I was already fairly saturated with Aaron issues when he and I walked out to the van this morning.
Him standing outside my bedroom door earlier, wanting me to come look at his bed – and me knowing what I would find.
“Aaron, is your bed wet?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered. “And my pajamas. Come look!”
My day was already taking a track I did not plan.
Him saying he didn’t want to go to his day group today because of the Valentine party. No surprise there since he doesn’t like parties, of all things. Too noisy, says the loudest person I know.
Him wanting to take his wallet if he did go to Paradigm, even though he didn’t need money on a pizza day. I know his plan. Give money away if he can get by with it.
Him wanting to take snacks even though food was to be provided today. Again, his plan is to give food away even when he’s not supposed to do that.
There I was, redirecting and being level and not reacting and listening to him tell me that everything was my fault – including any possible seizures he said might happen today. I didn’t hear a seizure last night and he doesn’t act like he had a seizure, but he was laying claim to that possibility in an effort to stay home.
He finally came around and compliantly went to the van with me, where he immediately wondered where his CD of choice was. I had removed it earlier this morning along with a stack of others. Varying choices I offered were not acceptable as we sat there in the driveway.
Finally, I saw one! The Oak Ridge Boys Ultimate Collection! He had wondered only yesterday if we had any other Oak Ridge Boys CDs. We had just finished listening to the two that I remembered having, so this other one I saw laying there was a real find!
Or so I thought. Aaron was not impressed.
He mumbled something about the other Oak Ridge Boys CDs…and I knew what was going on here. He really wanted to listen to this third CD but not without completing his order of listening. I knew that there was no other choice but to go back in the house to get the two CDs that were in that stack I had earlier removed.
“Seriously?!” I thought as I headed in the house. “Why are you so…so…RIGID??!!”
I climbed back in the van, carrying the hopeful source of Aaron’s contentment. Then I learned that Aaron didn’t want to listen to both of the CDs again. He wanted…NEEDED…to complete the one that we had not finished yesterday. This must be done before he could begin the new CD.
“We were on number 10,” he flatly said as he pushed the CD in the slot and pressed the button until number 10 was on the screen.
Aaron visibly relaxed as number 10 song began to play. He was still and quiet, his hood pulled over his head and his gloved fingers entwined together.
I say this often, but Aaron’s world was made right in that moment. He seriously must finish the prior CD by the same artist before he can begin the new CD. I do not feel that angst that Aaron feels, but I will certainly feel his angst if I do not cooperate with his very ordered view of his world.
I can’t be selfish, tired and frustrated as I may be at that moment. Selfishness will only increase Aaron’s frustration and will lead to more conflict which will not in any way help our situation.
Aaron needs understanding. That’s all.
Oh, and a dose of love.
He doesn’t want hugs and kisses, gooey words and all that sort of stuff.
He wanted me to get the CD, and to not make him feel dumb for needing it. This is Aaron’s love language.
As we drove away, finally, the number 10 song was playing. It’s a pretty song, and suddenly my heart was very touched as I listened to these words:
“You’re always in my heart, and you’re often on my mind.”
My love for Aaron was being sung in that number 10 song. The tears trickled from my eyes, but I couldn’t let Aaron see me cry. My tears make Aaron very uncomfortable.
“I like that song,” I said as it ended.
“Do you want to play it again?!” he asked with excitement.
“Sure!” I happily answered.
My affirmation, on every level, was just what Aaron needed. But so did I.
Aaron is often on my mind for less than pleasant reasons. Worries. Frustrations. Anger. Dilemmas. Prayers.
But Aaron is often on my mind for happy reasons as well. Joy. Humor. Uniqueness. Thankfulness.
He is always in my heart, for all the above reasons.
He needed more than Skittles and a goofy love card this morning.
He mostly needed…and needs EVERY day…to know that despite my weariness and my worries, I get him.
Because I get him, I got his CD.
I liked the number 10 song.
That’s the BEST heart gift for Aaron…and for ME!!