Aaron that I wanted some peace and quiet, too……….but I didn’t.

There was much more than that, but you get the idea.  We piled in the van for our short drive to meet Aaron’s day group via Dillon’s to pick up his drink and his Pringles.  Of course, Aaron immediately noticed the tiny lady bug on the windshield of the van.  “Mom!  Have you heard the legend that if you count a lady bug’s spots then that tells you how old they are?”  Why is everything a legend with Aaron?  Anyway, we discussed this particular legend as we headed to Dillon’s, with me trying to balance listening to the CD Aaron had turned on along with this unending lady bug spots discussion.  I finally gave Aaron the standard answer……..google it!  And Aaron said he did and I don’t believe him.

We pulled into the Dillon’s parking lot, where we parked in a spot where a woman was unloading her groceries right beside us.  Aaron carefully followed my reminder to be careful as he opened his door, and then profusely apologized to the woman as she smiled and nodded her head……and listened to Aaron repeat his apology as he scurried after me into the store.  He happily chose his grape Gatorade and then barreled ahead to his now familiar chip and snack aisle.  His talking had lessened now because he was focused on the task at hand…….which was to beat Mom to the chip and snack aisle.  As we rounded the corner and began walking up the aisle, I laughed quietly as I watched Aaron pump up his stride.  We were in our own little make-it-to-the-finish line  rush as he tried to beat me to the goal……..the Pringles!………..where he hoped to scoop as many canisters of Pringles into his arms before Mom got there to stop him!  He was reaching for his third can of Pringles when I stopped him at two, and he decided that two was better than none and he compliantly agreed. 

As we headed for the self check-out lane, I reminded Aaron to be careful of the little child that was nearby and of the other shoppers and of the displays………because Aaron was only thinking of the Pringles and the Gatorade and paying for them and leaving the store.  These hindrances in his way were not important to him.  And he was thinking of white cheese.  He had seen the white cheese Cheez-Its and asked me if I liked them. 

As I was trying to pay for his items, he was still talking about white cheese.   On and on he went as I tried to concentrate on what was important at that moment……and white cheese was not on my important list.  My important list involved reminding Aaron to stand right beside me and not wander off, where I knew I would find him punching the buttons at the empty self check-out register…….or punching buttons at the ATM machine nearby………or sitting in an empty chair at the Starbucks area, staring at the worker there as she asked him what he wanted and rubbing his hands together in glee as he would say, “I don’t want anything!  I’m just waiting on Mom!”    I gave Aaron the job of bagging his items after I scanned them.  He continued with white cheese.  Mom, what is white cheese?  Have I had white cheese?  Do you like white cheese?  Aaron, bag the groceries.  Aaron, turn around.  Mom, why do they make white cheese?  I don’t know if I like white cheese.  Aaron, don’t remove the bags until I’ve paid.  Aaron, put the bag back down.  Mom, can we get some white cheese?  I thought cheese was that yellow color.  Aaron, now you can pick up the bags.  Aaron, you can carry the bags.  Mom, when did you say that I had white cheese? 

I think I heard that last comment from a distance as I beat him to the van.  I had three seconds of quiet while he walked around and opened his door.  I turned up the music a couple notches, but Aaron was not to be deterred.  He had spied the karate business nearby, and so he quickly forgot all about white cheese as he excitedly talked about karate……..and breaking bricks……and who does that…….and would I like to break bricks……and why not.  He talked about the old truck that was used as a display inside Dillon’s…….why was it used……where did it come from…..did I like it.  And the jogging mom that we passed……..and the stroller she pushed……..and the baby in the stroller………and why did she push the baby. 

He saw the smoker in the man’s yard that we always pass…….and what was that chimney called?……….and why do people want a smoker.  He segued beautifully to the bent house that we pass………and who lives there……and what does it look like inside…..and would I like to see the inside.  Then there was the tent that had been set up in a parking lot……and why was the tent there…….and what would be in the tent.  He talked about Andrea’s birthday coming up……and our trip to Texas……..and that he is staying home with Krysten.  
Then he saw more old cars in a driveway…….which led back to the old truck at Dillon’s…..and I felt that we had certainly come full circle as we pulled up to meet his ride. 

My ears took awhile to get rested after that morning full of Aaron’s very happy, and very prolonged, chatter.  Then last night, just before he finally closed his bedroom door for the last time (I hoped), he remembered something important that he had wanted to tell me. 

“Mom? I was talking to Barb today about cloning humans.  She asked me what if there were two of me?”
Even the thought of that made my knees weak.

Aaron continued.  “I said if there were two of me at home, my Mom would really lose her nerve.” 

He laughed at his funny joke, and I laughed at his funny joke as I agreed with him.  Yes, Aaron, I would completely lose my nerve if there were two of you!  I didn’t tell him that my sanity would be lost as well, no doubt.

Yes, one of Aaron is enough………..more than enough.  And on most nights as I lay my head on my pillow and rest my weary ears, I am thankful for our one Aaron.

Our one and ONLY Aaron!

Award Winner

I’ve written about how Aaron notices people’s physical characteristics, and then refers to them based on that observation.  Try as we might……..lecture as we do……over and over again, it makes no difference to Aaron.  You remember how I told about Aaron thinking that all his drivers are from Africa, no matter their skin color, accent, eye shape…..doesn’t matter.   They’re all from Africa to hear him tell it. 

Today when Aaron came home, we were having our usual discussion about his day.  I asked him what he spent his money on since I saw that his wallet was empty. 

He matter-of-factly answered, “Well, I bought C.  ……not the one that looks like a rabbit but the C. that’s black with black hair……….two cans of Pringles.” 

You try standing there and instructing Aaron with a straight face after that kind of statement.  Somehow I did it…….and I should win an Oscar or Tony or Emmy or something. 

I just wanted to share my feeling of accomplishment tonight. 

Standing Out!

I saw this picture today from the Autism Spectrum Disorder Facebook page, and thought of how very well it described my morning yesterday with Aaron. 



Oh my goodness, Aaron was standing out all over the place as we went to meet his day group…..and some of it was kind of my fault, too.  Here’s how it went:
Aaron and I pulled in to Quik Trip yesterday morning.  We saw what we thought was the familiar van that the staff often drives, but as I pulled near I saw that the driver was unfamiliar.  Thinking that this was a new staff member that I had not met yet, I asked Aaron what her name was.  Aaron said he didn’t know, which is not at all unusual.  I’m surprised when he knows anyone’s name because names are usually unimportant to Aaron.  We pulled up beside the van and Aaron rolled down his window.  He leaned out toward this woman who was looking at her phone, and so she looked up and saw us with the rolled down window………and Aaron’s door opening at my urging. 

She lowered her passenger window and Aaron loudly said, “My Mom wants to know what your name is!”  He was getting out of our van, juggling his two bottles of water, and was getting ready to put his water inside her open window and open her van door.  She looked alarmed and said, “No!”  And as she started pulling away, I saw the baby in the back seat and suddenly put two and two together.  This was just a random mom who had stopped to do something on her phone…….and unfortunately for her, she had stopped near where we link up with Aaron’s ride every weekday morning.  Aaron looked confused as he got back in our van.  I was horribly embarrassed, and this mother was no doubt scared to death.

I drove around to try to meet up with her again and explain, but I guess she saw me coming and so she pulled out of the parking lot.  I just can’t describe how badly I felt about this………….how badly I still feel about this!  Then to top it off, Aaron jumped out of our van and headed for the store, saying that he wanted a sausage biscuit.  He was well on his way and it was useless to call him back, so I parked and went inside.
  
There I found Aaron with two biscuits on the counter, holding three dollars in the air, and asking, “What about three?”  He then turned and grabbed another biscuit from the warmer, oblivious to the frustrated shopper behind him……..and the puzzled cashier……..and his very already frustrated and embarrassed mother.  I somehow managed to get him to take the two biscuits, and to pay the cashier who had the change ready and waiting, and take the free sandwich sample that was being handed out behind us, and to say “I’m sorry” to the cashier, and to repeat “I’m sorry” to the frowning customer behind us, and to get out the door and to our van, and link up with our for-real driver who was also having a bad day.

I’m still thinking about that poor terrified mother.  I wonder what she has told her husband and family and friends about her scary encounter?  I’m still thinking about the irritated customer that was behind Aaron……….understanding her, and yet wondering if she had any compassion for unusual Aaron………..or his harried mother?  I’m still thinking about the puzzled cashier, wondering if he has seen Aaron there before and if the look on his face was just that of a man who has seen it all in Quik Trip.  I’m still thinking of the wide-eyed girls who were handing out the free sandwich samples as they observed this scene, unsmiling and confused.

Usually I handle these situations with humor and much more ease than I possessed on this day.  The situation with the young mother really unnerved me.  My stomach was in knots for a long time,  as if I had experienced something very disturbing.  And I guess in a way it was just that……..unnerving for me and for her. 

But not for Aaron, of course.  He immediately went about his normal day, wanting sausage biscuits and then talking non-stop until his ride came.  But he became angry when I was telling Tim, the driver, about it……….and I realized that I was making Aaron feel like it was his fault, and that I was talking about him.  Those are two things that he does NOT like………so I had another situation to make right before I drove away. 

I tried to regroup all day…….to not take it all too seriously.  I know of many moms who have these same sorts of days, whether with special needs or not.  We moms goof up, get embarrassed, become frustrated – but we just keep going, don’t we?  We can’t quit our job or change positions…………we’re mothers for good…..and bad. 

In all these times, there are lessons to learn and mistakes that we hope not to repeat.  I’m thankful that God is right there with His love that gives me comfort and His listening ear that hears my words……even the ones I don’t speak but that are in my heart.  And God’s patience is the best example ever for me!  I needed an extra dose of His patience yesterday morning.  I imagine that God needs extra patience with me, too, on most days.   God is the kind of Father to me that shows me what kind of mother to be to Aaron.  

Especially on those days when Aaron REALLY stands out!

Being Left Alone

Andrew, our youngest, has been home for a visit.  He just left awhile ago for Missouri.  It doesn’t matter how many times I say goodbye to him or to Andrea – I still get emotional.  It’s just my mother’s heart, isn’t it?  No matter how old they are, they will always be my children.  I wouldn’t want them to sit here at home with me for the rest of their lives, but those goodbyes just don’t get any easier. 

With Aaron, it will be far different.  Gary and I will someday need to make decisions about a group home for him.  Aaron will probably resist that idea strongly, so much preparation will need to go into preparing him – and us – for that day.  Believe me, there are days when we are more than ready to push him out the door!  And then there are many, many times when we can’t imagine life without him here.
 
The unique way that Aaron expresses himself is one thing that I would really miss.  I can’t tell you how many tablet notes I have, or sticky notes, or random pieces of paper on which I have quickly written something unique that he has said.  Here are just a few that I’m looking at as I write this.

The other night Aaron wanted me to help him straighten out his covers before he got into bed.  I was tired and in a rush, and a little aggravated, so I quickly pulled up and smoothed the covers before turning to head out his door.  But Aaron wasn’t through.  “Mom!” he said.  “Here!  We need to do this part.”

I sighed and told him that his covers were fine…….although I did notice that the top cover was a little crooked.  And of course, so did Aaron.  “But Mom, the blanket is kinda tipped a little!”  And once again, despite my tiredness, he made me laugh.  A tipped blanket!  That will not do! 

We were talking the other morning about a storm from the night before.  “Mom!  I saw the lightning when I was in bed.  I thought it was far or halfway up close!” 

I know.  I’m still trying to figure it out, too.

Yesterday I think he smelled the lotion that I was wearing, because out of the blue he said, “Mom, we were in the mall the other day.  You know that store, BAD Bath and Beyond?  It stinks in there!” 

So I asked him what store that was.

“BAD, Bath and Beyond!  It stinks in there!” 

And he thought I was laughing because he said it was stinky.

He bought Gary a Father’s Day card, picking it out all by himself.  It’s perfect because it talks about calling Dad…………and Aaron calls us every single chance he gets.  People have asked us if we ever plan to get him a cell phone.  Not as long as we are in our right mind.

I told Aaron to sign Dad’s card, so he bent over the card and slowly signed it………like this:

Not only full of emotion, but he took me literally when I said to “sign” the card……..and look at the spelling.  I love it!

This morning Aaron wasn’t very happy at the thought of going to his day group.  He was starting to get very agitated as he stood in my bathroom with me, telling me all the reasons why staying home would be so much better.  He went down the usual path about why I have to make him hurry, and why can’t  I just leave him alone.  I explained that I had let him stay in his room for as long as I could.  I said, “Aaron, I’ve left you alone all this time.”

And he answered, “Well, can’t you do it for more?!”

My laughter when he’s already mad only makes him worse, so I waited until he left the room………and I laughed as I quickly wrote down what he said. 

He pulled himself together and was contentedly petting Jackson’s tummy when I went downstairs.  Aaron was glad that I didn’t leave him alone as I stopped to get him an early lunch on our way to meet his group……..and listened to him talk and talk and talk about how he thinks Jackson’s nearly hairless tummy is creepy.

Most of the time I’m glad that I don’t leave Aaron alone, too……….although there are many of those other times that leaving him alone is the best and healthiest option for both of us.  I’m looking ahead, though, to the time that he’ll get his wish about being left alone as Gary and I will “do it for more.”

Be careful what you wish for, Aaron.  Sometimes those alone times aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. 

It’s a lesson for all of us, really.

Are You From Africa?!

I have already posted one blog today, and don’t usually post another on the same day……but I want to fully try to capture this moment with Aaron.  And then hopefully forget it.

Several years ago, when Aaron first started attending his day group – Paradigm – some of the staff there were from Africa.  Truly from Africa.  Now Aaron thinks that anyone who is:

1.  Black
2.  From any other nationality

must be from Africa.
 
I remember the time that he kept wanting to me to meet the new driver who brought him home every afternoon.  “Mom, I don’t know her name but she’s from Africa!”  Finally the day came that I was able to meet this new driver……….and she was from Vietnam.  She was as Oriental as she could be.  And thankfully she had a good sense of humor.

Today I pulled up beside the Paradigm van to deliver Aaron for his ride.  The driver is black, as was the other staff who was in the passenger seat.  Aaron rolled down his window even before we were stopped.  He didn’t care that the driver was on his cell phone.  Aaron had something to say and to say NOW! 

“HEY!!” he blurted out to the driver.

“Aaron!” I firmly said.  “He’s on the phone!”

“HEY!!”  Aaron repeated anyway.  Aaron opened his door, barging his head into the driver’s way through the open window.  The phone conversation had ended as Aaron loudly asked, “HEY!!  Are you from Africa, my mom wants to know?!!” 

OH.  MY.  WORD.

“Aaron!!”  I somehow managed to say.  And then, “No, I did NOT want to know if you guys are from Africa!!!”

Both the staff were laughing, saying that they understood, while Aaron lumbered into the back seat of their van.  I offered a short explanation of Aaron’s way of thinking, so thankful for their laughter and their assurances that they got Aaron and they understood.
 

I wonder if these constant blood pressure spikes that I have are good for me.  They’re NOT going to be good for Aaron one of these days! 

Whistling As He Claps

I’ve written before about Aaron’s clapping.    http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2011/11/clap.html     He absolutely has perfected the loudest clap of anyone EVER!  He will walk in a room and CLAP……..and our ears will ring.  He’ll be sitting on the couch watching TV or a movie, and CLAP!  And oh my goodness, I’m sure that a very big reason that he loves Wheel of Fortune is because this game show gives him permission to CLAP!  We’ll be watching the contestants guess the letters, and of course with each correct letter the audience claps, and then Aaron’s eyes light up…………and CLAP!!!  CLAP!!!  CLAP!!!  He is beside himself with excitement, and I am beside myself with frustration and near-deaf conditions. 

The other day as we drove to meet his group, Aaron whistled………….which is the second most irritating noise that Aaron makes.  I told him not to whistle, just like I tell him not to clap.  I need to just carry a sign and hold it up in order to save my breath.  Aaron’s whistles are shrill……….as shrill as his claps are loud.  My mind goes back to the blissful times when Aaron has had dental procedures and his mouth is numb…….and he can’t whistle.  Much like the time that he broke his wrist and we had weeks……..yes, WEEKS………. of no clapping.  Talk about the silver lining in the cloud!

So in the van that morning, Aaron whistled.  After I told him to stop whistling, he said, “I noticed I think I stopped clapping.”

Really?  And when did this happen?  Like in the last 60 seconds?

He continued.  “So is clapping weird or irritating?”

Yes, Aaron.

I do wish that he got sarcasm.  My life would have so much more meaning if he did.

Aaron happily proceeded.  “So Mom, what is whistling?”

Do you remember, Aaron, the two words you just used to describe clapping? 

He obliviously (is that a word?) kept going.  “Well, is whistling irritating?”

You might say that, Aaron.  Especially the shrill, deafening variety……which is your standard.

And in an expression of pure delight, he leaned over and rubbed his hands together as he came to a conclusion. 

“So now I’ll whistle instead!!”

There are many reasons that I do not follow Aaron’s logic……….and this day I simply chalked up another one.  He follows his own meandering paths to come to his conclusions, but he comes to them……….at least in this case………..happily. 

And obliviously (that word again) unaware of the look on my face. 

I need earplugs.

The Legend of Aaron

Today was an Aaron day, meaning that I spent several hours of one-on-one time with Aaron.  It also means that my ears need a little rest, so while he’s upstairs on his computer I decided to write a few words about our time together.  Writing………not talking.  What bliss!

I first ran Aaron by the lab at our Eberly Farm clinic so he could have some blood drawn.  We’re still checking his medicine levels as well as being sure that his weight loss isn’t pointing to a significant problem.  Aaron enjoys the lab and that’s a blessing.  He especially enjoyed being shown to the seat in the lab that is right beside the telephone.  I usually stand near him, not because he is in any way scared, but because he loves to pick up the empty vials or some of the other items that are conveniently located right beside his chair.  Today, though, it was the telephone that held his interest.   All those buttons were calling his name!  He finally laughed as I over and over told him to NOT touch the phone.  It becomes a game to him……..one that he is sure to win if I even once turn my back.

Not long after we left the lab, we were at the dentist.  The staff at Baxter Dental Associates are so good with Aaron.  He is comfortable there, so much so that I don’t even go back with him like I used to do for many years.  I just hope that he’s compliant and not stubborn, and since nothing has been said otherwise, I’ll continue to happily assume that this is true.  But once the cleaning is complete, Aaron is more than in a hurry to go………because he knows that we are going to eat lunch out somewhere.  He does start getting grouchy if I linger over making his follow-up appointment or stand there chatting too long.  He knows his mother’s propensity for lingering chats!

Soon, though, we were seated at On The Border.  Our nice waitress came to take our drink orders, and Aaron asked if they had tea.  He said yes to the tea, even when he found out that it was unsweetened tea.  I then ordered water and Aaron loudly asked, “OH!!!  Do you have water??!!”  He’s done this before, but it’s always funny……and thankfully our waitress laughed as well.  I could tell that she liked Aaron, and that set me at ease.  Aaron’s nearly always at ease since he doesn’t read people’s facial expressions or body language.  He just barges on ahead, being Aaron, and oblivious to any questioning looks or uncomfortable stares from others. 

We ordered our salads and tacos, sipped our water, and dipped our chips in the free Queso that we got today.  Aaron was busy talking between bites, of course.  “Mom, Dad said that he might work on my computer.  What does ‘might’ mean?” 

Might means might, Aaron. 

“So can I call Dad and ask him if he’s going to work on my computer?”

No, Aaron, you don’t need to call Dad at work. 

And I have no idea how many times this conversation was repeated.  Be glad that I’m not going to write it out.

Our salads came and Aaron was busy dumping every drop of his dressing on his salad.  I told him that he didn’t need every drop and he agreed……….putting down his little dressing container……..and immediately grabbing mine and holding it up high to drain my few remaining drops of dressing.  All the while he was talking about how hard it is to work at a restaurant, and how Dad has told him that it’s hard work because sometimes people are fussy.  “Is that true, Mom? ” he asked.  “Why are some people fussy?”

As we discussed this issue, I thought it was really insightful when Aaron said, “The restaurant people serve us.  We don’t need to be fussing at them.”  I was wishing that he had this same philosophy about me when the waitress returned to fill his glass of water………and Aaron repeated this conversation to her, oblivious to the fact that her tables were full and she was busy and Mom was telling him that she needed to go.  She was sweet, though, and patient with Aaron. 

Aaron had other insights, too……….like wondering what the little powder things were that were on top of the lettuce……..and then saying, “Mom, I noticed something.  This is a Mexican restaurant!”  Well, it isn’t Chinese, Aaron……..as we munched on our TACOS.

I was asking how his visit with the dentist went.  “Mom, I told the dentist that I’ve seen some people who are fat!  I’m not talking about you!”

He added that last sentence so quickly that I questioned him about it, and he assured me that he was not talking about me.  Then he asked, “Mom, do you think you’re fat?  What do you think about being fat?”  And immediately he added, “I’m not saying anything!!” 

You’ve already said enough, Aaron. 

He was intrigued with the parsley, which he held up in order to give it an examination.  He wondered if I have some dried parsley at home.  “Mom, do you have some of that in the cabinet where the pepper balls are?”  That would be Peppercorns to most of us, but pepper balls to Aaron.

He also had to hold up the dark tortilla chip that was on top of the refried beans, saying that he had never heard of a black chip.  And the beans made him remember something.  “Mom, have you ever heard the legend that if you eat beans, you fart?”  I was hoping that no one around us heard Aaron’s telling of this legend, even as I urged him to not use “that” word in public.  Of course, any discussion of this legend should not be made in public, but all of that was lost on Aaron.  He was already in a discussion with the waitress about whether we could take the chips home along with the Queso that we had left.  I was thankful that he wasn’t telling her about the legend.

She happily brought us our containers, and Aaron just had to ask her about slushies.  Yes, slushies.  Do those new pineapple slushies have pineapple in them?  Do the other slushies have fruit?  How are slushies made?  Do slushies have ice in them?  Do you like slushies? 

Sweet, patient waitress.  She had answers for Aaron and smiles for Aaron……..and she got an extra tip from me. 

Home again, home again……..where Aaron left me to carry in the Queso and the chips that he wanted so badly, as well as his dentist bag of goodies……….and where he left the garage door open so that Jackson could come out and the heat could go in………and where he zoomed downstairs to ask Andrew if he wanted to watch a DVD on his Blu-Ray player in his room………..

Have I told you about the legend of Aaron?  Sometimes he’s all about Aaron and sometimes he’s not…………sometimes he’s interesting and sometimes he’s frustrating.   

And he always keeps me on my toes.   

A Blessing or a Bother

I bought some eggplant the other day.  I knew that this would create quite a stir in our house, and that’s because Aaron loves the unusual.  To most of us, eggplant is mundane………..maybe a little odd in appearance, but certainly nothing that should cause excitement.  But most of us are not Aaron.  To him, eggplant is odd; and anything that is odd gives him pause and then becomes a matter of great curiosity…….and much conversation. 

He saw the eggplant sitting on the kitchen counter that evening.  Soon I heard, “Mom!  There’s an eggplant!”  It was as if he had seen one of his movie aliens sitting on our kitchen counter, legs dangling and eyes flashing.  Such was the level of Aaron’s excitement.  Later I went in the family room, where Aaron was nestled in his favorite chair with all of his necessary items around him and his new blanket covering him nursing home style.  There, perched in his lap, lay the eggplant.  Aaron held it up happily for me to see as if it was my first eggplant experience, and his as well.  I laughed and snapped a picture, and Aaron was very pleased to have this close encounter with an eggplant.

Yesterday morning I was once again reminded of how the usual becomes the unusual to Aaron.  Way, way out in a field behind our house there is a tall tower of some sort.  On top of this thin steel tower there is a flashing red light.  For years Aaron has talked about this flashing light, dim in the distance.  It’s certainly not a bright intrusion into our home in the dark of night, but Aaron notices it constantly none-the-less.  Of course, when Aaron notices anything he will then talk it to death…….which he has done concerning this tower over the years.  What kind of tower?  Who built the tower?  What is the tower made of?  Why does it have a flashing red light on top?  Who takes care of the tower?  Will the tower fall?  Will the tower get struck by lightning? 

Aaron has blinds on his bedroom windows, but he has never wanted to use them at night.  In fact, they were never even lowered at all…………until this past winter, when we had new siding put on our house and a new paint job.  When the workers were going to be right outside Aaron’s window early in the morning, we decided to lower and close his blinds the night before.  This gave him privacy the next morning.  I wasn’t sure how he would react to this change, but he didn’t mind it at all……..and I was surprised. 

Now the worker’s job has been completed and there is no need to close Aaron’s blinds at night.  However, he still wants them closed.  That’s no problem, of course, but is still somewhat unusual for Aaron.  Yesterday morning, Aaron brought this subject up once again, telling me that he had decided to keep his blinds closed because that flashing red light bothered him.  I expressed surprise at this announcement, and reminded him that for years he hadn’t been bothered by the far off red light. 

He quickly replied, “Well, I decided it’s bothering me now.” 


I’ve thought about these two scenarios since yesterday……….the eggplant and the flashing red light.  Aaron has chosen for one to be a blessing and for one to be a bother.   It’s clearly a conscious choice that he is making, even though with Aaron his autism does play a part.

How about me?  What am I choosing today, and every day?  Sometimes I allow situations or people or things to be a bother when they really don’t have to be that in my life at all.  Sometimes my own son is a bother!  It’s natural to get tired of the constant talking, or his quirky ways that impact every single day of my life, or his mood swings………and many other areas of Aaron.  The choice is mine, though.  I can decide that it’s bothering me……….or I can decide…….

…………..that these things are BLESSING me!  Just like the goofy eggplant……..a blessing instead of a bother.  I don’t always make the wise choice, but I know that I do HAVE a choice.  So despite the irritations……the flashing red light out in the distance………..I know that I need to choose instead to hold each situation just like Aaron held up the eggplant.  Hold it up with a smile and with at least some measure of joy……..and be able to see how unique and special each part of my life is. 


There’s Aaron again………teaching me lessons and he doesn’t even know it!  I would say that he’s a blessing!

Our Both Way

This morning when I walked into Aaron’s room to get him moving along on this beautiful day, I found him watching a movie.  I happily said, “Good Morning, Aaron!”  as I always happily say………and as usual, he very sadly replied, “I’m not feeling well.”  He speaks this in his softest, most flat and pathetic voice that he can muster.  It’s really laughable……….but I don’t dare laugh.  I remember the morning that I didn’t exactly laugh, but I somehow demonstrated to Aaron that I wasn’t buying his woeful tale of how bad he felt.  First he said, “You just don’t understand me!”  He waited for some effect from this statement and when there was none, he walked away as he very mournfully said, “Nobody listens to me in this house……….people don’t.”  I nearly cried – from laughter.  Certainly not from pity.  Sometimes he could be a candidate for an Oscar!

So today I just walked away, and then soon returned to urge Aaron once again to move upward and onward.  He then told me that his eye hurt and he was just sure that he had a black eye.  Of course, he didn’t have a black eye.  He had just rubbed it so much that it hurt some.  Too bad, Aaron.  Another hopeful ploy to stay home was foiled! 

I then told Aaron that I would fix some bacon and eggs, which we could eat out on the patio, but that he needed to shower and get ready.  He suddenly became much more animated as he said, “Yeah!  And can Jackson come out with us?”  I knew exactly what Aaron was anticipating……….the challenge of sneaking Jackson some food without Mom seeing him.  Oh, I can read Aaron like a book!  In so many ways he never changes, yet always amazes……..and frustrates!  In his sameness he still manages to be ever interesting!

This train of thought led me to think of some areas where Aaron hardly ever changes.  He shows us his personality and the intricate way that his brain functions in so many pieces of his life.  Here are a few from just the past several days:

FOOD:  Aaron does love to eat and to snack……….less now than he used to, but he does still enjoy food.  Every Friday, when Paradigm usually goes to see a movie, he asks if he can have a large buttered popcorn.  And every Friday, I tell him that he can have a large popcorn but to try it unbuttered………..which he never does.  The last movie day found him running in the house when he got home, and telling me all about his large buttered popcorn.  “Mom!  They make the butter into a water kind of way!”  This remark led us into a rather lengthy discussion of just what in world melted butter really is, etc., etc.

He loves peanuts, so while I was shopping at Dillon’s this past Friday I got him some peanuts.  However, these peanuts are not like the Planters peanuts that he has had recently.   The only difference is that they are the Dillon’s brand.  I should have known!  He won’t eat them!  AAHHHH!!!  But he took them to Paradigm today to either give away, or somehow to force some down himself.  Good grief!  They can’t be that different……….to anyone but Aaron!

Aaron excited about trying to feed Jackson

And he will always and forever have a spoon with every meal.  He will also have multiple forks and other utensils, even if he doesn’t intend to use them.  Notice this picture of him with his plate of eggs this morning……..and a spoon.


WRIST WATCH:  He likes a watch that has the day and the date on it.  Recently, that feature on his watch wasn’t quite working right.  The day was stuck.  Therefore, Aaron wouldn’t wear the watch.  It didn’t make any difference that I went on and on about the fact that the watch kept perfect time.  Nope. It was defective to Aaron and he would not let it touch his arm at all.  I bought him a new watch with a smaller band since he’s lost weight.  This is the other thing about Aaron and watches.  He wears his wrist watch nowhere near his wrist.  He pushes it halfway up his arm.  Since he’s lost weight, I thought a smaller band would encourage him to wear his WRIST watch where every other person on earth wears one……….on his wrist.  Look at this picture of him again this morning and closely observe where his watch is located.  I think if his arm turned blue from lack of blood he wouldn’t care.   Seriously.

JACKSON:  Aaron loves our Great Dane, Jackson.  He actually really loves to feed Jackson.  It doesn’t matter what it is……….a piece of popcorn, a Mike and Ike, a stick………….Aaron will hold it out for Jackson to sniff and examine, in the hopes that Jackson will scarf it down.  One reason we quit buying rawhides and other treats was because Aaron would inevitably find our hiding place, and then every time we turned around Jackson would have a rawhide dangling from his mouth like a giant cigar. 

Aaron asked the other day which was smarter – dogs or cats?  After my little lecture, Aaron summed it up succinctly by saying, “Both animals have their both way of being smart.”  He says it so much better than I do!  But I know that our Jackson is very smart when it comes to Aaron.  Look at him this morning, waiting in the wings behind Aaron.  Aaron had already very quickly scooted a chunk of egg off his plate when my eyes were averted for a mere split second, and Jackson just as quickly lunged under the table to gobble it down. 

MOVIE CREDITS:  When Aaron watches a movie, Aaron watches the entire movie.  ENTIRELY.  From the very beginning to the very, very ending…………down to the very last teeny tiny little print at the end of the credits.  The movie is not over until the screen is black.  I walked in his room the other night to find him intensely riveted on……….the credits. 

BED TIMES:  When I say bed times, I mean that Aaron keeps a list of the times that he turns his light out at night, and the times that he gets up in the morning.  He does this Every.  Single.  Day.  Here is but one page of his recorded bed times.  He has filled up multiple notebooks over the years. 


HANDY ANSWER BOOKS:  Aaron loves his Handy Answer Books.  They come in a wide variety of subjects.  He will, as with movies, read these books from the very first word to the very last word……….including the table of contents, the index, and the lists at the end of resources or web sites.  Last night he showed me this page that he had come to in his reading.  He didn’t think that this would be very interesting to him……….but this morning I saw his bookmark placed a couple pages over, showing that he had indeed read this part that he wasn’t very excited about reading.  I knew he would!  It’s got to be more exciting than the index!


TOILETS:  I wrote once about Aaron’s long-standing fear of toilets.  Here is a link to that blog post:  http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2012/01/toilets.html.  There are many facets of this fear.  We have three new toilets in our house and all of them have a much smaller amount of water in them than our old ones did. Aaron is sure that these toilets are stopped up……….a battle that he has yet to quiet overcome.  He pretty frequently will tell us that one of the toilets is stopped up, but it’s usually not.  He will not venture near it until he is sure that it’s in the clear.


This morning, as I was washing my hands, Aaron refused to come in my bathroom to talk.  Finally he said, “Mom, did you flush your toilet?” And I realized as I finished with my hands that no, I had in my haste not performed that task…………but Aaron had registered that oversight in his mind and he wasn’t stepping one foot in there until I flushed!!  He did not want to talk about it, either……….but I knew. 

Well, I must end this………..no pun intended concerning the above paragraph.  Aaron will be home soon with more stories of his day, and I may be physically or mentally taking notes so I won’t forget the unique way that he verbalizes so many things.  You know, if he asked who was smarter…………Aaron or Mom………….I might have a hard time answering that. 
We both have our both way, like Aaron says!  Glad I wrote that one down!!