I am NOT where I thought I would be this week!
I am NOT where I planned, carefully planned, to be this week!
But I do believe that most of us are in the same boat and could say the same thing. How many plans have been totally disrupted due to all this virus mess and stay-at-home orders?
Trust me, I know that there are some very heart-breaking situations in people’s lives right now – far worse than anything I’m going through.
So, where was I supposed to be this week? Texas. I was to be in Texas this week.
My husband and I were going to the Houston area this week. Our daughter and her husband, Kyle and Andrea, live there. And our son, Andrew, who lives near Indianapolis, was to be there as well. Andrew works for an NHRA drag race team. They have a big national race in Houston every April.
Gary had bought our tickets. I had lined up caregivers for Aaron, who doesn’t attend these events with us. He loves his own version of a vacation, which is to stay in his comfort zone of home and of eating out every night, loving the undivided attention from caregivers…and calling us multiple times every day, just because he always has something to tell us.
On Facebook this week, the memories from this time last year have been popping up on my page. As if I need any help with memories of our fun time we should be having!
We should be doing this:
Enjoying time together:
And watching Andrew work:
I was talking to my friend, Joyce, about it a couple weeks ago. I told her it’s sad not to be going on our trip to see our kids. How it’s OK to acknowledge that sadness, but that I can’t stop and wallow in it. We laughed as we thought about that and laughed even more when Joyce mentioned being like a pig wallowing in the mud.
In the park where Aaron and I like to walk, Swanson Park, there is still a depressed area in the prairie grass where buffalo wallowed in the 1800’s. In fact, there is a plaque there for us to read about it. And it’s simply called a “buffalo wallow.” I had to inwardly smile as he and I stood there looking at it once again the other day.
Then nearby, a short distance from the trail, is this muddy area.
As we looked at it, I could imagine buffalo and wild pigs wallowing in the mud there. I could see them with my mind’s eye rolling and relaxing in the goopy mud, in no hurry to move on.
Much like I am tempted to do as I think with regret about where I thought I would be this week.
Oh, I have reason to wallow. Our kids live far from us and we see them so seldom. In fact, for many reasons, we haven’t seen Andrea and Kyle since last July. Their jobs, Andrew’s travels, Gary still working, the difficulty of finding caregivers for Aaron…all make it very hard for us to up and travel as we would so desire to do.
I could most definitely stop and wallow in my misery. And with each roll in the mud, I could find plenty of reasons to condone and excuse my wallowing!
But there’s this verse that makes me stop my wallowing and listen to God instead.
“God is my allotted portion and my cup; You take charge of my lot.” (Psalm 16:5)
Simply put, this means that God takes care of my circumstances. Things around me may become shaky, but I can be unshaken as I stand firm IN my circumstances.
Why? Because I believe in God’s direction and providence in my life. I love the note on this verse in my ESV Bible: We can have “…contentment with the arrangements of one’s life, seeing them as providentially ordered.”
What a difference it makes to know and to trust God! To know without a doubt that my interrupted plans are because of His plans for me that are far better than I can know or imagine.
Isn’t that what trust is all about anyway?
So, I acknowledge my sadness as I look at what might have been.
Then I move on. I don’t jump in the mud and relish it.
“I have set the Lord continually before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8)
And I will not wallow!